Worth It
by NightFairy85
Summary: Things change, that is the nature of life. After Bella and Jasper share a moment in a motel room their worlds will change forever, but will this change be worth all the pain? Bella/Jasper pairing. Rated M for language and poss. lemons.
1. Your Wrong

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.

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I left Phoenix so my mother can be happy and now here I am in Phoenix hiding from a thirsty vampire who's tracking me. How did I get into this? How did a plain, average, dime-a-dozen, girl like me come to be protected from one vampire by a family of seven vampires? The Cullen's have all become family to me. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to them. Why hasn't Edward called? He should have called by now. What could that mean? Where'd Alice go? Why is it taking so long? What if their hurt? I can't deal with the thought of it. I should just let James get me. I'm not worth them risking their lives. They all have much more to lose than me. Why are they even bothering trying to protect m….

Just then a voice interrupts my mental rant.

"You're wrong. You are worth it" Jasper says quietly.

I look over at him lounging in the hotel room chair in front of the tv. Jasper and I have never really been close. Well, really we've never even talked besides a passing hello, and never have we been in the same room together alone. Edward told me that Jasper was the newest to their diet and had poor control of his bloodlust. I wonder now if that's true. He looked completely at ease. I've never seen him looking uncomfortable around other humans. Hmm. Edward wouldn't lie to me though, so Jasper must just be really good at hiding his thirst and lack of control.

"Huh? Worth what?"

"You were feeling worthless. I just wanted you to know that you are worth it." He says quietly again. As he stops speaking he looks at me with such emotion in his eyes that I am left breathless. Then it's gone and I'm left wondering if I even saw it.

"No Jasper you're wrong. I'm not worth your family risking their immortal lives to save my expiring mortal life. Your family has forever to look forward to and I have an expiration date of at most 90 years. With my luck it'll be considerably less than that. You all have been here for decades to centuries before me and will be around for centuries to come after my life is over. So tell me why should you all risk that to save my life now when my life could just wind up ending tomorrow when I don't chew my food right and choke on a piece of steak?" I was starting to sound hysterical. My voice was rising more and more so that I was almost screaming at him.

That's when Jasper surprised me. One second he was leaning forward in the chair with his elbows on his knees. The next he was in front of me with his hands on my shoulders. I felt an overwhelming amount of calm wash over me.

"Because Bella, if we let you die today than we wouldn't be able to live our forever in peace. Whether you know it or not the moment you walked into our lives we were irrevocably changed. We never knew that something was missing in our lives but from the minute we met you we knew that you had been missing. It's like being blind your entire life without knowing it then all of a sudden you can see. You are the missing puzzle piece and I have no intention of letting you go." As he says this he brushes the hair from my face. His cold fingers drop to my jaw and trace it to my chin to tilt my face up so I am looking him straight in the eyes. The gold in his eyes are swimming with such emotion, strength, determination, passion, and love. No I have to have misread that. Wait he just said, 'I have no intention of letting you go'. Not we but I.

"You just said 'I have no intention of letting you go' you mean 'we have no intention of letting you go'." I tell him.

Again his every emotion shows in his eyes. Only this time love and passion are all that's there. I never noticed his eyes are so different from Edwards. Edward's topaz seems so feeble while looking into Jaspers honeyed eyes. It's like someone drizzled honey on the setting sun then put it into Jaspers eyes. They seemed to give off their own light and radiate an intense heat.

"No Isabella. I said exactly what I meant to say." His eyes were now smoldering and I was powerless to look away. He cupped my cheek and began to lean in. Just as his lips were about to meet mine the door knob started to turn.


	2. Killer Bedspread

**A/N: Ok so I had absolutely no intention of continuing this story past the first chapter because I couldn't figure out where I wanted to go with the story but because of all the wonderful reviews, and because I did feel a bit sorry for leaving it at a cliffy I have figured out how to continue the story. So thank you for giving me the right kind of push. I hope you like it. Oh by the way this is my first fanfic so if I screw up here and there bare with me, ok?**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.**

Jasper was back across the room in the chair he had previously occupied before I even had time to register in my head what was going on. As I looked away from him the door opened and Alice came bouncing through with about twenty bags hanging from her arms.

She had a giant smile on her face. I guess it was a successful shopping trip because I know she wouldn't be smiling like that if she had seen what her husband and I were about to do. My god what was I doing? Was I seriously going to kiss him?

There were so many emotions warring inside my head. Guilt was winning since it had so much ammunition, like, he's my best friend's husband, my boyfriend's brother, and we both were in love with our mates as our mates were in love with us. Confusion was on guilt's side of the war, I was confused about what exactly happened and why? Did I do something to make him think I wanted him? Did I want him and not realize it but he knew because he could feel my emotions? On the other side of the war there was an evil little emotion called lust that was really trying to gain some ground. I hadn't realized how attractive Jasper is until now and I was beginning to lust for him in a way that I have only felt for Edward. Fighting beside lust was excitement. I was feeling excited and alive from that moment with Jasper. Jasper was a very intense person. His silence and piercing eyes that never miss a detail about his surroundings and the people around him offer an added feel of mystery about him. When he looks at you, you feel as if he can see down to the deepest darkest depths of your soul.

"Bella. Bella!" Alice's voice broke me from thoughts.

"Oh, uh, yeah sorry about that, just spaced out." I tried to make my voice as steady as possible but I failed.

"Yeah, you were really out there for a minute. I know you're worried about Edward and the others so I'll let it slide that you spaced out and didn't even ask about what I bought you." She said the last part with a wink and a smile.

I groaned and she mistook it as my displeasure at her for buying me more clothes. I'm not going to correct her cause I groaned when my guilt strengthened tenfold when she thought I had spaced out because I was worried about everyone when I was actually thinking about the kiss that her husband and I almost shared.

I felt a calm wash over me and I turned my head to see Jasper looking at me, his face unreadable. The calm started to fade as I gazed into his eyes only to be replaced by an emotion I couldn't identify. I couldn't tell if it was being projected by Jasper or if it was one of my own. What ever it was I had a feeling that I shouldn't try too hard to identify it because it could cause some real problems.

"Hey Alice I think I'm going to go to the bedroom and try to get some sleep" I went to move towards the room as Alice agreed that I needed some rest.

"Sleep well Bella." I heard jasper say quietly. Why is he always so quiet?

"Thank you Jasper." Like I could really get any sleep with Edward and the rest of the family out there trying to track and kill a bloodthirsty vampire before he kills me. Not to mention the almost kiss that I can't find it in myself to be upset about. Well the fact that I'm not mad or anything is upsetting but not the act itself. I am the worst girlfriend and best friend in all of written history.

As I lay there on the bed I tried to not think about how it would have been if Alice hadn't showed up when she did. I finally fell into a fitful sleep with some very real dreams.

In one dream I walked into the Cullen's house to see the whole family laying on the floor ripped to pieces and piled up with James standing over them with a lit match ready to drop. The second dream was by far less gruesome but much more disturbing. Edward and I were in our meadow enjoying a rare sunny day when I heard a growl behind me. I turned around to see what made the noise but didn't see anything. I turned back to Edward to give him a kiss but right as my lips met a pair of cold lips I realized that I was not in the clearing with Edward anymore and it was not his lips on mine. The lips belonged to Jasper and we were standing on a cliff in a desert. I pulled away as I realized who it was but I stepped right off the cliff and was falling backwards. Jasper jumped off right after I fell and grabbed my hand. As we fell together he looked at me and said, "I told you Bella I am never letting you go".

I awoke with a jerk feeling like I hadn't slept at all. I was also feeling kind of strange from the dreams but shook it off and padded to the crappy hotel bathroom to take a shower. A hot shower in the morning is always good to wash away the dream funk, as my mom calls it.

When I was done in the shower I got out and remembered that my clothes were still in the bedroom. I wrapped the towel around me the best I could anyways. Why do they always make these towels just barely too small? There was about a two inch gap between the ends of the towel on my right side. It wasn't showing off anything important but it was still uncomfortable walking out there showing this amount of skin. Especially since the almost kiss with Jasper already has me uncomfortable and embarrassed around him.

I opened the door from the bathroom and peeked out. I didn't see anybody in the bedroom and the door to the front room was still closed so I darted out of the bathroom straight for my bag. Gravity was not on my side though. I was passing by the foot of the bed when the bedspread caught my toe. I yelped and threw my arms out to catch my fall, completely forgetting the towel. As I landed with a thump the door was thrown open and a concerned Jasper came rushing in. Without thinking he went to help me up but stopped mid stride when he realized I had no clothes on.

By this time I had remembered I was all fours, naked as the I was born and still wet from the shower. Holy crow! From Jaspers view this must look like the beginning of a bad porn.

I tried to scramble up while hiding what I could with whatever I could get my hands on. The bedspread had other plans though. In my scrambling my foot had gotten twisted in the blanket and the sheet was wrapped around my thigh so as I tried to stand up they worked against each other and tripped me once again, but this time I fell onto the bed with covers and wet limbs flying.

I lay there a minute trying to let the embarrassment fade. I heard a chuckle from the door. Of course Jasper was still standing there waiting for the entertainment to continue.

"Well, Bella, it seems you are a danger magnet. We come all the way to Phoenix and you manage to find the only killer bedspread in the whole state." He was chuckling through his funny little comment while I was just glaring, wishing that I had a super power to burn people with my eyes.

"Ha hah, very funny. You know instead of standing there the whole time just watching the naked woman fight with a blanket you could have helped." I really don't think that would have been a good idea. It's hard to not notice how good someone looks when you'r naked, and right now I'm very naked, under the twisted and strangling bed covers of course, and he is a very good looking vampire. Before now I never really noticed how Jaspers muscles flex and strain the white shirts he is most often seen in, his stomach is toned and defined, and he has a wavy lock of hair that likes to fall into his eyes and just begs to be brushed away.

"I really don't think that would have been smart. After all when I have a naked woman in my arms I can not be held responsible for my actions." I noticed his Texas accent come out a little thicker as he said that. I like it. It fits him

"Right, so what was your excuse yesterday?" Ok so I didn't really mean to bring it up but now that it was out there I really wanted an explanation from him.


	3. Immortal Cowboy

**A/N: I am so happy for all the reviews I have received for this story. I love ya'lls input and take everything you say into consideration. I'm sorry if this chapter is not as good as the last 2 but I wrote part of it before I went to the dentist and part of it after I had 3 wisdom teeth pulled. I'm a little loopy on the Vicodin but hopefully it makes sense. If not send me a review saying so and after the meds wear off I'll rewrite it. Happy reading.:)**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.**

It was only after I asked him about what happened yesterday that I remembered Alice was probably here. Shit! My hands flew to my mouth and my eyes must have been as big as a full moon. Jasper felt my panic and sent me a shot of calm.

"It's ok Bella. She's gone to drive around town and try to see something that can help her nail down the location of one of her visions. Do you really think that it would have been me running in if Alice were here?" Well that's lovely. In one statement he calmed my panic and insulted my intelligence. He truly has a gift.

"Oh, ok then. Well I'm waiting for that explanation." I looked at him expectantly.

"Don't you think that maybe that's a talk we should save for when you're fully dressed?" Jasper said with a smirk as he leaned against the door frame with his arms folded in front of him.

"You know, I think you might be right." Jasper gave me a nod and walked out the door.

"I'll leave you to it then."

I am seriously starting to question my sanity. Before yesterday Jasper and I had said no more than two words to each other. Now we almost kiss, he's seen me naked and we are holding semi-conversations with teasing involved. Maybe this was a dream. No it couldn't be, my mind isn't this creative. Ok so what changed? Well, this is the first time Jasper and I have been alone. Edward would never leave my side whenever Jasper was around. I'm beginning to think that Edward knows something that I don't. I think that's something I should ask Jasper about, after he explains yesterday of course. First, though, I need to get dressed.

It took me a few minutes to get myself untangled from the sheets and at one point I was afraid I would need help. That would have gone real well. Thankfully though I got out of the death hold the covers had on me all on my own. After getting untangled it didn't take me long to get dressed. Without Alice here I could wear whatever I wanted. That was nice. I chose a simple jeans and loose t-shirt ensemble. Ok now time to face the gorgeous vampire on the other side of the door.

I walked into the front room to see Jasper pacing back and forth and running his hand through his hair. Oh god did something happen? Did someone call? Is someone hurt?

As Jasper felt my panic he stopped pacing and held up his hands. He must have guessed why I was panicking.

"Bella, hey, it's ok. Nothings happened. I was just trying to figure out how I'm going to explain what happened yesterday to you."

I didn't realize I had been holding my breath until I let it out in relief. So we still didn't have any news from the family. I wasn't sure to take that as a good thing or bad thing.

"Oh." I didn't know what else to say.

As my panic began to dissipate I couldn't help but notice that Jasper had very manly hands, the kind of hands that had seen hard work. I can imagine that before Jasper was turned he had rough calloused hands from long days of hard work out in the sun drenched fields of Texas. I don't know his history or anything about him really, except that he's from Texas, but I can see him coming from a time of cowboys on horses, six shooters on their hips, and nothing but stars above them as they drift asleep. Jasper just had that kind of aura about him. You know, dangerous, mysterious, southern gentleman that lives by a set of rules and chivalry that are long dead. From looking at how he dresses he never caught onto the modern style of dress either. He always wore jeans that fit him well, not too loose, not too tight, with a basic colored t-shirt that you get in packs of four at any Wal-Mart, though Alice probably makes him spend a fortune on them at some designer shop, his favorite colors seemed to be white and black, and boots. His boots aren't cowboy boots, they don't have a pointed tip or any embellishments, they seem to be just rough, brown leather work boots. From the looks of them he's had them awhile because they are stained with oil, grease, paint and mud. It's a wonder that Alice hasn't stolen them and thrown them away yet. Once again I noticed how his muscles stretched and bulged when he moved his arms. His biceps were stretching the fabric of his black shirt. I guess he changed his clothes while I was asleep. Black looks good on him. It contrasts well with his paleness and his blonde wavy hair.

I'm not sure how long I was starring but when I looked at Jasper's face I was aware that I had been starring for sometime. He must have picked up on the slight lust and the appreciation I was feeling while I was ogling him but he gave no indication of it. Instead he wore a look I couldn't identify. His eyes had me pinned there with their intensity. We stood there just looking at each other for a few moments until I felt the embarrassment from being caught starring and the blush colored my face. I broke eye contact and looked down at the floor.

"So, um, you wanted to explain to me why you tried to kiss me yesterday?" I said in a low voice knowing he would hear me.

I heard the shuffling of clothes and looked at Jasper. He had turned around and was looking out the window through a small space in the closed curtains. He looked upset, or nervous. Either way I didn't like seeing him like that. I walked up behind him and placed my hand on the back upper arm. He didn't turn around or acknowledge my presence there. He just hung his head and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Look Jasper you don't need to explain anything to me. We can just pretend that nothing happened and go on with our lives." I don't know why I felt disappointed with what I was saying; I mean that's what I wanted right? I just wanted to get through this and get back to my Edward. Right?

Jasper spun around then, his eyes on fire from anger and disbelief.

"You say that like you actually believe we could do that. Maybe you can but I can't. From the moment I laid eyes on you Bella I have felt a connection, a pull to you. I can't explain it, I don't know if I could if I had the words. Since the moment you walked into my life nothing has made sense. What I thought was up is now down, right is wrong, the life I was living was no longer worth the air I pretended to breath. When I held you in my arms yesterday it was like every star in the heavens found their place and the universe was at perfect peace. Now tell me how I am supposed to just forget that!?" As he said that last sentence he grabbed me by my upper arms and shook me gently. He had such a desperate look on his face, his eyes were pleading with me for an answer. I didn't know what to say or even think about what he just said.

"I…I…I'm sorry Jasper. I don't know what to say. I love Edward and you love Alice. That is our life." I was so stunned that was the only thing I could think of.

"I know, I know. I don't want to feel this way Bella. I don't want to get jealous every time Edward touches you. I don't want to kiss Alice and think of you. I don't want to die inside every time I feel the love you have for Edward because I wish it was for me. Most of all Darlin', I don't want see the pain in your eyes because you feel you have to choose between your love and me. I would never ask you to leave him. I would never expect you to return my feelings. I want you to be happy, but I can't fight the way I feel for you forever." Jasper had been inching closer to me through his speech and now he was stroking my cheek with his thumb. Looking in his eyes I saw resignation, determination, and love.

I felt a surge of tenderness for this selfless man before me. He had been keeping this to himself for months and with me around everyday. He was willing to sacrifice his happiness so I could live oblivious to the feelings that were killing him because of me. I know he didn't expect anything from me and didn't expect me to just fall head over heels for him because he confessed his feelings to me. I can't deny the lust and tenderness I feel for him but that's just natural right? He's a vampire and his looks are meant to make human women lust after them to lure them in for the kill. The tenderness is a result of what he just told me and because he's part of the family that has become like my own. I love Edward and that is the way it is. He's my soul mate...

My thoughts were cut off as I gazed into Jasper's eyes. His eyes were again smoldering and I began to feel a heat spreading through my body. I was going to burn alive under the gaze of this beautiful immortal cowboy and I couldn't find it in me to care. My mind wasn't working and my body became putty in his arms. Jasper had stopped stroking my cheek and had trailed his thumb down to trace my bottom lip. His eyes moved from my eyes down to where his thumb had claimed a hold on my mouth. I can only describe the look on his face as hungry, it wasn't hunger for my blood though, no, this was a different kind of hunger. It was getting hard for me to breath and my mouth had gone dry. My tongue darted out to moisten my lips and Jasper made a sound that was a mix between a growl and a purr. Then he lent down and captured my lips with his own.

This was not a chaste kiss like I would get from Edward. This kiss was the embodiment of a searing hot passion. His cold lips on my warm ones created an electric storm that I thought would consume me. Then his tongue was pressed against my lips not asking but demanding entrance and I gave in to his demand without thinking about it. If I thought he smelled good then he tasted of the sweetest ambrosia. He tasted sweet like honey with a tart undertone of red wine. He had wound one hand in my hair at the base of my neck and the other was at my waist pulling my closer and closer still, as if he were trying to fuse us together. I don't know when my arms had wound around his neck but they were locked there in his hair. Our tongues were fighting for dominance and our limbs were tangled together and I felt like this was where I belonged.

Jasper had just lowered his hands to my hips and was lifting me up to circle my legs around his waist when the phone rang.

Reality came crashing down on us when he took the phone out of his pocket and the caller id said it was Alice. I slid down from my half perch on Jasper and found a chair before my legs collapsed. Oh, my god! What have we done? We have just both lost the trust of our loves. Edward is never going to want to see me again. I have just broken up a fifty year or so marriage and all for what? A kiss? It doesn't matter if it was the best most bone melting kiss of my life. I should have stopped it. Jasper is going to hate me. Alice is going to hate me. Edward is going to hate me. I was brought out of my thoughts by Jasper's raised voice.

"What do you mean he knows?" Jaspers loud angry voice echoed off the walls.

I knew it. Alice saw us and she told Edward.

"Right, we'll be out of here in thirty seconds." He told her in a strained voice.

Why are we leaving? Was Edward so mad that he wanted to kill me? He wouldn't. Would he?

Jasper hung up the phone, put it in his pocket and ran to the bedroom. Less than ten seconds later he was back with both our bags and a hoody sweater on. His face was set in an emotionless mask of stone. He flung the bags over his shoulder and picked me up bridal style.

"Jasper what's going on? Did Alice have a vision? Does Edward know what happened?" My voice was weak and uneven but I managed to get the words out.

"It's James."

James?

"What about James?"

"He knows where we are."


	4. Damn Modern Technology

**A/N: Hey readers I have a few things to say so I'm sorry if this note is a little long. First I am won't be updating for a week after this chapter because my husband is coming home. He works offshore on a oil tanker and only comes home for a week every 2 to 4 weeks so we spend his time home with family and friends and I rarely get more than five minutes to get on the computer. Don't let that stop you from reviewing though, I always find the time at least once a day to check my email and I do so love ya'lls reviews. They can brighten my darkest days. :) I do have hope that I will have a chapter or two ready to post the day after he leaves though I cannot promise you anything. Secondly, a few people have mentioned Alice and her lack of visions. I feel that too many stories rely too heavily on her visions. The way I see it is Alice does not see everything about everyone all the time. Third on the list is there might be a few lines in this chapter that may offend some some people who and I am sorry about that. I mean absolutely no offense. The lines are used purely as terms of expression. Lastly, I have to express that I am not completely happy with this chapter and it is the fourth rewrite. I felt that this chapter could only be done in Jaspers point of view but I found it much more difficult than I thought. Maybe it is just my obsession with having whats in my head equal what I put down in writing that has me dissatisfied. So if you find this chapter falling short of your expectations I truly apologize and would welcome any hints, tips, tricks, or constructive criticism that can help me improve my writing overall or just my writing of Jaspers pov. **

**Alright enough of my babbling on with the story.**

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and its characters.**

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Jaspers POV

I was lost in the feel of Bella's warm willing body against mine when my phone rang. I had the thought of ignoring it but it might be Alice with news. Then again it could be Alice calling to threaten dismemberment for what she had just interrupted. Again I thought about ignoring it but I knew I couldn't.

I looked at the offending little piece of modern technology and sure enough it was Alice. I flipped open the phone.

"Any news?"

"Jasper I am going to forget what I just saw for now because we have bigger problems. James knows where Bella is." Alice's voice was hurt and panicked at the same time.

"What do you mean he knows?" I know I sounded angry and demanding but she was right we had problems that were more important than me trying to sooth her pain from seeing her husband and best friend getting cozy in a hotel room. It seems that today the tracker had caught up to us and wanted my Bella.

"I mean he knows where Bella is. I had a vision of him at the hotel. I'm on the north side of town waiting for Edward and the others. They have been following his trail and will be here soon. I can't make it back to you in time to help so you need to get out of there quick. Wear the hoody I packed in your bag you'll need cover from the sun." Her entire speech took less than five seconds because she was speaking so fast. If someone were listening in on the phone call they would hear nothing but a high pitch drone.

"Right, we'll be out of here in thirty seconds." I told her and hung up.

I ran to the room, packed Bella's bag, grabbed the hoody out of mine, then slung both bags over my shoulder. If we have to go on the run Bella will need the essentials. I was out of the room and grabbing Bella up bridal style in less than the thirty seconds I told Alice it would take.

"Jasper what's going on? Did Alice have a vision? Does Edward know what happened?" I not only heard the panic in her voice but I felt it as well. I can't tell her right now that Alice had seen us but was ignoring it for the time being. I have a feeling that Alice knowing would be harder for her to handle than the news of James. So I opted for one problem at a time.

"It's James." My voice was laced with the tension that had every muscle in my body tight.

"What about James?" I felt her confusion and almost smirked. Did I addle her brain that much with one kiss? In that case, give me one night and she won't remember her own name.

"He knows where we are." I said flatly.

Bella went completely still in my arms and there was absolutely no emotion coming from her. I looked down afraid that she had fainted. Her eyes were open and glazed. She was staring at something only she could see. She hadn't fainted but she was in shock.

"Bella, Bella! Darlin' come on. It's gonna be alright. You have to snap out of this. I can't worry about your mental health and keep you safe at the same time darlin'. I ain't gonna let anything happen to you, you hear me. I won't let him hurt you but you have to come back to me honey." My accent always came out thicker in times of stress and this was definitely a time of stress.

I knew the millisecond she broke out her frozen state because the panic and fear I had expected from her at first hit her ten times harder than I thought it would. She made a squeaking sound and started to shake uncontrollably. I forced a calm onto her and told her to just hold onto me and try to keep calm. I was going to get us out of this.

I was making my way to the north side of town to try and meet up with Alice and the others but it wasn't going very well. I had to keep to unpopulated areas in order to keep people from being suspicious of a hooded man carrying a distressed woman in his arms without breaking a sweat. I really would have preferred to be more in the public because if James found us he wouldn't attack in front of humans. He wouldn't want to expose himself and bring the Volturi in on his game.

It had been five minutes and we had only gone about twelve blocks when my phone rang. I assumed it was Alice calling to update us so I didn't look at the caller id before answering.

"Alice we're out of there but it's taking me longer than I thought to make it north through town." The voice that spoke then was not the high pitched voice of Alice.

"So the fortune teller told you that I found the hotel." I stopped in my tracks shocked. I almost dropped Bella when she poked her head up and looked at me questioningly. I set her down on her feet as gently as I could along with the bags and gave her a look that said "don't say a word". How the hell did James get this number?

"It's a pity you didn't stick around. I just dropped by to see my favorite little human, and to my surprise she was gone. You know, Bella's scent is all over this suite. It's especially strong on the sheets." I could hear him inhaling loudly on the other end of the line.

I had the image of Bella this morning when I ran into the bedroom and she was naked on the floor. Her delectable little body was there in all its glory, a feast for my eyes. She was on her hands and knees, her perfectly round bottom facing me and I had an unobstructed view of the heaven between her creamy thighs. Her head had snapped up to look at me over her shoulder and all I could think about in that moment was making her mine. It was the most erotic thing I'd ever seen. Then she panicked and began grabbing anything she could to cover her beautiful body from my lecherous view. The sheet she grabbed tangled around her legs and she fell back onto the bed. That was almost sexier than the previous view. There she lay on the bed completely naked with the covers wrapped around her curves and hiding the all the right parts while exposing the skin of her thighs and stomach. It's exactly how I thought she'd look after a night spent screaming my name in ecstasy. Then I pictured that monster touching those same sheets, caressing it against his cheek as he took in her scent. I wanted to rip the fuckers head off for defiling something that had graced the perfection of her skin.

"Tell me; is Bella's heart racing in fear and panic? Don't you think that the adrenalin being pumped into her blood makes the scent of it almost too sweet to resist? Can you hear her heart thumping beneath those perky little breasts of hers?"

I know what he was trying to do. He was trying to get my bloodlust riled up in hopes that I would have to stop myself from draining her by leaving her alone here in this empty alley. As he was talking I did notice the smell of her blood. It has always called to me but since fleeing Forks I had been able to push the monster within me that wanted her blood into the background of my mind. With his urging the monster was back clawing to be released, to claim her life as my own. James' tactic was working and my control was beginning to slip but then I looked at Bella. She was looking at me with her puppy dog eyes and I remembered the feel of her body wrapped around mine caught in the heat of passion, the confused and conflicted look in her eyes as I interrupted her thoughts of worthlessness yesterday, and the beautiful smile of hers that seems to capture the light of the sun, and I was brought back from the brink. I know that if she were to die then I would as well.

"Sorry James but that dog won't bark." At the sound of his name Bella's fear spiked to new heights, but there was also an under current of curiosity. She wanted to know why he would bother to call when he could just track her down and take her.

"Well you can't blame a vampire for trying right? You know even the most domesticated dog can turn with the right provocation. I wonder what your breaking point will be. Could you resist if she were bleeding?" James' voice was full of amusement. He was enjoying taunting me. I was battling my monster again at the thought of Bella's fresh blood being spilled. The monster could picture it so vividly and imagine the smell so clearly but I controlled the beast within and it retreated again.

"Look James I don't know what you're trying to accomplish by this but it's not going to work." I nearly yelled into the speaker. I was fed up with this game and I was going to put an end to it.

"Oh won't it?"

In the same instant he said that I caught his scent and heard Bella scream. I hadn't realized I had turned my back to Bella while I had been warring with my inner beast but I was facing her now and the sight was enough to make my dead heart constrict in fear. James had her back pressed against his front with a hand around her neck. His other hand threw the cell phone he had obviously called from to the ground before taking Bella's upper arm in an iron grip. He had a triumphant smile plastered on his face and satisfaction was pouring off of him in waves. I now understand what he had been doing. He had been distracting me so I wouldn't notice he was getting close, and it worked. I had been so busy fighting my natural instincts that I hadn't smelled him until it was too late. God damn modern technology! Damn it to the deepest pits of hell!

I looked at Bella, her bottom lip was quivering and her eyes were pleading me to help her. I tried to send her some reassurance, to let her know I was going to get her out of this safely, but I knew it didn't help to alleviate the fear that I knew had rendered her body immobile. We both knew exactly how bad the situation was and she had every reason to be scared.

I had discarded my phone as I turned and took a defensive stance. Now it was lying in the dust of this forgotten alley ringing incessantly. I knew it would be Alice calling to warn me of what she saw, but like many of her visions this one came too late.

"You might want to pick that up cowboy. It could be important." James taunted.

"It can wait." I said simply. There was no way I was going to do anything to take any attention away from the sadistic asshole that held the reason for my existence in his evil hands.

I watched as James looked at me with a glint in his eye and tilted Bella's head exposing her neck. I growled and tensed to attack but knew I would not be able to do so without him injuring or killing her. I had to wait till he made a mistake. I heard Bella whimper as he slid his nose along her throat inhaling and savoring her scent. I felt my stomach clench up in a knot and if it were possible I would purging its contents. A growl resonated deep in my chest as I saw him trail his tongue up her neck tasting the sweat that had gathered on her skin. He smiled cruelly as his crimson eyes met my pitch black eyes.

"I was right. She smells even more mouthwatering with fear coursing through her veins. If her blood tastes as good as her skin then I will truly be sorry to have to drain her so quickly." I growled once more at the thought of him taking pleasure drinking from her as the light fades from her eyes.

"That's not gonna happen James. I will kill you the moment your teeth touch her skin."

"What is it about this human that has an entire coven of vampires doing everything they can to protect her? It can't be her divine scent because you deny your natural instincts and choose to survive on the second rate blood of animals. Being around her must be very painful and tempting so why put your selves through that unnecessarily? It can't be because you want her as a coven member because one of you would have turned her by now." He gave me a quizzical and angry look.

"So tell me," I heard a pop and Bella screamed in pain. I dropped my gaze to see that he had tightened his grip on her arm and snapped the bone. I look back into his amused eyes. Bella had twin rivers running down her face and she was trying to keep her sobs quiet but she was failing. I was helpless to ease her pain. I had to keep all my concentration on the bastard that held her. I felt the satisfaction roll off him as he heard Bella crying in pain and saw the fury I was feeling written on my face.

"What does this worthless little human have that makes you risk your life for hers? Judging by the scars you carry, you are no soft domesticated little lap dog like the rest of your coven. So do you risk your life to protect hers as a favor to Edward? He believes this worthless piece of meat is his mate right?" With those words James hit the button that he had been looking for. A vicious snarl echoed off the surrounding buildings, and he quirked an eyebrow at my reaction.

"Was that for the meat comment or have I uncovered a secret within the loving Cullen clan?" I didn't trust myself to give a reply to try and throw him off of his suspicions. I kept my face hard and impassive.

I chanced a look at my angel. She had her eyes shut tight and was fighting to keep the pain from overwhelming her senses. I tested her emotions and found determination, fear, pain and…love? She's probably thinking of Edward, wanting her last thoughts in this life to be of the man she loves. I know she doesn't think she will make it out of this alley alive. She will survive this though. I will not let her leave me like that. I need her too god damn much to let her die! If it comes down to it I will change her but she will not die.

"I think I have stumbled upon something monumental, two vampires in love with one plain little human girl. That makes this all the more interesting." He was smiling smugly now. For a psychopathic vampire he smiled a lot.

"James let her go right now and I won't kill you. You have noticed my scars so it must have occurred to you that many others have tried to kill me and yet I am still here. Do you think I will let you live past the second your teeth pierce her skin? You let her go and I will let you walk out of this alley." I said in a voice I recognized but hadn't heard since I left Texas and the newborn wars behind me. It was a voice designed to strike fear into the heart of those who opposed me. It was a cold and emotionless voice that left no room for doubt as to what my intentions were.

James looked thoughtful for a moment and I felt the excitement that was growing within him. He looked at me with a smirk and a challenge in his eyes. Within a second he had Bella's broken arm raised and was sinking his teeth into the side of her wrist.


	5. Goodbye

**A/N: Hey guys! I know I said I would update in a week and its been longer than that, I apologize. Between Mothers Day and my husband being home I was not able to get anything written until he had gone back offshore. I also apologize for the length but I wrote 2 chapters around the same length and was going to combine them but it just didnt feel right. I hope to get chapter 6 edited and posted tonight but I wouldn't hold my breath. I'm tired. So enjoy chapter 5 and I promise if not tonight then tomorrow will come chapter 6. Thanks in advance for reading and reviewing. I love reviews:)**

**Happy reading**

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Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and its characters.

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Bella POV

I knew I was going to die in this dirty forgotten alley so I closed my eyes to make my peace with this life. I was determined to not let James get any more satisfaction from my pain so I clenched my jaw tight to keep from crying out as my crushed arm was jostled. The pain was excruciating but I knew it wouldn't last much longer, soon I would be dead.

I started to think of the good times I had with Renee and Charlie, wishing they would not take my death too hard and move on. I thought of the friends I had had in Phoenix and Forks and said my silent goodbyes to them. Then I thought of the family I had almost become a part of. I thought of Alice and her bubbly personality that always brightened the room. Emmett and his ability to always see the bright side of the situation and his booming laugh. Esme and her warm love that she gave to all she came in contact with. Carlisle with his never ending compassion and reverence for life, even Rosalie and her severe loyalty and desire to keep her family safe. I thought of Edward, the love of my life, and how the topaz in his eyes danced with amusement whenever he would save me from meeting the floor, the feel of his cool arms around me as I drifted off to sleep, the smile that seemed to melt my insides. I would miss him and I hated to think of how he will blame himself for my death. Lastly I thought of Jasper. The way his eyes smoldered just before he kissed me, the feel of his stone cold body pressed against my warm pliable one, the way he moved with the grace of a predator and the swagger of a born and raised cowboy that melded together perfectly, his warm, quiet, smoky voice that just invited you to explore the wonders that it promised. I knew that Jasper would be harder on himself than Edward in the self blame department, of course he'll never let it show but he will be killing himself, piece by piece, blaming himself for my death.

I heard Jasper warn James and give him the opportunity to leave and forget this. I knew though, that James was not going to take it. He had the upper hand and he was confident that he would win this standoff.

I opened my eyes to gaze upon the immortal cowboy god in front of me one last time and to try and relay my forgiveness, that this was not his fault. Before I could identify the look that passed his features I felt a pain in my wrist that was ten times worse than my crushed arm. I wanted to scream but the pain was so intense that my vocal cords were paralyzed.

I turned my head to see what the pain was from but there was a deafening roar and a blur of movement from Jaspers direction and I was airborne. All I saw was a brick wall before I felt the side of my head explode in pain and a crack in my ankle as I hit the wall and came to rest on the ground.

There were black spots floating in front of my eyes. My body felt like a sack of dumbbells dragging me further and further into the darkness but I fought to stay awake. I was going to squeeze every last second from this life that I could.

I turned my head towards the sound of crashing boulders. All I could see were blurs as Jasper and James fought and the sounds of blood curdling growls.

It was then that I felt the burning. My hand was on fire. I looked at my hand but there were no flames, just two crescent shaped marks that were puffy and oozing blood. In my pain riddled mind I tried to remember what sort of torture devise could make that type of mark and why was it burning without flames? Then it clicked. I remembered Alice saying something about the bite of a vampire and the flames of transformation. James had bitten me. That's not right though, it was supposed to be Edward.

The flames began to climb up my arm. I couldn't scream though. If I screamed someone might come to offer help but they would just wind up dying. I couldn't let that happen. I writhed in pain and bit my lip trying not to scream. I know I was whimpering but at least I wasn't screaming. Screaming is bad.

I faintly registered the sound of tearing metal from the direction of the fight but I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes and see if it was over. A few seconds later though, the sound stopped, and all was quiet.

Oh Jasper, please be alright. I need you. Please. Help me. It burns.

I opened my eyes to see Jasper standing over the pieces of James, panting and looking feral. I whimpered from the pain of the burning and from seeing him like that. The whimper must have gotten his attention because he turned towards me with the wild look still in his eyes. He started to stalk towards me and my fear spiked.

"J…Jas...s...per. He…elp me. It…t…burn…s." I couldn't talk because of the pain and the spasms tormenting my body.

He stopped suddenly as my voice reached his ears and it was like a veil was pulled from his eyes. Then he was there, kneeling beside me and I could feel the worry that he was projecting, not bothering to keep it in control. I saw as his eyes roamed my body from my head to my feet, assessing my injuries. Then he looked at my wrist where James bit me.

The burning intensified again and spread to where my arm had been broken just above the elbow. I bit down on my lower lip trying not to scream as a fresh wave of agony overtook my senses. I could feel every one of my cells burst into flame individually. I heard the sweet baritone of Jasper's voice but I couldn't hear what he was saying. I was struggling to escape the fire.

I felt two very cold hands on either side of my face and was filled with calm. I still felt the unbearable pain of the fire in my veins but I was able to think straight. I looked into Jasper's tortured eyes.

"Bella you have to listen to me. I know it hurts and this is the most excruciating pain you've ever been in but you need to pay attention to what I am saying." His voice was filled with pain and urgency. I nodded not trusting my voice.

"Ok darlin'. James bit you and injected his venom into your blood. I don't know if anyone ever explained anything of the process to become one of us but I don't have time to so you'll just have to trust me ok?" Once again I nodded.

"Alright, now you have two choices. One I can let the venom spread and you can go through the change and become one of us. I won't lie to you, the pain will get much worse than it is now and I would have to bite you a few more times to make sure the change doesn't take more than three days. The second option is, I can suck the venom out and you can remain human. There are risks though, I could lose control or the venom might have spread too far and sucking it out could kill you." He said the last words with such pain that all I wanted was to hold him and comfort him.

There was never any doubt in my mind that I wanted to live forever and be by Edward's side but now I also wanted to live forever for Jasper.

I looked deep into his eyes trying to convey the trust I had in him. Still too afraid to open my mouth for fear that all that would come out would be an ear splitting scream. I whispered as low as I could, knowing he could hear me no matter what.

"Bite me."

I could see the happiness mixed with sorrow on his gorgeous face and he looked at me questioningly.

"Darlin', are you sure this is what you want? You know what you're giving up?"

I nodded my head and tried as hard as I could to project my consent knowing with the growing flames if I opened my mouth I would scream.

Jasper felt what I was trying to tell him and nodded his head. He leaned in and kissed my lips fervently and I put all that I had left into his kiss. I knew he was kissing my humanity goodbye. He was saying goodbye to the blush that colored my cheeks when I was embarrassed, the beat of my heart, the warmth of my skin; he was saying goodbye to the breakable, clumsy, human Bella.

Even in my current state I could feel the fire engulf my lips as his own staked their claim on the last of my humanity. If all of my memories faded I pray that at least I will be able to hold onto the memory of the feel of his mouth upon mine in a wild dance of fire on ice. My tongue reached out to have one last taste of the delicious man that could ignite my passion like no other, and he met me half way. We savored the taste of each other one last time as the tears streamed down my face and he released my lips.

He looked in my eyes once more then bent over my exposed neck and drew a deep breath. At that moment the pain overwhelmed me. As the darkness took over and my sight faded I felt his lips move against my skin in a whisper.

"I'm sorry."


	6. Bull God

**A/N: Alright well I succeeded in posting chapter 6! If the chapter seems a bit lacking Im sorry. I was unsure how to write the fight scene but felt that it had to be in here. I wrote this chapter in a basic unembelished view through the eyes of war mode Jasper. I promise things will get more interesting and the detail will liven up again in the coming chapters.**

**Thanks for reading:)**

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Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and its characters.

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Jasper POV

I roared in fury as I saw James sink his teeth into Bella's tender flesh like it was a peach. The demon within clawed at my tenuous control to be released but I could not risk it. All

I wanted was to tear James limb from limb and leave his ashes to blow in the wind.

I launched myself at him as he dropped Bella's wrist and threw her across the alley. From the corner of my eye I watched as she hit the wall and collapsed in a heap on the ground. I heard the sickening thud as her head hit the wall and the snap of a bone braking in her leg as she fell. The smell of her blood permeated the air as a cut on her head burst and allowed her precious life to seep into to the sand colored dirt.

James had taken a defensive position and dodged my first attack as my concentration was divided. He did not wait for me to attack again. Instead he attacked and that was his second mistake, his first was hurting my Bella.

He lunged at me and I grabbed onto his left arm and sank my teeth into his shoulder. He twisted out of my grasp but I succeeded in ripping a good part of his shoulder off, rendering that arm nearly useless. He growled and threw me a malicious smirk as we circled.

"Do you really think that destroying me will ensure her safety? I was only able to get to her because you were too distracted trying to keep from killing her yourself." There was truth to his words but I was not going to take the bait. Right now I kill the hunter. I'll worry about everything else later.

"Even the best of us can't help but sniff the pie once in a while." I replied. I hated comparing Bella to a piece of food but I was not going to give him any more openings or ammunition.

I saw as he shifted his weight to strike at me and I was ready. When he was close enough I dodged his attack and sidestepped behind him. With one arm in my grasp I landed a kick to his back and sent his body flying while I still held onto his arm. The sound of his flesh being ripped apart reverberated off the buildings lining the ally on either side.

James whipped around facing me with the look of a child who had just been bested at his own game. Despite his indignation I could feel doubt creeping into his brain. That's good; he's beginning to realize that he's made a mistake fucking with me. As the saying goes, you mess with the bull you get the horns, and I am the bull god.

I used the doubt that was gaining ground in his mind and amplified it tenfold. He doubted his next move and hesitated. I took my chance and charged at him but at the last second I changed course and grabbed his other arm and whipped it around behind him. Now he was powerless to fight me off. I pulled up on his arm and heard the sound of his stone skin tearing; I took pleasure from the sound of his body being dismembered. I tore his arm the rest of the way off then grabbed him around the neck as I moved to his front.

Despite the fact that he had lost and he was about to die he was smiling. I gave a threatening growl and he just shifted his eyes to where my Bella lay. I heard him speak only after he saw my eyes darken to the deepest black known to man.

"Smell that tantalizing scent in the air? That's her blood pouring out, just begging to be taken. Even if you don't drain her, she will be turning soon. My venom is creeping its way through her veins. I will be inside of her, claiming all the hidden places of her body that you will never touch, forever." He lowered his voice to emphasize the last word.

That's when the monster I had caged inside of me finally tore down the last of my control. I saw nothing but red as I ripped James' head off and growled in anguish. That son of a shit eating dog was right. Even if I could keep myself from draining her with the scent of her fresh blood wafting into the air, she would be changing soon. I couldn't save her humanity.

I made short work of the rest of his body, tearing it into the littlest pieces as fast as I could. As the last of the body parts fell to the ground my mind registered that the danger was over and began to relax a little.

The wind suddenly shifted just as I heard a soft cry and the monster rejoiced as he took over.

I turned my head towards the cry and began to stalk towards my prey. The smell of her blood was enough to drive me wild. It smelled like mama's homemade pecan pie sitting in a garden of freesia and lilacs. The flowery scent did not distract from the mouthwatering aroma, rather it added a new dimension to it. As I drew closer I could almost feel the euphoric elixir slide smoothly down my throat and sate the thirst that has only been partially satiated since living off animals. I was within striking distance when the voice called out.

"J…Jas...s...per. He…elp me. It…t…burn…s."

With those few garbled words I regained control. My monster raged in fury but was powerless against the plight of the one creature in this world I would gladly give my life for. My angel was in agony, she needed me, and I would be there for her.

I quickly closed the remaining distance between us and knelt down beside Bella. My beautiful love was lying on her back squirming from the pain of her injuries and her venomous bite.

I could smell James' venom tainting the scent of her blood already. She was turning.

Then I remembered a tactic Maria used to use on her soon-to-be newborns. Maria could sense the potential power a human would have if turned, that's how she chose who to simply bite and who to drain. After the trouble I had given her as a newborn, the trouble she had of breaking down my will and keeping me under her control, she employed a new tactic on those she felt would be powerful. She would bite her victim and let the venom enter their blood long enough to give them a taste of the burn, then she would suck out the venom laced blood. She would do this over and over again in varying places on the body over multiple days. Finally their will would be broken and she would have complete control over them. It was especially cruel and from the talk of those who had gone through it, it was more painful than just being bitten. The burn would still remain deep in the tissue for hours, even days, never relenting, and each time the venom was removed it was like a little had lingered to taint and darken their soul.

I do not want Bella to have to go through that kind of torture. Not to mention their was never anyone who stayed human past five days after going through Maria's torment, there is no way of knowing if there are long term repercussions. Though, if there is a way to save Bella and keep her human then I have to give her the choice.

Bella's injuries were not life threatening if we could get her to a hospital soon. The cut on her head had stopped bleeding and besides a possible concussion the rest of her injuries weren't much to worry about. A few broken bones and some scrapes, cuts, and bruises.

"Bella, darlin', you're gonna be ok. I'm gonna help you just calm down." She wasn't showing any signs that she had heard me. The pain from the fire was clouding her mind.

I took her head in both my hands and forced as much calm and clarity as I could into to her. I saw as her eyes focus on mine. Good, that's good, we don't have much time before her options are narrowed to just the one.

"Bella you have to listen to me. I know it hurts and this is the most excruciating pain you've ever been in but you need to pay attention to what I am saying." I tried to keep the pain from my voice but knew it was impossible.

She nodded acknowledging that she had heard me.

"Ok darlin'. James bit you and injected his venom into your blood. I don't know if anyone ever explained anything of the process to become one of us but I don't have time to so you'll just have to trust me ok?" She nodded once again and for a second I was afraid that she had lost the ability to speak. Then I heard a faint moan that she tried to hide by clenching her jaw and realized that she couldn't talk because of the pain.

"Alright, now you have two options. One I can let the venom spread and you can go through the change and become one of us. I won't lie to you, the pain will get much worse than it is now and I would have to bite you a few more times to make sure the change doesn't take more than three days. The second option is, I can suck the venom out and you can remain human. There are risks, I could lose control or the venom might have spread too far and sucking it out could kill you." I choked on the last words.

I watched as Bella thought for a second and I could feel the decisiveness she felt. She knew her decision from the beginning. She looked me in the eyes and I could feel the trust radiating off of her like the glow of a full moon. She opened her mouth infinitesimally and whispered so low that I knew she wouldn't have been able to hear her own words.

"Bite me." Joy, relief, and sorrow flooded my senses as she said those two words that I had heard from the mouths of the kids in school thousands of times. Irony at it's worst. Two words usually used as an insult muttered as a request.

"Darlin', are you sure this is what you want? You know what you're giving up?" I had to make sure.

She simply nodded her head in approval.

The sorrow became unbearable then. This wonderful, sweet, innocent, beautiful human was ready to sacrifice that which makes her human without hesitance. She is stronger than I ever could imagine being. She is willingly asking to be turned even after a taste of the pain she will experience.

I couldn't control my need any longer. I leaned down and took her mouth in a tender yet passionate kiss. I needed this to remember the warmth of her lips, the softness of her body, the crimson that floods her cheeks in moments of unbridled passion, the skip of her heart beat when she is excited. I kissed her lips and said goodbye to all that made her human. I felt her tongue reach out and I responded in kind. Our tongues did not fight for dominance, nor did they dance in passion. Instead they caressed and cherished the feel, the taste of each other. I caught a tear as it slid its way to the corner of her mouth and was reminded that she would never be able to shed another tear.

I pulled away reluctantly and looked into her depthless brown eyes that would soon turn crimson and steeled myself to the deed I was about to perform.

I lowered my mouth to her neck and whispered my apology for whatever the outcome as I felt her slip into unconsciousness.

"I'm sorry."


	7. Inconsequential Results?

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry for taking so long to update but I had a bit of trouble with this chapter. I must have written it 7 different times in 7 different ways. I couldn't decide whos POV then I couldnt decide on the events and it was just a mess. :) Anyways, heres chapter 7 I'm afraid I may disapoint a few of my readers and I do hope you continue reading. I hate to give anything away but this is actually just the begining of the story I have laid out in my head. This is where the drama between the family starts.**

**So happy reading and don't forget to review. Sometimes I get a review that helps me get ideas to develope my story and characters. :)**

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.**

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Bella POV

I was floating in a fiery darkness. I could not see, I could not hear, there was nothing but the fire, the dark consuming fire. I could feel as it penetrated my bones and scorched the marrow. I screamed for redemption yet I heard no sound. I clawed in an attempt to smother the flames yet I could not find my body. I begged desperately for someone to help me, no one came. So I gave into the flames. I surrendered to their merciless torment.

I don't know whether it had been seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or even years, because time had lost all meaning, yet, it felt as if I had been in the dark with the invisible flames for an eternity. I became aware of a change in the silence. I could have easily missed the faint whisper in the darkness. It was barely louder than a light breeze on a single blade of grass, but I had been searching for so long for any sign of the flames relenting.

Then many things happened at once. The breezy whisper grew louder and became the unmistakable murmur of voices speaking, but the words were indistinguishable. The fire pulsed, and I could now pinpoint where the fire was originating, it had come from my left arm. The darkness was no longer, it was now a tumultuous swirl of light and color. I also became aware of my body. I could feel the tips of my toes encased in what felt like wooly socks, the rise and fall of my chest, and a dull ache in my head and ankle.

The voices grew louder and I could now understand the words that were spoken, but their meaning confused me.

"I did what I had to! I will not let her be damned like us! I did what was best for her!" Despite the anger poisoning his silken, heavenly voice I knew it belonged to my Edward. A surge of happiness washed through me just from the sound. Who was he yelling at though, and who was he talking about. What did he have to do?

"What was best for her, or what you wanted? What about what she wanted? I gave her the choice and she made it." Jasper's rich honey voice replied calmly but I could hear the underlying resentment. My heart ached with the knowledge that Jasper was the person at whom Edward had been yelling. Jasper didn't deserve that. He is an honorable man. For so long he had been hiding his deepest desires for the sake of his family's happiness.

"All I want is what's best for her, Jasper. Bella can't make a decision like that. She doesn't know what it means giving up." I could almost feel the venom in his voice thickening the air. I didn't like hearing Edward like this, it was a little frightening. I wanted to ask what decision it was that I couldn't make so I could settle their argument and Edward would stop scaring me.

There was a moment of silence in which I could feel a heavy tension emanating from Jasper.

"Edward she's not a fucking child, or an idiot. She knew what she was giving up by making the choice to become one of us. You ignored her choice for your own selfish reasons. You sucked the venom out when you knew from reading my memories, what it could do, and my apprehension about the unknown consequences. What you did was cruel and now we have to suffer with the uncertainty of whether she will wake up and if she will be the same Bella if she does." Jasper spoke quietly but the volume did nothing to detract from the vehemence in his words. I don't know if Edward could hear it but I could tell Jaspers heart was breaking with his words.

I tried to open my eyes or move my hands, anything to tell them that I was here and could hear them. It felt as if my eyes were welded shut and my body encased in cement. I had no control over my body. It just laid there like I was already dead. My thoughts were fuzzy and slow as if they were wading through a boggy marsh.

Then, as Jaspers words sank in, something in my brain was triggered and my memories of the last moments before the darkness were washed clear of the fog that had blurred them. The pain, the realization that James had bitten me, Jasper telling me he could suck the venom from my scorched veins or bite me and help the change go faster, my decision to join Edward in immortality. Everything was clear. Then the meaning of their words all clicked together. Edward had sucked the venom out. I was not changed. I was still a weak, vulnerable human. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to break something. Why did he do this to me? Does he not want to keep me forever?

I suddenly felt a cold hand grasping my right hand firmly.

"Darlin' can you hear me? It's gonna be ok. You're ok." Jasper's voice was soothing and combined with the calm he was giving me the anger and pain from Edwards actions faded to the background. Then his hand was ripped away and I heard a growl.

"Don't touch her! I don't want you near her you understand?" The voice was low and threatening, I barely recognized it as Edwards.

I can only assume that Jasper said something to him in his mind because I heard another growl but it was cut short by a door opening.

"She'll be fully awake in two minutes. The rest of the family will be here in a moment. Charlie and Renee are on their way back from Charlie's hotel. Rose and Emmett will stay outside and run interference when they show up. I think its best if it's just us here when she wakes up, she's going to have a few questions. By the way, she has been able to hear you guys for a few minutes now." I heard the wind chime voice of Alice inform Edward and Jasper of the situation and a door open. I assumed it was Carlisle and Esme because I then heard the beautiful voice of my surrogate mother.

"Alice you said she would be waking up soon? Is…is she going to be ok?" Esme's voice sounded as if she had been crying and the thought of the most caring and loving woman I have ever met crying brought back my anger. Anger at James for hunting me and biting me, anger at Edward for sucking the venom out when I chose to be turned, anger at Jasper for letting him.

I felt tranquility fall upon me like an old comfortable favorite blanket and I welcomed it. I silently thanked Jasper.

I heard no reply to Esme's question so they must be talking in a volume that my inadequate human ears could not hear. I felt a cold hand close around mine, and another was placed on my shoulder. I took comfort from the fact that it was my right arm and not my left. It felt as if some one had taken a branding iron and put it to my left arm repeatedly until they had reduced all the skin to charred strips and then proceeded to do it all over again on the exposed muscle until there was nothing left but a scorched and blackened bone. The burning throbbed and shot pain up to my collarbone.

It was at that moment that my body decided to give me back control. A low moan escaped my lips and my eyes scrunched up in pain. I heard everyone shift closer and someone mess with some equipment to my left. Then I heard Carlisle's voice.

"Bella are you in pain? Where does it hurt?" As he asked, he laid his hand on my left shoulder. I expected excruciating pain but his hand neither hurt nor helped the burning in my arm. I could feel the chill of his hand but it did not seem as cold as the other two hands that were touching my right arm.

I turned my head towards him and slowly opened my eyes. He was more beautiful than I remembered. I opened my mouth to tell him where the pain was when I heard several gasps and Carlisle stepped back, his eyes wide. My face screwed up in confusion. Did I do something wrong? I turned my head to look at the others and they all wore similar expressions, except Alice of course.

"What? Is something wrong?" I croaked out, my voice full of confusion and panic. I looked at Edward for answers.

"Your eyes." Edward said as if that was any kind of answer. I could feel my panic shoot out of control.

"My eyes? What about my eyes!?" Jasper stepped up and took my left hand. Once again, I was prepared for new pain at the contact but there was none. My panic subsided and was replaced by warm feelings of relief, awe, and concern. I was a little confused as to why he would send me those particular emotions but I looked in his eyes and realized that he was letting me feel what he was feeling right now. Knowing this is what calmed me the most. If his concern was not the forefront emotion then it couldn't be that bad.

"Bella we weren't sure what to expect after the venom was removed because it's never been done in order to save someone's life as far as we know. Apparently, there are some side effects." Carlisle said as he came closer again to stand at my side. I know the confusion was written all over my face, not only from the mention of side effects but also from his statement about it not being done before. Why would anyone suck out the venom if not to save their life? I would have to ask about that later. Right now I wanted to know about the side effects, and what they have to do with my eyes.

Alice must have foreseen my question because she stepped forward with a compact mirror. I looked from her to the mirror, to Jasper who gave my hand a squeeze in encouragement, then to Edward who gave me a small nod. Edward had recovered from his shock but now his face was set in a hard, emotionless mask.

I removed my hands from Edward and Jaspers grasp, surprised that the movement didn't cause the burning to intensify in my left arm, and took the harmless object that could reveal to me the cause of their alarm. I glanced around the room once more and opened the compact not knowing what to expect. What I saw scared me and fascinated me. My eyes that had always been a dark chocolate brown were now a mahogany color with streaks of crimson around the outer edge of the iris. I felt like I couldn't get enough air, that my lungs had been filled with lead. I shut my eyes tight and closed the mirror in an effort to make it go away.

"How could this happen? What does this mean?" My voice came out weak and there was a pleading note to my words.

"We don't know exactly how this could happen or what it means. My theory is that when the venom was removed minute traces were left, not enough to change you but enough to have an inconsequential effect to your body. Our venom acts like a poison and once it is introduced to the body we have to expect it to have some sort of an impact. Theoretically, the color of your eyes should fade away and return to normal but we cannot be certain." Carlisle was in doctor mode and gave me the facts in a calm compassionate tone. However, I was far from calm. I was raging.

"Inconsequential?" I gestured to my eyes. "You call this inconsequential? I'm supposed to accept that I have red eyes that are obviously not human and might have other effects from that bastards venom, even though I told Jasper to change me when he gave me my options and Edward ignored my decision in order to keep me human, as inconsequential results? No, I think there are some huge and very important consequences from this." I waved my hands around violently and ranted while the room full of vampires just watched with wide eyes. With my rant over, I felt some of the anger dissipate.

Suddenly one of my memories from the alley stood out.

_James was taunting Jasper. His grip on my left arm was painful and I could still feel the trail his tongue traveled on my neck like it was acid melting my skin. I kept my eyes on Jasper wishing for the strength to get through this alive._

"_What is it about this human that has an entire coven of vampires doing everything they can to protect her? It can't be her divine scent because you deny your natural instincts and choose to survive on the second rate blood of animals. Being around her must be very painful and tempting so why put your selves through that unnecessarily? It can't be because you want her as a coven member because one of you would have turned her by now." James' voice was smooth and seductive with no indication of the evil that lay beneath the surface. I knew though that for the rest of my life I would have nightmares about that voice. I would always associate his voice with cruelty and monstrosity_

_James grew impatient with Jaspers lack of response._

"_So tell me." Then his grip tightened like a vice and there was an unbearable pain before I heard it. My bone popped like a grape and I screamed. This pain is ten times worse than a broken arm. I knew that the bone where his grip was had been reduced to splinters that will never heal._

My arm! The one that has had a fire make its home in was supposed to be crushed.

I raised that arm and moved it around. I lifted my gown sleeve and I saw a faint bruise in the shape of a hand. I know I must have looked crazy. One second I am yelling in anger the next I'm looking at my arm as if it appeared out of nowhere. I poked the bruise and only felt a tiny ache, the fire stayed steady.

"Bella what's wrong?" Carlisle's voice broke through my thoughts.

"My arm."

"What about your arm dear?" Esme replied in concern.

I looked up at Jasper knowing that he had heard and seen my arm break in the alley. I gave him a look of disbelief and confusion.

"Why isn't it broken?"

The silence that followed was broken only by the sound of air escaping my lungs. The sound of Jaspers voice was like a clap of thunder after the silence.

"I told you! Y'all tried to make me think it was my imagination or that I had mistaken it for something else, but I knew." The anger and relief was evident in his voice.

I felt Carlisle's hand on my shoulder once again.

"Bella, when we got you to the hospital they took x-rays. Jasper said that James had crushed your arm but the x-rays didn't show any sign of a break or fracture there." Carlisle said this like a statement but I could hear the question not being asked.

"Bella, love, are you sure he broke your arm?" Edwards voice was full of concern when he asked the question that Carlisle failed to ask but it made me think of Jaspers comment earlier 'shes not a child or an idiot". I know he didn't mean it that way but the question just sounded so condescending that it triggered my recently dormant anger and I snapped. I whipped my head to face him and exploded.

"Yes god damn it, I'm sure! I have had enough broken bones in my life to give you a chronological time line of my life based on them, so I think I know what it feels like to have a broken arm. He didn't just break it. He crushed it! It popped like a god damn grape between his fingers!" Whether it was my anger or the pain I don't know, but I had tears in my eyes and my hands were shaking.

"Bella, honey, I know this is stressful but there is no need to use foul language and yell at everyone. We have all been so worried about you." Esme's loving voice put a damper on my anger and Jasper doused it completely with the calm he sent me.

"I know. I'm sorry. Pain has always made me a bit irritable and this burning in my arm, that was broken and then magically fixed, is really getting to me." I looked down at the hospital bed sheets in shame for my behavior. No one said anything so I looked up quickly and instantly wish I hadn't. On their faces were looks of horror, concern, and confusion.

"What do you mean 'burning' love?" Edward asked, his voice strained, as he took my hand in his and sat on the side of the bed.

"Well, I mean that it feels like someone cut open the bone, poured hot lava in it, and closed it back up." I said trying to maintain a light tone.

Edward looked at Jasper angrily.

"You said it only lasted for a few hours, maybe two days! So why is she still feeling it?" His voice was loud again, and angry, but I didn't understand what he meant. Hours, days, but I shouldn't feel it now?

Ok, one problem at a time, I need to find out why my arm is burning from the inside out and then I ask how long I was out, it couldn't have been more than a few days right? Though, it could have been years and I wouldn't know.

"Jasper? What's wrong with me?" I know I sounded pathetic, but at the moment, that's exactly how I felt, pathetic.

"Bella I tried to tell him before he sucked the venom out but he wouldn't listen to me. I tried to tell him that there might be problems to contend with that we don't know about on a long-term scale. I've only seen it done as a form of torture. I never saw anyone stay human past five days. They were either killed, or bitten again to be turned on the fifth day. Many of those that had been bitten and cleansed, as they called it, would talk about the burn of the venom lasting for hours sometimes a few days afterwards." Jaspers words were full of dread and now I understood some of what I had heard before. It was cruel. I can understand why it would be used to torture people. The darkness and the fire were still very fresh in my mind and I felt like I had traversed the pits of hell.

"It is torture." I said quietly and saw Edward's eyes become pained. I ignored it. He made the decision to disregard my feelings on the matter he should be in pain. He did this to me.

I was suddenly beyond exhausted but I needed my questions answered before I could fall asleep.

"You said I shouldn't be feeling the fire by now. How long was I out?" My words were slightly slurred by the lethargy that was weighing down my whole body.

"Bella you need your rest why don't you go to sleep and we can talk more when you wake up?" Esme spoke softly as she pulled the blankets up to my chest and arranged my pillows to a more comfortable sleeping position. I wouldn't budge though when she tried to push me to lie down.

"No. I want to know. How long?" My eyes roamed the creatures of perfection standing around me. Alice, who hadn't said a word since I opened my eyes, gave me a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Edward looked down to the floor avoiding eye contact. Jasper had a look of pain on his face and his body was held rigid. I looked over to Esme with the question clear on my features. She reached out her hand and cupped my cheek with a look of love and heartache, and I knew that if she could she would be crying. I turned to face Carlisle with tears streaking down my face. By everyone's reactions, I knew that it couldn't be good. Carlisle gave me his best sympathetic smile.

"Bella you've been in a coma for two and a half weeks." Once the words left his mouth, my vision blurred and heard shouting. I screamed as I saw the darkness closing in. I didn't want to go back to the darkness. Help! Don't let it take me away again! Then the voices stopped and it was just the fire, the darkness, and me.


	8. Memories of Hell

**A/N: Hey guys. Despite what you may think I have not disappeared into a blackhole. :) My muse however did decide to take off to vegas with all my inspiration, leaving me completely defenseless when the evil little writers block fairys decided to invade. Have no fear though. My naughty little muse has returned and learned her lesson, apparently not everything that happens in vegas stays in vegas, sometimes its tatooed to your ass.:)**

**Anyways, hope you like the chapter. I loved the response I recieved for the last chapter. I will be using some ideas I got from reviews in later chapters. Keep the reviews coming...for every review I will give my poor muse $50 for her tatoo removal fund:) lol Sorry guys I'm tired and now that my imagination has been jump started once again Im afraid its gone a little haywire. Oh speaking of apologizing...I had a wonderful review telling me that I don't give myself enough credit for my writing since I am always apologizing for it. Well that stops now. No more "sorry chapter sucks" crap. Thanks for giving me some well needed advice.**

**Happy reading everyone!**

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.**

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JPOV

"Bella!" Her name echoed in five different tones off the walls as her eyes rolled back and she fell limp onto the recently fluffed pillows.

"No, no. Darlin' come back." The desperation I felt permeated the air.

I gripped her free hand as hard as I dared while trying to sense her emotions, there was nothing, not even a glimmer. Just like before. The relief I had been feeling since she first opened her eyes was gone and replaced by overwhelming concern.

"Carlisle, what happened? She was fine." Edward demanded as if Carlisle had all the answers. I'd like to tell him what happened. He happened. If he hadn't ignored Bella's choice then this wouldn't be happening.

"I think she just fainted. She was overwhelmed by everything and that, compounded by her exhaustion, forced her to faint." Carlisle's voice anchored everyone's emotions and offered reassurance.

"If she is just sleeping then why can't I feel any of her emotions?" I had to ask. I needed an answer that would calm my own fears.

"It is possible for a human to fall into such a deep sleep that their brain effectively shuts down, its similar to being comatose, just a lesser degree. We won't know exactly what's going on until she wakes up again." I couldn't help but add a spiteful 'if she wakes up' in my mind for Edward to hear. I heard a low growl from his direction but I didn't take my eyes off of Bella's face.

I heard everyone talking around me but I blocked it out. I kept Bella's hand clasped tightly in mine as my thoughts drifted away.

For eighteen days, I had been deprived of Bella's velvety voice, the beautiful chocolaty depths of her eyes, and the feel of her warm pliant body against mine. For eighteen days I felt nothing but anger, grief, and utter hopelessness. For eighteen days we were held in limbo, suspended in time, waiting for our savior to open her eyes and rescue us.

When you have forever, time tends to lose its significance. Days are more like hours, hours are more like minutes. That was not the case during the last eighteen days. Every second in the 25,947 minutes it took her to wake up seemed to drag out for an eternity. My very existence seemed dependent upon the next beat of Bella's heart. Every time she exhaled, I held my breath willing her to breathe again and every time she inhaled, I released the air from my lungs in relief, only to repeat the process with the next fall of her chest.

I had sat in the empty room that the hospital gave us, with some persuading and the promise of a large contribution on Carlisle's part, listening to the steady breathing of the sleeping beauty in the next room. I was not able to step foot in her room once they moved her out of the ICU. The initial desperation that occupied everyone's minds, leaving little room for any other thoughts, diminished once we knew that her injuries were not life threatening. With that clarity of mind, came the anger that first assaulted me when they found us in the alley that dreadful sunny day that seems like a lifetime ago yet the memory is as clear as it had happened just a few hours ago.

_I felt Bella's emotions slip away as I uttered my apology for the pain she was about to endure and all that was being taken away from her._

_My lips grazed her skin seeking that soft point on her neck where her pulse was the strongest. Once I found it, I wasted no time. My venom soaked teeth were about to puncture the last layer of skin when I was ripped away and thrown to the opposite side of the alley._

_I landed in a crouch ready to attack but froze at the sight in front of me. There, standing between Bella and me, was the rest of my family. All but Carlisle were poised, ready to defend her vulnerable body from attack. Carlisle was with Bella assessing the severity of her wounds. I was in shock from the emotions my family exhibited, anger, disappointment, and disgust. Then it dawned on me, they thought I had lost control and was about to kill her. A little part of me died at the thought of their distrust of my control over my thirst._

_They hadn't noticed her bite yet and if she wasn't bitten again soon the venom wouldn't spread fast enough and her change will be longer and more painful than needed. I decided to ignore their lack of trust for the moment._

"_Carlisle, look at her left wrist. James bit her before I could stop him. You need to bite her again before it's too late to help." My voice was hard and rough from the emotions bombarding me._

"_What the hell happened here Jasper?" Edwards said accusingly, as his rage boiled violently just under the surface._

_To not waste time, I reviewed the events in my mind, skipping James' observation of my feelings and the kiss, of course. When I got to where I explained to Bella her options his eyes lit with determination and he turned toward her. I rushed to grab his arm stopping his movement. My anger and disbelief were being broadcast to all in the alley._

"_You can't do that Edward! She chose to be changed! It's too late!" I was replaying everything I ever witnessed of the process, every conversation I had heard from those who had been bitten and cleansed, my worries on the repercussions, in my head for him to see. He had to understand._

"_I don't care about the consequences! Anything is better than her changing! I will not let her become a monster!" He pulled his arm from my grasp and took a step towards Bella._

"_I won't let you do that to her." I growled and grabbed his shoulder spinning him around just in time for his face to make contact with my fist. Emmett and Rosalie were on me instantly, dragging me backwards, while Alice and Esme doted on Edward. It only took him a few seconds to recover then he stiffened his stature and glared at me coldly. _

"_You have no say in this Jasper."_

"_You pretentious ass! You'd ignore her wishes to satisfy your own?" I struggled against Emmett and Rosalie's hold, but unfortunately, they had actually paid attention those few times I was talked into training them, and I couldn't break free._

"_I know what is best for her." Edward hissed violently then turned to Bella. _

_I couldn't stop him, the lines had been drawn long ago and it was obvious that the only one on my side of that line was the unconscious angel that laid broken on the ground. I struggled all the same, my futile attempts at escape were all I could do to try to stop his madness._

_Edward muttered a few words to Carlisle too low for me to hear as he knelt down and Carlisle nodded his head in acquiescence. _

_A vicious growl ripped from my chest and my fight to be free renewed with vigor as I saw Edward lift Bella's wrist to his mouth. I threw lethargy at the two holding me and by a stroke of luck; the prison of their arms loosened enough to break free. I ran as fast as possible towards Edward who had already sank his teeth through the clotted wound and was beginning to draw out her poisoned blood. Just as I was about to grab him there were strong arms restraining me from all around and a pixie blocking my path._

"_Jasper! Get control of yourself!" Alice thought it was my bloodlust and not the horror of Edward's actions that caused my reaction. Once again, I felt a part of me die at the implication that my own wife didn't trust my control._

_Wife. Reality crashed down on me with that one word. Alice was my wife and Bella loves Edward. There was no changing the facts. There was no way of stopping him now. I hung my head in defeat and begrudging acceptance._

"_I'm sorry." I spoke the words softly for the second time today._

"_It's ok Jasper." Alice laid her hand on my cheek and I felt the love flow from her but I also felt the emotions she was trying to hide. Anger, betrayal, shame and determination._

_I wasn't about to tell her that I wasn't apologizing to her, or anyone else that could hear me. I was apologizing to Bella, for everything that would not happen and everything that could possibly happen._

After Edward sucked all the venom out, they rushed Bella to the best hospital in Phoenix while I ran to the desert to reduce James to ashes and gain some control of my anger. I made my way to the hospital sure that Bella would be awake soon and would want an explanation. How wrong I had been.

_I walked into the waiting room of the ER and was told that they had her vitals stabilized but that she had been moved to the Intensive Care Unit because of her head injury and she was unresponsive. Head injury. Unresponsive. I felt a twisting in my undead guts. I quickly made my way to the ICU and was plowed over by the intense emotions coming not only from my family but also from the other families there, hanging onto the crumbling edge of a precipice waiting for the news that would either send them over the edge or bring them back to steady ground._

_I walked past my family with their grim and desperate expressions and went through the doors to the rooms. I gave a damn if there aren't supposed to be more than two visitors, I needed to see her, needed to hear her heart beat out the rhythm of life, I needed to know she was going to be ok. I followed her scent to a room labeled 204. _

_There she was. She had tubes sticking out everywhere and wires running to multiple machines monitoring every body function possible. Her scent was off from the blood transfusion I'm sure they had to give her. Her head was wrapped in gauze and there was a bandage on her neck where my teeth had barely punctured her skin. I knew since there was no blood there was no way my venom would have gotten into her blood stream to turn her, but there would be a scar. Her right ankle was encased in a cast and I found my eyes traveling to her left arm. Her wrist was bandaged where both James and Edward had sank their teeth into her soft flesh. My gaze followed the contours of her arm up to where James had broken her arm. There was no cast, no frame splint, no bandaging, nothing but the sleeve of her hospital gown and the hint of a bruise peeking out from under the cloth. _

_I looked up in complete confusion trying to find someone who could explain to me why they hadn't done anything about her arm. I heard James break it; it would have been shattered, possibly beyond repair. My eyes fell on Carlisle who was checking over the machines and IV fluids._

"_Carlisle, why haven't they done anything about her arm?" My voice sounded distant and hardly recognizable as my own._

"_What do you mean Jasper? They bandaged the bite mark." His voice was calm but I could feel the turmoil of emotions he was feeling._

"_No, not the bite. James, he, he broke her left arm. He gripped it so hard I heard it shatter under the pressure." I stumbled over my words unable to keep the calm that I was trying desperately to hold onto._

_I felt Carlisle's confusion and disbelief as he stepped away from the machines and closer to me. He laid his hand on my forearm._

"_Jasper the x-rays showed her arm to be perfectly intact. There wasn't any trace of damage to the bone or joints." We had been speaking in a tone too low for human ears but his voice seemed to go lower with his statement. My eyes, which had been on Bella the entire time, now turned to him. I furrowed my brow and leaned closer to him._

"_Carlisle, that's impossible. I heard it. I felt her pain. I heard her scream. I SAW him do it!" My whispered tone became more and more adamant and distressed. Carlisle just shook his head._

"_I'm sorry Jasper but there is no damage to the bones in either arm. Maybe James manipulated it to seem that way or he had a gift we didn't know about that created the illusion of her arm breaking. I don't know, but I can tell you that her arm is completely fine besides the bite." His voice was calm and assuring but it did nothing for the confusion and anger that was welling up inside of me. _

"_I didn't imagine it Carlisle." I took a step towards my poor broken Bella but Edward appeared out of nowhere, growling low._

"_You will not touch her. Get out."_

_Carlisle saw my body tense in preparation to fight Edward and stepped between us._

"_Edward, Jasper, this is neither the place nor the time. Whatever problems you have with each other can be settled after this crisis is over. Right now, we have to worry about Bella. I'm afraid she's slipped into a coma and coupled with the head injury that is dangerous." He said gravely._

_I was shocked but Edward made no indication that it was news to him so I suppose he read Carlisle's mind before this and had warning._

"_Coma?" My mind was blank. I never thought vampires could go into shock but I now knew they could._

"_Yes coma. Now I need both of you to leave." Edward opened his mouth to object but Carlisle raised his hand to stop him._

"_No arguing. Go to the waiting room and wait with the others and I'll be out to explain everything to everyone at the same time." He put emphasis on 'everything', 'everyone', and 'same time'._

_I turned taking one last glance at Bella and numbly walked back to the waiting room with Edward on my heels._

Carlisle later come out and explained to the family that Bella had gone into a coma and there was no way to know when or even if she would wake up. The grief and dread that filled the members of my family was smothering but it wasn't anything compared to what I had felt at his words.

For three days, they kept her in the ICU but when her vitals started to strengthen, showing her injuries were not life threatening, they moved her to the head trauma unit.

The first day they moved her I tried to see her but Edward, who was always by her side, blocked my way with a warning growl making it clear I was not welcome. Thankfully, Emmett showed up then and stopped it from turning into a fight in the middle of the hospital.

After everything had settled down, I explained everything to the rest of the family who had been confused about what went on in the alley.

With the truth brought into the light, I received mixed reactions. Emmett was upset at Edward's complete disregard of Bella's decision and apologized for assuming I had lost control. Actually, everyone but Edward had been repentant for his or her own negative thoughts. Esme and Carlisle had been disappointed but understanding about Edwards's actions. Esme was worried about how Bella was going to react and how the relationship between Edward and I would fare after this was over. I didn't have the heart to tell her that this was never going to be over. No matter what the outcome it would always be there. Rosalie's reaction didn't surprise me at all. She was angry with me for even considering turning Bella when I knew there was another option and the animosity she felt towards Bella grew because she blamed her for creating problems within the family. Alice apologized profusely for jumping to conclusions and thinking the worst of me. I accepted her apology but I knew that something changed between us in that alley and they would never be the same again. She showed me where the boundary of her trust ends and how easy it is for her to condemn me.

On a bright note, she did avoid the subject of her vision of Bella and me. I suspect though, that she failed to keep it from Edward, and that's what's really fueling his volatile behavior towards me.

I could kill that sanctimonious son of a bitch for doing this to her. I told him we didn't know what could happen. I told him that the venom had spread too far. Now we are all paying for his self-righteous attitude and rash decision. Bella's price may be more than she can pay.

"At least I tried to save her life, rather than condemn her." Edward growled breaking through my thoughts.

"Save her life? Did you see what I just saw? It was you who condemned her, shit for brains!" My response came out as a snarl and the words were almost indecipherable.

Edward went to step forward when Alice jumped in front of him.

"Edward you can't do that here. That would expose us. Come on, you need to hunt." Alice tried pulling him out the door but he wouldn't move.

"I'm not going anywhere if he's staying." There was no need to say my name, we all knew who he was talking about. Esme always the peace keeper stepped in.

"Edward go hunt. Carlisle and I will stay with Bella. You'll be of no use to her when she wakes if you are so distracted by your thirst that you can't be close to her." With the promise that I would not be left alone with his precious, he reluctantly let Alice haul him out of the room and to the elevator.

No one spoke after their departure. I sat there studying Bella's features, memorizing every little freckle and stray wrinkle.

Once again I was caught in limbo but now I had a small glimmer of hope that she would wake up, that she would come back, even if it's not for me.


	9. Caging the Beast

**A/N: Hello my readers. Here is the awaited chapter 9. Its longer than normal because I wanted to give ya'll something special since I will definately not be updating for at least a week maybe two. Hopefully it will only be a week though. Anyways, tell me what you think, what did you like, what did you not like, anything I can improve on? I love getting constructive critisizm because it helps me become a better writer as this is my first piece of fiction besides creative writing papers in high school-which I graduated five years ago this may...I feel so old....:(**

**Oh! By the way thank you so much freakybfsfan for your review! You in all seriousness lit the fire under my muses ass and helped me produce this chapter so as a thank you this chapter is dedicated to you.**

**Happy reading ya'll! :)**

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.**

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BPOV

I fought against the fire and the darkness. I raged against the dark cage that held me, and the fire that tortured me. They taunted me with their indifference. I fought endlessly until I had no strength left to care. Only then did the fire cease and the darkness ebb.

The first thing I became aware of was the burning in my arm, the second thing I noticed was, my hands felt like they were trapped in ice. I opened my eyes, and was immediately rendered breathless by the bright topaz eyes of a relieved looking Edward. Though his expression conveyed relief, I could see the tension in the way he held his shoulders and his eyes held a darkness in their depths that I've never seen before. As I looked at him, his face lit in the most beautifully sad smile.

"Edward." My voice sounded heavy with sleep and was barely above a whisper.

He leaned forward and cupped my cheek in his sculpted hand.

"Bella, love, how do you feel?" He looked deep in my eyes as though he was searching for something, or trying to decipher my thoughts.

My anger flared with the memories of all that happened to put me here in this hospital bed. I jerked my face away from his hand and felt the prickle of tears in my eyes. He nodded, returning his arm to his side while backing away, but not before I caught the flash of anger in eyes.

I could feel my anger gaining strength. I did my best to quell the negative feelings I had towards Edward right now and remember the love that we shared. I sighed and bowed my head as I closed my eyes and attempted to calm my anger.

"I don't feel any worse than I did before." My voice was rough from lack of use.

When I opened my eyes again, I saw a hand holding onto my left one that could inspire fantasies. I followed the well-defined muscular arm that it was attached to, up to the face that put every imagined concept of the beauty of angels to shame. Messy blonde hair that begged you to run your fingers through its silky locks, full lips that could tempt a nun to sin, and the golden honey eyes that were, at this moment, overflowing with relief and tenderness as well as a hint of irritation. I was positive that irritation was aimed at Edward.

For the first time since I woke up, I felt a smile tug at the corners of my lips. It wasn't a full smile, in fact it was probably the most pathetic attempt at a smile in history.

"Hey." Jaspers eyes lit up and his face broke out in a lopsided grin.

"Hey." One word, that's all it was, and yet it felt like he was saying so much more.

My eyes were held captive by the gilded depths that seemed to beckon to me and I was powerless to look away. I felt my anger melt away, replaced by another emotion, one that could lead to nothing but trouble for the both of us, desire. I knew I should look away but I couldn't, no, I wouldn't. As much as I loved Edward, despite his actions, I was drawn to Jasper as a moth is to a flame, and just like the moth, I knew that, eventually, I would get burned.

"Jasper, would you mind giving us a moment so I can speak with Bella in private." The hard voice rang through the room and I reluctantly adjusted my gaze back to the fuming Edward on my right. I could hear the struggle to be civil in his tone.

Jaspers question was written on his face. I just squeezed his hand and nodded. He hesitated looking from Edwards's impassive face to my conflicted one and back. With his mouth set in a grim line, he stood to leave.

"I guess I should tell the rest of the family you're awake." With that, he was gone, and it was just Edward and I.

Silence blanketed the room as I waited for him to speak. Edward began to pace the room the minute Jasper left and I was beginning to get dizzy trying to follow his movement. I sighed and looked down at my hands, now folded in my lap.

I noticed a flicker of light on my hand and raised it to inspect it. There on my left wrist where James had bitten me were two slightly raised crescent shaped scars. They shimmered an iridescent silver under the fluorescent lights.

I sighed again. Everything was different now. I don't even know my own body any more.

I decided to break the silence with a question that had been burning in my brain since I opened my eyes.

"How long was I out this time?" I was proud of myself. I didn't sound as pitiful as I felt.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward stop suddenly and whirl around to face me. His hand raked through his hair as he approached the bed.

"You were asleep for sixteen hours. We were worried that you had lapsed back into a coma because Jasper couldn't feel your emotions. Just like before. Carlisle tried to assure us that you had just fallen into a deep sleep. Still…" I could hear the pain in his voice. Without thinking, I reached out and took his hand to comfort him.

Right then I knew, I would never tell him of the hell I was trapped in while in a coma and then again while I 'slept'. No matter how much I hated his actions or how angry I was with him, he didn't deserve the added torture of knowing that, when I close my eyes I can feel the tendrils of fire lick my skin and penetrate my soul.

"It's ok. I'm back now. I love you and I'm sorry you had to go through that." I was sorry. That's how I was able to keep the contempt out of my voice and hold back from blaming him for everyone's suffering, including his own.

Edward gave me that heart stopping crooked grin and leaned in. His lips met mine in a gentle, chaste kiss. I waited for the electricity and hunger that always accompanied our kisses, but it never came. Instead, his lips just felt like those of a statue, hard, cold, unyielding. It had to be my irritation that caused the lack of reaction. Once I have made my peace and forgiven him things will go back to normal. His cool breath fanned across my face as he broke the kiss and rested his forehead against mine.

"Bella, I am so sorry." The guilt and remorse pouring from him was almost tangible.

His words gave me the strength I needed to lock my resentment away in a dark room in the deepest corner of my mind. I finally felt in control, but it was short lived.

"I should have been there sooner." Within that dark room, my anger stirred restlessly.

"I never should have trusted Jasper to protect you." My anger morphed into a living entity within its prison.

"I never should have dragged you into my world." The walls shook and the door rattled with the force of my rage trying to break loose.

"I should have stayed away from you to begin with." The plaster cracked and dust wafted into the air. The door splintered and began to give way. I tried to gain back control. Fear ran rampant at the thought of what might happen if I lost control now. I no longer felt like myself. I felt like I had a beast, a demon living within me and if I lost control, the beast would break loose and destroy all in its path.

"I love you so much, and it tortures me to know that you were hurt because of me. You could have died and it's my fault. I was selfish to pursue a relationship between us." His voice was tortured, his face was pleading, and his eyes showed nothing but love. All I could do was gape at him in disbelief, as did the beast. After a moment, he took my hand in both of his.

"Bella, please, say something."

That shook me from my shock but what came from my mouth was not what he was expecting. I was losing control. When I spoke, I did not recognize the voice but it must have been mine because it was saying exactly what I wanted to say.

"That's what you're sorry about? You're sorry you ever met me? Sorry you ever brought me into your world? Look at my eyes Edward! Look at my hand! It would have been my world too if you had just let Jasper do what I asked him to! Now I'm stuck like this! I don't belong in your world? Well thanks to you, now I don't belong in mine either! So take your sorry and shove it up your ass! If you want to be sorry then be sorry for doing this to me!" My breath came in short huffs and somehow I had left the bed and was now standing awkwardly on my casted ankle, but I felt no pain.

With my outburst, Edwards face hardened and he stood braced against the impact of my verbal assault.

"Bella, I will not apologize for doing what was best for you. I could not let you turn into a monster. You could not understand what it was you were asking for." He spoke slowly and calmly, it reminded me of an adult chiding a small child for their thoughtlessness. That just enraged the beast even more.

"Don't you dare pretend that you did this for me, Edward, you did this for your own damn reasons that had nothing to do with me." The sound that emerged from my mouth was nothing more than a growl. My body acted on instinct and lowered my shoulders, spread my feet apart and bent my knees in a half crouch.

"I did what you _**should**_ have told Jasper to do. You don't know what it was you were about to give up. You're only human, Bella, you can't possibly understand." He was almost yelling but it did not faze me.

I was livid. I didn't even try to keep my anger in the nice little room I had constructed for it. More accurately, I flung the door wide open allowing it free reign, and reign it did. I saw red, I heard a roar in my ears, and my body was charged with the rage and adrenaline pumping through my veins.

I was propelled across the room, right at Edward. My right hand shot out to slap him but with his lightning reflexes, he caught it easily. Inexplicably, he did not see my left hand, balled into a fist, coming straight for his stomach. My fist made contact as an animalistic roar escaped my mouth and he doubled over falling back a few steps.

I did not hear or see the door fly open, or the others rush in. I just felt the arms encircling my waist and pulling me back forcefully as I landed a hit to the side of his face before I was out of reach. Nothing was registering in my conscious brain as I struggled to break free of the adamantium arms that held me. There was no thought process whatsoever. Just the beast, the rage.

Something invaded my red fog and it was like drifting off to sleep peacefully wrapped in your favorite blanket. Except, I wasn't the one falling asleep, it was the beast. My rage had been put down and was replaced by a torrent of peace and tranquility.

I don't know when I closed my eyes, I don't know how I came to be cradled in some ones arms while they smoothed my hair comfortingly, I didn't care. The peace was fading and the despair over everything that had happened was taking over. I began to cry, and then it turned into full-body-wracking sobs. The words that were running through my mind repeatedly were being spewed out of my mouth.

"How could you Edward? How could you do this to me? How could you?" Over and over again, I asked for answers.

Besides the sounds of my sobs, I could hear a smooth, velvety voice whispering softly into my hair. I could not bring myself to lift my head and open my eyes to the angry or pitying looks from Edward and his family. I had deduced that the arms wrapped around me, offering me refuge, belonged to Jasper. It wasn't hard to figure out. The body did not have breasts so it was not Esme or Alice, it was not big enough to be Emmett, Carlisle would be more concerned about finding out what happened from Edward, and Rose would not touch me with a ten foot pole, so that left Jasper, my hero, my sanctuary, my forbidden fruit.

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JPOV

I left Bella reluctantly. I was worried about the amount of rage I could feel in her. It was a jagged emotion so I knew that she was fighting to keep it under control but I worried about Edward saying something to cause her control to dissolve. The instability of her emotions reminded me of the newborns that I had been in charge of during the war. Yet she was not a newborn. I could smell her blood, hear the beat of her heart, I felt no thirst from her. The smell of her blood has been off since the 'incident' and at first we all thought it was the blood transfusion, but that would have worn off within days and its been nearly three weeks. We are in completely new territory now, and that scares the living daylights out of me.

I turned the corner of a dimly lit and abandoned corridor and saw the rest of my family. From the looks of it, Carlisle had just come out of the personal office of Bella's doctor. That confused me because it was three in the morning and her doctor was not here.

They were speaking to low for human ears and from this distance I could barley make out what was being said.

"What does this mean for Bella?" Esme asked.

"Well, I'm not entirely certain because there are no prior cases in which to consult. I do believe however, that the venom will stay contained within the humerus. The venom would have petrified the bone, marrow, and surrounding tissue but there was not enough to continue the process. I am concerned about the burning that she mentioned. In a normal changing, the burn does not last more than seven days at the very most. I fear what prolonged exposure to that degree of pain will do to Bella's mental and physical health." Carlisle was radiating concern and he could not mask it in his voice.

The others stood in silence for a moment taking in all that Carlisle said. Their emotions ranged from the deepest concern and sympathy to rage and sorrow.

"I'm gonna kill him." The words escaped from my clenched teeth and I flexed my fists. I saw five heads turn my direction as I rotated on my heel to return to Bella's room and deal out justice to that selfish cur and finish what he interrupted in the alley.

Before I could take more than two steps there was a restraining hand on my shoulder and I turned back around to see my family. Carlisle was the one that had stopped me and, no matter how badly I wanted to punish Edward, I would listen to what he had to say first. I respected the man who had persevered in his desire to help me overcome the monster.

"Jasper, Bella is Edwards mate and he made the choice to do what he thought was best. That over-shadows any opinion that you or anyone else may have. You do not go against a mate, no matter how painful it is to see the consequences hurt a loved one." Carlisle is always the neutral voice of reason in our family of high-strung immortal beings but I could feel how much he now regretted allowing Edward to do this to Bella.

I opened my mouth to respond but shut it immediately as I felt an explosion of pure, unadulterated, blind fury. I hadn't felt anything like that in almost half a century. Dread welled up in my heart. I knew exactly where it had come from.

"Bella." The name was nothing but a breath of air as it escaped my mouth.

Five pairs of eyes widened as I turned and ran as fast as my supernatural body could go. I could hear them on my heels, feel their confusion, and fear. We were just down the hall from our destination when we heard it. There was a roar, the likes I've never heard. It did not come from a vampire but I don't think a human would be capable of such an animalistic sound. It was unnatural. Then, there was a resounding crash of two boulders hitting, but muffled and softened somehow.

I threw the door open and if my heart could still beat I would have had a heart attack. Bella's left fist was pulled back winding up to deliver a punch to a bowed over Edward and her right hand was trapped in his grip. Her face was twisted in fury and her eyes were those of a wild animal. There was no trace of my angel in this being.

I rushed to grab Bella and pull her away from the puzzled Edward. She thrashed about trying to break free and resume her attack. I delved deep into her emotions but there was nothing but an all-consuming rage. I gathered every ounce of peace and tranquility I could and forced it into her. Her struggles began to wan and we sank to the floor. I was now able to avert my attention to the rest of the room.

Everyone was standing there dumbstruck by the scene we had just witnessed.

"What the hell did you do to her?" I growled.

"Nothing! We were talking and she just snapped!" His voice was dripping with innocence but his emotions were jumping between disgust and apprehension. He knew what he did to trigger her violence, and he was disgusted with himself because of it, but he wasn't going to let on to the fact that he may have done something wrong.

"She would not have snapped without provocation, Edward. I felt her struggle for control. There is no way she would have so completely given up that fight without a reason." I sneered at him but returned my attention back to the woman in my arms, stroking her hair in a calming manner.

I was slowly lessening my influence on her emotions, testing the waters so to speak. All she felt was despair. Tears began to fall down her face and soak into my shirt and I pulled her tighter to me. Soon her crying turned into heart wrenching sobs.

"It's ok darlin'. It's ok. It'll be alright." I whispered comforting words into her hair as I held her to me and shared her pain.

"How could you Edward? How could you do this to me? How could you?" Between her sobs she garbled out the words imprinted in my mind. Yes, Edward, how could you.

The words became a mantra to her despair. I lifted my gaze to my family who, until this point, I believe were still in shock. My eyes came to rest on Edward whose stare was locked on the huddled forms of Bella and I on the floor. I reached out with my power to test his emotions. There was no guilt or concern for what he had done to Bella , only anger, jealousy, and possessiveness. He cared naught for the woman in my arms, only that she was in my arms and not his.

He must have over heard my thoughts because shock overtook him and he looked into my eyes. I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Jasper, if you knew she was having problems with her emotions why didn't you stay close to help her if she had trouble?" Carlisle's voice broke into our silent duel. I answered without breaking eye contact.

"Oh, believe me, that's a mistake I will never make again." Edward read what I was really saying in my mind. I won't be leaving Bella's side again.

"Ok, at the risk of sounding like an ass, am I only one wondering how it is that little Bella just took a swing at Sir Sparkles and isn't screaming in pain from a shattered hand? I mean, Carlisle, you said her hubris or whatever would be vamped but not her hand. From the smell of it she didn't even bust a knuckle." Emmett said in confusion. Apparently, it had not just escaped my attention in the chaos, but had escaped everyone's.

I looked at Carlisle with wide eyes then down at the angel in my arms. Her sobs were quieter than before and her hands were clutching at my shirt in desperation. My eyes focused on her hands. There was a dark bruise forming on the wrist of her right hand and her knuckles looked slightly bruised on her left hand. She was flexing and gripping with both hands perfectly so neither were broken. Carlisle would need x-rays to say for sure but I had a feeling that there would not even be a fracture.

"There's no damage besides bruising. I think the venom spread farther than you thought Carlisle." I relayed with dread.

Edward began pacing the room while he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Alice how could you not see this?" Edward exclaimed incredulously.

I assume she replied mentally when Edward stopped suddenly facing her, his face a mixture of disbelief and anger.

"What do you mean you aren't seeing her? You saw when she would wake up the first time." He nearly shouted.

"I mean, Edward, that I cannot see her. I'll get a vision of her sleeping and the events happening around her. When she wakes up everything turns shadowy and the images become broken but not one of those pieces has Bella in it." She spat out.

"What about when she woke up before?"

Alice sighed in irritation before answering.

"I had a vision of you and Jasper arguing about what happened when she woke up after she passed out again." She said dejectedly while her mouth turned down in a frown.

"So you can't see her in any visions unless she's asleep? Wow, cool power." Once again, Emmett states the obvious conclusion that has to elude the rest of us.

"That can't be it. She didn't turn. Right Carlisle? There has to be an explanation for all this. Maybe it's her head trauma. All she needs is time and medicine and she'll be ok. " Esme pleaded with her husband to tell her that it was all a mistake.

"I don't think so Esme." My voice rang through the room and filled everyone with a new sense of dread and hopelessness.


	10. Seeing Stars

**A/N: OK, I know I said a few chapters ago no more apologizing but I have to apologize for lying to yall and telling you I would update in 2 weeks tops and here it is well over the 2 week mark. Right after my last update everything seemed to happen at once. My husbands company was bought out and we had a million papers to sign and notarize and fax. I never told yall but my two sons are actually my nephews that we are in the process of adopting and we have had meetings with the lawyer and social worker on top of a new mountain of paper work. Then we recieved a letter from our flood insurance company saying they denied us coverage on our new house that we bought in January and I had to get that settled with the finance company. I have been battling with the title company to get the title issued on the mobile home we are trying to sell but cant get the money for until the title is in hand and the damn title company wont give it up. THEN! ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE! My mother-in-law and her brood are coming to visit the first week of August. So to say Im stressed is a VAST understatment:) Anyways I wouldnt count on an update until the adoption is finalized on July 30th and the in-laws leave and that should be around August 10th. I will try my hardest to get something up sooner but dont hold your breath. I love you my patient caring readers and I love your reviews. By the way I am replying to a few reviews at the bottom so dont miss 'em.**

**Happy Reading:)**

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and its characters.**

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JPOV

I looked up at the canopy of stars above me and felt the night breeze caress my skin as it brought a plethora of new scents to my sensitive nostrils. The air was so dry that every scent was magnified. I could smell the rodents beneath the ground, the desert flowers blooming, the crisp green scent of cactus, the snakes coiled in their holes for warmth, and the coyotes and pumas prowling for their next meal. Something about the desert captivated me. The air felt clean and the wide expanse of uninhabitable desert landscape called to me. I could hide from human attention and still have all the space in the world. One downside from living the way we do is we never seem to have enough room. No matter how large the house or forests around me, I always feel boxed in. There are times when I feel claustrophobic living in a house with six other vampires. There is no privacy and no place to call my own. I can't fathom how Bella was able to give this up for dreary Forks.

Bella. Just the thought of her name sent my body into a state of hyper-excitement. I can't figure out what this connection is that we have. It makes no sense to me. We are like yin and yang, light and dark. She is vibrant, kind, compassionate, selfless, and caring and I am the monster that lurks in the darkness. Her soul is a campfire and I am a wolf circling in the shadows mesmerized by the bright flicker in the dark.

I let out a sarcastic huff. Bella was everything light until that bastard did this to her.

She had been completely devastated and locked within her own mind for close to a day after her breakdown. When she woke up from another 'comatose sleep' she was calm, collected, and distant. She listened passively while Carlisle explained his theory of why her arm burned and why she did not sustain any injuries from her violent outburst. I monitored her emotions carefully during his speech. She was calm but I detected an underlying thread of fear, if I had not been looking so closely I would have missed it. I pushed deeper into her emotional pool and found hiding under her fear was hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness. Angered by these I pushed farther searching for a meaning to her total lack of confidence. It was then that I found what I had been looking for in the first place. There, hiding in the depths of her soul was the rage. That rage was like the spark of a flame and all the other emotions were walls constructed around it. Not only to keep it small and contained but also to keep out the words and actions that would act like gasoline and turn that spark into a raging inferno, destroying the woman in which it resided.

For almost a week now her barriers have held fast with little sign of wavering. Occasionally I could feel her anger arc out of its protective wall but the only outward indication would be a clenched fist and slight frown. She would dart a glance at me whenever this happened. I could see her silent plea, 'please don't tell them'. I would give a slight nod to say I understood and would not say a word.

That was the extant of our interaction. Edward and Alice were always hovering. Never allowing Bella and I a moment alone, and always interrupting if we tried to enter into a conversation with each other. I could feel Bella's annoyance spike most often when this was happening. She is just as upset by their interference as I am. They don't see it though. No one does.

To anyone else she would appear to be perfectly fine. Not even my family can tell a difference. They are impressed that she could return to normal so quickly. Gone was the anger and resentment they had seen raging out of control those first few days. She even asked Edwards forgiveness for her behavior. I didn't have to be an empath to see the delight that her words brought him. After that, their relationship appeared to slip right back to what it was before the hunter entered our lives.

I was the only one that knew differently. I was the only one that knew every smile and laugh was false. Only I knew that every word she spoke and every twitch of her hand was a carefully produced lie. Only I could feel the heartache and depression every time Edward held her hand or kissed her lips. Inside she was drowning in her own fear and insecurities. Each day I felt them grow and thicken her resolve to keep the monster at bay.

As I watched her struggle with her own personal hell every day, my desire to do major physical damage to Edward strengthened. This woman before me was not my Bella. The woman we all saw was a puppet and Edward was the master pulling the strings. Every word and action was designed to please Edward. I don't know what was said that made her lose control that day but whatever Edward said seemed to have taken away all her confidence and sense of self.

Carlisle was theorizing that the uncontrollable rage was a side effect of the venom but because of the adrenaline from her outburst, the venom had dissipated and was out of her system, besides the venom in her arm of course. I didn't agree with his thoughts because I knew the rage was still there. I didn't let on to that little fact though. If they knew, they would be taking further precautions with her.

The day of her attack on Edward, after she had fallen asleep, Edward and Carlisle had discussed the possibility of sedatives to prevent any outbursts in the future. Carlisle was reluctant to try because of the high dosage they would need to give her just to counteract the venom. He explained the dangers from a high dose of sedatives and the side effects. Listening to the side effects, I couldn't understand why Edward would want to subject her to that. The medication would make her drowsy, confused, and cause memory problems, not to mention the high risk of dependency. I wondered if maybe that's what Edward wanted. If Bella were drugged up, it would be easier to control her. I really wanted to believe that wasn't the case, that I was just paranoid. I was able to interject with my own opinion before Edward pushed Carlisle to issue the pills immediately. I told them we could just wait to see how she was when she awoke and if she was still having problems controlling her emotions then we can ask her if she would like to take the damn pills. Luckily, Carlisle heartily agreed with my suggestion and dismissed the subject.

Edward didn't like that much. He was already acting hostile towards me but after that, he was down right vicious. It didn't bother me but I could see that it troubled the rest of the family and especially Bella. Bella isn't as oblivious as she lets people believe. She saw how Edward tensed up whenever I was too close to her and the looks he would shoot me when he thought no one was paying attention. She heard his low growls when my mind drifted to her and saw the clenched fists when I called him every dirty name in every language I knew for doing this to her.

I hated feeling Bella's conflicted emotions when this happened. Her emotions were caught in a fragile balance that kept her control intact. I was afraid that the hidden battle between Edward and I would cause her to snap. Although, sometimes I thought that it might be for the better if she lost control. I knew more than anyone what she was doing to herself, and I knew that keeping her emotions in such tight control was not healthy. I knew that one day she would eventually lose that precious battle and it could be catastrophic if it's in the wrong place or time. I'm afraid of what could happen.

I need to get her alone. I need to talk to her. I need to hold her. She needs to know that it will be ok. That I wont let her suffer and will complete the change if she still wants me to. I need to tell her how much I care. Most of all I need her to know that I will not stand by and watch as she kills herself. That's exactly what she's doing. She is killing herself by cutting herself off from her emotions like that. She feels these things. I know she does because I can feel them. She needs to acknowledge them and let them out. She can't just keep fortifying her walls with them and ignore them. Eventually those walls will collapse under the weight. Then she will be left with nothing but the rage and it will destroy who she is.

Yes, I need to talk to her about all this and then we need to discuss everything with Carlisle, without Edward around. I have taken every precaution possible in order to keep Edward from hearing any of those thoughts because I don't trust him to do what's best for Bella. As far as Edward can read in my mind, I care deeply for Bella and spend my time remembering my human life. Those are the most powerful memories I have and when thinking of my years growing up in the hill country of Texas I am able to hide my deeper thoughts from his intrusive mind.

My thoughts came to a halt as a new scent entered the deserts perfume. Alice. I knew this would have to happen eventually. I had avoided being alone with her for so long. I know it hurt her but I just didn't care to explain my indiscretions and I was still angry over her false assumptions. Though she had apologized, it didn't change the fact that she thought I would lose control like that.

Judging by the wind and the strength of her scent, she was still quite far from my rocky sanctum. I could run and avoid her but it would just delay the inevitable.

I know what she's going to ask but I don't know what I'm going to say. Maybe I can act dumb and deny that her vision happened. I know I haven't let my guard slip around Edward so he wouldn't have been able to confirm her vision with my memories.

No, I will not insult Alice like that. I love her and she deserves the truth.

I sat up and prepared myself for whatever was to come.

It wasn't more than half a minute later that she was standing before me with an impassive face and unreadable emotions. It wasn't long after we met that she learned how to cover up her emotions for short periods of time, she hasn't been able to do it for more than thirty minutes or if she is overcome with a strong emotion.

I sat on my rock while she stood there, both of us looking for an indication the other was going to break the silence. Fuck it.

"Alice." My voice was even and polite. Like we were simply friends meeting in a coffee shop to have a nice chat.

She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

"I'm surprised you didn't try to run." She said sardonically.

"Ha. The thought did cross my mind."

"It would have been pointless. I still would have found you."

"I know."

An uncomfortable silence stretched between us. I tried to remember when the last time was that we felt uncomfortable in each others presence like this. My answer was never. Since the moment we met in that little dinner in Philadelphia we were like two pieces of the same stone. There were never any awkward silences or moments in which we didn't feel comfortable talking to each other about anything. We were the definition of soul mates.

When did everything change? How did we get to this point?

At first thought, I would say it started when Bella stumbled into our perfect little life. However, looking back I can see that it was happening long before that, or maybe it was never as perfect as I remember it being. Maybe we had just been pretending that everything was so easy for us.

I tilted my head up to look at the stars once more. Perhaps I was saying goodbye to them. When you live in areas that are under a constant cover of clouds, you don't see the stars often. You never know how much you miss them until moments like this. I don't think I've ever seen them quite so bright before.

"The doctors are releasing Bella tomorrow. By tomorrow night we will be back home." Alice broke into my thoughts.

"That's good." This was very good news. With Bella in Forks I may be able to get her alone for a minute. Edward will have to let her live her life normally in order to keep up appearances.

The silence settled over us again. She made no move to say what she came to say.

"Look Alice, as much fun as this is, listening to the crickets and watching the stars, you came here to say something. So say it and let's get it over with." I didn't intend to sound like an asshole but that's exactly how it came out.

"Don't you talk to me like that Jasper. You know, I'm the victim here. I have every right to throw cruel remarks around and be a bitch but I'm not. So the least you can do is act like your sorry." Her voice was shrill and held a note of accusation that I knew very well. It's the same accusation I felt in the alley and every day since then.

"You're the victim? Oh, grow up Alice and quite acting like a spoiled brat. The only victim in this is Bella. She's the one who's life has been turned upside down. Instead of being concerned about her, helping her and supporting her, assuring her that our family loves her and will be here for her no matter what, you have been acting like she is a crazy person. You watch her, interfere when she needs help, keep her safe, and all the while you keep your distance like she's below your station. For fucks sake Alice, she's your best friend and you can't even pretend you care?" Her statement had opened up my anger and I was not being cautious about letting her know how I felt.

"See. That's what I mean. To you it's all about Bella. Damn it Jasper, I am your wife! Where's the concern for me? I saw my best friend and husband about to fuck in our hotel room. Then I saw my husband about to drain that same best friend dry later that day in an alley. Yes, it's unfortunate what's happened to Bella, but damn it Jasper, I feel like I have lost two of the most important people in my life and you don't care. My life has been turned upside down too." It sounded like she was on the verge of tears. Her voice shook and broke with the emotions that she couldn't keep hidden. However, I didn't hear a single word past drain.

Had she had a vision of me losing control? I know I had been in complete control but maybe that would have changed. No, she couldn't have seen it in a vision. If she had, she wouldn't have apologized for assuming I had lost control. She would have explained the vision to me and I would have apologized for getting angry with her for assuming what she already knew was going to happen. No she didn't see it in a vision, but that implied something far worse to me. She believed that I had lied about my control and had been patronizing me when she apologized.

"Alice, did you have a vision about me killing Bella in the alley?" My voice was quiet but the words sounded like the growl of a feral beast. Alice took a step back surprised by my quiet rage.

"Well, I…uh... I mean, not…not really." She stuttered and her hand went to her necklace fingering the pendant, a nervous habit she had brought with her into this life.

"It's a yes or no question. It's either 'yes I saw you lose control and drink every last drop' or 'no I didn't have a vision, I just lied when I apologized for not having faith in you and jumping to conclusions'." I sat there still as the stone beneath me. My entire body tensed, my jaw clenched, waiting for her to answer.

Her face steeled and she jutted her chin out in defiance.

"Does it matter Jasper? Either way she would have been dead."

Once again, she was muddling her emotions so I couldn't decide if she said that because she thought she was being truthful or if she was trying to hurt me. If it was the latter, she succeeded.

I was pissed beyond belief and hurt that my wife thought so little of me. I flexed my fists and nodded my head slightly. When I spoke, my voice was quiet and devoid of emotion.

"I see."

"Do you? Do you really see that no matter how much you want to believe you would have kept control, you would have lost it once you tasted her blood? Look at your past Jasper. You wouldn't have been able to help it." Her voice was condescending and apologetic at the same time.

"No Alice. I now see that you have never had any trust in me. You see me as nothing but the monster I once was and not the man I am now. I never would have done that to Bella." I looked in her eyes as I spoke and saw anger overtake her features.

"What's so special about Bella that you believe you could keep control? What makes her different from all the other humans you've killed?" She no longer had a hold on her emotions and I could feel her anger, betrayal, hatred, indignation, and condemnation.

"I'm done with this conversation." I stood from my rock and went to walk past her. Her hand shot out and held me there.

"Don't you dare try and walk away from me! You owe me some explanations! What makes her different Jasper? How could you kiss her? Why are you and Edward fighting like two dogs after the same bone? What makes her so god damn special?" She was screaming and her anger was out of control. My own anger was feeding from hers.

"Because I fucking love her!" We both froze. I could see my surprise mirrored on her face.

Oh, shit.

I turned away and ran my hand through my hair.

"How can you be in love with my best friend, your brother's mate? How could you do this to me and Edward?" I tried not to hear the hurt in her voice.

"I don't know ok. I didn't mean to say it." I was panicking.

Is that really how I feel about her? Is that the answer I've been looking for? Is that why I feel drawn to her? Holy fucking hell and hand grenades! How did this happen? When did this happen? I love her. I really do love her. I know now without a doubt. I can't believe I was so blind before.

"Didn't mean what you said or didn't mean to say it out loud?" Her sadness and anger were now mixed together, so much so, that it was hard to distinguish one from the other.

I turned to face Alice, my wife, the woman who saved me from a meaningless existence of pain, every fiber of her being seemed to plead me to tell her it was a lie.

"Please just tell me that you didn't mean what you said and we can forget all of this. The kiss never happened, the alley never happened, a fresh start. Please." I wish I could tell her what she wanted to hear.

"I'm sorry Alice. I've never lied to you before and I'm not gonna to start now." I cursed my power for making me feel her heart break as I confirmed her worst fear.

"It can't be true though. You love me. I am your soul mate and you are mine. We belong together." If I could I would cut off all my senses right now. I had broken the woman who had shown me to a better life.

"I do love you, but it's not like it used to be. You broke what we had with your distrust, and I won't disrespect you by staying with you when I now know I love someone else. My mama raised me better than that."

Alice nodded her head as she lowered her eyes to her feet.

"Does she love you back?" Her voice was tearful even if her eyes would always be dry.

"No, she doesn't love me. Her heart is only for Edward."

Another silence descended. I was beginning to form a new appreciation for silence.

"So, where do we go from here?" I knew what she was asking.

"When we get home I'll move my things out. I will stay with the family, given that I am still welcome." The thought of leaving my family, the only place, besides Bella arms, I have felt any kind of happiness wrenched my heart.

"What are we going to tell the family? We can't very well tell them that we are splitting up because I can't be with my husband when I know he is in love with another woman who happens to be his brothers soul mate." There's the little spitfire that I know and love. Apparently, she has recovered from the shock of my revelation.

"No I don't think we can tell them that. Someone would get murderous." Edward wouldn't take that news well at all.

"We don't have to tell them right away. You could just leave your stuff and we could pretend that everything is alright between us until we figure out the right thing and time to tell them." I detected nothing but innocence in her statement.

"I think that would probably be the best right now." I thought I felt a spike of happiness from her, but when I searched, I found nothing but sadness, hurt, anger, betrayal, and resignation.

I looked to the east and saw the sky begin to grow lighter. Dawn will be coming soon and if we don't get back the safety of the hospital we will be stuck hiding out in the desert all day. I wouldn't mind that too much if I didn't feel a desperate need to see Bella.

"Come on, the sun will be up soon. We need to get back."

We ran back through the city as it showed the first signs of stirring awake. We ran through empty streets and forgotten buildings. We ran towards my Bella, my life.


	11. Masking the Lies

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm back! Thank you for your patience and all the reviews last chapter. My in-laws visit went well except for my aunt and 2 uncles getting arrested(you ever see those dumbest criminal videos? well they should definately make the cut) and the adoption was finalized so now we officially have 2 sons and an outrageous attorneys bill, their worth every penny though:) I hope you enjoy this chapter. I had a completely different direction in mind but Jasper just couldnt stay away and now I know that it is for the best that he doesnt:)**

**Happy reading**

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and its characters.**

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BPOV

"Honey, are you sure about this? You don't have to go back to Forks. You could come with me to Florida." Mom asked me for the hundredth time searching my face for any sign of doubt.

We were standing in front of the security line, hundreds of people bustling around us in the busy Phoenix airport. Charlie stood behind me carrying what little luggage we had. Renee had been hounding me, in a not so discreet way, to move to Florida with her. No matter how many times or different ways I told her no she still tried. She has the idea that my injuries were not the result of an accident involving my malfunctioning balance and a set of stairs but that Edward somehow caused them. I tried to set her straight repeatedly but she is stubbornly holding onto her beliefs. If she only knew the truth, then again, if she did she would be running as far away from me as possible at a pace nearing the speed of light.

"Mom, seriously, stop. I'm happy in Forks. It's my home."

"I know sweetie, I know. I just…well I miss you and I don't like the changes I see in you. You've changed Bella and I know he's the reason. You're not the same girl I put on that plane in January. I see the way you two act around each other, he hovers over you and you revolve around him, it's just not healthy, baby, that's not love." All I could do was stand stiff as a board with my eyes wide and mouth hanging while she hugged me close.

I composed myself just in time for her to release me and step back. Tears shone in her eyes and her face held nothing but concern for her only child. I didn't know what to say. I underestimated Renee's power of observation. She knew there was something wrong. She knew I had changed, but at least she's wrong about our love. Edward does love me and I love him. We're meant to be together. I know Edward is a bit…overprotective but that's just because I'm a fragile human thrust into the world of indestructible creatures. He has to be overprotective.

"Renee, stop clinging to the poor girl. Bella come on we have to get through security now or we're gonna miss our flight." Edward and the family would just love that.

Today was sunny with not a cloud in the sky so the Cullen's had to wait until tonight to leave. By some divine miracle, Charlie had resisted their charms and they failed to talk him into taking a late flight as well. I was quite happy that I would have some Cullen-free time. I had not had a moment to myself since I awoke from my coma and I was looking forward to getting home and locking myself in my bedroom. I need some time to think without preternatural eyes watching my every facial expression and twitch of a muscle, and a certain empath monitoring every emotion. I know they are just concerned about me but I need some time to myself to just be me. Even if I don't know who that is anymore.

Charlie's announcement saved me from answering Renee with any reassurances. Charlie I could kiss you. I'm going to get you an extra Christmas present this year, maybe a very expensive, new fishing pole.

"Yeah ok Dad. I have to go Mom. I love you and I'll give you a call when we get home ok." I gave her a hug and avoided looking her in the eyes as I pulled away and went to get in line for the metal detector.

I felt Renee grab my hand as I was stepping away. I turned my head to look at her.

"Bella just know you always have a home with me and Phil."

"I know Mom." I gave her the best smile I could muster and turned back towards the line.

Thankfully, I take after Charlie in the idle chitchat department and neither of us felt the need to fill the plane ride with meaningless banter. I used to sleep to pass the time on plane rides but that is something I will never do again. As well as dreaming, and waking up from a refreshing nap, and tossing and turning half the night because sleep escapes me. Instead, I get nightly torture by burning. I don't even get to lay down get comfortable and drift away. When my body reaches a certain point of exhaustion I just pass out and go to hell, then when my body is rested I wake up, and nothing will rouse me from 'sleep' until my body wakes on its own. My body is sleeping but my mind is always on.

When we walked out of the terminal, we were greeted by the sight of Billy and Jacob Black. When did Jacob get so big? I wasn't even gone a month. When we drew near I was engulfed in a mass of bulging tan muscles.

"Hi to you too, Jake."

A chuckle rumbled in the massive chest that my ear was firmly pressed against. Jake loosened his hold and I stepped back into the comfort of my own personal bubble.

"Are you wearing perfume Bella? It smells really sweet." He wrinkled his nose and sniffed the air. My face twisted in confusion.

"Nope, no perfume. You must have caught a whiff of somebody else."

Jake just nodded and put his hands in his pockets. We locked eyes for a second and his face registered the shock I had become accustomed to since waking up in the hospital. I quickly lowered my eyes and tried to hide behind a curtain of hair.

"Wow, your eyes." His voice reflected the shock and awe that his features displayed.

"Yeah, I know, crazy huh? They said something about partial heterochromia caused by blood poisoning and severe head trauma but that just doesn't have the same ring as red eyes, right?" I gave a little awkward laugh and peeked back up at the two men before me. Jacob just looked shocked and little embarrassed, I assume for not being able to contain his reaction. Billy, however, was looking at me with a mixture of suspicion, pity, and anger. I wasn't surprised by his reaction because of his infallible belief in the Quileute legends he would know what red eyes mean. I just hope he doesn't try to confront me about it.

"It's nice to see that you've made a full recovery Bella." Billy said in a clipped tone. Dad gave him a quizzical look but just shrugged his shoulders and shifted our bags around handing one to Jake.

"Alright come on Bells lets get home."

"Yeah, we should get out of here. Sam is waiting for us outside with the cars. Charlie we drove the cruiser up here for you." I noticed Billy's voice get tense when he mentioned Sam.

The cool air hit me as I stepped out the doors behind everyone and I could smell the scent of pine and freshly fallen rain in the air. It was like a cleansing shower and I instantly felt relaxed and comfortable. This is what coming home feels like. At that moment I did not have to pretend that I felt fine, I did not have to fake a smile, I did not have to fight with the beast, I did not have to cut myself off from the feelings of insignificance, insecurity, and hatred. I was content.

My peace was short lived. I followed Charlie over to shake hands with the giant Quileute that had to be Sam.

"Bella, I've heard a lot about you. I'm glad you're ok." I took his outstretched hand and immediately noticed that he was burning up. I raised my eyes to thank him and ask if he was ok because I think he's running a fever but the words died on my lips.

His eyes were wide in shock then shifted to what can only be described as pure hatred and his body was as tense as a snake coiled to strike. I dropped my gaze down to our still clasped hands. It wasn't so much a clasp any more than a iron prison. I could feel his body quivering through his hand and his grip tightened painfully. I tried to pull my hand away and heard a low growl. Panic took hold of my carefully controlled mind. The only thing I could think of was getting away from this guy. His hand tightened more as I tried to step away and pain shot through my hand. I whimpered and instinctively grabbed his imprisoning hand with my left trying to pry him off me. He dropped my hand like it was a hot coal and took a step back. I held my hand cradled against my chest, flexing it to make sure nothing was damaged.

"Sorry about that Bella. Sam here doesn't know his own strength sometimes. Sam, apologize to the poor girl and let's go." Billy commanded and began wheeling himself to the car parked behind the cruiser.

"Sorry." I could still see Sam trembling as he stiffly and quickly walked back to the trunk to put Billy's chair up.

I must have looked like I'd seen a three headed goat because Jake snorted a little.

"Don't worry about Sam. He kind of rubs everyone the wrong way, well, everyone but my dad and the elders. Seriously, it's nothing personal."

I just nodded my head in understanding as I gave my thanks and walked to the cruiser. I sighed in relief. Charlie had missed the short exchange while he put our bags in the trunk. I climbed into the passenger seat and waited for Charlie. I looked in the rear view mirror and could have sworn I heard a growl as I locked eyes with Sam. I must be losing my mind, but I have a feeling that Sam doesn't just believe in the legends but knows that the tales of the Cold Ones are in fact true. This could be a problem. I need to tell Carlisle about it when he gets back.

The ride home was quiet and uneventful. After what seemed like hours, we were pulling up in front of the house. With all the changes happening with me and around me it's nice to come home to the same old house with its chipped paint and simple design.

"Hey Dad, I'm just going to go on up and take a nap, relax a little. The trip took more out of me than I thought it would." I knew I wouldn't be sleeping but it was the best excuse to ensure I'd be left alone.

"You alright? Do I need to call the doctor?" The corners of his eyes crinkled in concern.

"No don't call the doctor, I'm ok. Just tired is all."

"Ok kiddo. I'll bring your bag up in a little bit and just order some pizza and watch the game." With that, we went our separate ways and I could drop the mask of the girl I once was.

I went to the bathroom to relieve a very human need and wash the feel of the stale air of the airplane off my face. As I lowered the towel, I caught my reflection in the mirror. The face I see is not very different from the one I grew up looking at everyday. It is still the same average face with average features, save for the red-laced eyes. I remember, once upon a time, I would look in a mirror and see me. Now I see a stranger. I see an icon of what I am expected to be. I see the lie I must live. The girl who used to wear this face is gone, dead. She died the first day I allowed Edward to make a decision I was more than capable of making myself. Everyday, for the sake of our love, I suppressed my voice of opposition and independence. Everyday I sacrificed another part of myself so he would love me, and now there is nothing left of that bright, independent, strong young woman that I used to be.

For the briefest moment my carefully constructed cage that held not only the beast but also all negative emotions, thoughts and memories threatened to fail me. I could feel the darkness creeping out and trying to find a handle in my mind. Before it could gain too much ground I locked it down and fortified the invisible cage with sheer conviction.

No. I will not break now.

I took a deep breath and with one last look at the stranger, I exited the bathroom and walked into my bedroom.

Walking into my room, I expected to see the clothes scattered on the floor, the unmade bed, and the various objects knocked over from my hasty packing when I left a little under a month ago. What I didn't expect to see was the blonde god lounging on my bed as if my room was his kingdom and my bed his thrown.

I quickly buried the anger and disappointment I felt at the sight of a Cullen intruding on what was supposed to be my alone time.

"Jasper? What are you doing here? I thought the family wasn't able to leave until tonight?" I manipulated my voice to hide my frustration and agitation. I truly sounded confused. I could not help but feel a little smug at the fact that I have now become an accomplished liar.

"I needed to talk to you alone and saw the opportunity when I heard Carlisle book our flight for tonight. I slipped out early this morning and ran here. You don't seem happy to see me."

I moved to keep my hands busy with tidying up the room. It's easier to keep my mind focused on the acceptable emotions if I keep busy.

"Of course I'm happy to see you, I was just surprised. So what did you want to talk to me about?" Jasper sat up and swung his legs off the bed.

"That's what I need to talk to you about. You're not happy to see me. In fact you were quite aggravated with my presence before you buried it in your emotional graveyard."

I picked up a stack of papers and books that had fallen off my desk. I turned my back to him and began to rearrange and organize them into their proper places on the desk. I was trying, and failing, to block out his words. I was a fool to think that I could hide it from him. If he knows then Edward does too. Damn. Why couldn't he just mind his own damn business?

"Bella you can't continue to ignore your emotions like that. Emotions are like water, air and sun to the soul. Yes, in extremes they can be less than beneficial, but they are all needed to sustain the soul and give it life. You cannot continue assassinating them without consequences." Jaspers voice carried concern and I know that, if I were to look at him, he would have those little worry lines in the corners of his amber eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about Jasper. I don't think it's a crime to keep my emotions private." My tone was patronizing and I knew it but I hoped that if I was nasty to him he would get mad and just leave me the hell alone.

"Even a blind man could see though that lie. You know that's not what you're doing. You make a very nice show of emotions around people. You know it's a lie too." He paused and I held my breath hoping that he had said what he came to say and was now leaving.

It was killing me being alone with him. The need to touch him and hear my name fall from his lips was so strong. I had to lock my legs to keep from turning around and basking in the sight of his ethereal beauty.

"I watch you Bella. I see you laugh and smile. I sit by as you follow Edwards every command like a well trained dog. Everyone sees it. The only difference is I am the only one that knows it's an act. I know you resent him for what he's done. You feel insignificant every time he makes a decision that involves you. Shame and disgust batters your mind every time he touches you. I know you blame not only Edward but the rest of us as well for making you what you are now, not one of us and yet not human either." His voice held nothing but anger at first but as he continued the anger died and his tone became gentle, caring.

"You're wrong." My quiet voice sounded like the crack of a whip in the still room.

He is wrong. I love Edward. I understand why he felt he had to do what he did. It's not his fault that the consequences were so…difficult…to handle. The family simply followed his wishes. I listen to Edward because he knows what he's talking about, after all, with age comes wisdom right, and Edward is almost a century old. That equals great wisdom.

"Bella, you may be able to lie to others, you may be able to lie to yourself, but you can never lie to me."

I never heard him leave the bed or cross the room, but when he spoke next his voice came from just behind my right shoulder.

"Remember darlin', I feel what you feel. I know when you hurt. I know when you struggle with your demon for control. I know when your heart swells with love." His voice was a low seductive purr. I felt his cool breath on my neck, caressing it like a lovers touch, sending shivers down my spine and a hot ache between my thighs.

"I feel your lust and desire. I feel when your body aches for release, when the slightest touch…" I moaned as Jasper grazed his fingers across my shoulder and neck sweeping my hair aside.

"…makes your knees weak and your heart race." His lips moved against my ear causing the heat at my center to flare like a wildfire.

Jasper sucked my earlobe between his lips before moving down my neck gently biting and suckling my tender flesh. His hands run up the sides of my arms causing trails of electric tingles to shoot across my heated skin like a lightning storm. Then I was turned face to face with the sweetest and most vile temptation set upon this earth. Jaspers hands continued their briefly abandoned journey past my shoulders to my neck where he stopped. He rubbed his thumb along the sensitive patch of skin just above the juncture of my neck and collarbone. I watched as his eyes lost what little color was left and turned onyx. His gaze was fixed on my neck where his thumb rested and my pulse raced.

"Mine." His voice was just the faintest of whispers yet I heard the meaning behind it as if he had screamed it at the top of his lungs.

My voice failed me, my mind failed me, hell, my body failed me. What I should be saying is 'get your hands off me'. What I should be thinking is 'Jaspers hungry I should run'. I knew though, that his eyes were not dark with hunger, they were dark with desire, need, lust. What I should be doing is turning away, running away, slapping him, anything but standing here and letting him touch me in a way that only Edward is allowed. Instead, I craved more and at this moment, I would give him anything. All he has to do is ask and I will give him my still beating heart on a silver platter if that is what he wishes.

Jasper lifted his onyx eyes from my neck up into my marbled red marks of inhumanity.

"That's my mark on your throat, my mark that you will wear for the rest of your life." Jaspers voice was no longer the sultry purr that is was before. It was raw with more emotion than I could ever hope to understand.

"Jasper…" I finally found my voice only to have to tell him that I couldn't do this and that if we continued on like this he would lose Alice and I would lose Edward. I belong with him, I love Edward.

"No, Bella don't say it, it was a mistake for me to come. I know you love Edward, no matter how much I wish it weren't true, I know."

I had never heard someone sound so broken and defeated. In that moment my walls took more damage to their integrity than the beast inside could ever cause. In that moment, my walls almost collapsed and I almost wished they would. Then I remembered all the reasons why the walls were there, why this was so wrong. Alice loves him so much and he loves her as well. I am a temptation for him and I won't let him ruin his fifty year marriage for a brief crush. Edward loves me, he waited a hundred years for me and I owe him my devotion. I will not be the cause of discord in their family. All they have is each other and I will not let anything threaten the bonds they have.

Jasper walked to the window and ran his fingers through his hair, a habit I have come to love. I like the way his hair falls back in layers and only encourages that one stubborn lock to fall right across his left eyebrow and hang in his eye.

I took a deep breath and fortified the walls between the mask and my true self. Jasper's right, I can't lie to myself anymore but I cannot let my defenses go. If I did, it would mean the end of everything I hold dear. Jasper might know that everything I say and do is a lie but there are at least a few lies he has not figured out, and for all our sakes, I pray that he never does.


	12. Rattlesnakes and Wolves

**A/N: Hey peoples! So this is chapter 12 I like it but your opinion counts more. Love it, hate it? Tell me what ya think. I would like to announce that I have been persuaded to post the music that has inspired my creative juices. So go to my profile and check it out. **

**Oh several of you did comment about my crazy relatives. Let me tell you they were as dumb as I said they were. First off both my uncles are on parole. Second who the hell walks out of walmart with 500 dollars worth of clothes and jewelry hidden in their pockets while eating a bucket of fried chicken they didnt pay for. And third dont 50 to 60 year old adults know any better? hehe anyways**

**Enjoy**

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Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and its characters.

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JPOV

As I ran through the forest my thoughts were filled with the beautiful mess that I left moments ago sitting on her bed, looking lost and vulnerable. I didn't want to leave her but I had to because the family would be back soon and they would expect me to be home with an explanation.

I was just within the tree line surrounding the house when I smelled something I had only smelled a handful of time before. The scent was similar to dog but more earthy and had a smoky tinge that choked me up. The Quileute wolves had been here. Judging by the strength of their scent they were here no more than half an hour ago but I detected several other trails of theirs that were older. According to the treaty, they aren't supposed to be in this area.

Cautiously, I exited the forest and made my way to the house. The cars weren't here so the family wasn't back yet. The wolves scent was all over the porch but walking into the house their scent dissipated. So they came to see if we were back yet. That's logical. With the friendly neighborhood vampires gone, they expanded their territory and now that we are coming home, they came by to see if they had to pull back yet.

Walking into the room that Alice and I have shared for the last two years felt strange. The last time I was in this room we were making a mad dash to pack our bags and disappear with Bella. The last time I was here, I was devoted to my wife but torn because I was drawn to the little human. The last time I walked through that door I had never felt Bella's warm lips on mine, or held her sweet body in my arms. I am not that man any more. I feel like it was a different life.

Now standing in the middle of the room surrounded by the culmination of our fifty years together, I realized this never was my life. It was Alice's. With the exception of a few choice items, the room was done in a completely modern style. Clean lines, bold colors, and the newest electronics glared at me from every corner. Alice always embraces the times with immersing herself in the most popular and modern styles, from clothes, to furniture, even art. I had a simpler more eclectic taste, a blend of the new and the old. She did hang onto a few things that spoke of our history together. On the dresser was the stuffed dog I won her the first time I ever went to a carnival, framed on the wall was my mother's locket, that I was somehow able to hang onto though my years in Maria's army, and sitting on the nightstand was a picture of us at our first wedding. Besides a few books, my clothes and my mothers locket it was all Alice.

Actually, that was what our entire life together was like. It was Alice's life and I was just attached to her, living her life with her. It was not our life.

My mind was reeling with surprise at the realization that my thoughts brought me to. I had lived the last fifty years in the exact same manor that Bella is now. I let Alice make all the decisions, I did what she told me to do and how, I listened to her like her word was law. The one thing I was able to keep my own were my clothes, even then she insisted they be designer. I had not lived my life. I had existed in hers. I was like a necklace that she wore around her neck. The only difference between Bella and I was I did it because I truly didn't care either way, as long as I was with Alice I was happy. Bella on the other hand is not happy. Her anger and resentment builds daily. So why is she letting Edward treat her like a piece of property?

Locked in my thoughts I didn't hear the cars pull up until the doors were slammed shut and there was an angry Edward barreling through the front door.

The magnitude of his rage that was assaulting my senses could only mean one thing. He knows some or all of what's happened between Bella and I.

"You're goddamn right I know." Edward growled.

I turned around facing the doorway in time to see Edward step through with an expression that said if looks could kill, I'd be a pile of ashes growing cold on the designer rug. I couldn't help the small smile that formed. I was finally going to get the confrontation I had been itching for with the dick wad.

"Hey Eddie, nice flight?" My papa always told me not to poke a rattlesnake unless I was ready to take the bite. That's exactly what I was doing now. Only I'm not the one that's going to be bitten.

"You whoreson. How dare you. She is mine and the moment I turned my back you tried to steal her away!" Edward was not even trying to keep his voice down or his temper in check.

In the blink of an eye I had him pinned to the wall by the throat. How I wish I could actually hurt him by wringing his little neck.

"She ain't a damn toy Edward. You don't own her." I ground out between clenched teeth.

I decided to taunt him a little and replayed the memory of that wonderful kiss in the hotel room. The feel of her legs creeping their way up my body to wrap around my waist, the gentle tug of her hands tangled in my hair, the sweet taste of her tongue dancing across my lips. It was ecstasy and it was torture.

Edward let out an enraged roar and broke through my hold. He threw me across the room then came charging at me. The impact sent us both into the window. I heard the shatter of glass and then we were plummeting to the earth in a tangle of limbs. Edward got a few poorly aimed punches before I separated myself from him in time to hit the ground. We were both instantly on our feet facing off in the backyard.

"You manipulated her emotions. That is the only way she would even entertain the idea of letting you touch her."

"You know me better than that Eddie. I would never do anything like that, unlike you, trying to get Carlisle to drug her up so she'd be easier to control." That pressed a button.

Edward charged once more. He was moving off his basic instincts. He had never had any training and never participated in our play fights so he had no refinement. That was one of his biggest flaws in combat. The biggest was that he relied on his power to give him an edge. With a normal opponent that may be true but against a seasoned warrior, whose tactical knowledge and swift reflexes were no longer thoughts just pure instinct, his power was useless.

I ducked to the right and landed a punch to his kidney causing him to stagger. Our internal organs may no longer work and we may not feel the same kind of pain but if we are hit in the right places, we get a sensation that is the closest to pain that we know. It took him little time to recover and to face me once again in a poor attack stance.

"You had no right to touch her. She is mine and I will never let her go. I love her and she loves me." His voice was a mixture of so many dark emotions I did not care to even try to identify them.

"You don't deserve her. You control her, you give her no freedom, and deny her desires." My sick pleasure had dissipated and now it was just my anger.

"You think you deserve her? You cannot even control your bloodlust. You may have been able to kiss her once but any longer in your arms and she would be dead." What little control over his emotions he had achieved was slipping once more and I believe I knew why.

I rushed towards Edward and ducked his attack as I kicked him behind the knees so he fell to the ground. I grabbed the back of his head by the hair and lifted him until he was kneeling on the ground.

"What angers you most Edward? The fact that someone else has held her in their arms and touched her in ways you have only fantasized about? Or is it that she's had the taste of a real man and you know you could never measure up?" I spoke low so the others would not be able to hear.

I released him and he stood as I circled around to the front.

"What Bella needs is a man Jasper, not a monster who cannot control his bloodlust or would cheat on his wife with her best friend and brothers mate. How Alice can stay with you after this is beyond my understanding." Edward was attempting to bait me but little did he know, it wasn't going to work.

His head quirked to the side, the unconscious signal that we have all come to know that means he's listening to someone's thoughts. I tuned into his emotions, confusion, anger, jealousy, rage, suspicion, then blinding fury. I felt someone's guilt coming from the deck where I could see the family had gathered. Alice. She must have accidentally let her thoughts go. How much I'm not sure but by the measure of her guilt I would guess that he now knew everything that she knew.

"No! You cannot have her! She's mine!" Edward roared and tackled me to the ground. Both our fists were flying and making contact with anything that was visible.

"You don't deserve her you pile of donkey shit!" I cursed.

Edward thought he had me pinned so he rose up and tried to punch me in the face. Big mistake. I ducked left and grabbed his arm. Then flipped him around and pinned him to the ground face down. I bent his arms at an unnatural angle close to his back and heard several pops and snaps. I smiled at the satisfaction it brought me.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't rip your arms off and hide them in the Mariana Trench. You have demeaned Bella, damned her to an unknown fate, denied her happiness, convinced her that she is nothing but a puppet on your strings, and you have lied to her every single time you said you loved her." My voice was cold and calculating.

I heard the gasps and felt the shock from our family that stood watching from the back patio.

"Jasper dear you don't mean that. You must be mistaken." Always the loving mother figure, Esme couldn't let herself believe that her golden boy was a sadistic ass.

"Of course he's wrong." Edwards strained voice came from the floor.

I twisted his arms a little more. I was rewarded with the crunching in his shoulders and Edwards almost pained groan.

"You'll have trouble finding your arms without the ability swim Edward." My statement prompted the others into action.

Emmett pulled me off and the others stood between us while Esme helped Edward up.

"That's enough Jasper." Carlisle's voice was like a like a bucket of cold water to my fiery anger.

"Carlisle, look I'm sorry but I just ca…" I was interrupted by the sound of clapping coming from the trees towards the side of the house.

They were down wind so I couldn't catch their scent but I had a good idea as to who it was. The wolves had been running patrols through here while we were gone so it must be one of them.

I heard the rustle of feet on the forest floor and saw the source of the clapping appear in the shadows. Then I saw four others appear just behind him. Sam, the clapper, was the leader and the only one in human form.

The Quileute's advanced from the forest as we collectively moved towards them. The two groups stopped mid point between with ten feet separating us.

"That was quite entertaining, as well as educational. So what's the cause for this dissention in the ranks of the ever loving family of bloodsuckers, huh? It wouldn't have anything to do with the Swan girl by chance would it?" While Sam's voice was pleasant with a slight mocking tone, his emotions spoke contrarily. He was overflowing with barely contained anger and violence.

Carlisle being the head of the family stepped forward to speak.

"We are having some family issues that may involve Isabella but it is nothing that you need concern yourselves with I assure you." Carlisle the diplomat very kindly told them to shove off. I could really learn a thing or two from him.

"It depends on what your definition of concern is. See we have a problem as well, that also involves the girl."

I didn't like where this was going. The only problem they would approach us about would be either missing hikers or if one of us had bitten someone.

I could almost see the light bulb appear above my head. From the corner of my eye I saw Edward nod his head slightly. Am I right? Do they really think that we bit her and she's turning? Another nod of the head answered my thoughts.

It is possible that the wolves would think that. They are mostly ignorant of the process of changing. Basically, all they know is if a human is bitten and not drained then they will become a vampire.

Well isn't this just peachy. If they believe we have broken the treaty then they are not here on a social visit. This is the request for any last words before the execution. No matter what we say, they are not going to believe us.

"What kind of problem would that be?" Carlisle asked because Sam gave no indication he was going to elaborate further.

"Our problem is that the Chief's beloved daughter has been bitten. I have seen her eyes and the two bite marks." His pleasant façade faded and the anger I had felt was now evident in his voice.

I felt myself losing my composure at the thought of one of those dogs being near enough to Bella to see her eyes and the scars. I resisted the growl that tried to erupt. It would not help the tense situation. Edward however wasn't as successful, I heard the low rumbling from him and quickly sent him a warning that it could cost some or all of us our lives if he lost his temper. I felt him reign in his anger and gave him a boost of calm then diverted all of my attention again to the threat before us.

I studied Sam and the other wolves closely. Sam's limbs were shuttering violently, indicating that he was barely suppressing his urge to phase. The others were eyeing us intently and growing restless. They shifted their paws and tensed their muscles. Occasionally they would glance at Sam. Their emotions were almost uniform, they all felt intense anger and hatred. They were itching for retribution for the wrong they perceived we had done. They were hoping Sam would give them the signal to attack so they could eliminate the unnatural, parasitic creatures they believed we are.

"Sam I know what you must be thinking but you have come the wrong conclusion. My fam…" Carlisle tried to set them straight but Sam would have none of it.

"Save your pretty talk leech. You have a silver tongue that can make the vilest lie sound like the prettiest truth. No. All I want to know is who among you bit her. We are willing to give the rest of your despicable coven safe passage out our territory, never to return, if you give us the one whose teeth pierced her skin." Sam's voice rose along with his anger.

I sent out a strong wave of calm. I do not enjoy manipulating others emotions but it had come to the point that it was necessary for me to if I had any hope of my family making it through this encounter. They began to calm down but the anger was still bubbling under the surface.

I stepped forward past Carlisle with an idea. If they saw Edward and I fighting then they would have seen my skill, my dominance. Since they are of a native culture then that show of strength may have given me some standing in their eyes. It may have earned me as much respect as they can have for one of my kind. If not then I need to be on the front line when they attack. If we can't talk our way out of this then I can hold them off long enough for at least one of my family to escape, grab Bella and disappear into the night.

I know better than to try to sacrifice myself. I know if I tried to give myself up as the one that bit Bella then the rest of the family would fight me and we would be in the same predicament only I would be worried about saving the family as well as Bella. A good soldier knows that an army that is united takes fewer casualties than an army who fights among themselves. For this reason, I also had to put my issues with Edward aside. For now.

As I came to a halt, I saw all the wolves tense and hunch down ready to spring. I locked eyes with Sam and saw the as muscles around his neck and shoulders began to ripple and morph. The look in Sam's eyes was one of determination and resolve.

It was too late when I realized that they had misunderstood my intentions. They believed I was giving myself up and by the emotions of the family they thought so as well. Damn it all, this shit was so much easier when I was a Major.


	13. A Man Among Children

A/N: I am so sorry yall for disappearing for so long. There were some family problems, then some kid problems, and then my computer went kaput on me. I tell you my life should be a reality show. It could be called And You Thought Your Family Was Weird! lol Funny part is take the D off of weird and that's our last name:) Actually I think it would be a bad idea because then I would never get anything posted and that would be a crime. Ok so here's the deal. I actually wrote out chapters 13 and most of 14 on paper while the computer was out of commission so all I have to do is get ch 14 typed up and put the finishing touches on it. I will have it posted by or on Friday. I promise on a 1 gallon tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream that it will be up by midnight Friday the 25th. But to make it up to you guys for leaving you on a cliffy for so long I am giving you a sneak peak of ch 14 at the bottom as well as giving you the song to tease your imagination. And also for those of you who review I will give you an extra sneak peak. Hows that sound guys? Alright as always I loved your reviews and thank you for sticking with me.

Oh almost forgot the song for this chapter is Are You Ready by Three Days Grace. Remember that this is not a songfic or anything the songs are just there to add to the mood or whatever, but many of the songs do correlate with the chapter's contents in someway.

Happy reading!

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and its characters.**

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JPOV

Time seemed to stand still. I stood watching as Sam's body slowly morphed. I knew that the change wasn't as slow as it appeared to be. Instead, my brain had been thrown into overdrive by the stress of the situation. I was taking in every molecular detail of Sam, the wolves behind him, the trees in the distance, and the dust floating through the air.

"Oh, for fucks sake! Is having the intelligence of a dog a side effect of being a werewolf or were you all just born that way?" My voice rang through the clearing and broke the spell.

Sam froze mid-phase and quickly shifted back to full human. His face was drawn tight and his mouth set in a thin line.

"Watch your mouth blood-sucker." Sam half growled.

"Or what, mutt? You gonna dumb me to death? Shit. You guys are all about kill now, ask questions later aren't you? Hell, it's no wonder ya'll find your mate by imprinting 'cause you'd never be able to keep a woman otherwise. I wasn't givin' myself up you dimwitted dogs. You need to learn not to jump to conclusions. You don't go cliff-diving without making sure there's water at the bottom do ya?" I was ranting but, by the emotions floating around, my rant had done the job. The pack was still angry but it was no longer aimed towards violence.

I felt Sam's embarrassment as his cheeks turned a ruddy color. The violent rage that had clouded the packs common sense was replaced by resentfulness and determination. They resented the insult to their intelligence and were determined to show us differently. One does have to appreciate reverse psychology in situations like this. Sam straightened his shoulders.

"I'm listening, leech."

Inside I was swimming in relief. I was out of practice with the battlefield politics and I was kicking myself for my blunder. Things could have turned out very differently if I had not lost control of my mouth.

"She was bitten." Before I could continue there were growls rippling from the pack.

I felt Sam's anger rise with my words. I raised my eyebrows challengingly. Sam caught the gesture and quickly got his emotions under control. He raised his hand motioning to his still growling pack mates to stand down.

"But, it was not by us and she did not change." Again, I was interrupted but this time it was by Sam speaking.

"How can she be bitten without turning and if it wasn't you then who was it?" He was skeptical and in disbelief.

"You know, he might actually be able to give you the answers you want if you and that pack of rabid mongrels behind you would stop interrupting him." Rosalie's voice sounded before I could voice my exact sentiments.

Sam glared at Rosalie and was about to reply but I spoke up to divert a verbal war.

"She didn't turn because the venom was sucked out before it could do its job. As to who it was, I'm sure you caught the scents of three nomads that were in the area the day we took off to Phoenix. One of 'em thought it'd be fun to try to kill the human that my family protected. We took Bella to Phoenix to throw him off the trail but he found us. Before I could kill him, he bit her. The venom was sucked out to keep her from being turned but there were some side effects."

"What kind of side effects?" Sam was now more curious than anything and the rest of the wolves were held rapt by the same curiosity.

Carlisle stepped up beside me. He was the one with the most knowledge in this subject.

"We believe there were trace amounts of venom left in her system, not enough to spread and change her but enough to cause a reaction. Bella has some pigment displacement in her irises, abnormal strength in the arm that was bitten, and an inconsistent immunity to our gifts that was not present before the attack. There were a few other problems at the beginning, such as uncontrollable rage and violence. I am unsure if they were side effects of the venom, symptoms of her head trauma, or just a reaction to the stress of the situation but they have since disappeared. Now I do believe that her eye color will fade away and the immunity may as well but I am afraid that the strength will be permanent because the venom altered the bones and surrounding tissue. Our venom works like a poison to the body so she should not develop any more side effects. I can assure you that she is human and has not nor will she be turned and become a threat to the human population. Her heart beats, she breathes, sleeps, and eats normal human food." Carlisle spoke in a calm clinical voice. He was trying to reassure their fears and suspicions while giving the facts as straight forward as possible.

It didn't escape my attention that he left out the fact that her arm had been broken and then repaired by the venom locking it within the bone. I am sure he only left out that part to avoid them being as uncertain of Bella's fate as we are. In order to absolve them of their concern, and convince them there is no need for their involvement, they need to be certain that she is neither a threat nor in further danger from the attack.

Sam stood there in a daze with an expression of mixed concern and shock. If not for the sound of their beating hearts, I could have mistaken the beasts flanking him as furry statues. Sam shook his head breaking himself from his thoughts.

"I gotta hand to ya, I didn't think anything you guys had to say could surprise me, but you've done it. I'll admit that I was a bit confused on how she could be a Cold One and yet not be cold and still have a pulse. If what you say is true then I have to thank you for saving her. Charlie is a good friend to all of us on the reservation and I was dreading having to set fire to his daughter." The relief in Sam's voice would have been glaringly obvious to a blind and deaf man.

However, Edward and I could not suppress our growls at the notion of Bella being harmed. I understood what Sam meant but just the thought made me want to eliminate the being that dared to think of hurting Bella. Edward, on the other hand, appeared not to have the same reasoning skills as I did.

"You touch one hair on her head and I will rip your head off mutt." Edward growled.

Sam held up his hands in defense.

"Hey I said I had been dreading it. After hearing you explain the situation, I know what your saying is the truth. She's human, we don't hurt humans, we protect them, especially Bella. She's special. I've always thought that if things had gone differently we could have been close." Sam's voice held an almost wistful quality but it was overshadowed by the regret that I felt from him.

I wasn't sure exactly what he was talking about but his emotions gave no indication of anything romantic, just a fondness.

"She is mine, you hear me. There is no way will I let you come near her you mangy animal." Edward shouted and lurched forward but Alice and Emmett grabbed him.

Sam met my eyes briefly and I felt his amusement. He had purposefully baited Edward to test him. I don't know how much he had seen or heard earlier but I had the distinct impression that Sam was on my side. Sam smirked at Edward before speaking.

"Now look who's the hot head. You enough of a glutton for punishment that you want to get your ass kicked a second time tonight?"

Edward struggled against Emmett and Alice but they held fast.

"Edward stop. It's what he wants. Be the bigger men." Alice whispered.

Sam eyed Edward up and down then chuckled slightly.

"You know if you're that insecure about losing her to someone else then maybe you really do have something to worry about. Insecurities are your mind acknowledging that somewhere something is not right. Instead of looking at others and blaming them maybe you should be looking at yourself." His words held a wise and cryptic tone that reminded me that this man was more than just a man or wolf. He was a leader, and he was quite observant.

The family stood silent and confused, staring at Sam. Obviously, the wolves had been watching us much longer than anyone thought possible.

Sam half turned and met my eyes again. They held respect.

"I admire your skill and am satisfied that we were able to clear up this misunderstanding without violence. I do apologize for assuming the worst but it is in our nature to be short tempered and settle problems with fighting rather than talking. Add that to the belief that the treaty had been broken and we lost all reasoning and desire to hear an explanation." Sam glanced towards Edward then back to me.

"I wish you luck." Sam's voice was serious. There was no need to ask what he meant. We both knew that he was telling me that he preferred Bella with me than Edward.

Sam turned towards Carlisle.

"This doesn't make us friends. The treaty still stands. We'll be keeping a close eye on the situation."

Carlisle nodded in agreement. With his parting words hanging ominously in the air he phased and disappeared into the shadows of the forest with the pack following.

We all stood silent, processing all that had transpired. It was Emmett that finally broke the silence.

"Man, I was hoping for some action."

I couldn't help but chuckle when I heard Rosalie's answering smack.

"Idiot."

"What?! I've been feeling left out. Jasper's been having all the fun lately and I have a reputation to protect." Emmett's voice was full of false hurt.

I turned around in time to see Rosalie smack him again in the back of the head.

"Damn babe, stop that!"

"I would if you knew when to keep your big mouth shut and stop being an idiot." Rosalie scolded him but we all heard the laughter in her voice.

I walked up and clapped a hand on Emmett's shoulder guiding him towards the house.

"Don't worry man, your positions safe, your still the muscle of our little family. It's just that I'm the only with the skills." I laughed as I ducked Emmett's punch.

"My point made."

Emmett tackled me and we fell to the ground wrestling. Emmett was winning by shear force but I was about to make my move to put me on top when he grabbed me in a headlock. I struggled to break free but couldn't find the right leverage. If I were human, I would be blue from the lack of oxygen. Emmett being Emmett, he couldn't resist the prime opportunity to give me a noogie.

"Emmett!" Rosalie and Esme called out simultaneously.

"Aw come on Rosie! I need to teach Major Pain-in-the-Ass here a lesson or he's gonna get all cocky and shit."

"Let him go Emmett." Esme said sternly.

"Fine." Emmett huffed.

"Saved by the matriarch you lucky bastard." He said as he threw me to the ground grinning.

"Aw don't be mad big guy. They just don't want you damaging the most valuable member of the family with those bear claws you call hands." I lightly punched him in the shoulder and laughed at the look he gave me.

After the stress of the past month and the potential disaster recently averted it felt good to have a moment of lighthearted normalcy. No matter how short-lived that moment was.

Emmett and I followed Rose and Esme in through the back door. I felt the tension before I stepped into the dining room. Entering the room, I saw Alice sitting at the table staring blankly at the cherry wood surface. Edward was standing behind her chair glaring daggers at me and Carlisle stood at the window looking out into the darkness.

Esme crossed the room to Carlisle and rubbed his back comfortingly. When he turned his head to smile thankfully at her the look in his eyes was enough to know what he was feeling without my gift, disappointment and worry.

Emmett's good humor was gone and replacing it was pensiveness. He and Rose stood to the side in an attempt to distance themselves from the unpleasant atmosphere that held the room captive. No one moved and silence reigned. If a human were to walk into the room, they would believe they were in a wax museum, an immortalized scene of a family torn and alliances drawn. In this gruesome scene, I would be the cast away, the wrong doer, the black sheep.

What surprised me the most was how little that bothered me. Perhaps it's because I wasn't born into this existence in this family. I have known far more than this family and the life they live. I knew death, heartache, love, sorrow, and war before I ever opened my eyes to this eternal night. Then after I woke from the flames, I knew suffering, devastation, emptiness, more death and loneliness. I have seen the most despicable acts done, known the most depraved and sick minds to ever walk the earth. In many ways, I am a man among children. The thought of being without my family is frightening but I know that no matter what, it's not the worst thing that can happen.

Carlisle turned away from the window, his face set in a determined scowl.

"Edward. Jasper. There is something happening between the two of you that goes beyond Bella's attack. I demand to know what it is. Now." Rarely have I seen this side of Carlisle, his voice was commanding and left no room for disobedience.

Edward, who was still attempting to turn me to ashes with his fierce gaze, was the first to speak.

"It simple Carlisle, Jasper is trying to steal Bella away from me. He thinks she needs to be saved from me.' He sneered.

"Oh that is just preposterous. Jasper wo…" Esme's voice trailed off as I sent her a meaningful look.

"No. Jasper, tell me that's not true." Esme shook her head and stumbled back a step.

"I'm sorry Esme I can't do that." I said regretfully. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Esme but I wouldn't lie to her and I couldn't give up on Bella.

"No. No! You love Alice. You would never hurt her like that. And your brother. You can't possibly believe that he's a danger to Bella. His bloodlust is controlled. He was even able to stop himself when he sucked the venom out." Esme's voice took on a hysterical quality and she staggered a bit on her feet.

I rushed to her side and guided her to a chair while shooting her with all the calm I could muster.

"His bloodlust in not the problem. His control is."

My statement confused everyone but Edward who was getting angrier. Esme looked up at me quizzically but it was Emmett who asked the question that burned in her eyes.

"I don't understand. Control of what if it's not his bloodlust." Emmett rubbed the back of his neck in confusion, the result of living his entire existence emulating humans.

I looked at Edward as I dropped the bomb on the family.

"His control of Bella." Edward's lips curled up in a silent snarl at my words.

The confusion of my family increased tenfold, with the exception of one. I felt as her emotions went from confusion to realization then agreement and ending with fear. She knew what I was talking about and agreed with my conclusions. Given her history, I can imagine that her fear was from the thought of what could happen to Bella if I'm right and nothing is done about it.

Edwards head snapped in Rosalie's direction.

"I am nothing like him Rosalie. I would never hurt her." Edward spat disdainfully.

Rose however wasn't cowed by his attitude and defiantly stepped forward.

"Really Edward? What will happen the first time she goes against your wishes?" There was an edge to Rose's voice that I'd never heard before. It was almost intimidating.

"That won't happen. Bella understands that I know what is best for her."

Rosalie's eyebrows shot up. She was angry and defensive of Bella. I never thought I would see the day that Rose stood up against Edward for Bella's rights.

"You treat her like a toy, a possession, as if she had no independent thought or common sense. You say you aren't anything like him but that's how Royce treated me as well. There may be different reasons and motivations behind your treatment of her but the end-result is the same. It's only a matter of time before you do something you'll regret and can't make right." Rosalie's words were heated and filled with the pain of experience and dread.

"No. I love her. I would never hurt her!" Edward's emotions were a cacophony of denial, irritation, disbelief, resentment, and anger. His power was being challenged and he couldn't fathom why we wouldn't take his word as law.

"It's too late. You already have." I couldn't stay silent any longer. He needed to know what he's done to her. They all needed to know.

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**_Sneak Peak:_**

_To say that everyone was shocked was like saying it's a mistake to kick a bull in the balls when he's getting branded, a understanding of epic proportions. We could all hear Esme choking back her sobs caused by the grief for her human daughter. Carlisle was wracked with regret, fear and guilt. Emmett, well he was was just plain mad. He stood there glaring at Edward looking like he would charge any second. Rose standing beside him was almost as angry, as well as regretful and sympathetic._

_Alice, who had sat like a statue this entire time with her emotions unreadable, was angry, but instead of glaring at Edward like the others, she was shooting daggers at me. Then it was as if she had exploded. Chunks of the table went flying in every direction and her chair was thrown backwards into Edward, splintering into a million pieces. In a blur she was standing two feet in front of me looking murderous._

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Alright guys the song for the next chapter is The Red by Chevelle. Dont forget, everyone that reviews gets another sneak peak.


	14. No Love for the Monster

A/N: Alrighty guys true to my word heres chapter 14 yay me! I was floored by the response I had for the last chapter. I loved all the reviews! :) Even if ya'll only reviewed to get the sneak peek.;) There were two reviews that I couldnt respond to and I apologize for that. Alrighty then on to the story.

Enjoy!

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and its characters.**

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JPOV

My words hung suspended in the air. Six supernatural minds were racing trying to process what I had just accused their golden boy of doing.

"What do you mean he's hurt her? How?" Carlisle inquired first.

"Where should I start? Maybe where he's lied to her, as well as all of us, about his undying and all-consuming love for her? Yeah that's bullshit. Before everything happened I was willin' to keep my mouth shut 'cause foolishly, I had hoped that his feelings would develop into love with time. 'Cause he did not love her, but he was romantically infatuated with her and cared about her, in his own way. That's changed though hasn't it Eddie boy?" Edward stood with his jaw clenched and his lips twitching as I laid out his secret.

"No it hasn't because I love her and always have." His words muffled out behind gritted teeth.

Without waiting for anyone to comment I continued.

"Oh come on Edward. You can't possibly be stupid enough to try an' deny what I know. Empath remember. I feel everything you do. That means when a certain little human was broken and sobbin' on the floor in my arms, I felt exactly what you were feelin'. Did you feel love for the woman you had caused so much pain? No. Did ya feel sympathy, guilt, concern or even regret? No. All you felt was possessiveness, jealousy, anger and disgust. You don't love her, you don't even give a damn about her any more. The minute you thought you had competition she became a trophy to be kept. You were disgusted that she was being touched by another weren't you?" I was in his face yelling at him and I knew he was about to snap. I intensified his emotions just enough to push him over the edge.

"No! I was disgusted because she had been tainted. She acted like an animal! She yelled at me. She was not supposed to do that! She was supposed to thank me for saving her, feel indebted to me and forget all about you!" The words burst through his mouth unchecked.

Esme gasped, and Emmett growled at this new information. Rose who had probably already come to a similar conclusion just laid a calming hand on Emmett's arm. Carlisle just stood there impassively while his emotions churned like the sea in a storm.

"How could you Edward? She loves you. She was willing to give up her life for you." Esme's voice was barely above a whisper, pleading for an explanation.

"I never told her to do that!"

The only sound in the room was Edwards angry panting caused by his emotional outburst. No one dared speak. They just tried to wrap their heads around what Edward had said. He never intended to change her and his need for control went farther than we imagined.

I began to wonder, what kind of things he could have done in the past in order to control a situation without any of us knowing. Carlisle has always held Edward's opinion in high regards and followed his suggestions to the letter. How much of that was manipulation? It occurred to me that we don't know Edward at all. We are just now getting a glimpse of who he really is behind his mask of innocence and pomposity.

"Jasper, you gave the impression that there was more. Is there?" Carlisle inquired trying to get all the information before he came to his own conclusions.

"Yeah there is. Much more." I said as I crossed the room to my previous position. I met Carlisle's eyes as I spoke next.

"When Edward cleansed Bella's blood of James' venom, he did far more damage to her than James could've ever done. There was a reason Maria used it as a method of torture." I replied gravely.

"This again Jasper? I did what was best for Bella. Besides for that unpleasant business that day and the side effects, she is fine." Edward has always been a righteous asshole but him describing Bella's emotional breakdown as 'unpleasant business' made me want to strangle him.

"No Edward she's not! She's been lyin' to save ya'll from the pain of knowing just how tortured she is!"

"What has she been lying about?" The concern dripping off Esme was reflected in her voice and on her face.

I really didn't want to tell everyone how bad things were with Bella. I swiped my hand through my hair and paced the floor a few times giving me a few moments to think. They should know what Bella is going through but how will Bella react when she finds out that I told them. She never explicitly asked me not to tell them but she implied it with every stolen glance. How can I tell them when it's her place to divulge her own secrets. Then again, if I leave it up to her she will never tell them. She will continue to suffer in silence. Ok so I will tell them everything, everything from her blatant lie about her arm, to the lies by omission. I will no longer be the guardian of her secrets. I stopped my pacing and swept my eyes across the faces of my family.

"The burnin' in her arm never went away. It's still there and still as strong as it was when she first woke up. Her rage as well, is still there, boiling just beneath the surface. She ain't that pure, innocent girl we knew before the attack. There's a darkness in her that's slowly consuming her. She's filled with rage, violence, resentment and fear. Every minute of every day she is tormented, physically and mentally." I pointedly looked at Edward at the end of my speech. Willing him to read the hatred and disgust I held for him.

"And pretendin' that the physical changes are just side effects, as if she's just a had a bad reaction to some damn medication, shows exactly how much you care for her well being, Edward. Because of those changes, she no longer fits in with her own kind and it's tormenting her. She thinks the reason you didn't let her change was because you don't think she's good enough to want to stay with her forever. But we both know the real reason don't we Edward? You don't want to change her 'cause you don't want her to see herself as your equal. She's easier to control if she thinks she's inferior to you." My anger had built and built until I was barely able to keep my voice down and I was clenching my fists ready to deck the bastard in his pretty face.

To say that everyone was shocked was like saying it's a mistake to kick a bull in the balls when he's getting branded, a understanding of epic proportions. We could all hear Esme choking back her sobs caused by the grief for her human daughter. Carlisle was wracked with regret, fear and guilt. Emmett, well he was plain mad. He stood there glaring at Edward looking like he would charge any second. Rose, who was standing beside him was almost as angry as well as regretful and sympathetic, placed a soothing hand on his arm.

Alice, who had sat like a statue this entire time with her emotions unreadable, was angry, but instead of glaring at Edward like the others, she was shooting daggers at me. Then it was like she exploded. The table went flying in every direction in chunks and her chair was thrown backwards into Edward, splintering into a million pieces. In a blur she was standing two feet in front of me looking murderous.

"So that's why you want to throw away fifty years of marriage? That's why you think you love her? Because she's like a wounded puppy? She's playing you Jasper! She's playing the poor little victim to take you away from me and you're falling for it! Quit thinking with your dick and use your brains!" She was angry and hysterical, her voice reaching heights that would be hurting dogs ears two counties away.

I tried to calm her down but she was resisting and her emotions continued to go unchecked. Esme came up and tried placing a comforting hand on her shoulder but Alice paid no attention to her and shrugged her away. I saw the look in Esme's eyes as she backed away. She was hurt and conflicted. She wanted to help her daughter but her daughter had rejected her. The sight of what this was doing to Esme combined with the raw emotions battering my senses woke the old struggle between the demon within and my humanity.

"You're out o' line Alice! How can you think so badly of her? She's your best friend! Or has your wounded pride caused you to forget that?" I yelled angrily as both our emotions rose to new heights.

"And he's your brother! That's not stopping you from trying to turn the family on him so you can steal his mate!"

"He's no brother of mine, and you're the one being fooled if you think Edward has done no wrong!"

Alice smacked my chest pushing me back as she took a step closer bringing us nearly toe to toe.

"You're the one that's fallen for the oldest trick in the book! 'Oh, woe is me. I have a horrible boyfriend that's wronged me and I need a big strong hero to save me.' Really Jasper I thought you were smarter than that." Her voice was mocking and shrill.

"Oh for all that is unholy in this world! Alice! You know that ain't the case. I loved her before Edward fucked her over!" I leaned down and yelled in her face.

I was trying hard to fight my instincts that screamed at me to just lash out and shut her up. I would never do that to Alice or any woman but my demon knew no respect of the sexes or right and wrong.

"No you didn't!" Alice stepped closer and hit me once more in the chest forcing me backwards.

"You lusted after her!" Another hit to my chest and another step back.

"You wanted to fuck her warm little body that she paraded around here for you to drool over!" Every few words she smacked my chest and forced me to retreat from her.

"And you!" My back hit the wall and I had nowhere left to go as she continued to brutalize my torso.

"You fell right into her little trap!" Alice pushed me by the shoulders into the wall. The wall cracked and plaster fell around me.

The beast was clawing at my resolve to be set loose. I was cornered and the beast dictated that I must fight. That I must reach out and eliminate my only obstacle. Anger had taken over and all the rational part of me wanted to do was slap the little brat and shut her mouth. My vision was tinted in red and my body vibrated with barely contained violence. When I spoke, my voice was low and menacing.

"I'm warnin' you Alice. I ain't ever hit a woman out of anger but if you don't shut your mouth and back the fuck off, right now, I might not have a choice in the matter."

"Fuck you."

Smack!

My face whipped to the side and my eyes closed. I lost the battle. Jasper Whitlock Hale was gone and the demon that demanded retribution was set free. A low threatening growl rumbled from my chest. Slowly turned my head facing the room and with a sinister grin twisting my pale lips I open my eyes. The spiteful little pixie standing before me gasped and backed away with her eyes widened in fright. The others, I assume had crowded around after she hit me to stop any more violence, also took a step back. All but two. Mr. Muscle and Daddy Dearest.

Ignoring them, I focused on the one who should have known better than to tempt the beast.

"So the little bitch wants to play rough." I chuckled.

"I can do that." I stalked forward as she retreated.

Muscle man tried to maneuver discreetly into position behind me as Father Perfect stepped in to block my path. As he spoke, he raised his hand to rest on my shoulder.

"Jasper, son, remember who you are. You don't want to do this." His voice was soothing in attempts to coax the beast back into submission.

I moved my eyes slowly from his face to the hand on my shoulder then back to his compassionate face.

"Old man, I suggest you remove your hand from my body or I will remove it from yours." I deadpanned.

He gave me a wounded look and began to move his hand, his eyes briefly flicked to something over my shoulder. I smiled at the simplicity of the plan I was about to foil.

Faster than lightning, I grabbed dear ol' dad by the throat and spun around throwing him into to the surprised lug behind me. Together they crashed through the wall as I rushed towards the little pixie of lies. Blondie and Mother Bloodsucker made a move to stop me but I hit them with a powerful wave of fear that stopped them in their tracks and rooted them to the floor in terror.

The mind reader had pushed the midget fortuneteller into the other room and was attempting to shield her but it's not going to work for long. I sent the bastard the image of his precious toy, naked on her hands and knees looking over her shoulder with those doe-eyes wide, her luscious lips silently calling my name. He roared and lunged. I easily sidestepped him grabbing his arm and leg and kicked sending him flying minus two limbs. Discarding the appendages, I turned to my target. I pinned her to the wall with my forearm across her chest and my other hand on her throat poised to rip her lying little head off.

"You knew better bitch. You started this, now I'm ending it." I told her my voice rough in anticipation.

I tightened my grip on her neck and she screamed then began sobbing. Her doll hands were clawing at my arms and her legs kicked trying to break free. Through her sobs, she begged for her life.

"Jasper please…Don't…I'm sorry…I didn't mean any of it…Please…Let me go…I'm so sorry…"

Looking at her, I could almost see tears running down her cheeks. Then in my mind I saw another face. A face with red-rimmed chocolaty brown eyes, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth biting back the pain of the fire traveling in her veins, tears streaking down her face mixing with dirt and blood. I heard the whimper of my angel as she begged me to help her. Bella. I had become the monster that had done that to her. The red began to clear and my hold on Alice loosened.

Oh my god. What have I done? I was going to kill Alice. I'm no better than James

The family, save for Edward, had now recovered and were dragging me off of Alice. She immediately sank to the floor in a sobbing mess of quivering limbs. I just stared wide eyed at the woman I had once called wife, repulsed by what I had done to her. I blinked and surveyed my surroundings. Esme was kneeling next to Edward holding his arm and leg as they knitted themselves back into place. Carlisle and Emmett still held me with my arms locked behind me and Rose was consoling Alice while casting me furtive glances.

"Oh god. What have I done?" My voice sounded raw and broken.

Carlisle and Emmett, realizing there was no more need to restrain me, released my arms. Carlisle went to Edward to assess his injuries but Emmett didn't move from my side. I looked over at him with my despair painted on my face. I expected to feel anger, shame, and disgust from him but I didn't, he just gave me a sympathetic look, pity and understanding assaulting my senses. I tasted the emotions of the others. I did feel anger from Edward and Alice, which is understandable, but the others held not an ounce of anger. Instead, there was sympathy, disappointment, and understanding. I couldn't understand why they weren't pissed at me. I had just lost all control and tried to kill Alice and they did not blame me or hate me. I can't take this.

I took one last look at my family and started running, out of the door, across the clearing, and through the trees. I had no destination just the need for escape. I let my feet move and the world blur past me. It wasn't until I caught the familiar scents of freesia and lilac dancing on the breeze that I bothered to register where I was. My feet had taken me to the only person that could make my world right.

I slowed to a stop just within the tree line surrounding Bella's house. The light in her bedroom was off and I only felt the emotions of her father sleeping down the hall so I knew she was sleeping soundly, oblivious to the events of the night and the danger lurking in the dark. I jumped into the tree below her window and climbed up onto a branch that gave me an unobstructed view of her room through the glass.

I don't know how long I sat there just listening to the beat of her heart while committing every detail of her to memory. My eyes were tracing the soft curve of her bottom lip for what must have been the hundredth time when I heard someone approaching. I briefly wondered on who had been elected to follow me and bring me home.

The figure stepped out of the trees and I saw that is was Rosalie. She would be the logical choice. Behind Alice, Rosalie is the one that knows me best. From the minute I walked into their home, we had found a kindred spirit in one another. We both had erected a shield between the world and ourselves. Through time we bonded, and I could easily say that I loved Rose as much as I would have if she were my own flesh and blood sister.

"Playing stalker now Jasper?" Rosalie said with an edge of humor in her otherwise sad voice.

"I guess I am." I replied, giving her a small wry smile.

Rosalie shook her head slightly and chuckled quietly.

"Well at least you didn't go as far as Edward and sneak into her room." She said as she leapt fluidly into the air landing gracefully on the branch and taking a seat on my right side.

"Ha. Yeah, well, even I know there are some boundaries you shouldn't cross." I retorted sardonically.

There was a long moment of silence in which Rosalie's emotions cycled through sadness, sympathy, anger, fear, and finally rested on calm determination.

"Speaking of boundaries. You know we all understand, right? We know that what happened back there wasn't your fault. Alice crossed a line. You warned her and, given that you two have been together so long, she should have known to back off when you told her to. Your past nurtured the demon and now if pushed too hard or the wrong buttons are stomped on you can lose yourself." Rose's voice was so matter of fact that I had no doubt that what she said was true, to her at least.

"That doesn't excuse it, Rose. The ones around me shouldn't have to make exceptions for me just because of my past. I should be able to keep control. I can't stop imagining how bad it could have been if Bella had been there. She wouldn't have lived through it." I was angry and frustrated at myself and Rose could see my turmoil.

"Jasper, have you even thought that maybe it was because of what Alice was saying about Bella that prompted your demon to take control? If Bella had been there, you would have been more concerned about how Alice's lies were hurting her and getting her out of there than stopping Alice or defending Bella. If Bella had been there, you would have walked away the moment you felt your control was in danger. I don't believe one word Alice and Edward say about your poor control. You have never lost control with a human, you slipped those few times in the first years but since then you have not even snapped at a human. Alice and Edward can eat their words." Her voice rose with conviction and I had no choice but to take her words to heart.

I stared at Rose dumbfounded, I hadn't thought about it like that. She did make a good point. Edward and Alice spouted left and right about my bloodlust and why I can't do this or that because of it and yet I haven't actually given in to bloodlust since the third year I was with the family. They wouldn't lie to me about it though, would they? I cast my eyes to Rosalie meeting her sharp gaze. They had lied. At the moment though, I didn't care. Edward lying seems to be nothing new, and if Alice lied, she usually had a good reason.

I thought about the irony of how Rosalie was so beautiful on the inside but acted so ugly while looking so gorgeous and yet she could see through all of the world's pretty lies and masks to the ugliness beneath or vise versa. Rose truly was an enigma or maybe more like a pecan. On the outside, a hard ugly shell gives the impression that there could never be anything good inside. However, crack the shell open and there's a sweet, tender, and complicated surprise just waiting for someone to care enough to look past the shell and appreciate the soft juicy center.

"No Rose, I hadn't thought about it that way. I hadn't thought about any of it. Still, I can't gamble on if's and maybe's. Bella deserves a man that's not so damaged and volatile. She deserves the man that Edward acted like before I became a threat to him."

Rosalie nodded and looked at me.

"You're leaving her alone aren't you?" Her voice was soft.

I met her eyes sadly, begging her to understand. I hadn't even made the decision until I opened my mouth. Looking at Bella though I knew I had to do this. Chasing after her only made things harder on her, only put her in more danger, from Edward and myself. The last thing I want to do is hurt her or cause her any more grief. It's for those reasons that I am going to step aside and leave her be. She will never know of my love for her. Edward will no longer see me as a threat and he will return to the same charming and loving person he had been before. As long as his position is not challenged she is safe.

"Yes." I said looking back at Bella's slumbering form.

"Why?"

"Because I love her and as long as I stay away from her she is safe."

My words confused and angered Rosalie.

"Safe from whom? You or Edward?" She asked incredulously.

I looked over at her and her face was screwed up in confusion and disbelief.

"From both of us Rose. Edward is only a threat to her if I'm a threat to him. I'm killing two birds with one stone."

"That's bullshit and you know it. It won't change anything, he wont stop. Edward was going to get like this no matter what. If it hadn't been you then it would have been someone or something else. The only thing you're going to accomplish is torturing yourself." Rosalie hissed angrily.

"Then damnit, I'll just have to manipulate his emotions, make him feel love for her!" I replied heatedly.

"You can't do that forever Jasper." Rosalie's emotions turned to pity.

I closed my eyes and bent my head.

"That may be true but I still have to try, I have to believe that this'll work. I can't keep playing tug-o-war with Bella's heart. It's only hurtin' everyone around me."

I lifted my face and saw her staring at me with an invisible sheen of unshed tears in her eyes.

"Jasper, I love you like a brother, I can't bear to watch you suffer like this. You need her, and whether she knows it or not, she needs you too. Please, please don't do this."

"I'm sorry Rose, but I have to. Please understand that I am doing this not only for her but for everyone. I don't want to hurt the family anymore. I'm tearin' the family apart, everyone is turnin' on each other and their loyalties are being divided. I'm just trying to make everything right again." I knew I had won her over by adding the family into the argument, there is nothing Rosalie holds higher than family.

Rosalie turned back to the window, took a sharp breath and bit her lip nodding in understanding.

I could see the black sky turning grey and knew we would have to leave soon. Before we left the privacy of this tree though, I needed to ask something of Rosalie.

"Rose?"

"Yeah?" Her voice was unsteady and thick with tears.

"Look after her for me? You're the only one that understands what's really going on. She'll need someone on her side if I can't be there."

Rosalie shook her head and her eyes hardened. For a moment I panicked thinking that she would deny my request.

"No we'll take care of her. Emmett understands and is prepared to rip Edward apart of he just looks at her wrong." Her voice shook with conviction and I knew that I wouldn't have to worry about my fallen angel while I was dragging my spirit through the pits of hell. I nodded and jumped down lightly with Rosalie landing silently beside me.

"Thanks Rose."

Rosalie engulfed me in a tight hug.

"You won't be able to stay away from her forever." She whispered against my shoulder.

I stepped out of her embrace. That's what I'm afraid of.

We stood within the shadows of the tree line until we heard Bella wake up and turn her light on shortly after dawn filled the sky. Wordlessly we turned and ran towards home. As I ran through the dew-laden foliage, I couldn't fight the feeling of foreboding that seemed to seep from my bones into my stagnant veins.


	15. Bella the What Slayer?

A/N: Hello hello! I am not completely happy with this chapter. After spending so much time in Jasper's head, Bella's mind is proving difficult to readjust to. A few notes about the last chapter because a few of you showed some dislike for Jasper's decision. Remember that Jasper's confidence took a big hit when he lost control, he believes that he is more volatile than he really is. He doesn't know of Bella's feelings for him so he felt he was doing what was best by leaving her alone, to not cause her any more confusion. Often we can be our own worst enemy, we are our greatest critics, and you should never underestimate the power of self-denial. Even the greatest of men can make the stupidest mistakes. Nobody is perfect.

Someone asked me about a favorite story I could recommend, I meant to message her back but, well I procrastinated so I decided to give you all a list of some of the stories that I have read and enjoyed. I don't have a fav because I like too many to chose just one. Most of these are complete but there are a few works in progress.

Afterlife by thatisastory

A Lesson in Release by Lillie Cullen

Amor Prohibido by ecaniaga

A Murmur of Fire in the Vein by EllesCC

As Long As Your Mine and As Long As You're here by Colour Pearl

Colliding Meteors by IdreamofEddy

First Love Lost and Last Love Found by OracleVas

Just Say by reincarnatedcrazybutterfly

Luxuria, Avarita, and Disturbia (the Deadly Sins Trilogy) by Nia-Ox

One More Taste by Kitty Cullen-03

Royale by EmmaleeWrites05

Unbreakable Road by MaitresseStAndre

And if you are into crossovers checkout Breath Me by afragilelittlehuman it's a Moonlight crossover. Beautifully written and at times it has moved me to tears, I wish I had half of her talent. It's a work in progress.

Alright on with the chapter…song is Something I Can Never Have by Flyleaf

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and its characters.**

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BPOV

I felt a weight lift from my shoulders as I hobbled out of my last class of the year. Even though I had missed the entire month before the week of finals, I had no problems passing the exams. My spirits, which had been buoyed by the relief of surviving another year of school, sank when I saw Edward making his way to me through the crowded hallway.

Things had changed between Edward and me since coming home. He now stalked me day and night acting like my personal gargoyle guardian. Around his family, he would be his old charming self, if just a little overbearing. Once we were away from his family though, he was possessive, domineering, and at times almost demeaning and condescending. He treated me like I was an invalid with the IQ of a rock. As if I would forget that my body needed food to survive if he didn't remind me to eat. It was getting harder and harder to bite my tongue and remind myself that he is just concerned about my well-being because I almost died. I swear to every deity ever conceived though, if he tries to take my coffee away from me one more time I may just have to give him a good smack with my new and improved left hand.

Edward made it to my side and slid his arm around my waist. I suppressed the moan that nearly bubbled out as he unwittingly took some of the pressure off my throbbing right ankle encased in the removable cast.

"You did well on your exams. Congratulations." He said as he bent down and placed a soft kiss on my temple.

I gave him a tired smile.

"Thanks. I can't wait to get home take a nice hot shower then flop on my bed and just relax." I moaned at the thought.

"Sorry love but I have to go home and take care of a few things."

"Ok, you can just drop me off then. I don't mind." I barely succeeded in keeping my excitement out of my voice. Inside I was dancing at the idea of having the empty house to myself.

"No, you are coming to my house. Charlie will not be off work until seven and I do not want you there alone." He was not asking if I wanted to go to his house, he was informing me that I was coming with him.

I stopped in my tracks. He seriously thinks I have the mental capacity of a two year old. I felt my beast stirring from its slumber.

"Is there a problem Bella?" Edward asked patronizingly while making it sound, to anyone who may overhear, as though he were concerned.

The beast was fully awake now and leering out of his cage drooling in anticipation of being set free. I closed my eyes and lulled the beast back to sleep with the incoherent drone of the students milling around me. I opened my eyes and looked up at Edward.

"No. No problem just disappointed." I said emotionless.

Edward smiled and pulled me closer to his side.

"It will be ok. You can, how you say, 'flop' on my bed instead. Maybe nap for a little while."

Like that will happen.

"Yeah, sure, I can do that. What's the difference right? A beds a bed no matter where you go." Except my bed is in my room at my house.

We continued our way out of the building. Angela and Jessica stopped me to remind me to keep in touch with them over the summer. Mike came up behind them and invited us to a summer party down at First Beach. I evaded the teenage drunk fest by claiming that I had already agreed to a camping trip with the Cullen's this weekend. Edward just stood there behind me with his hands on my shoulders, silent the entire time.

We finally slipped away from everyone and made it out of the doors closest to the parking lot. The space beside the Volvo was empty so the rest of the family had already left. Once in the car I focused out of the window and prepared myself for the next four hours.

Edward's dual personality isn't the only thing that's changed among the Cullen clan. Esme, who has always been so warm and caring, now buzzes around the house nervously redecorating the house one room at a time. The first room was the dining room the day after we all came home, then it was the living room, now she and Alice are working on her studio. Alice is still just as mercurial as ever, only now it seems less natural and more forced, and, thankfully, I have been miraculously demoted to the bottom of her shopping torture list. I haven't really seen Carlisle much since we came home. I had a check up with him the day after I got home, and again on Wednesday, other than that he either is at the hospital or locked up in his study.

With most of the family, the changes are subtle. If I didn't know them as well I do I probably wouldn't even notice the changes. However, this was not the case with Rosalie. Since coming back from Phoenix Rosalie has been almost friendly to me. Granted, she doesn't talk to me all that much, but these days I don't talk very often either, so it works out alright. Whenever I am at the Cullen house, she is always hanging around, she asks me how I am doing and she even gave me a few tips on how to help hide my red eyes. Like the right kind of hairstyles and which sunglasses could dull their appearance while not making me look like a freak for wearing sunglasses in a place where the sun barely shines. Rosalie had almost become like a buffer between me and Edward, and unintentionally Jasper as well. Whenever Edward was around she would divert his attention away from me causing us to have minimal interaction and for that, I was eternally grateful to her. I don't know if it was just my imagination or not but she seemed to be more cold towards Edward now, and once in a while, when no one thought I was looking, I would see her and Edward exchange angry glares. All the changes among the family made me think that maybe there was something going on that they weren't telling me.

Opposite of his mate, Emmett didn't act any differently. He's still the fun loving, straight talking, loud mouth he's always been. The day after they came back Emmett decided he needed a Wii. So he went out and bought one, as well as every game available on the market. He is constantly tricking me into playing Mario Kart with him. I'm sure that he only asked me the first time so he could lord it over me how badly I lost. Although, after I got so frustrated that I accidentally crushed the controller in my 'vamp hand', as Emmett refers to it, he just thought it was funny to watch me crush my way through their seemingly endless supply of controllers.

The most confusing and painful change was with Jasper. It was confusing because it was as if we had gone back in time, to before we ever walked through the door of that little motel room. He was distant, aloof, acting as if I don't even matter enough to acknowledge my existence. That is why it was also the most painful change. Despite my own desires to erase all that happened between us, the past still remained the same. My logical side understands that he is simply doing what I told him to do. My heart knew no logic. My heart does not understand how he could pretend that Phoenix never happened or that he wasn't in my room that night forcing me to face the lies that I had held onto so tightly.

After that night, I could no longer believe my own lies. That night I finally admitted to myself that I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with my boyfriend's brother with hair the color of desert sand and eyes like an Arizona sunset. It was too little too late. He no longer wanted me. I had been a fleeting fancy, a short-lived obsession, a crush. Now he had returned home to his senses. I tried to deny how much his rejection hurt me. I tried to ignore the gnawing ache in my chest. I told myself that he didn't matter. I love Edward and that's the way it should be. I pretended that when my eyes caught his I didn't feel anything, I wasn't whole when his eyes pierced my soul. It was a lie that became harder to hold onto each day that passed.

The car turned and the sound of gravel crunching under the tires brought me out of my thoughts. The house loomed out of the trees, a sleeping giant indifferent to the unnatural creatures residing within or the misery of the human among them. I closed my eyes and tightened my hold on my emotions. I will not let Jasper see what he is doing to me. I will not let the family know that I am dying inside.

Edward parked next to Emmett's monster jeep. I unbuckled my seatbelt and reached for the door handle. Before I could touch the handle, the door swung open. I would never get used to that. Edward held my hand as I stepped out. I couldn't hide my wince as I took a step and pain shot through my ankle.

"Bella did you forget to take your pain medication to school with you?" He said in a voice that reminded me of when I had been caught trying to hide my spinach in the plant Renee used as a table centerpiece when I was seven.

"No I didn't. I left it at home on purpose." I snapped, my supposedly controlled temper rising.

"Carlisle told you to take it twice a day. Especially if you are going to be on your feet often, and I believe school requires you to be on your feet." Edward chided.

"Well I don't like the way they make me feel fuzzy headed and I needed to actually use my brain today." I retorted sharply.

Edward gave me a look that I couldn't decipher then suddenly I was lifted off the ground and into his arms.

"Edward put me down."

He ignored my protest and in seconds I was being set down on the new brown and gold paisley chaise in the living room.

"Stay here. I am going to see if Carlisle has any aspirin in his study."

I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back.

"Fine." I huffed.

Edward was gone less than a minute when my bladder made it known that it had a need that had to be taken care of. I sat there waiting for Edward to come back for what felt like hours until I couldn't wait any longer. I got up and hobbled to the downstairs bathroom. I made it to the bathroom without any problems. Grateful for having a now empty bladder I left the bathroom.

On my way back to my assigned seat, I passed the kitchen and caught a splash of wavy blonde hair out of the corner of my eye. I fought the urge to steal a glance at the bane of my heart, but inevitably lost.

Jasper was sitting at the bar side of the island with a book in his hands but his eyes weren't on the book. He was peering at me over the top of the crisp white pages. His face was impassive but his eyes held a depth of emotion that took my breath away.

I temporarily forgot about my injured foot and took a step not being careful with my weight. Pain shot like a bolt of lightening from my ankle to my knee. A squeak, that better resembled a mouse, escaped my throat as my legs buckled from the pain and I began my descent towards the overpriced carpet.

Two cold familiar arms caught me and held me tight against their chest before my knees could touch the floor. Time stood still as I looked up into the eyes that had haunted me for the last month. Jaspers eyes swam with indescribable emotion. The red and brown flecks swirled and blended with the gold. His eyebrows were knitted together with a v-shaped crease. I wanted to reach out and smooth that crease away, to feel his skin beneath my fingertips. I wanted to kiss the corners of his mouth that were slightly turned down, and put a smile there instead. My fingers itched to tuck that one stubborn lock of hair behind his ear then trail my fingers down his jaw line to trace the outline of his lips.

The world returned when I felt the cushion of one of the new dining chairs underneath me. He had moved us into the dining room without me realizing it. Jasper stepped away once I was securely set on the chair. My body screamed in protest at the loss of his touch.

"Jasper." His name escaped my lips in a breathy whisper.

"Bella." He replied, my hearts wishful thinking making it sound almost reverent.

I was once again falling into Jasper's eyes when there was a crash and the muffled sounds of an argument from upstairs. With my weak human ears I could only make out a few words and discern whom it was that was arguing.

"…fucking…truth…whole…"

"…ahead…try…not believe…"

Whatever Rosalie has been mad at Edward about lately, it sounded like he was getting an earful of it now. I almost felt sorry for him. At least now I know what had delayed him.

While the argument raged on upstairs, an uncomfortable silence settled in the dining room. I stared at a scratch in the hardwood floor to focus my emotions away from the gorgeous being in front of me.

"Bella, are you ok?" Jaspers concerned voice floated in the air around me filling my senses.

"Oh, uh, yeah thanks for catching me. I just put too much weight on the bum foot." I tried joking to cover the tremble in my voice.

I saw him take a hesitant step forward, and then another more decisively until he was within inches of the chair, and me. He bent down and crooked a finger under my chin forcing me to lift my face, bringing his mesmerizing eyes into my view. I was powerless to look away.

"That's not what I meant. I know why you fell. I was askin' if you're ok." He said firmly.

Forcing my eyes away, I drew up my mask.

"You're the empath. Why are you asking me what you already know?"

He didn't speak for several moments and I thought that maybe my evasiveness had done it's job. I was wrong, like so many other things.

"'Cause I don't know. You're doin' a much better job of hidin' your emotions than before. Once in a while I'll feel somethin' from ya, but for the mostly your just…empty." He sounded angry and defeated.

"Well there you go. If I wanted you to know what I'm feeling then I wouldn't do that would I?" The joy of knowing that I had succeeded in shielding my emotions from him was a bittersweet feeling.

"Darlin' please, I'm worried about you. It's not healthy, what your doin'." He pleaded.

My bruised and bleeding heart took another hit as the endearment slipped past his lips. My eyes shot up to meet his angrily. He had no right to call me that. How dare he pretend to give a damn! He didn't give two shits about me yesterday so he could just go to hell.

"Yeah, I recall you saying that before, but I also remember you saying a lot of things that don't seem to matter to you any more. So why should I listen to a word you have to say now?" Venom dripped from my voice.

Jasper's face fell in sadness and pain. He opened his mouth to say something but was cutoff by Emmett bursting through the back door.

Emmett paused as he took in the scene before him. Jasper stood and took a few steps back combing his hair out of his face. He took a few more steps back when Emmett rushed over with a giant grin plastered on his face. I tore my eyes away when I was swept off my chair.

"Hey! Bella-the-Controller-Slayer is here!" He boomed as he picked me up in a bear hug.

I tried to conjure up a smile but failed miserably. I settled on wrapping my arms around his neck and returning the hug. Emmett set me down on my feet and stepped back.

"So, you here to reduce our stash to rubble again? Rosie's running out of pieces from you last killing spree and needs more for the monument she's building in honor of your awesomeness." He gestured towards the ceiling, his smile growing impossibly wide.

I forced down my pain and allowed my amusement to show through. I smiled and lightly slapped Emmett's shoulder.

"Shut up. She is not." I gave a small laugh.

Emmett's face went serious but I could see the laughter dancing in his eyes.

"Your right, I'm the one building it. I just didn't want to look like one of those sissy artsy guys."

"Right. Well, your reputation is safe. That's not artsy it's just weird, and maybe a little creepy." I replied giving him a skeptical look.

"So you in?" He asked almost jumping up and down like a giddy schoolboy.

"Sure, why not, I don't have anything better to do."

"Yes!" Emmett grabbed me up and started towards the living room.

I saw him shoot a quick meaningful look at Jasper and his lips vibrated with something too fast and low for me to hear. I was going to ask him about it but as I opened my mouth Edward come down the stairs into the living room. He looked pissed and his sights were set on me.

"Bella I told you to stay where you were."

"I did but I had to use the bathroom and you were taking too long." I told him nonchalantly.

"Then why is Emmett carrying you in from the dining room?" His voice laced with disbelief and suspicion.

Before I could respond, Emmett spoke up.

"I found her in there sitting down taking a break before hobbling her crippled ass in here." Emmett gave me a look as he set me down, with his back to Edward, that told me go along with him. I didn't understand why though.

As Emmett stepped away, Edward took his place.

"See, that is why I told you to stay right here. You are not strong enough to walk around on your own." Edward said in soft condescension the anger and suspicion still present in his eyes.

I fought my anger down.

"I know, your right, I'm sorry. I just really had to go." I tried placating him while gritting my teeth.

Edward sat down on the edge of the cushion and tucked my hair behind my ear.

"Well next time call for me." He handed me a bottle of Tylenol.

To keep from snapping out anything rude or angry that could get him started again I just nodded my head and looked down at the little white and red bottle in my hand.

"All I could find was Tylenol. I will go and get you a bottle of water."

"Thanks."

"That is what I am here for, to take care of you." He said before he disappeared out of the room.

I stifled my snort just in time to make it sound like I was clearing my throat. Edward doesn't take care of me, he dictates me.

I turned to the TV to see Emmett powering up the Wii and opening a new controller. Edward came back moments later with my water but didn't stay. He made some excuse about 'mindless video games' and needing to do some research for Carlisle. I was pleased that he would not be here looking over my shoulder and criticizing my lack of attention.

I saw the little characters racing around on the TV, I heard the sound effects and Emmett's running commentary, but my mind was consumed by Jasper.


	16. Spanish Inquisition

**A/N: Hey everybody! Sorry for the long wait. My youngest has recently learned two new things that have drastically cut into my writing time. Crawling and fighting sleep. So while I would normally be writing I am now chasing after him keeping him from eating the dogs food and dealing with his screaming because he desperately does not want to sleep. This chapter was also a little difficult for me to get through. I hope ya'll like it! Songs that helped me are The Hunger by Fireflight, What Lies Beneath by Breaking Benjamin, and Hello by Evanescence.**

**Enjoy!**

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Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and its characters.

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BPOV

For two weeks now, Jasper and I have been caught in this intricate dance of avoidance, both of us struggling to maintain the charade that the other doesn't exist. Each time we found ourselves in the same room it was almost a race to see who could leave first.

On the rare occasions that neither of us could get away, I would watch him discreetly. Every movement he made I would record in my memory to replay, over and over again, in those scarce and valuable moments that I was alone. Every smile that graced his face was a double-edged blade to my heart, one side was joy in seeing the beautiful sight of his happiness shine upon his face, the other side was anger and jealousy. What gave him the right to smile and feel pleasure when he ripped my heart out of my chest, when every smile that crossed my face was plastered to hide the emptiness his absence has left in my soul. Every heavenly timbre that passed his lips would set my body afire and cause it to hum with the memory of softly spoken words of tenderness and passion. Each spark that lit and each shadow that darkened his eyes became my own. Every moment I spent in his presence was a moment of torture, pain, and heaven. I hungered, with every fiber of my being, for his gentle touch, his penetrating gaze, and his sizzling words. I yearned for his love. I yearned for him.

In those secret moments of observation, I no longer felt the battle between light and dark being waged in my soul. I didn't think of Edward or the act I was forced play, day after day. In those moments, I was the girl I once was. The world no longer existed outside of him.

Then he would be gone and reality would come rushing in. Still, he haunted me. My thoughts were consumed by him. I closed my eyes and there he was, when I was enduring the pain of a thousand deaths in my fiery abyss, he was there, urging me to hold on, to be strong, that the dawn would come.

He was my greatest desire. Like a drug to an addict. I needed him like I needed air. I needed him to feel like myself, without him I was nothing.

Everyday I fought to bury the emotions that Jasper evoked within me deeper. I pushed them away. I didn't want to feel anymore. I walked the borderline of love and hate. Most days my love for him would drown me with the pain. These were the times I would watch him. Then there were the days when I hated him. I would hate him for making me love him, for showing me that my feelings for Edward were never those of love. Most of all I hated him for abandoning me and causing me so much pain.

I sighed in frustration and roughly closed my book causing the pages to crash together with a pop.

"Is there something wrong love?" A voice asked over my shoulder.

"Ah!"

I jumped surprised by the voice in the quiet empty room and felt myself sliding off the side of the couch I had been stretched out on, futilely attempting to read my book. Before my body could make contact with the carpeted floor, a pair of granite arms caught me and righted me in my seat.

I released the breath I hadn't realized I was holding when I saw Edward's frowning face.

"Bella you need to be more careful. You could have hurt yourself."

"Yeah well it wouldn't have fucking killed me Edward. Besides it wouldn't have happened in the first place if you had let the one damn person in this house that doesn't have freakish hearing know that you were there." I snapped.

Edward gave me a disapproving glare and sat down next to me.

"Bella please quit using that vulgar language. You are beginning to sound like Emmett and…other uneducated people." His nose turned up in distaste as he corrected what he was about to say.

I opened my mouth to tell him where he could shove his prudish ideals and impeccable language but caught myself. My emotions were getting the best of me again and my rage was starting to bleed out in fractional amounts. It was not enough to break the dam so to speak but enough that it was affecting my mood and treatment of those close to me. I needed some time to myself to gain some semblance of control again. I took a deep breath to help calm myself.

"Your right, I'm sorry. I'm just tired and it's making me cranky. Do you think you could take me home?"

Edward gave me a look full of concern before he replied.

"Of course."

We stood and left Carlisle's study where I had escaped to earlier.

They all thought they were being subtle, but I saw the looks of pity on their faces and the searching stares. I felt like I was a circus animal and they were waiting for me to do a trick or grow a second head. Whenever I commented about it, they would just shrug and mumble some generic excuse. Between the family's strange behavior, the raging inferno in my arm, the raw empty place where my heart used to be, and the fact that my brain had not had the reprieve of sleep in over seven weeks, it had become almost impossible to keep my constant and growing anger at bay.

We stepped into the living room where everyone but Carlisle and Esme were gathered. All eyes turned to us.

"I am taking Bella home." Edward informed them needlessly, they would have heard our conversation.

I turned to grab my purse off the coat stand only to meet a pair of knowing golden eyes from across the room. I felt all my repressed pain and heartache flood through me. I fought the tears that threatened to spill down my face and swiftly turned away from the room heading for the door and my escape.

"See ya later Slayer!" Emmett chuckled.

"Bye everyone." I choked out giving a lazy wave to the room without turning.

The fresh air blowing on my face helped to dry up the tears welling in my eyes. So by the time I slide into the seat of the Volvo I had regained enough of my composure to keep Edward from growing suspicious. The leather creaked under my weight offering my mind a feeble distraction from my tumultuous thoughts and emotions. We were halfway to the highway when I decided the silence was not conducive to keeping my thoughts in safe territory.

"I think its time to oil the seats so they don't dry out and start cracking." I said lamely.

"I am quite capable of taking care of my car, thank you." Edward replied curtly.

I looked over at him shocked by his tone.

"I know that. I was just making an observation."

"Right, an observation, well I make observations as well." He said, his voice dripping thickly with hidden meaning.

"What do you mean by that?" I was hoping against all hope that my instincts were wrong, that Jasper didn't sense my emotions when I left and Edward didn't read his thoughts.

"I think you know exactly what I mean."

"No Edward I don't and if you are going to take your anger out on me for doing something that I am clueless about, then you can just stop this damn car and I'll walk home." I knew it was low of me to hold onto my denial but in the three and half weeks I had been home, denial had become my best friend and I wasn't about to abandon it now.

Edward was now gripping the steering wheel so hard that it groaned in protest under the stress of his vise-like grip.

"Damn it Bella! I know what you felt when you looked at Jasper. You can not deny it because I know!" He yelled.

"That's what this is about?" I asked dumbly trying to buy myself time to think of a good story.

"Yes, that is what this is about." Edward mocked.

Thinking fast I blurted the first excuse that popped in my head.

"That was nothing Edward. I was sad about him avoiding me ever since we came home. We grew close in Phoenix and I thought we were friends but since we've been back he's acted like it never happened, going back to the way he used to be. I'm hurt that our friendship meant so little to him." It wasn't completely a lie, it just wasn't the complete truth either.

"Yeah I know exactly how close you two got in Phoenix. You make it a habit to try to fuck all your friends? Or is that just something you reserve for the ones that lack a pulse. If not then I am going with you next time you go out with Jessica and Angela. I could video tape it. Emmett would pay a lot of money to see your 'friendship' in action." He said bitterly.

I was like a deer caught in the headlights. I knew the longer I stayed silent the worse the situation would get but I just couldn't assemble the words to deny his accusation.

"What, no story to explain how you cheated on me with my brother? Maybe an accident where you fell and your lips were stuck to his, or you were choking and he was saving your life by dislodging the object with his tongue? No, I got it. You were still half-asleep and you thought it was me. Yeah I like that one, it saves you from having to think up two excuses to explain why your mouths were locked together and you were about to wrap your legs around his waist and fuck him." He looked at me angrily as his words faded away.

"Or maybe you just decided to move onto the brother that would fuck you since I denied you. You do not give a damn whose dick it is as long as it is the dick of a vampire, is that it? As long as he is cold and hard you can get your jollies?" His voice rose along with his temper.

I sat with my arms crossed looking out the window. I refused to even try to explain my actions when he was acting so confrontational. It's obvious that he knows what happened, at least some of it, and he had already made up his own mind about what happened. Nothing I said would matter.

"You better say something Bella. Right fucking now!"

I turned to him, my face blank and expressionless.

"Watch your language Edward, someone might think you uneducated." I said sweetly throwing his words from earlier back in his face, then turned back to the window and watched my house come into view.

Edward brought the car to a stop in front on the house and I wasted no time making my exit. Charlie would be at work until late this evening then he was going to Billy's house to watch a game so I didn't have to worry about making up some excuse for my anger.

"Don't bother coming back tonight." I threw over my shoulder as I slammed the door.

I quickened my steps, thankful that Carlisle had given me the ok to take off that infernal cast just days before. I needed to reach the front door before I broke down. I was drowning in my rage and sorrow, the two emotions fighting for dominance in the wasteland of my sanity.

I inserted the key into the lock when I heard the car shut off and a door slam.

"I am not done talking to you Bella."

"Too bad, because I'm done talking to you."

I opened the door and stepped over the threshold. I tried to close the door but something stopped it. I turned to see Edward's hand planted firmly against the door with his anger burning in his eyes.

"Move." I growled.

"No, you owe me an explanation."

His words fed more fuel to the already fiery rage that was threatening to burn out of control.

"I don't owe you shit." I pushed Edward with all the strength in my left arm and he stumbled back enough for me to slam the door in his enraged face.

My fingers barely felt the cool surface of the deadbolt when the door came crashing in, throwing me back. I threw my hands out behind me to catch my fall and landed on my bottom.

My eyes locked onto the doorknob where it was buried to the base in the drywall of the wall behind it. Then my eyes traveled to Edwards menacing form standing just within the doorway. If his face was enraged before then it was murderous now.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I screamed as I jumped to my feet.

"This discussion is not over Isabella." His voice was dark and violent, if I was smart and had any sense of self-preservation I would take the hint and shut my mouth, but as history has shown repeatedly, I have no instincts for survival.

"This," I gestured between us, "is not a discussion, it's the god damned Spanish Inquisition! I refuse to talk to you when you're acting like this. So get the fuck out of my house!" I turned on my heel and headed for the stairs.

For once, there was no struggle with the beast. It just paced predatorily inside the cage with a sinister smile on its face, just waiting for me to open the gate and free it. I was scared to think that maybe it saw something coming that I didn't.

Before I realized that Edward was even behind me, I felt a heavy hand grab my shoulder and spin me around. My back hit the wall with such force that the breath was knocked out of me painfully. Edward was there, looming over me, not two inches away from my face as I gasped to return the lost air to my lungs.

"Don't you ever walk away from me." Edward ground out, his jaw clenched tight in anger.

I wrestled with my own resolve to keep the cage locked. The demon was just chuckling at my attempts to keep my anger in control and keep it captive.

"Fuck off Edward." I pushed him away as hard as I could and for the first time was glad I had the abnormal strength, even if it was only in the one arm.

I took advantage of Edward's surprise at my response and ran up the stairs, my almost desperate desire to make it to the safety of my room lending grace to my flight.

I fell through the door to my room and closed my door with a loud bang causing the wall to shake and the pictures hanging on it to clatter. I buried my hands in my hair as I paced to my bed and back to the door. As I stood facing the door, trying to calm the shaking in my hands caused by the adrenaline pumping madly through my veins, I heard the almost inaudible thump of a vampire jumping fluidly through my window.

"Damn it Edward, I told you to leave!" My voice was shaky and choked, tears of anger and sadness threatened to spill for the second time today.

"No. Not until you explain to me what happened."

"None of it matters Edward. I'm with you and that wont change." I could not keep the sadness from my voice.

"I does matter. It matters a lot to me actually, if my mate is whoring around behind my back." His voice bespoke of a false calm, the calm on the surface of the water while the deadly currents swirled dangerously beneath.

I squared my shoulders and turned to face him.

"Fine. You want me to explain why I cheated on you? How about because I wanted to, because he wasn't afraid to touch me, because I felt something for him that was so strong it overshadowed anything I've ever felt for you. He didn't treat me like poor fragile little human, he treated me like a woman. When he touched me, my body came alive and I forgot that you even existed. But mostly I kissed him because I lo…"

The side of my face exploded in pain. The world spun madly as I felt my body flying through the air. I saw the purple of my comforter then something connected with my hip and I fell to the floor on my side. The impact sent shocks of pain all through my side, I could feel the bruises rapidly forming, turning my side black and blue. I scrambled to sit up. My mind was racing trying to figure out what happened. With wide eyes and a hand cradling my throbbing cheek, I looked up at Edward, who was towering over me. I'd never seen him look more like a vampire than he did at that moment.

"Do not even think of finishing that sentence. You are mine, you hear me, and I do not share my things!" He shouted.

I was frozen in shock. Edward hit me. He fucking hit me. I may have been frozen physically but inside chaos reigned. The beast broke through the weak defenses and while the beast grew, I argued with myself on whether or not I should even try to restrain the rage. The beasts advocate won and I broke from my immobility.

I was instantly on my feet, ready to charge. Common sense had fled. My mind was consumed with thoughts of hate and retribution. A sound similar to the growl of a wild animal filled the room. On some level it registered that the sound was coming from my own throat, but it was only a fleeting and mildly disturbing thought.

I rocked back on my feet, ready to spring but Edward was faster. His form blurred and I was pinned to the wall with his hand around my neck. Gasping for what little air that could manage to sneak through my compressed windpipe I thrashed uselessly to escape.

I ran on pure instinct. I tried to scratch and claw at anything I could touch to no effect. The extra strength in my left arm was no use against Edward's full strength, it merely jostled him slightly whenever I got enough leverage to do any good. My vision started going fuzzy and my rage, my beast, slowly died and turned to fear, panic, and hopelessness.

During my struggles, Edward just stood there pressed against me, his face cold and angry. Black spots danced in front of my eyes and my head spun from the lack of oxygen. I felt the first tears slide down my face and gather where his hand was latched onto my throat.

He eased his hold as my body went limp and vision grew dark. My lungs rejoiced with the restored flow of life giving air. Fire flooded my throat with the first breath and brought me back from the brink of darkness.

"I would recommend you not try that again. Next time I may not stop." Edward said menacingly as he bent his head closer to my face.

I turned my face away from him. I couldn't stand to look at him.

Edward tightened his grip on my throat again and brutally rammed my head back into the wall.

"Look at me when I am talking to you!"

His grip did not loosen but it wasn't tight enough to restrict my breathing too much. The only sound in the room was the harsh wheeze of the air traveling through my trachea.

"Did you think you could go around behind my back, fucking my brother," he sneered, "without me finding out? Did you think you could make a fool of me in front of my family without consequence?"

"I...ne…never…" I choked out roughly my throat burning from the abuse it took.

His hand disappeared from my neck. My knees couldn't take my weight and I collapsed to the floor. I sat huddled against the wall trying not to let my anger grow, I had no desire to find out if he would really make due on his threat. I pushed the demon back and with everything I had I shut it behind the strongest walls I could conjure.

"You never what Isabella? Never meant for me to find out? Never meant for the family to find out? Never meant for your best friend to see it with her gift?" Edward stood over me with his expensive designer shoes inches away from my cowering form.

Edward grabbed me by my hair and hauled me to my feet as I screamed in pain.

"Jasper has learned the error of his actions and has come to his senses, but you…"

He pushed me backwards away from him and I slammed into the bookshelf. The shelves dug into my back. I tried to reach out and steady myself but my knees gave out, the pain and fear weakening my body. The shelves began collapsing under my weight and I fell to the floor under an avalanche of books.

I saw Edward walking slowly towards me and I struggled to crawl away.

"You just can not let it go. You walk around pining for him like some lovesick puppy. It is disgusting watching you sneak glances at him when you think I am not looking. You are nothing but a stupid naïve little human that has not the sense to tell between a lie and the truth. Did you really think he could ever want you for anything more than your warm body? That is the only reason he could ever want such a plain simple minded fool like you."

"No…no…" I pleaded. Please, it can't be true.

His cruel words were daggers in my heart. He did more damage with them than he had with his hands. I could not see through the flood of tears streaming down my face soaking my shirt. My arms gave out several times from the sobs wracking my body. I continued to inch my way across the room. I had no destination, just the need to put as much distance between the monster in my room and myself.

"He does not want you Bella. You and I both know that. It is time to put away such fanciful nonsense and come to terms with reality."

Edward was now right behind me. I felt the air shift as he bent over my prone body. Once again, I was brought to my feet by my hair. My hands grappled with his pointlessly to pull my head free from the stinging agony while crying out and begging him to let me go. He just pulled harder and bent my head back.

"And the reality is, love, that you are mine. I will never let you go." He whispered in my ear, his cool breath chilling me to the bones.

Then he let go of my hair and I sank to the floor in a painful twisted heap of bruised and quivering limbs. My world was crashing around me at the hands of the monster I had once thought I loved and the man I love who never truly wanted me.

I laid there for hours crying, allowing the pain to wash over me. I welcomed the pain, it was punishment for my stupidity. My back and right side throbbed, the left side of my face pulsed with pain in rhythm with my dying heart, my head ached, and the fire in my left arm blazed and shot pain through my body like it never had before. My throat felt raw but I couldn't be sure if it was from my screaming and crying or from his tight grip.

I don't know when Edward left, I don't remember him cleaning up the room, I only remember the tears and the pain. Eventually though even the tears left me, they ran dry, my eyes had nothing left to give. Then there was just the pain. I laid there, perfectly still, with unseeing eyes. I heard nothing. I felt nothing. I was nothing.

It was here in this state that Charlie found me.

"Oh my god."

Charlie's face came into my view, made older by the worry lines etched deep into his face. I felt my body being moved and warm arms holding me, cradling me, offering comfort. They weren't the arms I wanted. I wanted cold arms with strong hands and broad shoulders. I would never feel those arms again.

"Bella, are you ok? Come on honey talk to me. What happened?"

I heard his voice. I heard the words. I know the words mean something but my brain couldn't pay attention to them. I just saw Jasper's face the last time I saw him. Before…before he told me the truth. He was right. Of course he was. When was he not right? He was perfect at everything. I am nothing but a stupid fool. I believed all of Jasper's lies. I let myself believe I had a chance with someone as perfect as him. Why would Jasper want me? He had Alice, the perfect little pixie that walked as if she was dancing on clouds.

I felt the soft surface of my bed beneath me and the arms disappeared. There was a frantic voice rumbling behind me, some yelling then whispering. I don't care. It doesn't matter. Not anymore. Nothing matters.

Locked in my thoughts I vaguely felt a weight on the bed behind me and a hand on my back. A cry was ripped from me as his hand landed on my bruised flesh. Charlie was around the bed and kneeling in front of me in seconds.

"Baby please…" Charlie's voice broke, "…please just tell me what happened. Where are you hurt?"

I saw the tears well up as he looked into my dead empty eyes. I could never tell him. He wouldn't understand.

Tires screeched outside and doors slammed. Charlie stood up and looked out of the window before he crossed the room heading for the door.

I heard the hum of voices downstairs and the sound of footsteps on the stairs. The steps paused a moment before entering the room.

No. No, no, no. Why were they here? Why was Jasper here? Jasper can't be here. He might think something is going on. Jasper has to leave.

My panic reached new heights when I saw not only was Carlisle and Jasper here, but the whole family was here. He stood there next to Carlisle looking at me. To the rest his eyes would appear concerned, worried, but I knew better. I knew what was beneath. I saw the threat. I heard his last words echo in my mind. What was I going to tell everyone? How was I going to explain my bruises without revealing my shame?

It didn't matter. Even if I tried to tell them, my mouth wouldn't work. My mind would not make the connection between thought and speech.

I refused to look at Jasper, I couldn't afford anymore pain.

"Bella, can you tell me what happened?" Carlisle's calm voice spoke from beside the bed.

Fire shot from my arm across my shoulders and into my chest. I wanted to scream but clamped my jaw shut and closed my eyes tight. I shook my head no to Carlisle's question, hoping he wouldn't try to press me any further.

With my eyes closed, I heard the low buzz and felt the vibration in the air. Someone was saying something too fast and low for human ears to hear. Another spasm of pain overtook me and I curled in on myself, willing the pain away.

"Carlisle, I think she may have fallen down the stairs. I noticed one of her shoes at the bottom of the stairs and she is still wearing the other one." I heard Alice's voice almost whisper.

Fell down the stairs. How cliché. It could happen though, this is me they are talking about. Yeah, fell down the stairs.

I nodded my head telling them that's what happened.

"Is that it Bella? You fell down the stairs?" Carlisle asked.

I nodded my head vigorously. The fire was no longer concentrated in my arm and chest but running through my veins, scorching every inch of my body. I clenched my teeth harder and forced myself to remain silent. I don't know what's going on but I don't want them to know.

"Ok. Can you tell me where it hurts?"

No, I can't open my mouth. I might start screaming. I shook my head no.

I should be fighting back tears right now but inexplicably there were none. My eyes were dry and there was only the prickling behind them to indicate the desire to shed tears.

"That's ok dear. Rose, Alice and I will help get you changed and check you over ok?" Esme's soft voice came from the foot of the bed.

I nodded and Esme ushered the men out of the room.

Rose and Esme made quick work of shedding me of my dirty tear stained clothes and taking stock of my injuries then redressing me in something soft and loose. I concentrated on keeping my mouth shut and eyes closed. The flames licking their way through my veins slowly seeped into my muscles and skin. It felt like I had a sunburn that was then doused in acid. The once soft fabric that caressed my skin was now made of razor blades.

I held as still as possible while the door was opened and my room was filled once again. I heard Esme tell everyone my list of injuries.

"I don't understand Carlisle. Why is she like this with just bruises? Are you sure nothings broken? Maybe that bruise on her face is because something's wrong with her jaw?" Charlie's worried voice was laden with confusion.

"It's possible for there to be a fracture but I doubt it because of the way she is clenching her jaw. She wouldn't be able to do that because the pain would unendurable. There isn't enough swelling anywhere for her to have any breaks. I don't understand why she is like this Charlie. I'm sorry. I will check over her bruises again though to see for myself." Carlisle said calmly while trying to keep his worry out of his voice.

I wanted to shake my head no. I cant be moved my skin will fall apart. I cant live without my skin. As preposterous as my thoughts were, I couldn't stop them. Just like I couldn't stop Carlisle from turning me over and lifting my shirt to get a look at my back and side.

I heard a collective gasp as my top was peeled back.

"I don't understand. They were there." Esme whispered.

"Are you sure?" His voice rang through the room as he spoke his first words since entering my room for the second time today.

"Of course we are Edward. We are not blind. Her entire back was so bruised it was almost black. Most of her body was covered in bruises just as bad." Rosalie said disdainfully.

"Well then what the hell happened? They couldn't fade that fast!" Charlie shouted.

I couldn't understand what they meant by the bruises fading but I knew somehow that it had something to do with the searing pain clinging to my every pore. I wanted to scratch at my face, my eyes were two pits of molten liquid and my body was burning. Surely my skin would be cracking and falling away in chunks soon.

I was turned back over and the pain was so much I couldn't keep up with what they were saying. I heard the murmur of their voices bleeding together in a symphony of anger, confusion, and pain.

"What could this mean?" The dulcet tone of Esme's voice broke through the haze.

"I think it means we have discovered another side effect." Carlisle replied somberly.

I could hear them whisper then there was a shuffling of movement and silence. No, don't leave me please. What if he comes back? You can't leave me like this. Help me!

"Bella, everyone is gone. I need you to open your eyes and look at me. Can you do that for me?" I felt the cool breath settle in my hair and waft over my scorched flesh as Carlisle spoke coaxingly in my ear.

I forced my eyelids to open and looked up into the compassionate amber eyes of my vampire father.

"Good, now I need you to listen to me carefully Bella. Are you not talking because you can't?"

I shook my infinitesimally.

"Are you afraid to speak?"

I nodded yes.

"Does it burn?"

I closed my eyes and nodded my head slowly.

"I was afraid of this. Bella I think your fall may have caused some of the leftover venom to be released. I can't be sure if it will be like the last time and your system will take care of it or if this will turn you. Either way it can't be helped. All we can do is wait it out." His voice sounded as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

I gripped the cloth under my hands and nodded in understanding.

"Now Bella I am going to give you a strong sedative to help keep you calm and maybe you can get some rest."

Again, I nodded in ascent. At least if I was in my dark abyss I wouldn't have to work so hard to not scream.

I could feel the needle jut through my skin and the drug slowly creep its way through my aching veins. Then the darkness descended and I welcomed it with open arms.


	17. Broken Angel

**A/N: Hey Yall! Look whos back!:) I know many of you probably want to take a shot gun or baseball bat to my head for leaving yall kinda hanging there and Iv probably lost 2/3rds of my readers:( big big sorry guys. All I can say is I had planed on getting this chapter out the week after the last update but well shit hit the fan, wall and every other place it doesn't belong. So I was forced to deal with my real life problems and take a hiatus from Bella and Jaspers problems. Things haven't completely returned to normal but it looks like we are close enough to it that I have been able to work on my story. YAY! Now I was reading the reviews last night and have a few things to say. A few people mentioned how the plot is a difficult one to write and I have two things to say. One, THANK YOU! I take it as a compliment to my creativity and originality, and two, you have no idea:) it is a bit difficult hence why we are now on chapter 17 and Bella and Jasper have yet to figure their shit out. I strive to make my story as realistic as possible, I pull from some of my own real life experiences and I step into their heads and become them, living through every moment of their life with them. It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling when I have reviews come in that show such passion for my story. I see it as a huge complement that I can make you feel that strongly for a character, good or bad. **

**Happy Reading:)**

**Songs for chapter: Let It Go-Blue October & Breaking Inside-Shinedown**

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.**

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JPOV

"Rose quit tryin' to push him. You know why it has to be this way. You promised dammit!" I said heatedly to the beautiful blonde who just glared back defiantly.

"No, I promised to look after her when you couldn't! I never promised to go along with this destructive little charade everyone's playing! You may not see it, they may be too busy lying to themselves to see it, but I see it god damn it! This isn't just killing you Jasper! It's killing her too. Can't you feel it?" Rosalie's anger was palpable as she stood her ground against my own desperate anger.

I raked my fingers through my hair. Dammit. I knew I couldn't hide this forever, but I had hoped for more time at least.

"No Rose, I can't feel it. She's blockin' her emotions."

"She's what? How?" Rose screeched in disbelief.

"I don't know how she's doin' it! I just know that she is!"

I turned away and looked out through the trees crowning the large hill we had claimed for our secret rendezvous. The sun had set and the landscape was bathed in the blue haze of twilight. The house in the distance was picture perfect with the gardens surrounding it on all sides, a bright hue of multicolored flowers lending to it a magical quality only seen in paintings. Like everything else, it's beauty reminded me of the girl that held my heart.

I had dragged Rosalie out of the house under the guise of a quick hunt because Edward had been in his room brooding since he had taken Bella home this afternoon. The memory of that brief and unexpected burst of pain when our eyes met was almost enough to break my resolve and go to her. Even if Rosalie is right and this is destroying Bella as much as it is me, I would still have to figure out a way to get her to see the truth about Edward and then get her away from him without any blood shed. There is no doubt in any of our minds that Edward will not let her go willingly.

"So you can't feel anything from her?" Rosalie's voice was soft with concern.

"No, nothin'." I shook my head, all the fire was gone and I was left feeling the hopelessness of the situation.

"I mean, I'll get a burst here and there, but for the most part, jus', nothin'. It doesn't even feel like she's somehow blockin' me. It feels more like there's nothin' there to block. Like she's…empty. At first, she was just pushing' her true feeling's away, cutting them off so she wouldn't have to feel them. Then she'd manufacture the ones she thought she should have, the ones she showed everybody. She just kept pushing on the real ones until it became harder and harder for me to find 'em. Then one day she jus' went blank, no fake emotions for cover, no genuine emotions, just nothing. I'll get a burst here and there, but even those are coming less often." I turned away from the picturesque scene of the house that no longer held the loving comfort of a home.

Rosalie was standing there wide-eyed her emotions shifting rapidly between confusion, anger, and helplessness.

"At first? When did this start?"

"After she attacked Edward in the hospital."

"And the day she went blank?" Rosalie's voice was tight with emotion, I could almost see the tears that would be welling in her eyes if she were human.

"The day after she came home." My shame for keeping this secret for so long weighed heavy on my heart.

Rosalie nodded her head and looked away from me. To the world, she would appear to be calm but I could feel that this was just the calm before the storm. Her emotions were raging and soon would explode.

The storm broke free. Rosalie whirled back towards me her eyes glowing with her wrath, her finger pointing at me accusingly.

"How can you even justify what you're doing when you knew all along that something was wrong with her? Did you tell anybody? Did you do anything to help her? NO! You stand there playing the tragic star-crossed lover bullshit, spouting your love for her, when you let her suffer like this because of your own fucking insecurities. Well I'm telling you right now you fucking asswipe you better fucking man up quick or your going to have to go through me to get to her when you finally pull your head out of your ass and try to do the right thing." Rosalie turned around to leave but she wasn't done yet, she spun back around.

"You know I'm starting to think that Bella would be better off if you both just disappeared from her life." She said, disgust dripping from her voice like venom.

"Dammit Rose! Do you think I fuckin' want this? Do you think I want to stand by and watch the woman I love more than existence itself, fall apart? Hell fuckin' no I don't! Everyday that she is in his arms instead of mine is torture! Everyday I fight against every instinct I have to not just grab her and run! All I want to do is hold her, love her, and be the one to put the light back in her eyes. But she made her choice, and no matter how much it hurts, I can't force her to leave Edward."

"No, you can't force her but you can sure as hell fight for her!"

"And what about Edward? If I fight for her, it could send him over the edge! We both know what he's capable of Rose. We may be able to stand up to his temper but Bella can't!" I pleaded for Rose to understand, I can't risk Bella's safety.

"Damn it Jasper! You're a fighter not a god damn martyr! Why don't you dig around in that brilliant tactician's brain of yours and actually use some of that military knowledge. Because make no mistake Jasper, this is the most important battle of your life." Rosalie stood toe to toe with me her eyes blazing and body rigid.

She's right. I have to at least fight for her. Who was I kidding trying to stay away from Bella? With Rosalie's words rolling around in my mind I had to face the truth. Even if she hadn't confronted me I would have been caving soon. It no longer mattered if she loves me or not, staying with Edward is killing her and I couldn't let her go down without a fight.

I opened my mouth to say as much to Rosalie when I was hit by a wave of panic so strong I was nearly brought to my knees. I could hear the sound of feet running through the trees towards the hill. They were moving at a speed that only our kind could achieve. Rose heard them as well and combined with my pained expression she knew something was wrong. We raced down the hill and met the source of the overwhelming panic at the base.

"Emmett! What's wrong?" Rosalie spoke first. One look at Emmett's face shot panic through us as well.

"Come on, we have to go," Was his only reply as he turned and took of in the direction of town.

Rose and I struggled to catch up to Emmett but finally we were close enough to grab him and stop him in his tracks.

"We don't have time to stop! We have to go. Now!"

"Where are we going?" Rose asked impatiently.

"It's Bella!" Those two words dropped my leaden heart to my feet. I pushed passed him and ran faster than I ever had before.

One word echoed in my mind. Bella…bella..bellabella. The word faded and pulsed in a rhythm close to that of her beating heart. It ran together until there was no beginning or end, just an eternal loop playing in my head. My still heart ached and tore at the thoughts that ran through my mind, of all the things that could have happened to my angel. Images of her body lying cold and lifeless, forever quiet and motionless flashed through my minds eye. A million different scenarios played through my head, each worse than the one before.

Then one scenario stuck with me. Edward had been angry when he had left to take Bella home. When he came home his emotions weren't anything alarming so I had assumed everything was okay, but the 'what if's' were now dancing through my mind wildly. My panic and desperation strengthened and pushed me forward even faster.

I crashed through the trees surrounding Bella's home just as Carlisle's car screeched to a halt at the curb. The atmosphere was thick with worry, panic, and dread as everyone spilled from the car. Inside the house was a vortex of helplessness and despair unlike anything I had ever felt in my existence.

I slow my steps to mimic that of a hurried human, every muscle tight with the anxiety thrumming through my body. I heard Charlie's footsteps as he raced down the stairs to open the door for my family that was now gathered on the stoop, but my attention was on the resounding thump-thump of Bella's heartbeat upstairs. Relief washed through my body as I listened to the life-giving organ strongly pump her blood to her body. Though it troubled me to hear her rapid heartbeat, it also brought me back from the abyss that I had teetered on since Emmett gasped out the words that threatened to shatter my world. Every molecule in my body screamed to just get to Bella's side as fast as I could, exposure be damned. As fast as Charlie was moving to get to the door it was not nearly fast enough.

Then Charlie opened the door and we were faced with a gut wrenching picture of a heartbroken man. Moisture clung to his eyelashes, his eyes were blood shot and his hair was wild from too many nervous swipes of his hands.

"She's in her room." He said, as he turned quickly to lead us upstairs.

As we filed in through the door, Rosalie and Emmett emerged from the trees and followed us in.

"Have you moved her?" Carlisle asked.

"Um…yeah. I found her on the floor in her room. I picked her up and put her on her bed."

"Is she still conscious?"

"Yeah, she's still awake." I didn't miss the wince even though his back was turned on us as he ascended the stairs.

"Good, that's a good sign. Has she said anything since we spoke?"

"No, not a thing. She did kind of scream when I touched her back, but other than that she hasn't made a sound." The guilt he emitted when he mentioned touching her almost made me send him a few waves of peace but I could barely keep my own emotions under control much less anybody else's.

"How long has she been like this?" Carlisle asked continuing his line of questioning in order to get a better grasp of what he was walking into. The rest of us just stayed silent and hung onto every word out of Charlie's mouth.

"I don't know. I got home a few minutes before nine and found her not long afterwards. I called you almost immediately."

"Is she visibly hurt?" Finally, it was the question we had all been anxious to ask ourselves.

"She…well she uh…has some pretty bad bruising on her face and neck. There looks to be some more on her arm as well but her sleeve was covering it. I…I just couldn't touch her after…I didn't want to hurt her anymore." Charlie's voice broke several times as he choked out his daughters injuries. He instinctively knew, as well as the rest of us, that whatever was under the cover of her clothes would be much worse.

Silence drew heavy over us as we came to the door of the room that held the heart of our family within.

My instincts told me to just break through the offending piece of pressboard and glue that dared to keep my angel from me. Time moved agonizingly slow. I heard the creak of the hinges and the wood shifting in its frame. I felt the air currents change allowing Bella's scent to escape and engulf me while pouring fresh air into the room. I heard the floorboards groan and settle under our feet and the slow ragged breathing of my Bella. Then the door was opened wide and Bella's huddled form was unveiled.

We were all drawn closer to the silent figure on the bed. When her face became visible I felt my heart break. Her eyes. They were vacant. I had thought that in all my years of war I had seen every aspect of the human condition. I was so very wrong. Everything paled in comparison to the empty stare on this broken angel's face.

The silence was suffocating. The only sound was that of Bella's and Charlie's breaths echoing off the walls.

Emmett hung back in the corner, the sight of his little human sister in this state was too painful for him to handle. Esme sat at the foot of the bed needing to be as close as she could without hurting Bella. Alice stood just behind her with her hands on Esme's shoulders offering what little comfort she could. Edward stood next to Carlisle beside the bed playing the doting boyfriend. Edward's emotions held not only worry and sadness but also, disturbingly, frustration and anger. His emotions were puzzling and added to my suspicions I knew that if he didn't have anything to do with putting Bella in this state he at the very least knew who or what did.

"I did not touch her Jasper. My frustration and anger are for both not being here when she obviously needed me and being forced to hear your thoughts of my mate." Edward hissed too low for Charlie and Bella to hear.

"And why weren't you here?" Rosalie asked from my side.

"She asked me to leave after we had a small disagreement." With the way his anger spiked and the way her temper has been lately it was much more likely that she told him in no uncertain terms to leave.

"Despite what you may think Jasper, you do not know everything."

"That's enough. Bella needs us all right now and your bickering is not getting us any closer to figuring out what happened." Esme chided us angrily.

"Carlisle, I think she may have fallen down the stairs. I noticed one of her shoes at the bottom of the stairs and she is still wearing the other one." Alice chimed quietly.

All eyes shifted back to Bella in time to see her nod her head slightly.

She fell down the stairs? Then how did she get back up here? A million questions bombarded my mind all of which could only be answered by the woman lying in the bed too afraid to speak through the pain. Then it hit me, the bulge of the muscles along her jaw line, the crow's feet in the corners of her eyes, I had seen this face before. The only difference is instead of her face half covered in blood and dirt mottling her skin there was caked salt from countless tears and a bruise the size of my hand marring one side of her face.

"Carlisle," I spoke, my voice so full of pain and dread that it sounded broken, "I think you should check her arm for any damage that could cause the venom to escape. She's fighting the pain of the venom again."

"You can not be sure of that!" Edward accused in a register that was almost audible to the humans in the room.

"I can, because I was there." I replied much quieter as a point to keep his voice down.

"Ok. Can you tell me where it hurts?" Carlisle asked Bella with urgency.

Carlisle's mind filled with dread as Bella answered his question with another shake of her head. We all exchanged heavy looks of concern before Esme spoke.

"That's ok dear. Rose, Alice and I will help get you changed and check you over ok?" Esme moved to usher us out of the room before Bella had time to nod in acquiescence.

I was hyperaware of the emotions of the woman in the other room as I stood shoulder to shoulder with Charlie and Emmett in the small hallway outside of Bella's room. Shock and dismay were the dominant emotions burning like wildfire among them as the muffled sound of Bella's clothing being torn from her body filtered through the door. I heard Esme stifle a sob as the last of the cloth was peeled away. I didn't like the utter heartbreak she was emitting, or the recognition and white hot anger from Rosalie, this can't be good, it's possible that her injuries are worse than we had predicted. Alice stood still on the sidelines her emotions roiling with anger, worry and something that was too jumbled to identify.

"Alice it is not your fault that you can not see her. We all know that if you had seen this happening you would have stopped it." Edward said quietly through the door low enough that Charlie wouldn't hear.

So she angry at herself because she couldn't see this happening. Edward nodded slightly confirming my thought.

After another round of rustling fabric the door was opened slowly by a hard-eyed Rosalie, she gave me a pointed look before she glared murderously at Edward. She doesn't believe his story now that she's seen the full extent of the damage.

My eyes were immediately drawn to my angel laying quiet and still on the bed. I once more reached out to taste her emotions but found nothing but a void. How could she possibly be in so much pain and yet feel nothing? It's not possible.

"Seventy percent of her body is covered in bruises. Some are superficial and barely noticeable but there are others that…well, are worrisome. The worst of which are on her right side from her shoulder to her hip, her back, neck, and the left side of her face as you can see. She also has what looks like rug burn on her knees, hands, lower arms, and elbows." With every strained word from Esme's mouth the emotional atmosphere grew thicker and heavier like a supernatural fog.

Charlie was in disbelief and the emotions of the family reflected his perfectly. Esme left out the injury we were expecting, meaning that any injury to Bella's left arm was not severe enough to warrant concern that the venom had been released. It made no sense, how could she be feeling the burn of the venom without the bone being damaged to allow the venom into her blood stream. Unless Carlisle was wrong or something unforeseeable has happened to annul his theory.

"...I will check over her bruises again though to see for myself."

Carlisle gently turned Bella over onto her left side and lifted her shirt to allow all a view of her battered side and back. Emotional chaos broke out as her shirt revealed pale perfectly alabaster skin with just a hint of rapidly fading yellow and green bruises only visible to the mythical creatures in the room.

"I don't understand. They were there." Esme whispered.

"Are you sure?" Edward asked masking his condescension and the flash of smug satisfaction a millisecond too late with disbelief.

I locked eyes with him letting him know I caught it and that my suspicion was now renewed with a vengeance.

"Of course we are Edward. We are not blind. Her entire back was so bruised it was almost black. Most of her body was covered in bruises just as bad." Rosalie countered.

"Well then what the hell happened? They couldn't fade that fast!" Charlie shouted.

"Please Charlie, I don't think losing your temper will help Bella right now." Carlisle gently coaxed.

Charlie wiped his hands over his face attempting to gain some composure but it was futile. His only daughter was going through hell and he had no idea what to do. How do you fight away your child's demons when you don't know where it is, what it looks like or even what its doing to her?

"Carlisle," Emmett's uncharacteristically sullen voice called our attention to his position at the end of the bed, "look at her face and hands."

All eyes curiously traveled to Bella's hands and face. The bruise that had dominated her features was now, before our eyes, fading from a sickly lavender to green and the scraped and enflamed skin on her hands was loosing its blush. Under our sensitive gaze we watched as the skin knitted itself back together cell by cell until they were back to their original perfection.

"How is that possible?" The awestruck and angry comment from Alice broke us from our silent observation.

"What could this mean?" Esme asked while taking Carlisle's hand.

"I think it means we have discovered another side effect." Carlisle replied gravely.

Carlisle turned to face everyone and whispered at a human level.

"If you would mind I would like a moment alone with her and then I'm going to give her something to help her sleep."

Reluctantly I followed the others down the stairs to the living room where everyone settled in, awaiting the unknown with dread and hopelessness.

I listened to Carlisle's one sided conversation as I watched Charlie pace the living room floor. Charlie's worry would not allow him to sit still. It was his sixteenth journey from the base of the stairs to the far wall of the living room when a splash of brown on the off-white carpet caught my eye.

It was just an ordinary, generic, unobtrusive, and unassuming sneaker but suddenly to me its presence there at the base of the stairs was the gravest offense on earth, punishable by a long, slow, and painfully torturous death. There it sat safe and sound, waiting for it's mate to return. What could have happened in the eight hours since Bella walked out our front door to cause it to just abandon it's mate? What could have been so threatening that it would abandon its mate to face the consequences alone?

Then that shoe was no longer a shoe, it was me. I had abandoned the one person that truly needed me, the one person that had never doubted my control, the one person I needed most in this world. I was the one that had made the advances, I was the one that promised to never let her go, I was the one challenged her love for Edward, and I am the one that abandoned her to face the resulting consequences alone. I lost control with Alice and Bella is the one suffering from my insecurities and damaged ego, but, if I were to be honest with myself, it was Bella that brought me back from that rage. It was Bella's face that had broken through my violent haze and allowed me to gain control of the demon. I could never hurt Bella, my control is not as fragile as everyone else believes it is.

Rosalie was right. I've been a complete fool acting like a martyr. That's not who I am. I am Major Jasper Leroy Whitlock of the Third Brigade of Walker's Texas Division in the Confederate States Army, and more recently, Major Whitlock, the infamous God of War of the Southern Wars. I had personally lead my men in winters predawn light to recapture Galveston from the Union and lead hundreds of newborn vampires into battle to conquer new territory in the name of my creator. Here I am letting my own wounded ego and the wrongly placed distrust of my family keep me from what's rightfully mine, my happiness. Well fuck that! I am no longer going to sit meekly on the sidelines while my mate suffers. As in every battle, I will need a plan, a weakness to exploit or an opportunity to take advantage of, then I will make my move.

I listened passively as Carlisle came down and convinced Charlie to let us take Bella to our home instead of the hospital. It took more effort than any of us is use to because of Charlie's apparent immunity to our natural charms. Now that I had finally gotten my head straight I had enough control of my own emotions to help Carlisle out by leaking trust and resignation into Charlie's feelings of uncertainty. We made short work of carrying Bella to the car and then we hit a problem. We had supposedly all come together in one car and it was now impossible for us all to leave the same way. Two people can ride in back with Bella and one in the passenger seat plus Carlisle, who is driving.

There was a small argument on who was going to be going and who was going to wait here for someone to come back to pick them up. We obviously couldn't run back because it would rise suspicion with Charlie.

"I will not argue about this any longer Edward and Alice will ride with Bella along with Esme and I. Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, you will wait here until one of us can come back to retrieve you after we have Bella settled." Carlisle finally interjected sternly then turned back towards Charlie.

"Get some sleep Charlie. We'll take care of Bella and you come on by when you're ready in the morning."

Then they were gone with my heart in the back seat of his black Mercedes unconscious on the lap of the very man who most likely put her there. As the glow of the taillights disappeared around the corner the sky opened up and released it's burden to the earth in fat droplets that danced across my skin in rivulets. The sound of approaching footsteps registered through my troubled thoughts. A warm hand came to rest on my shoulder and I looked to my right to see Charlie staring at the exact same point my eyes had been glued to where the car faded into the night.

"She's strong, she'll make it through this." His voice was gruff and through the sadness and helplessness that he felt, I could still feel the pride he had in his daughter.

"Yeah, I know." My own voice was strained with the emotions I was just now allowing myself to feel over seeing my angel so broken and lifeless. I thought when she woke from her coma I would never have to face the same magnitude of fear and uncertainty that had held me captive those eighteen agonizing days, I was wrong.

"When she does get through this, you should to tell her. You might be surprised by the result." His words were vague but full of understanding.

I looked at him my face frozen in shock and confusion. When I said nothing he looked over at me, taking in my expression his mouth turned up in a grim and tired smile.

"My daughter may be blind but I'm not."

As if his words explained anything he placed something small and cool in my hand and turned back to the house. I was left staring at the space he had previously occupied. I heard him mount the steps one at a time and step onto the small porch. I turned quickly.

"But sir you don't even know me."

He stopped in his tracks two feet from the open door where Emmett and Rosalie stood watching our strange exchange. He then turned and I felt his fear and understanding as he thought over what to say.

"No, but I know enough. I know that he's no good for her, I've seen his type before. I also know the look in your eyes whenever she's close," He turned back to the door as he muttered the last part that was not meant for my ears, "I've seen it too." The loss and longing that seemed to tear through his soul with his words left me little doubt that he not only recognized what I felt but knew the pain of it intimately.

I stood there with unseeing eyes until I heard Charlie sit down roughly in his recliner. Then I remembered the object he had shoved into my hand. I opened my hand to see the keys to Bella's beloved beast of a truck. I suddenly understood Bella's intense attachment to her truck. Charlie wasn't an affectionate man, he showed his affection by taking care of those that he loved. That truck isn't pretty or fast but its strong and dependable and will protect her, it's a show of the love that he can't express. If I were still human I would be misty-eyed by my newfound knowledge and Charlie's gesture of approval.

I looked up at Emmett and Rosalie who had already seen the keys in my hand and were now closing the door behind them to make their way to the truck. As I opened the drivers door I shot Charlie a heavy dose of lethargy and comfort to put him to sleep. The likelihood of him obtaining a full night sleep in the chair was minimal but he would at least get some much needed rest.

The cab of the truck was quiet as we drove through the dark streets, Bella's scent still lingered on the worn leather of the seats, comforting my nerves and making my heart ache.

"She didn't really fall down the stairs did she?" Emmett's pained voice rang in the confining space.

"Have you not seen anything that's been happening the last two months, Em? Of course she didn't fall down the stairs!" Rose shrieked in disbelief.

"But Edward was at home all afternoon, he wasn't even gone forty-five minutes when he took her home." He said trying to grasp at any explanation besides the one where his mind reading brother beat his little sister and left her there to be found eight hours later.

"Oh god," Rosalie gasped, coming to the same epiphany that just sent my mind into a new swirl of violent emotions, "She was alone like that for eight hours!"

Silence descended as we all processed the possibility that Edward could be cruel enough to not only hurt Bella like that but also leave her to her own fate. If she had suffered any internal damage we could have gotten a much more agonizing phone call.

"Baby we don't know for sure that he did anything."

"Don't know for sure? Did you see her neck? Since when do stairs have hands to choke people?"

"Choke?" Emmett's voice came out quizzically mirroring my own thoughts.

"Yes, Emmett, choke! I could make out the damn finger marks!"

My rage was burning out of control. I had missed the bruise on her neck. If I had seen that I would have exposed us to Charlie because no one would have been able to stop me from killing Edward.

"I'm gonna kill'm." I growled.


	18. Can the End Justify the Means?

**A/N: Hey hey lovely readers! I'm going to keep this AN short cause I'm just too excited about this chapter. One really big announcement though. Worth It was reviewed by Jasper's Darlin's as last weeks Friday Fic Review at (http://) jaspersdarlins (dot) blogspot (dot) com If you dont know of them I suggest you go visit them. They're great :) The lovely women gave my lil ol' story a lovely review:)**

**Alright on with the story. For those of you who follow along with the playlist the songs for this chapter are Cure My Tragedy by Cold and Anthem of the Angels by Breaking Benjamin.**

**Enjoy!****Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.**

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JPOV

The truck ground to a halt after sliding several feet, the brakes squealing in protest, in the waterlogged driveway. The front door was open and the figures of Carlisle and Alice could be seen standing just within the well-lit living room. The sound of Bella's heartbeat and Esme fussing with the sheets was coming from the guest room on the second floor. Since Bella is securely passed out, Alice would have had no problem seeing every gory detail of Edwards justly demise. I couldn't sense him anywhere in the house so I could only assume that they sent him out while they attempted to stave off my homicidal rage.

I had enough sense left to turn off the truck before I shot out the door and went barreling through the front door.

"Where is he? Where is that pencil dick motherfucker?" I couldn't contain the anger that raged inside at the thought of him harming my Bella.

"Jasper, son, calm down."

"No! I will not fucking calm the down! By the time I get through with him, he'll belong in a goddamn ashtray! Where is he?!"

"Jasper!" Carlisle's biting tone cut through the haze filtering through my mind. "No matter what he may, or may not, have done, he is family! He deserves the benefit of the doubt, along with our help and support. We do not, under any circumstances, hurt the members of this family!"

"And why hasn't that same courtesy been extended to Bella? She is part of this family and still you are allowing your golden boy to hurt and terrorize her. Defending him even!"

"You don't know that he has done anything. Your letting your emotions cloud your judgment." Alice spoke up from Carlisle's side.

"How can you be so damn blind? He is doing to her what Charles did to Esme, what Royce did to me! She's nothing but a fucking object to him! Jasper warned us and we didn't listen. Now look what's happened!" Rosalie had finally lost what little control she had on her anger.

"I won't deny that he is over controlling but that in no way means he hurt her." Carlisle stated calmly.

"There was a hand shaped bruise on her neck and face! How much more fucking proof do you need?" Rose shouted while Emmett put a calming hand on the small of her back.

"He didn't do anything!" Alice defended.

"How do you know? Huh? How do you fucking know? Did you see what happened to her? Did you suddenly get your visions of Bella back?" Rosalie spat with malice.

I could feel the small rivulet of suspicion that both she and Emmett seemed to share towards Alice. Their suspicion was absurd of course. Alice may be having trouble reconciling Bella's betrayal with the love she has for her best friend and sister, but she would never want any harm to come to her. Alice is just the victim of a manipulative asshole that happens to also be her favorite brother. Her faith in him is only exacerbated by the fact that she can't see Bella and all the wrong that Edward does is to Bella, when he is alone with her. I've always told Alice she relies too heavily on her visions, but she never listened to me. She depends on her visions to show her peoples true intentions, what to say, whom to love, even what to wear. Now her visions are failing her and she's clinging to them with a death grip, not willing to admit that she can't trust the one thing she has always so blindly followed.

"No, I didn't see what happened but I know Edward. He wouldn't do that to Bella. He loves her! Why am I the only one that believes him? Why are you all so quick to turn on him?" Alice's voice shook with her anger.

"Alice…"

"Don't you 'Alice' me Jasper! It's you that has poisoned their minds! You are so desperate to have Bella that you are willing to do anything to separate Edward from his true love, his mate! It's you that has caused all of this!"

"Now don't even try and pin all this on me! He's the one actin' like a spoilt brat whose favorite toy has been threatened to git taken away! I know he did something to her. I might not be able to prove it but I know it dammit, and I'm gonna make him pay!"

"Do you hear yourself? You are willing to kill your brother over something you think he's done! With no proof! Now whose acting like a spoiled brat?!"

Damn. She had a point I couldn't argue with and, judging by the satisfaction she was feeling, she knew it too. I looked at Emmett and Rosalie. They wore matching expressions of anger and guilt at the fact that we were willing to go off all half-cocked and make a bonfire of Edward without anything more than suspicions. Alice was right, we had let our emotions get away with us. It goes against every instinct I possess not to punish the one who hurt my mate. Running off to kill my brother though, its impulsive and thoughtless. I can't do that, I can't let my emotions dictate what I do or who I am. I have to think this through. I can't punish him without proof and the proof has been wiped from her skin like a damn dry-erase board. The only way I can get proof is if he does it again or she admits to it. She'll never tell us the truth unless she's out from under his thumb. She won't leave him. If I could make her see how much she means to me and get her to feel the same way then I could get her to leave him or tell me the truth. I can't get close to her though without pissing Edward off, then he will hurt her again. Then I would have the proof I need, but how could I possibly risk Bella's safety like that?

I threw my head back, looking at the popcorn plaster of the ceiling, and ran my hands through my hair.

"Fuck!" I spun around and slammed my fist through the wall drenching my hand as it busted through the siding on the other side.

I turned back to Carlisle, my emotions calmer but the anger still near the boiling point.

"Carlisle, he hurt her, I know he did." I choked out around the lump forming in my throat.

If I could cry, my eyes would be brimming with moister. Carlisle's face was soft with understanding as he came up and patted my back reassuringly.

"I know son, but without proof or Bella's admission we can do nothing but wait and hope for the best." His voice was gently and reassuring but it did nothing to assuage my pain.

"I need to hunt." I said quietly and turned for the door.

We all knew it was a lie. They knew I needed to get out and get a hold of my own emotions.

"Jasper…" Rosalie called quietly her voice full of the same pain I was feeling.

I ignored her and ran out the door disappearing into the rain soaked night.

I ran to the hill where Rosalie and I had been arguing not four hours ago, though it felt like decades. I sat down on a fallen tree on the far side of the hill, facing away from the house. I couldn't bear to look at the home that once seemed so picturesque but now just looked like a candy coating on a rotten apple.

I let go of the tenuous control over my emotions and they immediately flooded the hill, swirling and pulsing around me, weaving in and out, poisoning the atmosphere with their toxicity. The pain, anger, love, guilt, shame and grief mixed together until they became indistinguishable from one another, creating a concoction of misery that blanketed the hillside. Time crept by, an eternity spanning between each drop of rain that fell on my scarred and tainted body, as I sat there in the cesspool of my emotions.

I heard the soft footfalls as someone ascended the hill behind me. I reigned in my emotions in time for the footsteps to crest the hill and the smell of magnolias and honey blossoms to fill my nostrils.

I remained a quiet statue as she stepped over the tree and took a seat beside me, resting her arm comfortingly across my shoulders. Minutes stretched by, both of us silent. There was nothing but the sound of the rain falling from the heavens hitting the leaves of the trees. The simple peacefulness of sitting in the rain with the scent of the forest surrounding me accented by Esme's scent that never failed to remind me of home, my human home, made my soul ache for simpler days.

"He hurt her, Esme. I promised to protect her and he hurt her." My voice invaded the silence.

"Jasper there was no way you could have known he was going to escalate that quickly or to that extent."

My head whipped towards her in surprise.

"So you believe me?"

Her emotions answered without the need for words. She was overwhelmed with shame, guilt, anger, and disappointment.

"I tried to deny it, tried to rationalize his behavior and ignore the warnings, the very same warnings I had turned my back on when I was still human. Then I walked into that room, with my sweet, innocent daughter lying huddled in that bed. I couldn't lie to myself any longer. It was like looking at a picture of myself, of a moment in time where I had no hope and nothing but a monster to care for me. From the moment I met Bella I saw myself in her. I never fathomed that we would have that experience in common as well." Her emotions were threatening to drown her in the memories that were best left in the past so I sent her a dose of peace and love to pull her back from her dark thoughts.

Esme gave me a watery smile before continuing while she still held eye contact with me.

"She's not the only one suffering from his treatment either. We all are but you, you the most. She's not the only one I fear this may change. Since Phoenix, I have seen a change in you. You are less like the calm collected person you have grown to be since your time in this family and more like the angry violent man you were when you first joined us." Esme's voice sounded broken and tearful as she laid out her fears to me.

I nodded my head in understanding. I know what she is talking about. More and more I feel like the out of control vampire I thought I had left behind me with Maria's army.

"I was gonna kill him." I bowed my head under the shame of how I had so easily reverted at the first sign of violence.

"Yes, you were, and that scares me so much. You worked so hard to put that part of your life behind you and learn to live a more peaceful existence. I am so scared that you will go too far and once this is over you wont be able to find your way back." Esme took my head in her hands and forced me to look up into her eyes. "Don't let Edward win. You have to be strong for Bella, for this family. I fear that this will end badly and we need you to keep a level head."

"How else could it end Esme? Bella will never tell us what happened and will just cover for him. He's got her so brainwashed that she will follow him off a cliff if he told her to." She let go of my face and sat back beside me nodding.

"I know, but that is the only option left to us right now. If we try to force him to leave her it will only drive him to more violence, violence that Bella will most assuredly not survive. If we try to get her to leave him, it could drive her further away from us and closer to him. We have to wait until she is ready to leave him. Then we will move heaven and earth to get her away and keep her safe, until then I'm afraid we are helpless."

"No not helpless. I refuse to accept there is nothing we can do. We can at least watch them. If they are never alone together then he can't hurt her, if he does then we will be there to confirm what we already know and confront him with it, as a family." I said with all the conviction I felt.

"That's the Jasper I know." Esme said with a small smile.

"Esme you know this isn't going to end well. We all know he won't let her go willingly. Even once she leaves him, he will hunt her to the ends of the earth. He won't stop until one of them is dead and I aim to make sure it's not her."

"I know and I would expect nothing less from you."

"So we are only delaying the inevitable by waiting and hoping for the best."

Esme bowed her head a second while she fought to contain the sorrow that shot through her then she looked up with a heart-wrenching look.

"He's my son Jasper, if there is any chance that he can be saved from himself then I have to try. I can't give up on him."

"I know, you have a heart of gold that radiates love and compassion, I wouldn't expect anything less from you." I said while wrapping my arm around her hugging her to my side, offering all the comfort I could muster.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before she spoke again.

"I'm so happy for you that you have found your mate."

I looked at her surprised.

"How did you know? I've just realize it today."

"I've know for a long time that, while yours and Alice's marriage may have been one of love, you were not mated." She looked over at me and laughed at my expression. "Don't look at me like that. A mother knows these things. Your marriage was not of an equal partnership, you did nothing but give and Alice took. I see how you look at Bella, there's a spark in your eyes that I've never seen before, when she's in the room you light up, and you may not see it but it's the same for her. Even before Phoenix, I saw the pull between you two and I can see how devastating it is for you two to be forced apart. That only happens with mates. Not to mention that the thought of her being harmed cuts you so deeply that it's instinctual to protect her, whatever the consequences."

"I'm not so sure you should be happy for me. It's because of me that this family is in such turmoil. Edward has turned violent, Alice is in such pain, she's not herself anymore, we have been divided because of how I feel for Bella. It may all be for nothing, she doesn't feel for me what I feel for her." I said morosely.

"You can't feel guilty for something you have no control over. Even if you never felt anything beyond friendship for Bella, Edward would have snapped, it was just a matter of time. Alice is upset now but she will eventually see that it's for the best, she will find her mate and be happier than she could ever imagine. As for this family, well, we'll get through this. Every family has a rough patch or two and we have had a nice long run, something was bound to happen. And it's not for nothing. Bella feels just as strongly for you as you do her, you just have to give her time, she's human and is scared by the intensity of the emotions you evoke, and wracked with guilt because of Edward."

Her words did nothing to alleviate my conscience. Guilty thoughts still rambled through my brain. Esme sensed this.

"I'm a subscriber to the belief that love does conquer all, and that the end does justify the means."

I couldn't suppress my laugh.

"Oh gawd. Are you seriously spoutin' cliché proverbs at me?"

"Yeah, I guess I am." Esme said as she joined in my laughter.

After our somewhat nervous laughter died down, I looked at Esme.

"So all's fair in love and war?" I said with a smirk.

I wasn't prepared for the seriousness that she held in her eyes.

"Yes. Just don't hurt my baby, she's been through enough."

I nodded my head and looked down to the ground between my clasped hands. Life had definitely changed since Bella Swan stumbled into our lives. Despite all the pain and turmoil, I couldn't bring myself to regret the day that she stumbled through those cafeteria doors and challenged everything I thought I believed with her mere existence.

"Now come on. We may not be able to catch a cold but that doesn't mean it's good sense sit out here getting wet all night."

I followed Esme back to the house where everyone but Rosalie, who from the sound of it was up with Bella, sat quietly in the living room, nervous tension and anger hung thick in the air. Edward stood at the end of the couch next to where Alice sat.

I know you hurt her and I'll be watching you. The next time you dare to even bruise her, I will be there and no force on this earth will be able to save you then.

I knew he heard my thoughts when I felt not only his anger grow but the fear he thought he was hiding as well.

* * *

Two days, compared to the eternity we have, is nothing, but judging by the emotions that my family couldn't help assaulting me with, they, like me, felt every second drag under the weight of our fears.

I never left Bella's side. I sat there holding her hand, feeling her pulse beat beneath her pale skin. Everyone drifted in and out, sometimes staying for hours, except for Edward. Edward spent as little time in the room as he could because he couldn't handle seeing me so close to Bella. He demanded that I be forbidden from coming close to Bella but the family disagreed with him. Carlisle told him firmly that he could accept my presence or he can stay out of the room because I had just as much of a right to be there as the rest of them. Of course, Edward didn't take well to Carlisle sticking up for me and has pissed and moaned about it ever since.

Charlie stopped by every chance he got but there had been a rash of vandalisms in Forks and he was busy trying to track down the culprits. He did call every hour or two to check on Bella. He knew Bella was in capable hands and was sure she would make it through this. I wish I could be as confidant as he is.

After what happened yesterday afternoon what little faith I had in her recovery was shaken to the core, to be restored only when she opens her eyes.

_I sat watching the dust dancing in the rays of sunlight that streaked through the window, a stray beam caught my eye as it hit my hand. I watched as the light refracted off the three scars that marred my skin there. I let my thoughts drift forward in time to the reaction I may get from Bella when I tell her about my past. All the lives I've taken all the dreams I've destroyed, how will she look at me when she realizes the monster that sits before her eyes._

_Then the constant and reassuring thump of Bella's heart that had been like elevator music in the room missed a beat. My head shot up only to hear a labored thump and another missed beat. Then her body, which hadn't even so much as twitched since Carlisle had stuck the needle in her arm the night before, was suddenly moving in rapid jerky movements along with what sounded like gagging._

"_Carlisle!"_

_I had never gone through medical school like Edward but it didn't take a degree for me to figure out she was having a seizure. I leapt onto the bed taking her in my arms and turning her onto her side to keep her from gagging on her tongue._

"_She's seizing." Carlisle said as he and the rest of the family appeared through the door._

_Edward disappeared down the hall and reappeared almost immediately carrying a black bag that I knew housed a plethora of drugs and handed it to Carlisle. He filled a syringe with medicine and yanked the covers off Bella to access her arm._

"_Jasper, I need you to hold her arm still for me."_

_Holding Bella's small fragile arm in mine while her body jerked and twitched I was made aware of just how mortal she was. It was suddenly a very real fact that I could lose her, not to Edward's controlling and abusive trap but to the reaper himself. I could feel the veil of this world lifting to open a gateway for Bella's spirit to pass to the other side. There was dark pall of fear and loss that held the room in its firm grasp._

_Carlisle lowered the needle to Bella's vein, but when he applied pressure to send it plunging through her skin nothing happened. We glanced at each other over the crook of her arm and he tried again. The needle bent and broke under the force with which he used._

"_What the hell?" Emmett expressed my thoughts exactly._

_Bella's twitching grew still and her breathing returned to normal under our fearful and confused gaze. Carlisle rolled her onto her back while the rest of us stood rooted to our spots by what we just saw._

"_Her skin has begun to harden though it's still warm to the touch and has retained its elasticity." Carlisle quietly informed us._

"_So does this mean she's changing?" Asked Rosalie._

"_I can't say that she is with any certainty. Typically, the skin hardening coincides with it growing cold sometime between forty-eight and seventy-two hours into the change. The seizure worries me because I have never seen any change with seizures. It's as if somehow she is going through the change without her body dying, though that's impossible. Our venom poisons the body, killing the cells by petrifying and perfecting them then it reanimates them in their dead state." He replied thoughtfully._

_Carlisle began checking Bella over for any signs to help him determine whether or not she was changing when the tantalizing smell of her blood hit my nostrils. I immediately held my breath and shoved all but Carlisle and Esme out of the room slamming the door and locking it, knowing it was useless but needing to get the point across. I turned to see Esme and Carlisle standing there with matching expressions of confusion. The others were standing in the hallway not yet recovered from the shock of my strange behavior._

"_Hold your breath and look closer Carlisle. You too Esme, hold your breath. She's bleeding somewhere."_

_They nodded and obeyed. However, it was no longer necessary for Carlisle to check Bella again for injury. We turned our attention back to Bella in time to see what appeared to be a tear slip from the corner of her eye, but it wasn't a tear, tears aren't red._

"_Oh my god." Esme breathed._

_I watched her carefully for any reaction. Her eyes darkened almost imperceptibly but I felt no bloodlust from her, only fear._

"_Everybody hold your breath and go outside." Carlisle told everyone on the other side of the door._

"_Wha…"_

"_Don't argue, just go! NOW!" Carlisle shouted, his emotions getting the better of him._

_I stepped closer once I heard the front door close behind the others. Carlisle looked at me worriedly._

"_It's not even an issue." I stated simply not wanting to explain that after Phoenix my demon no longer thirsted for her blood. For the first time in my existence, my demon and I agreed on something that had nothing to do with violence. _

_He nodded and turned back to Bella._

_Carlisle lifted Bella's eyelids and both Esme and I gasped at what we saw. The whites of her eyes were red and thicker ribbons of crimson were now threaded through the chocolate of her irises. Esme ran and grabbed some toilet paper and alcohol from the bathroom to wipe the blood from Bella's face. Once she was sure that she had gotten it all and flushed the evidence, she returned and sat on the edge of the bed._

"_What's wrong with her?" Esme asked quietly as she swept a stray hair from Bella's face._

"_It's a subconjunctival hemorrhage." Carlisle said as he placed his fingers delicately in the crook of Bella's arm. "She's hypertensive, much more than is safe. The seizure was probably the result of the hypertension and the strain from the seizure caused the hemorrhage. Without the ability to give her drugs intravenously we are severely limited on what we can do, treatment wise. We can force feed her pills but we would be so limited on the drug and the dose that it would do no good, short term or long term."_

"_So what do we do? Just sit here and hope she gets better?" Esme asked, disbelief coloring her voice._

"_No. There is something we can do to put a stop to this once and for all." I said gravely, lifting my eyes from Bella's tortured form to meet Carlisle's saddened gaze._

"_Jasper, I'm afra…."_

_Before any of us knew what was happening Edward came crashing through the locked door splintering it and rendering it useless._

"_No! You will not change her!" He fumed._

"_E…"_

"_NO!"_

_Rosalie, Emmett, and Alice then came rushing through the doorway behind him. Rose and Emmett both wore expressions of apology and anger. Alice's face was twisted in concentration trying to see anything to help us._

_Edward was winding up for another one of his Bella is mine and I know what is best for her speeches but I was beyond giving a damn what he had to say. I threw Edward against the far wall away from Bella._

"_Shut the fuck up and listen to me you worthless little shit! I don't give a damn what you have to say anymore! Bella wanted to be changed and that's what I'm gonna do. Got it?" I spat, my voice full of menace, daring him to try to stop me._

"_I'm sorry, Jasper, but I can't let you do that."_

_I spun around growling ferociously. Everyone else was gawking at Carlisle with the same look of mixed anger and disbelief._

"_Even after all he has done you still regard his wishes over hers?" Rosalie asked incredulously._

"_No, Edward's wishes have no impact on my decision. I'm afraid that injecting more venom into her system might actually have the reverse affect of what we want it to do. We can clearly see what the little bit of venom already in her system is doing to her." He said, his voice strained by the swell of conflicting emotions bombarding him._

"_So we do nothing?!" Emmett asked outraged at the idea of doing nothing while we possibly watch Bella die._

"_Alice can you see anything? A flicker, or flash? Anything that could help us figure out what to do?" Esme pleaded._

"_I'm trying but everything's shadowed and blurry. When Jasper made the decision to change her it all went blank but I don't know if that's because she die's or because she changes and she becomes more powerful. I can make out that Carlisle calls Eleazar and speaks with him about possible Volturi records that may help us figure out what's going on but I don't see how it turns out." Alice's voice belayed the strain and frustration she was feeling over her failing visions._

"_You think the Volturi can help?" Edward asked disbelief coloring his tone._

"_I think they may have something that could help us."_

"_How is that?" Rosalie asked._

"_There have been instances where our venom has somehow landed in the hands of researchers, scientists and doctors, even conspiracy theorists, and they of course test and study the venom. When the Volturi find out about it they go in, kill all who had any knowledge of the venom and take everything pertaining to it. Aro is a collector so of course he keeps all of the information." He stopped when he saw the doubtful looks on our faces at the thought of a human somehow obtaining our venom._

"_It's not as uncommon as you think. A vampire gets sloppy and leaves too much venom in the wound they fed from and a curious medical examiner finds it, can't identify it, and begins running tests on it. Sometimes a nomad kills another nomad but fails to burn a piece, then a human finds it and sends it to a research lab or university to be identified. There dozens of such cases a year, where the Volturi have to intervene to keep our secret. I myself have even had to clean up a few messes at some of the hospitals I've worked at, only I don't kill anyone."_

"_And how do you think this can help Bella?" I asked._

"_Well these people have researched and tested on our venom, used equipment I don't have access to in order to study it. They may have discovered something more about the nature of our venom. Even more, there might be cases of people similar to Bella, people who were bitten but didn't turn immediately. I know Eleazar still has a few friends in the castle and he may be able to have them look at the records for us." I felt the desperation Carlisle was feeling along with the small sliver of hope he was stubbornly holding onto as he spoke._

Carlisle called Eleazar not long after that conversation and Eleazar agreed to try to get in touch with some of his old acquaintances to help him out but he didn't sound very hopeful with the outcome. He himself never had interest in the science research that was stockpiled in its own room in the bowels of the castle so he could offer no insight to our dilemma.

Since Carlisle's rather disheartening talk with Eleazar he has been sequestered in his study dissecting every scrap of research he has. From the gloom of his emotions, I could tell that it was not producing anything new that could shed any light on our situation.

Rose and Emmett were trying to keep themselves occupied but by the sound of Emmett's character dying for the tenth time in the last hour and a half he wasn't succeeding. Rosalie wasn't doing any better of a job than him, I hadn't heard her turn the page of her magazine in about forty minutes. Edward and Alice were talking in hushed tones in the living room, they were arguing that much I could tell but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I didn't really care. Esme was doing laundry, anything to keep her hands busy and mind as distracted as possible. Like Emmett and Rosalie though, she was failing miserably.

Me, I sat here minute after minute, hour after hour, wishing I believed in a god so I would have someone to pray to. Though I found it ironic that I wanted to pray but my prayer would be to have her wake up a vampire and love me until the day the world ends, when many of our kind believe that we are soulless damned creatures that have reserved seats in hell simply because of what we are.

"Over my dead body Jasper." Edward growled from the living room, obviously commenting on my thoughts of Bella.

"That can be arranged asshole." I taunted gruffly and leaned forward to pick Bella's hand up in mine.

I almost dropped her hand in shock. She was burning up. Scorching hot.

"Carlisle, something's wrong!"

Everyone was in the room instantly, dreading what they were walking in to see.

"She's burning up."

"Esme get my thermometer." Carlisle ordered as he raced over.

He felt her forehead then immediately yanked the blankets off her.

"Jasper open the windows, Alice get all of the ice we have in the freezer. Emmett, grab some towels and get them wet with cool water then bring them and a tub of water in here." Carlisle's voice was strained as he barked out commands while he took her temperature.

"Shit." He muttered when he saw the reading on the thermometer.

"Carlisle?" Esme squeaked out, Carlisle's panicked behavior scaring her almost senseless.

He barely spared her a glance as he began packing the wet towels that Emmett brought around Bella's body like a cold, wet cocoon. Alice came back with the container from the automatic icemaker full of ice.

"She's hyperpyretic, if we don't get her temperature down she'll die from organ failure or brain damage." Carlisle answered her unspoken question in a tone that was both urgent and devastating.

There was a second where there was nothing. We were all frozen in the numbness. Then our brains seemed to register everything at the same time and it was like an explosion of emotions. My senses were overloaded. Even though the room had become an emotional war-zone it was silent as a grave, the only motion in the room was Carlisle working hard to keep Bella's body from cooking itself.

The sound of cloth ripping pierced the silence and startled us all from our shock only to put us there again by the sight of…Rosalie…in nothing but a skimpy bra and panties?

"Emmett, go turn the cold water on in the tub." Rose said over her shoulder as she walked towards Bella.

Emmett stood motionless his eyes swimming with shock, confusion, doubt and wonder. It hadn't been more then thirty seconds since Carlisle delivered his grave assessment and now we all stood in confused amazement at an underwear clad Rosalie. The only thought going through Emmett's head was probably that she had lost her mind.

Rosalie bent over Bella's prone body and in one motion had Bella's clothing reduced to same state as her own. That woke me up from my surprise.

"Woah, what the hell do you think your doing?" I stepped forward as she lifted Bella from the bed cradled gently in her arms.

The rest broke free from their immobility simultaneously then.

"Yeah babe, what the hell?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes in exasperation and anger.

"Shut up and go turn the damn water on. I'm cold, she's hot, water is a good conductor. If we can get her into the water with me it'll be like sticking a hot spoon into a glass of ice water." She said as she pushed through us to the door of the attached bathroom.

"Of course, I should have thought of it sooner. Thank you Rosalie. At least one of us was thinking." Carlisle was the first react and then we were all scrambling to get to the bathroom.

* * *

**Post A/N: Yes I realize several of you are probably already breaking open your piggy banks to take out a contract on my life because Jasper didnt kill Edward and is just going to let Edward continue to abuse Bella. I'm sorry, it was a neccesary evil. When this is all over you will understand, I think.**


	19. La Belle Under the Full Moon

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.**

* * *

**A/N: Hello lovely readers I am BACK! ****Yeah I know it's been awhile I for that I am truly sorry. I had writers block for a while and then ironically enough I have been dealing with my own medical mystery. I am having heart palpitations that are progressively getting worse and the doctors cannot find any cause. My heart is structurally fine, every test comes back normal, and they are definitely not caused by anxiety attacks so they are stumped. The last one almost caused me to pass out though so they are scrambling to find a cause. In the mean time the meds I'm on have TOTALLY chased my appetite away. I lost eight pounds the first week! Wow right. Alright on to the real juicy stuff. The story.**** Hope ya'll like it.**

**Enjoy!**

**Songs for Ch 19—Angel by Within Temptation & Quote by Evans Blue**BPOV

* * *

The flames withdrew their scorching tendrils that held me locked in the clutches of agony. The darkness crept back into the recesses of my mind where it watched and waited, feeding off my misery and heartache. My eyes drifted open to face the world I had left behind.

There was an angel, standing in the light of the full moon that poured through the large window. His eyes focused on the trees. The light refracted off his bare chest, the scars that were carved into every inch of his skin, created a kaleidoscope of patterns that shimmered with a life of their own. The dust that floated around him caught the deflected rays of light and glowed in the darkness like fireflies. He was a golden god, banished to the darkness. The moon defied and shone its light in homage to the fallen warrior, the dark angel with his sins and sorrow sketched across his skin like a road map to his soul. The planes of his chest, the curves of his muscles were cast in stone by the finest artist but his face, it was hard and full of pain. His eyes were those of a simple man that had seen the horrors this world held. He had seen atrocities that he could not erase from his mind and done things that cut at his soul. Yet he was still the man that could find humor in the smallest things and see beauty where none believed it existed.

He was beautiful, in both body and soul. He would never be mine.

He turned from the window and his eyes locked with mine.

"Bella" Softly my name fell from his lips portraying his relief.

Jasper was instantly at my side wiping the hair from my face with one hand while bringing my hand to his lips with the other.

"How ya feelin' darlin'?" He asked as he kissed my hand, his eyes swirling with endless emotion.

I felt the tears prickling behind my eyes and a lump in my throat rise and swell. Why did I have to love the wrong man? If I could only have loved Edward the same as I love Jasper.

Why does he have to torture me so? Can't he see that he's killing me with just the softest touch? I never meant anything more than a distraction to him and he destroyed my life. Turned my happily-ever-after fairytale into a nightmare, complete with real monsters and raging insanity.

My heart resides in my chest no longer, instead it sits in his hands, and he'll never know.

I wanted to hate him. Because of him, Edward hurt me. Because of him, I would never find my happiness, never live in my land of make believe where my love for Edward is real and reciprocated. I couldn't hate him. I can't hate the reason for my existence. He is what holds me to this world. He is what keeps drawing me back from the abyss within my own mind.

"Darlin? What's wrong? Please, say somethin'." Jasper called louder than before, fear and panic straining his voice.

I heard the soft footsteps of the family racing towards the door and out of the corner of my eye saw movement along the wall near the door. I looked away from Jasper's eyes as the bed sank under the weight of another. I didn't need to look to know who it was. Everything within me screamed to run away, warning me of the danger that lurked there.

"I'm fine." I said in a detached tone and pulled my hand from his as Edward took my other hand in his grasp.

I tried, and failed, to ignore the confused and hurt look on his face as he leaned back in the chair that had been set beside the bed.

"Bella, love, you had us so worried."

I tried not to flinch at Edward's pet name. It no longer held the sweet sentiment it once did. Now it was a reminder of his cruelty, of the words he used to butcher my heart.

I looked up into the faces of my surrogate family. They all wore varying expressions of relief and anxiety. Carlisle's face was the most disconcerting though. His features were strained with worry and fear, as he looked me over with a clinical eye from where he stood.

I didn't know what to say. I was too afraid to ask why they were so worried, and too fearful of saying anything that would reveal the cause of my 'accident'.

Finally, Esme broke the tense silence.

"Dear, are you sure you feel okay?"

"Yes, I feel fine. No aches, no pains, nothing. Why?"

No one said anything, just exchanged looks between each other.

"What's going on? What's wrong with me?" My voice raising an octave as panic began to grip me by the throat.

Something was seriously wrong if they were acting this way. What happened while I was out?

"How long was I out?"

Edward squeezed my hand tenderly.

"You were unconscious for six days." Carlisle said softly.

"Six days? Why so long?"

Again, there was nothing but silence and shared looks between the family members.

"What aren't you guys telling me? What's going on?"

"Love, calm down." Edward's command combined with the almost painful tightening of his grip forced me to take a breath, and while I didn't calm down, I was able to mask the panic and fear.

"First Bella, can you tell us what happened to you? What happened before your father found you?" Carlisle asked as he stepped closer to the bed.

I felt the tension in the room thicken. No one moved or breathed. Edwards hold on my hand turned painful. I looked in his eyes and saw the fake concern and reassurance shining there even as his grip grew more painful. He was warning me, 'don't breathe a word'.

I turned back to Carlisle.

"I fell down the stairs." I lied, bowing my head to hide my fear, fear that they would see through my lie, fear of what Edward would do if they didn't believe me, fear of Edward and what he was capable of.

"Edward and I were arguing when he dropped me off. When I calmed down I tried going downstairs to call him and apologize for some of the things I said. I was so distracted I wasn't being careful, I missed a step and fell." I finished softly.

"Then how did you get to your room?" Rosalie's voice rang out full of doubt.

"What?" I asked, my panic taking hold of me once again as I looked up.

"How did you get to your room? Charlie found you on the floor of your room, not at the bottom of the stairs." Jasper's hard voice challenged.

I fought against the instinct to rip my hand from Edwards as I hid the wince from the pain Edwards hands were inflicting upon me.

"I…I…don't really know. I mean, I was in so much pain, the only thing I could think about was getting to bed. Sleep it off. I knew there was nothing broken and I didn't want to worry everyone over nothing..." I stammered.

"Damnit Bella! Stop it!" I whipped my head to face Jasper who was no longer sitting in the chair but towering over the bed, still shirtless, his eyes burning with anger. "We know wha…"

"Jasper!" Esme barked in warning, cutting him off mid sentence.

He looked over at Esme, then Edward and back to me. I watched as he clenched his jaw together a few times then sauntered angrily across the room and out of the door. Rosalie followed close behind him after looking at me with pity.

Edwards grip loosened the moment Jasper was out of the door but he still held my hand firmly in his.

An uncomfortable silence hung heavy in the air. Everyone's eyes were focused on anything other than me. Edward had a slight smirk on his face as he cocked his head slightly to the left and darted his eyes from one family members face to the other.

I wasn't sure what to make of Jasper's outburst or the tension in the room. It felt as if there was a giant neon pink elephant in the room that was visible to everyone but me.

"What just happened?" My voice cut through the silence, sounding harsher than I meant it to.

"It is nothing you need concern yourself with love."

With that, the subject was closed. I wanted to press further but the fear of how Edward would interpret my inquisitive concern kept my mouth quiet.

My mind wondered back to my original reason for my panic. I had been out for six days and something had gone terribly wrong in those six days. Obviously I hadn't turned, I could feel my pulse pound against the pressure of Edwards hand, the burning in my arm persisted, and I felt no burning in my throat that had been described to me as thirst. However, my throat did feel dry and scratchy from a very human need for water.

I voiced my need for water and as Esme went downstairs to fetch a bottle of water, Carlisle sat down in the chair Jasper had once occupied and explained to me what had happened while I was 'sleeping'. Seizures, hemorrhages, hypertension, extreme fevers, and even a nose bleed, no wonder everyone was acting strange I'm a god damned freak of nature.

"Perfect. Not only have I always been a freak in the human world but I am now a freak in the vampire world too. Next you'll tell me that I'll continue to turn slowly and painfully for the next ten years then die and become a zombie instead of a vampire." I spouted sarcastically.

The look on Carlisle's face made me freeze.

"Oh my god! You are, aren't you?"

Carlisle raised his hands in a calming gesture that was meant to stop me before I spiraled any further into terror. Esme rubbed my back while Edward tried to sooth me with words that would never make their way through the cloud filling my brain with pictures of horror and pain. What did finally cut through my panic induced haze was the raucous laughter coming from the corner of the room.

"Emmett! Shut up! This is not funny!" Alice's tinkling voice reprimanded Emmett.

"Yes it is! She…she seriously thinks she's gonna be a zombie! Like those even exist!" Emmett's laughter continued until he caught Esme and Carlisle's disapproving looks and gained control of himself.

I looked back at Carlisle needing an explanation.

"No Bella, you will not become a…zombie. Emmett is right, those exist solely in the world of fiction."

"Then, why…" He held up his hand to interrupt me.

"Bella, your situation is extremely unique."

"More than she knows." I heard Emmett mutter to himself and saw Carlisle shoot a harsh glance at Emmett before continuing.

"To be completely honest, we have no idea what will happen. You could continue to turn in stages over a long period of time or you could go to sleep tomorrow and wake up fully turned. It may be over now and leave you in a hybrid state. We have no idea. That is why I asked Eleazar to have his friends look through the records for us." He paused and took a deep unnecessary breath to brace himself before he continued.

"We can however, be sure that you are no longer fully human and will never be again." He said with finality.

"How can you know that?"

"We can smell it." It was Edward that answered my question.

I looked at him in confusion.

"You can smell it? What do you mean?"

"Your scent has changed. It is not like when you had the blood transfusions in the hospital. Instead of your scent being tainted, it has actually changed. It was so gradual that many of us did not even notice it until yesterday. Your scent is like a cross between a human and a vampire. Though you smell of blood, it is no longer appetizing, even to me. It is less floral now, more musky and sweet."

"Oh." It was all I could say I was so stunned.

After sitting in silence for I don't know how long allowing me time to wrap my head around everything Esme spoke up. Her hand that had been resting comfortingly on my back patted me gently to gain my attention as she spoke.

"Right then, I'm sure you are just aching to get cleaned up and into a fresh set of clothes. Come on lets get you on your feet and into the bathroom, then I'll get you some clothes."

As I waited for the water to warm up Esme came in with my clothes.

"Everyone else is going for a quick hunt. I'm going later so you won't be alone. None of us wanted to leave you while you were…" Her voice trailed off.

I noticed for the first time how dark Esme's eyes were. She needed to hunt just as badly as the rest of the family.

"What? No, Esme, you go ahead. I don't need to be babysat and you're thirsty."

"No honey, I can't leave you alone, you just woke up."

"Go. I'll be fine."

Esme gave me an uncertain look as if she wasn't sure whether to believe me or not.

"Bella…"

"Really, Esme, I'll be fine. Get out of here, go catch a deer or two for me." I flashed her a reassuring smile.

"Okay sweetie. We wont be gone for more than an hour or two and Rosalie and Jasper should be back soon since they left earlier."

She hugged me close for a minute before whispering in my ear.

"Sweetie, you know you can always talk to me, right?" I nodded against her should. "I'm here for you no matter what. Forever. Don't ever forget that, okay?"

She stepped back keeping a hold of my shoulders and looked me deep in the eyes.

"Thanks." I whispered softly with every ounce of gratitude I held in my body.

She gave me a soft smile and left me alone in the bathroom that, much like everything in the Cullen house, was immaculately designed, complete with a whirlpool tub and large separate shower with seven showerheads.

As I stripped the unfamiliar clothes from my body I struggled to keep my mind blank. I did not care to remember the look in Jasper's eyes as he stormed out of the room. I did not want to remember the feel of Edward's hands on me, making my skin crawl and my stomach clench and churn. I worked hard to block out the looks of dread and grief on the faces of my family as Carlisle spoke of the uncertainty of my fate. I needed a long hot shower to wash away the feeling of being foreign in my own body.

I stepped into the steaming shower stall, its rosy sandstone tiles reminding me of my beloved Phoenix and its sun-baked desert. The hot spray hit my body from not only above but the three walls as well, creating the illusion of a hot spring waterfall scouring my body. My personal items had been moved from Edward's bathroom to this one, thankfully. I tried not to ponder the implications of how they knew that I would no longer feel comfortable sharing any more personal space with Edward. I allowed myself to believe they were simply to appeasing my father's expectations, since I was told that he was coming to sit with me whenever he could.

After I had scrubbed every inch of my skin for the third time without the benefit of that delicious rosy glow and that tingling burn of over-exfoliated skin, reality crashed into me like a category five hurricane.

Edward's unspoken threat to keep silent, Jasper's hurt and anger, Rosalie's pitying looks, Esme's gentle touch, Carlisle's pained eyes and weighted words, Emmett's slumped shoulders, Alice's silence. It all came rushing at me, creating broken images and distorted words, showing me things that could not have been, telling me things that were never said. Connections were made and broken at lightening speed, glances, tones, and hidden meanings were collected and laid out in rapid-fire succession. Broken fragments of memories and veiled glances were now painted in stark clarity against the dark canvas of my mind. Then agony and despair were suddenly dragging me down into the murky depths of understanding.

My body slid down the tiled wall, and found a home in the corner along with the bacteria and mold that lived unseen in the crevices of the grout. The now tepid water that streamed out of the walls fell upon my face replacing the tears my body refused to release. Still as a statue I sat, my breath coming in short silent gasps, the thoughts and images roiling around in the seemingly infinite room in my mind.

The reason for Edward's sudden change of character now made so much more sense than jealousy and fear. My scent was wrong, he loved my blood, my scent, not me. He no longer cared to be gentle and loving because I no longer possessed the essence that drew him to me. Though he would never let me go now, out of shear pride and greed, to possess that which no one else will.

All of the pieces fell together like an intricate puzzle. They know what happened, they know my shame and no longer desired me, no longer felt I was worthy to be one of them. That's why Carlisle failed to mention the other possible outcome of my situation. Death. They wont turn me now because I am not worth it and they know that the venom could kill me instead of turn me. If the venom was going to turn me, it would have done so by now, they knew that.

Suddenly the memories of what happened with Edward, which I had carefully pushed away, were forced to the forefront of my mind. The pain was a physical memory imprinted deep in the sinews of my muscles the words lashed bloody wounds across my heart that would never heal. I could feel myself sinking further into the darkness of my mind, into the depths where the beast dwelled. The shower tiles began to blur and fade as the monster within gained power and plotted revenge on the evil that had hurt us.

The room snapped back into focus when I heard the door open and someone stride gracefully towards my humid sanctuary.

I looked up as the shower door was unceremoniously thrust open to reveal none other than Edward. His features were hard and unyielding as he reached in to turn the water off and threw a towel at me, hitting me squarely in the face.

"Get dressed." There was no room for argument in his tone.

Once he exited the room I moved mechanically out of the shower and dressed. I put off whatever waited for me on the other side of the door by taking a few more seconds then needed to brush my hair.

The emotional aftermath of my epiphanic thoughts left me numb, or more likely, emotionally dead. It was a relief from the chaos that had plagued my mind since that day in Phoenix, when my life was changed forever. I knew at this point that nothing Edward could ever say or do would ever compare to the pain I have already felt. It no longer matters what happens to me because I am dead already. A mere human cannot live without a heart or soul, and mine have been broken beyond repair.

I walked out of the bathroom and into the intense gaze of the man that once held all my hopes and dreams. I stared at him with dead eyes while he slowly closed the gap between us.

"Love, I am so sorry for what happened. I never meant to hurt you. I just…I was so angry with you." I could hear the shame that painted his words.

I found myself wondering if that's all it was, paint, to cover up the rot and ugliness beneath. I questioned to myself if he was truly sorry or ashamed, did he hold one ounce of regret in his perfect body.

He held me at arms length and looked me in the eyes as he continued to speak.

"Listen to me Bella, you cannot provoke me like that. You know what I am and how easy it is for my monster to get the better of me." He shook me slightly as if to get his point across, I nodded dumbly at a complete loss for words.

He held eye contact for a few more seconds before nodding himself and releasing me.

"At least some good has come from this though. You appear to have finally accepted the reality regarding that Jasper nonsense." He said with a small smirk, his tone light and teasing, but I saw beneath that, to the threat, 'it better be over'.

I diverted my eyes to the floor.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. You were right, about everything."

"It is ok love, I forgive you and now we can move past this." He hugged me close. "I realize how I may have played my own part in this whole debacle, by denying you the physical relationship you so obviously needed. I should have known that eventually your hormones would cause you to seek out that kind of…attention…elsewhere."

With one arm still holding me against his body he raised my face to his.

"Now that you are somewhat more durable and your blood no longer sings to me, I think we can try to explore that side of our relationship." His eyes were dark with lust and his voice was silky.

I remember a time when I was prepared to give up my life just to hear those words from his mouth. Now, however, the thought sent wave after wave of disgust, shame, and terror rippling through me.

"Edward, I think that we should still wait until I am fully turned. Our first time shouldn't be an attempt to heal our relationship."

Edwards face turned cold as I spoke. I was sure he knew the real reason why I rejected his acceptance of a physical relationship. I stepped out of his embrace preparing for some form of verbal assault, but before he could say anything I heard the quiet voice of Alice informing us that 'they' were coming. I didn't know who she meant by 'they' but I was grateful to them for saving me from an argument I was truly not prepared for.

"We will talk about this later. You need to eat."

We walked into the kitchen as the back door opened and Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper walked in. The mixed expressions of surprise and anger on their faces when they took in Edward's presence reminded me that everyone was supposed to have been hunting.

"What are you doing here?" Rosalie asked Edward shortly.

"I believe I live here Rosalie."

"What are you doing here right now? You were supposed to be hunting."

"Yeah man, you left with us to hunt and I know you haven't done it yet cause your eyes are still black." Emmett chimed in.

Alice came dancing into the room then.

"We doubled back. I didn't think Bella should be by herself at a time like this. As hard as the situation is for us I imagine it's devastating for her." She bounded over and put her arm around my shoulders. Though it was a gesture of comfort, I felt no warmth or feeling behind her embrace.

Rosalie looked between the three of us with a skeptical look while both Jasper and Emmett looked suspicious.

"We were just about to put a movie in to watch as Bella ate but since you guys are home now, Edward and I can go hunt."

Edward looked like he was going to argue but with the flick of Alice's eyes he stopped and just nodded.

He squeezed my arm in a way that looked reassuring to the others but was in fact painful. I ignored the pain and diverted my eyes to the floor.

"I will not be gone long love. Eat something and try to relax." He pressed his lips to my temple and stepped away to follow Alice out the door.

Silence reigned as the door closed and the sound of their footsteps faded into the darkness. I heard the tick of the antique grandfather clock in the dining room, the swipe of its gold-plated pendulum as it cut through the air.

"Right, well, Bella why don't you sit down and I'll whip you up something to eat." Rosalie said, distracting me from counting the seconds as they ticked by.

I sat at the small table tucked into the breakfast nook and watched as Rosalie shuffled around the kitchen, opening and closing cupboards.

"Hey babe, let me help you."

Rosalie stopped and turned to look at Emmett her face set in a death-glare.

"Oh hell no, Emmett. We are trying to feed her, not kill her."

Emmett's face fell in a look of hurt and confusion.

"What do you mean by that? I wouldn't try to hurt my Bellsy!"

Rosalie propped her hand on her hip.

"What do I mean? Emmett do you remember the time you tried to help Esme when she was making meals for that Meals On Wheels program?"

"Oh come on I…"

"You burned the kitchen down!"

"That wa…"

"And do you remember what happened when you thought you would cook some 'gourmet' food for the stray cats that were hanging around our house in Delaware?"

Emmett dropped his face to the floor.

"We came back from shopping to a yard full of dead cats! You poisoned them! So I repeat, we are trying to feed Bella, not kill her."

I couldn't help the giggle that rose in my throat as the image of a puzzled Emmett standing in the middle of a pile of dead cats going 'Was it the fish?' played through my mind.

Everyone turned to look at me, including the now fully clothed Jasper who stood against the doorway from the kitchen to the dining room. The giggles only intensified at the look on Emmett's face, which was almost identical to the one I had just imagined.

"Emmett how could you?" I said through my now full-fledged laughter. "Those poor innocent cats."

Emmett's grin lit up his face as he began to laugh along with me. Then he picked me up from my chair into a bear hug that almost crushed my lungs.

"Oh man Slayer, it's good to have you back! We were all like Sleeping Bella and the Seven Vamp's, waiting for you to wake up."

My laughter died on my lips at the reminder of my recent condition. Emmett set me down and once my feet touched the floor I stepped back putting space between us. I looked up at Emmett whose smile didn't quit reach his eyes. Rosalie, who now stood next to him, sighed loudly and rolled her eyes.

"It's Snow White with the Seven Dwarfs doofus. Not Sleeping Beauty." Rosalie retorted her voice tainted with forced lightheartedness in attempt to lighten the suddenly solemn mood of the room.

"Yeah well Bella means beautiful! I thought it sounded better than Bella White and the Sevens Vamp's!" Emmett protested.

"Why even say Bella White? Why not just Bella Swan and the Seven Vampire's?"

"Because Sleeping Bella sounded cooler! I was trying to be clever."

"Yeah we see how well that worked out for you."

"It would've worked if you weren't all 'Oh Emmett you're such a dumbass!'" Emmett mocked in an exaggerated squeal.

Jasper and I both chuckled at Emmett as he made wild hand gestures pretending he was a frilly girl.

"Oh I do not sound like… Why am I even arguing with you about this?" She slapped him on the shoulder and turned back around to the counter to continue preparing whatever meal she had planned.

We fell into a semi-comfortable silence only broken by the soft teasing banter of Rosalie and Emmett as she instructed him how to cut the produce and which dinnerware and utensils to set out. She slapped him away whenever he tried to get close to the stove or do anything more than chop food.

I watched as they worked in the kitchen. It was a far cry from a well oiled machine. Emmett was constantly in Rosalie's way, whether accidentally or on purpose. They bickered back and forth, held mock arguments that always ended in either laughter or an artificial glare from Rosalie.

I envied them. They did not have that soft compassionate love that could be seen between Carlisle and Esme. It was not a fiery, needy, breathless, dramatic kind of love that all little girls dream about. It was a comfortable, companionable, realistic love that was understood by few and envied by all. They did not need impressive gestures of love and smoldering looks of desire to know they loved each other. It was more like a force of nature that could not be seen but could be felt. It was something so natural that you could not deny that not only were they destined for each other, they were made for each other. They were comfortable in their relationship and loved each other not despite their flaws but because of them.

It made my eyes prick with unshed tears to know that I would never find something like that. My bruised and broken heart ached for just a taste of the love they existed within.

Jaspers eyes never left me through my musings and now I could feel the air shift as he moved towards my position at the table. He stopped beside me, leaned down, and spoke softly next to my ear.

"Can we talk?"

I turned to face him, my face set in an expression of complete apathy.

"We have nothing to talk about Jasper."

The kitchen fell silent. Both Emmett and Rosalie were watching us with rapt attention, looks of compassion and sadness shining in their eyes.

"I think we do Bella." Jasper's voice was firm and unyielding.

Given the tone of his voice and the set of his face, I knew he would not let me brush him aside. I sighed in frustration and prepared myself for what I was certain would not be a pleasant conversation, then rose to follow him.

We walked out of the back door and turned to follow the path that wound around the house to the lavish garden that turned the sprawling side lawn into a garden paradise. Jasper silently lead me to an arbor that housed a tree with a swinging bench seat suspended from its branches. Everywhere there were plants heavy with blooms. I was surprised that the light of the full moon was able to penetrate the thick leafy coverage and light the arbor enough to allow me to see not only the flowers that lined the path but the colors of their petals. The sweet summer blooms perfumed the air. The light breeze rustling through the trees seemed to whisper of all the magic and possibility that the night held, of all that could happen in the light of the full moon if only one were to open themselves up to the power humming around them.

I turned away from him focusing my attention to the flowers that stood in a clump next to the swing. They looked similar to a rose but had a stark white center. The color was one I had never seen on a rose either it was dusty lavender.

"It's called La Belle." Jasper said as he moved to stand behind me.

I continued to finger the petals of the La Belle. My whole body was electrified with the feeling of Jasper so close.

"It's beautiful." I whispered softly.

Jasper's hands then made contact with my shoulders and began to rub them gently, almost lovingly.

"It doesn't hold a candle to you."

"Don't do that." I choked out the words as I bit back a sob.

"Don't do what darlin?"

Then I broke. All of the pain, anger, heartache, and lies roiling through me, breaking the dam of comfortable numbness.

I whirled around to face him, fire blazing in my eyes.

"Don't say that shit! Don't call me darlin! Don't say that I'm beautiful! Don't touch me like that! Don't fucking act like you give a damn about me!"

Jasper's eyes were wide in astonishment as he backed away a couple of steps.

"Wha…"

"You don't have to pretend anymore Jasper! I know I was just a challenge for you! A little conquest to help keep your eternity entertaining. Well, congratu-fucking-lations! You've had your fun and I've been broken. Now you can run back to your wife and have kinky vampire make-up sex while you laugh at the stupid naïve little human that dared to think she could ever compare to the perfect little pixie!" I turned to run out along the path wanting nothing more than to hide in my room.

Jasper caught up to me near the kitchen windows and forced me to stop by planting himself in front of me blocking my path. His face almost chased away the anger that I was clinging to for dear life. The wounded look in his eyes cut me to the core.

No, I can't, anger is safer. Without the anger, I am nothing but a quivering helpless victim. My anger will give me the strength I need to let him go.

"You don't really think that, do you?" Jasper asked softly, brokenly.

I hardened my glare and pushed past him, giving him no doubt of my answer.

"How? After what I said in Phoenix, in your room, how could you possibly think that I don't care about you? Is that what Edward told you? What did he say?" His voice rose, as he demanded answers.

I spun around to face him, my fists clenched against the emotions thundering inside of me.

"How can I think that?! It was laid out plain as black and white since the day the family came home! Edward only confirmed what I already knew."

"Damnit, Bella! I was only doin' what you told me to do. 'Leave me alone' you said. So I did. I tried to back off and let you have your precious fuckin' Edward. While everyday I was dyin' inside watchin' him touch you the way I never would, knowin' that he could never love you like I do!" He was inches from my face, I could smell his sweet breath as it fanned across my face. His eyes were blazing with anger and passion, I could almost believe the words he so convincingly threw at me.

"I can't believe a word out of your mouth." I replied quietly and turned swiftly away making a beeline for the back door.

"Then I'll spend the rest of eternity provin' it to ya. I won't give up on you Bella."

I stopped in the doorway and looked over my shoulder to see him standing there in the light from the window.

"You can't prove what doesn't exist, Jasper."

I stepped through the door to see Rosalie and Emmett standing just inside the doorway both with heartbroken looks on the faces.

I walked past them to the living room and then up the stairs. I was no longer hungry. I laid down in my new bed in the room that I had woken up in. I laid there praying for the numbness that had enveloped me earlier to return. The pieces of my heart were raw and burning in the flames of heartbreak.


	20. Ellie Mae the Sacred Ancestor Cow

**A/N: Hiya! I am about to do something I promised you guys I would never do again. I am going to apologize for the quality of this chapter. I'm just not happy with it, but seeing as this is the 6th, I repeat 6th, complete rewrite it seems that this is as good as it's gonna to get. I tried to bring the mood up a bit, put in a bit of fluff, but I apparently have no skill for writing anything remotely happy. Anyways so if you are disapointed with the chapter I am sorry and could you maybe drop me a line to help me figure out how I could have made it better or offer some advice to writing anything besides dark, angsty, melodramatic mumbo jumbo. If you arent disapointed with it let me know what you liked. So yeah. For those of you that offered me their wishes to get better, thank you. Unfortunately the doc's still havent found the exact cause for my heart troubles but they are theorizing that it was caused by some hormone imbalance and the meds I was put on for an unrelated condition have corrected that problem, since the palpitations have seemed to disappeared. Yay me I only get to take four pills a day for the rest of my life! On a completely unrelated note, have any of ya'll been following the Vampire Diaries show? I am so in love with Damon it's not even funny. Delena all the way! Lol. Alright, without further ado I give you the awaited Chapter 20.**

**Songs for this chapter are: Cold by Evans Blue (this song actually sums up Jasper's POV through the chapter), The Story by 30 Seconds to Mars, The Gift by Seether, and Learn My Lesson by Daughtry**

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Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.

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BPOV

I was watching Emmett and Jasper wrestling in the back yard while Rosalie was laid out on a beach towel, savoring the sun as it warmed her diamond skin. Every once in a while she would roll her eyes at the guys antics and share a good natured smile with me.

I listened as the guys trash talked each other.

"You're getting soft in your old age."

"You'd know all about being soft wouldn't you Emmett."

Emmett froze suddenly, his eyes wide in horror.

"Rose! You told him?"

Rose shot him a sympathetic look.

"Babe, it's no…"

"Oh, my god! I told you, it was the smell those damn corn nuts you let Bella eat in our room. That shit stinks and our whole room reeked of deep fried ass!"

By now the rest of us were laughing heartily. I was bent over clutching my stomach from the aching muscles that had been so sorely out of use.

Still laughing Jasper walked up to Emmett and patted his back in a comforting manner that was wholly unconvincing.

"Maybe you should talk to Carlisle about this little problem of yours. Ya never know, you could make history as the first vampire with erectile dysfunction."

Emmett glared murderously at Jasper as Rosalie and I screeched in laughter.

"Oh it's on geezer."

Jasper stepped back with a smirk and motioned to Emmett with his hands.

"Bring it, limp dick."

Emmett tackled Jasper to the ground and their wrestling was renewed with more conviction than before.

My laughter died in my throat and my smile faded from my lips when Edward sat down beside me on the steps.

"That is a sound I have not heard in quite some time, as well as that smile, it has been a while since you smiled like that for me." Edward said in an almost light, teasing tone.

"I'm just feeling good today. I guess I'm finally accepting this whole freak of nature thing. " I replied offering him a small smile.

Maybe, just maybe, today would be a good day. I hadn't heard that tone of voice from him since the day of the fateful baseball game that set this hell into motion.

My hope died however when he looked at me and I saw the anger stirring behind his gentle facade. He leaned close, his lips grazing the sensitive skin of my earlobe.

"Are you sure it is not because you have been sitting here admiring your lover boy for the past two hours?"

The silken voice that fell from his lips caused my stomach to clench and threaten to expel my recently consumed lunch. I learned long ago that the smoother, the sweeter his voice became, the angrier he was.

To anyone else we would look like two lovers sharing a moment of love and tenderness as he reached over and took my hand in his and stared deep in my eyes. The pain that shot through my hand as he crushed it painfully in his strong grip however was anything but tender and loving.

"Please, stop." I whispered my voice barely audible. "You know it's nothing like that. I love you."

He remained silent as his grip tightened and I felt the bones begin to splinter beneath the pressure. I tried to free my hand but it was useless. He was too strong, I was too weak.

"Edward, come on! If we don't hurry that frumpy lady with the mouse hair will get my dress!" Alice whined loudly as she appeared on the top step.

Edward instantly released his hold. Without drawing attention to myself I drew my hand close to me. The pain still radiated up my arm but the venom was quickly healing the damage that had been done. It was not the first and certainly wouldn't be the last time I would thank whatever force that turned me into this freak, for giving me the ability to heal whatever damage Edward could inflict upon me. Ever since Edward discovered that nifty little perk he has taken full advantage of it, able to inflict maximum pain without the nasty consequences of hospitals and excuses.

"Oh, sorry, was I interrupting something?" Alice asked with a conspiratorial smile.

"No, I was just about to say my goodbye to Bella."

I looked between the two of them with a confused look, hiding the hope and relief I felt blooming at the thought of Edward leaving.

"You guys are going somewhere?"

"Yes, Alice has some shopping she would like to do in Seattle, and Carlisle heard of a few texts that are supposed to be added to Seattle Museum's new European exhibit on Mythical Legend and Folklore. He is sending me to purchase them from the curator."

"You can do that? Just buy something from a museum?"

"Everything is for sale, Bella. You just have to know the right price." He said with a condescending smile.

"In the case of one Miss Jana B. Speller-Giltwhit, Curator of Seattle Museum, that price will be $750,000." Alice chirped while bouncing impatiently on the tips of her toes.

I almost choked on my own tongue.

"That's too…I mean you shouldn't…that's just…" I stuttered unable to make my mouth form any semblance of a coherent sentence.

"Bella, Carlisle is willing to empty our coffers if it means finding out exactly what is happening to you. Believe me when I say that will put just the smallest of dents in our accounts." Edward said cutting off my incoherent babble forcefully.

"Seriously, Bella, I can make us more than that with one little vision of tomorrow's stocks." Alice said giving me a look of exasperation then looked at Edward. "Now come on! We have to leave right now if I'm going to beat Miss Mousy to that dress."

"Okay, we can go now."

He leaned forward to kiss my cheek before standing up.

"Stay out of trouble." He said with a glint of warning darkening his eyes.

I swallowed heavily and nodded meekly remembering the last time he had left me alone with the family and came home to Jasper's smell permeating my clothes. Nothing had happened, I fell off the kitchen stool and Jasper caught me before I hit the floor, but Edward didn't believe me. I rubbed my neck remembering the pain of my crushed windpipe under his unyielding hands.

Edward gave me a small smirk before disappearing into the house. I heard the sound of the Volvo's engine and the crunch of gravel under tires only seconds later. I let out a breath of relief once I knew they had cleared the driveway.

I turned my attention back to the yard to see three heads snap away in the other direction. They had seen the whole exchange but thankfully they seemed to remain oblivious as to what really happened, if not then they were staying quiet. I felt a shot of pain and abandonment at the thought of them knowing what Edward was doing to me and ignoring my need for help. Could it be possible that they really do know? Would they truly leave me to face his cruelty alone?

I quickly slapped that train of thought out of existence. It was ridiculous thinking that they wouldn't do anything about it if they knew. If they knew they would stop at nothing to protect me. They are my family. Family takes care of each other. That's exactly why I have to keep silent. I will not tear this family apart. I will not make them choose between the first son and the youngest daughter, mostly because deep down I'm afraid that when it came to making that choice, it would not be me.

I sat there on the steps, my mind wandering from errant thought to errant thought, like a leaf floating on a brisk autumn breeze, never settling on one path. I made sure to steer clear of the more dangerous thoughts, the memories that could bring nothing but pain and awaken the darkness that is always laying just underneath the surface of my troubled mind. I focused on the sound of the forest beyond the clearing around the house, the wind blowing across my face bringing with it the perfume of Esme's garden. The sun was supposed to only make its appearance for today before hiding away again for another week, so I reveled in the feel of its rays on my skin.

Then my mind began to replay the events of this morning, the true reason that I had been able to laugh and smile today. Tomorrow I go home. When Charlie came over this morning before his shift, I had worried, thinking that something had happened. My worry turned to an almost heady glee when Charlie told Carlisle that I had been here under his supervision for three weeks and that was long enough, it was time for his girl to come home. Carlisle had tried to convince him that I needed to be monitored in case of any continuing problems that may appear suddenly but Charlie countered with his own reasoning. I could come over whenever he was working and the Cullen's were welcome to come over whenever they wanted, except for the boys who had to be gone before bedtime, and if anything should happen, the Cullen's number is on speed dial on both our cell phones and the home phone. Once Carlisle saw that Charlie's mind was made up and there would be no swaying it, he acceded to Charlie's demands. They then spent the twenty minutes until his shift started ironing out the details of their agreement. I didn't care to hear about the shifts they would all be taking in order to keep and eye on me, I cared that I was going home, to my own bed, and would be out from under the same roof as Edward. Today was definitely looking up, and tomorrow was looking to be even better.

"So I was thinking." Rosalie said grabbing my attention from the bottom of the steps where she stood with her hand on her hip. "Since Alice and Edward won't be home until real late and it's your last night as an inpatient of the Cullen Clinic for the Living Impaired, why don't we do something fun? We could go swimming in the river and maybe grill some of those bratwurst things you like so much. I could even send Emmett out to get you a cake. What do you think?"

"Why will they be out so late?" I couldn't help but ask.

"I heard them talking about the trip last night while you were sleeping and apparently the curator is going to try and play hard-ball with Edward so he's going to have to pull out all the stops. You know, wine and dine her, butter her up with his charm. And of course you know Alice, the only reason she went was so she could shop until the last store locks the door on her ass."

My anger flared at the idea of Edward taking someone else on a date, not from jealousy but indignation. I have not been able to say two words to Jasper without feeling Edward's wrath and he can take a woman out on a date, blatantly flirting with her, for a few dusty old books?

"So what do you think?" Rose asked with an expectant look on her face.

"Huh?"

"Swimming? Cake? Stinky sausages?"

"Oh, yeah, sure that sounds great. I just need to talk to Carlisle about something first then we can go." I said nodding, giving her a smile that didn't quite reach my eyes.

Rosalie's face flashed with something that looked like hope when I mentioned speaking to Carlisle.

"Okay, well take your time. Whenever you're ready you can find me in my room. I picked up the perfect suit for you last week on the off chance we might get you wet." She said with a giant smile then danced pass me into the house.

I sat there for a few more minutes before I finally had my anger under tight lock and key. I stood to search out Carlisle.

I raised my hand to knock on the dark paneled door that marked the entrance to the study. I knew he was in there pouring over every book and parchment he could obtain that may shed even the dimmest light on my situation.

"Come in Bella." His voice rang clear through the door before my knuckles could make contact with the wood.

I quietly slipped through the door, closing it behind me. Carlisle's once pristine study was no longer recognizable. Every available surface was piled high with bundles of papers, rolls of parchment, and books of every size, color and age. Carlisle himself sat at his desk behind a mountain of the invading literature, scribbling in a leather-bound journal while his eyes stayed glued to the open book in front of him.

After a moment, he set his pen down and focused his attention on me.

"Find anything useful?" I asked, my nervousness getting the better of me.

"Sadly, no, I don't believe so. I did find a few references to humans who had been bitten by vampires and lived without turning by curing themselves. Unfortunately, these accounts are likely hoax due to the mythical vampire hysteria that had plagued the region at the time."

"Why do you think they are hoax? How did they cure themselves?"

"The answer to your first question lays in the answer to the second question. They spoke of curing themselves by ingesting the soil of the vampire's grave then smearing themselves with their blood." He said with a sad smile, able to appreciate the absurdity of the ignorant while feeling the weight and frustration of another dead-end.

"Oh, well, that's…not helpful at all."

"Don't worry Bella. We will not give up." He said as he stood and walked around the desk towards me.

"Now, I take it you came because you had something you wished to discuss with me?" He asked in a compassionate and comforting tone that instantly put me at ease.

"Yeah, I, uh, wanted to talk to you about going home tomorrow?"

"You're worried that you could be a threat to your father?" He asked, putting my fear into words that my thoughts had yet to coalesce.

I eyeballed the floor as I shamefully muttered a yes that only supernatural hearing would be able to understand.

"Bella there is nothing to be ashamed about. It is a very relevant and understandable concern given the circumstances."

"I know, it's just that, well, I don't like having the feeling that I could be a danger to my own father. I don't like thinking of myself as someone who would be capable of that, but I know that someday it could happen. Someday I could be the most dangerous thing in this world." My throat ached from the emotions welling up trying to choke me and my eyes prickled with unshed tears.

His eyes filled with endless heart-wrenching emotion as he came close and embraced me in a comforting, fatherly hug.

As my cheek hit his shirt, sobs that I didn't know I was suppressing, exploded from my chest. If I were still capable of tears, his white button-down shirt would be soaked in their torrential downpour. Carlisle rubbed my back, waves of safety and comfort radiating from the circles his hand traveled, until the last of my sobs quieted.

"Sweet Bella, you have shown such strength and courage through all that you have been subjected to that I think we have all forgotten that you are still just a scared young woman. I am so sorry, for everything, for Edward exposing you to our world, for allowing my better judgment to be overshadowed by my own fears. I am most especially sorry for not heeding Jaspers warnings." His voice was so heavy with remorse and sadness that I wondered if, maybe, he was apologizing for more than I knew.

He pulled away enough to look me in the eyes. His face that was so full of pain was instantly overtaken by a look of manic perplexity.

"Bella, when was the last time you cried?"

Words failed me. This had to be a trick question.

"Um…Just now?" I answered unsure of myself, my eyebrows screwed up in my own confusion.

"No, I mean when did your eyes last produce actual tears?"

"Oh. Um, the night I fell. Why?"

"Your eyes have not teared up once since that night? At all?"

"No. Why?"

"I suppose I should have suspected as much since the venom had obviously affected your eyes." He muttered as much to himself as to me.

"What do you mean?"

"Well the venom has affected your tear ducts. You are no longer producing tears because they have been petrified."

"So it's not just the color of my eyes?"

"No. I wonder though. Have you been able to see better recently? Seen things that you had never noticed before?"

"Uh, I kind of noticed that everything seems much more vibrant and clear, and before I…fell…I had never seen any of you guys shimmer in the moonlight but I saw Jasper that night I woke up. It was like he was glowing."

He nodded his head and turned to his desk. He lifted his journal and scribbled something down.

"Yes, our skin has much the same reaction to the moons light as the suns, though it is only observable to our own kind because it is only a diluted reflection of the suns rays."

"Oh. So that means I have vampire eyes?"

Carlisle chuckled softly before nodding his head.

"Yes, for lack of a better term, you have vampire eyes."

Silence descended uncomfortably on the room until I was reminded of why I had come here.

"About me going home. Are you sure I can? Without hurting Charlie?"

"You do not have any signs of thirst, even around fresh exposed blood, so I don't believe that will be an issue. The only thing you really have to worry about is keeping control of your strength. My greatest concern though is the unknown. We do not know how your transformation will progress so there is no definitive way of knowing when certain aspects will present themselves, like when your skin will gain the same refractive quality ours does, or if they ever will. I am confident though that everything will be fine as long as you make sure to contact me immediately if anything changes or you begin to feel urges that you can't explain or have difficulty controlling, especially around humans."

I felt an immense relief flood my body at his reassurance. I nodded my head and uttered a grateful thank you before I turned to leave. My hand fell to the doorknob but Carlisle's voice stopped me.

"We may soon have to take measures to remove you from the human world, Bella. You should use this time you have been given to say your goodbyes." His voice was grave and full of remorse and sympathy.

I turned to look at him, my hand still on the door.

"I know. I will." I said, my words quiet and resigned.

I left the room with one weight lifted and another just as heavy taking it's place.

As promised Rosalie was in her room. She had changed into a stunning red string bikini that looked like it belonged on a model in a men's magazine.

"Go put this on and we can get out of here. They guys are already dressed and waiting for us." Rose threw a hanger that held a purple and chocolate bikini, my eyes widened at the sight.

"Rose you have got to be kidding me! I can't wear this!"

"Why not?"

"There's not enough of it, that's why!"

"Oh quit being so dramatic, that's my job, remember? Besides as far as two-pieces go that's as conservative as it gets without going into granny-panty territory."

"No seriously Rose, I can't wear this. Edward would have a fit."

Rosalie's back straightened and went rigid at the mention of his name and I faintly heard a growl that sounded like it came from down stairs.

"Well it's a good thing he's not here then huh?" She said in a forced tone.

Seeing the look in her eyes through the reflection in the mirror I knew there was no way I was going to win this argument. Much like countless times before while playing Bella Barbie with Alice, I simply shrugged my shoulders and huffed as I made my way to the bathroom.

Once I had the suit on I had to admit it wasn't as bad as I originally thought. What had looked like a revealing bikini at first glance was actually a stringy top and snug boy shorts bottoms. I was still extremely uncomfortable in what, in any other fabric, would be called underwear, but I was grateful that it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

I walked out of the bathroom tugging and slouching trying to get the stretchy material to cover more than it was meant to.

"Stop messing with it, you look great." Rose reprimanded as we descended the stairs with our wraps tied around out waists and towels hanging over our arms ready to meet the guys.

With Edward around as a constant reminder of what awaited me behind closed doors, it was easy to keep my distance from Jasper. I was able stay cold and resentful towards him under the close watch of my warden. However, when Edward was nowhere to be seen, it became harder and harder to keep my carefully plastered mask from cracking.

If Edward was not at my side, dictating every aspect of my life, Jasper was there, speaking words of apology and love. Slowly but surely Jasper, the ever persistent, was chipping away the mortar that held the wall around my heart together. He was stubborn in his pursuit, never letting my biting remarks and cruel insults deter him from his goal. In fact, they only seemed to make him try harder.

A secret part of my heart was elated by his strange and insistent courtship, even cheered him on every time another brick fell from the battlements of the fortress that held it prisoner. It was the little voice that whispered through my mind that maybe Edward was the one lying, that I should tell him of my love and Edward's cruelty. That was the voice that dared breathe the blasphemous and taboo word. The voice that dared to put a name to Edward's evil. Abuse.

It was that voice I fought to keep quiet. She was the voice of a girl that no longer existed, of a girl that died in a dusty alleyway in Phoenix. She was a girl of reason and logic, love and goodness, innocence and fairytales, where the evil king was always defeated by the knight in shining armor who rode off into the sunset with the beautiful princess on his valiant steed, and every fairytale ended with happily ever after. She had no place in this new reality I lived in, where the knight's armor was tarnished, the evil king wore the mask of prince charming and the princess is in fact a witch, turning family against each other and good men into monsters.

My nerves were frayed at the prospect of spending the rest of the day in Jasper's company in little more than lingerie. Not only that, but spending the afternoon with a half naked cowboy god with water dripping down the hard planes of his abs and his hair plastered to his face in wet tendrils made my skin tingle in anticipation and dread. I suddenly had the sinking feeling that this was not such a good idea, that today everything would change.

I followed Rose out the back door where Jasper and Emmett were waiting for us on the back patio. This was definitely not the first time I had seen Emmett sans shirt, since he liked to walk around the house topless flaunting his muscles, but it never failed to intimidate me a little seeing his ultra defined and bulging muscles. Jasper on the other hand still wore his white cotton t-shirt, though it was not the same one from earlier since this one was not covered in dirt and grass stains from their extended wrestling match. A small pang of disappointment coursed through me at the sight of his covered body. I mentally shook the traitorous feeling aside.

"Alright, let's go stir up some mud!" Emmett exclaimed in excitement.

Together Rosalie, Jasper and I looked at him with matching looks of befuddlement at his choice of words.

"It was something my brothers and I would say when we went swimming in the creek at the edge of our property. It was more mud than water." He shrugged his shoulders unfazed by our reaction.

"Well alright then, let's go stir up some mud." I said enthusiastically, the phrase feeling foreign on my tongue.

I was immediately scooped up in Emmett's thick arms, the back yard fading from my view through the trees.

"Emmett I could have walked you know."

"You think I was going to trudge beside you for fifteen minutes while you stumbled your way there? Yeah right." He snorted.

I huffed in indignation and crossed my arms resigned to my temporary fate. In no time we were at the river that cut through the endless expanse of forest and Emmett lowered me to me feet. The river wasn't large by any means, spanning no more than eighty feet at its widest point, but it wound lazily through the trees moving at a sedate pace that made it the perfect place for swimming. The tree line and blue clear sky reflected off the clean surface like a mirror. The water was so clear I could see the smooth silt lined bottom dotted with worn river stones. It was perfect and serene, the only place I would want to spend a day of freedom from Edward's domineering behavior and cruelty.

I heard the crash of underbrush as Rose and Jasper emerged from the trees behind me. With the others here Emmett wasted no time as he ran and jumped into the water. He landed halfway across the water with a giant splash, sending waves crashing to the banks. Our laughter rang out in unison as we watched a mushroom cloud of mud rise to the surface from where Emmett hit the bottom.

"I see what he wa…Aaaaahhhh!"

Two cold arms were suddenly wrapped around my torso and I was airborne heading straight for the water.

"Hold your breath." Jasper's voice came from beside my ear a split second before we hit the water.

Jasper's arms disappeared as I struggled towards the surface.

"You butt monkey!" I yelled as Jasper pooped up laughing.

I splashed water towards his laughing face effectively shutting him up as he spluttered and coughed the water out.

"Butt monkey? Really?" Emmett barked in laughter.

"Shut up!" I shouted throwing a wave of water in his face too.

"Oh, you're gonna get it you little blood-pumper."

Once he wiped the water from his face, he locked his eyes on me. I shrieked and dove for cover behind Jasper just in time for Jasper to get hit by the wall of water that had been meant for me. This started the inevitable water war. Our laughter and screams echoed off the trees filling the forest with the sounds of our revelry. Emmett was ruthless, no one was safe from his cutthroat tactics, not even Rosalie, so it only made sense that the rest of us eventually surrendered, naming him Splash King.

The next few hours were spent lazily swimming around telling stories from the time before our lives became embroiled so thoroughly with each other's. Emmett told us stories of growing up in the backwoods of Tennessee with his four brothers and the trouble they would get into. The pranks they pulled had apparently inspired some of the dumb laws that are still in the law books today. Rosalie regaled us with stories of the lavish parties filled with New York's social elite of the time and her many misadventures caused by none other than Emmett and his restless imagination. Even though they grew up in the same time-period, they seemed to have come from two very different worlds.

Jasper's tales of the not so Wild West spoke of a simple time when a man worked his land with his family by his side. Jasper had no tales of wild adventures or sparkling parties attended by society's upper crust. His family were simple ranchers, cut off from the grand balls by their meager earnings, he, his brother and two sisters had to work from sun up till sundown next to their parents to scratch out a living, so there was no time for senseless frivolity. Despite what sounded like a bleak life full of hardship and survival his eyes clouded over with a wistful gaze as he replayed those precious memories for us.

Since I had always been an overly responsible and mature child I had no crazy stories of my own to share that did not involve my mother and her inability to think things through before jumping head first into trouble. I recounted the time Renee decided we were going to take rock climbing lessons only for her to remember halfway up the giant wall in the gym that she was terrified of heights. It had taken three firemen and two EMT's to pry her from her death grip on the wall and calm her down enough to stop the profanities that were spewing from her mouth at lightning speed.

Despite the light-hearted atmosphere that had held us in its spell throughout the afternoon, a dark cloud followed me like a curse. Edward haunted my thoughts with his vindictive accusations and burning promises. His cold breath on my ear whispering all the horrifying things he could do to me, to those that I cared about, to Jasper, tainting my sunny mood and darkening my thoughts. With fear as my constant companion and isolation plaguing my every waking moment it felt good to reach out and connect with the others for this one stolen moment. For this one day I could pretend that the gap between us was bridged by our camaraderie and the sharing of our souls, no matter how trivial those parts of our souls were that we bared.

As the afternoon wound down Jasper and I found ourselves sitting on the rocky bank of the river as Emmett and Rosalie floated down the river until they were just two bobbing shapes in the water. I was certain that they were getting a little water romance going on and tried to keep my eyes from looking anywhere near their direction. Unfortunately that left me nowhere else to look but at Jasper. His white t-shirt still hugged his body like a second skin from the water. I could see the outline of his muscles and the two distinct dark patches where his nipples were pebbled from the chill of the wet cloth resting against his chest. My treacherous mind began running with the thought of what his nipples would feel like under my fingers and the taste of his skin as I licked the water that still ran down from his hair and clung to his throat. I imagined the shiver of desire that would spread through his body as I nipped that sensitive piece of flesh between my teeth as I ran my hand through his wet curls.

I woke myself up from my daydreaming only to see Jasper's eyes darkened with lust as he took in my wet, barely clothed form. I felt the warmth of a blush spread through my face at the thought that I wasn't the only one fantasizing about wet flesh in the warm afternoon sun.

I quickly attempted to divert attention from both of our lustful thoughts by asking the first thing that came to my mind.

"Jasper, why didn't you take your shirt off to go swimming?"

The look that washed over his face was one of pure shame and I instantly regretted asking but was confused as to why such an obvious question would cause him such grief.

"I heard you talking to Carlisle earlier so I know you saw me without my shirt the night you woke up from…your fall. I know you saw what I looked like under the moonlight, how my skin reflected the light. That couldn't have been the only thing you noticed about me." He said not looking at me, playing with several rocks, crumbling them to dust with a simple pinch of his fingers.

"You mean your scars." I replied quietly.

"Yeah, those. I know you know what they are, what they mean."

"Their bite marks. From other vampires."

He pulled his knees up with his legs spread wide and settled his elbows on his bent knees, the rocks still rattling in his hands. He looked off across the water his eyes seeing things that were only memories in his mind.

"Bella, there are places in our world where the life of a vampire is not measured by decades or centuries but weeks and, for the lucky ones, months. Where vampires are created for only one purpose and that is to kill other newly turned vampires. Where our bloodlust and our monstrous nature are nurtured to the point there is nothing left of the human we used to be, only the mindless demon, bloodthirsty and savage…"

Jasper's voice became detached and impersonal as he weaved his terrifying tale of blood and pain, torture of both the body and spirit, and devastation beyond comprehension. Where survival of the strongest and the complete decimation of the weak was a constant beast, haunting those violently drafted into a war that could never be won. He told of the despair and guilt that hounded him with every breath he took along with the memories of the faces and emotions of not only the humans he had stalked and drained but the vampires he had had stolen immortality from. He spoke of the complete hopelessness and despair that had twisted him because he had been taught that was the only way for his kind to live.

Only when he spoke of Peter and his mate, Charlotte, did his voice gain any emotion. When he told of how they had fallen in love despite the inhumanity surrounding them I could here the remnants of the hope that must have given him, that maybe there was something worth living for in this life, because love is only given to those with a soul, and it can redeem even the blackest hearts. When Peter and Charlotte returned to tell him there was another way to live, away from the constant war and death. He left with them, without thought, to find redemption and peace. Though he did not find an ounce of that peace he craved, until Alice found him in a dinner in Philadelphia and showed him there was a way to live without killing humans.

A quiet settled over us as I ran through his story in my mind, digesting all that he had been through to make it to where he is today, to become the man that I had fallen in love with.

"So, that's why you kept your distance from me when I first started dating Edward?" I asked breaking the silence.

He turned to look at me for the first time since he began his story.

"I mean Edward told me you were the newest to the diet and had trouble controlling your bloodlust, but he didn't give any indication it was anything more than normal weakness."

I saw the angry set of his jaw and the quirk of his lips at my mention of Edward's warning.

"Yeah he would make it sound like that. But yeah, that's why I tried to stay away from you, among other things."

"What other things?" I asked curiously.

"Well for one Edward warned me away," He gave me a pointed look and continued. "And I had trouble reconciling the pull I had towards you with all that had been ingrained in me since the moment I opened my eyes as a newborn."

He looked at my bewildered face and sighed as he went on to explain.

"Imagine if you'd been raised on a farm all your life, and had been taught since the time you could walk that cows are nothing but mindless creatures with only one use and that's food. Then you move away to a foreign land and convert to their peaceful beliefs that all creatures, including cows, are sacred because they hold the souls of their ancestors. Now with what you've been taught your whole life you don't think your gonna just stroll up and just start chattin' with a cow do ya? No, you'll respect them from a distance, maybe daydream now and then about a nice juicy steak, but you wont sit there and try to be friends with one, no matter how pretty it is."

I was stunned speechless for a moment before I could open my mouth.

"So…you're saying I'm a sacred ancestor cow named Ellie Mae and you're a cowboy who likes steak?"

From the corner of my eye, I saw the two floating blobs downstream break apart and heard Emmett's loud booming laughter echoing across the water followed by Rose's almost boisterous laughter that was so rarely heard.

I looked back and Jasper wore a heart-stopping smile that lit up his face and made his eyes glow with a light that could steal my breath.

"Yeah darlin' I guess I am." He said with his own laughter lacing through his voice.

Once our laughter died down a pall descended over us. Jasper's story hung in the air like a ghost sucking the life from our carefree afternoon in the sun. I could feel the gravity of his past weighing heavily on my heart and conscience. The struggle he must have endured daily just to be in the same room as me, much less a classroom full of hormonal adolescents, must have been incredible. How the family could criticize him for his effort to control all that had been bred into him during his early years as an immortal was infuriating. If anything they should commend him for all that he has achieved. He rose from a literal hell on earth to this peaceful existence, to live in uneasy harmony with the very beings that had once been his only sustenance.

"Jasper." I whispered, fear and apprehension evident in my almost delicate voice.

My tone must have triggered something in him because when he turned his face to look at me his eyes were closed up, guarded, and his body was held tense as if braced for an unseen attack. I tried to offer him an encouraging smile but it somehow come out as a grimace. I couldn't lie that his entire being struck fear into the baser parts of my mind. That look was so similar to the one Edward would don whenever he was angry, indicating that the first moment of privacy he could steal I would be paying, for whatever trespass I had committed, with my silent cries and breathless pleas for his mercy that never came. I swallowed around the lump that had formed in my throat as the irrational fear gripped me in its ruthless talons.

"I want you to know that I never thought badly of you for your scars. Now hearing your story I cannot help but admire you for your courage and strength to keep living when it would have been so easy to just give in and let the next newborn succeed where others before him had failed. You did what you had to do to survive and I cannot fault you for that. You never asked for that life and at the first mention of a better way to live, you embraced it, without a backwards glance. Every one of those scars helped you get to where you are today; to be the man you are now. I don't see them as symbols of shame but as badges of triumph, because you are not that monster any more. I know the fight you must suffer everyday just to keep that beast that had ruled for so long locked away, always fearing that one moment of weakness that will give it the strength to overpower you. I think that you have the most control out of this entire family simply because they have never known what it's like to live outside of Carlisle's gentle encouragement and undying faith that they could be good, that they did not have to kill who they had been to survive in this new life. You have come so far. Please, don't diminish that by hiding the scars that prove that you, more than anyone else, deserve to be here."

Slowly his guarded expression melted away making room for a growing light of awe, respect and love to shine in his eyes like polished amber and diamonds. His entire body was relaxed but held still in shock by my reassurance and acceptance of who he was, the good, the bad and the ugly. It was in that moment that I realized I had known all along that Jasper was a man of honor and dignity, that he would never play with my emotions like Edward accused. What we had in Phoenix was real, not manufactured for the sake of a few hopeful minutes of ecstasy. Why he had seemingly abandoned me after we returned was irrelevant while held under his powerful gaze. This amazingly wonderful, strong, damaged man loved me just as much as I loved him. All I had to do reach out and take what was already mine.

Jasper reached up to caress my cheek gently with the pad of him thumb leaving a trail of tingling aroused flesh in the wake of his touch. The air was charged with the emotional and sexual tension that had been building for so long, every molecule floating in the space between us threatening to explode under the rose hued sky caught in the throws of sunset.

"Thank you darlin'." His voice drifted on the thick currents of need and love winding around us, so quiet that had I not been looking at his lips I could have mistaken it for the wind.

Without warning there was a crash in the forest at our backs along with a squeal that was recognizable to all. I pulled away from Jasper as quickly as I could knowing that if the owner of that voice was here than it was already too late. I was in very big trouble.

"Oh my god, Rose, Bella! You have to see these fabulous shoes I found!" Alice's voice rang through the river's valley with unbridled excitement seconds before her pixie form was thrust from the forest in a flurry of black and white.

I fought with every ounce of my control to keep my body from trembling and hands steady as I looked up to where she had exited the forest to see the violent onyx gaze of Edward's eyes locked on me. I bowed my head unable to meet his stare, seeing all the things he had threatened to do if he ever caught me with Jasper playing behind his obsidian eyes.

"Edward, your home early." Jasper said in a gruff, steely voice.

"Yes, imagine that." Edward replied ominously.


	21. Losing the Battle, or the War?

**A/N: Hey hey peoples! Heres chapter 21...I know there will be rioting in the streets for events that transpire at the end of this chapter...even worse is I KNOW that a few of you are going to seriously hunt me down to try to shove my computer down my throat for the happenings in next chapter(I assure you though there IS method to my madness...kinda), which you lucky people will get next week! Yes I have chapter 22 almost completed, woo hoo! Only downer...their much shorter than ya'll have gotten used to. So enjoy...or dont...either way I'm all ears:)**

**Songs for this chapter are ****Broken Like an Angel-Dollybraid(There is a lengthy note attached to this song on my profile), Bittersweet-Apocalyptica, Breath-Breaking Benjamin**

**A note about Broken Like an Angel and Bitterweet, these two songs were the main inspiration for this entire story...it was almost two years ago when I was driving down highway 190 going to pick up my hubby at the airport when those two songs came on back to back, my thoughts were consumed of pure Bella/Jasper drama when the idea for this story began to form with those songs guiding the plot in a beautifully complex and emotional way. So if you have not listened to any other song on the playlist...I urge you to at least listen to those two.**

**Alright then enough of that crap...on with the story!**

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.**

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**JPOV**

Bella's body seemed to shrink in on itself at the sound of the Alice's voice grating on our eardrums. She knew, like the rest of us, that if the cyclonic sprite was here then the bastard was not far behind.

I felt the hope that had been rising in Emmett and Rosalie, who had swam closer to us watching our exchange with rapt attention, die at the sight of Bella's minimized form. Their grief however was nothing compared to the utter devastation that pierced my heart like a poisoned dagger. They had not seen the light that had been blooming in her eyes, reminiscent of chocolate covered strawberries, the scarlet and chocolate contrasting together in the most delicious ways, disappear like a flame snuffed out by a cold northern wind.

For that one brief moment Bella was that girl whose warm lips danced with mine as her fingers twisted in my hair. In those few precious seconds she was the fearless woman who uttered the words 'Bite me' with every ounce of faith she possessed as her crimson blood flowed across the crumbling pavement, painting it with her young life cut too short by the evil that blighted our world. In that fleeting glimpse, she was mine again with love shining in her eyes and trust filling her heart.

Then with one lethally cast die of fate she was gone and Edwards shell was there, wearing Bella's face, beating her heart, smelling of her unique blend of lilacs and freesias, but she wasn't my angel. Instead, she was Edward's mannequin, puppet, a soulless body with an angels face. He killed that once dazzling and lively young woman that loved without prejudice and replaced her with a scared and jaded girl. For that alone Edward deserved a slow agonizing death.

Only, now I knew that she wasn't completely lost to me, just hiding within the protective layers of her mind and even if it takes me the rest of eternity I will bring that light back into her eyes.

I glanced to the side and saw Edward emerge from the trees.

"Edward, your home early." My steely voice cut through the air leaving no doubt at my displeasure of his intrusion.

"Yes, imagine that." He replied in a cold mocking tone.

I watched as he stalked forward, his anger palpable in the air his burning gaze trained on Bella who had bowed her head unable to meet his eyes. When he made it to her side opposite me, he sat down with a look of disgust at the muddy ground beneath us.

"I felt so bad for leaving Bella alone on her last day in our home that I rushed through my business to come home to my loving mate. Though, now I see that she had plenty of distractions to keep her occupied while I was gone." He said in a sneer.

I restrained myself from growling at his claim on Bella as his mate, but just barely. She is my mate, not his. She is nothing but a plaything to him, an easily molded and manipulated toy for his pleasure.

"It is so kind of you think so Jasper, she is perfect for me is she not?" Edward commented at my thoughts as he laid his arm around Bella's shoulders and drew her close to place a kiss at her temple.

You sick, vile, sonofabitch! I may not know what you've done to her to keep her by your side but I will find out, and if you have hurt her in any way, I will not rest until you are a pile of ashes blowing in the wind.

He laughed at my thoughts truly amused by them.

"You can try to understand it Jasper but our love knows no logic."

He then turned to Bella who now was watching me with a look full of indecipherable emotions. How I wished I could feel her emotions to try to discern what she's thinking about Edwards comments.

"Bella, love, would you like to return to the house now? I brought you a surprise."

"I'm not really ready to leave yet. I wanted to get a little bit more swimming in before I have to leave. It's so beautiful and peaceful here. Besides, I can't, we had plans to stay out here for a while longer and then we were going to go back to the house and have a small cookout."

"I am sure they will not mind if you return early with me." He replied, completely ignoring Bella's voiced desires to stay.

"Edward, I can't just leave when I promised to spend the day with them."

"Yeah Eddie-boy," Emmett said as he and Rosalie walked out of the water towards us Alice close by ready pounce on Rosalie and brag about her latest find. "You can't just disappear with the guest of honor at her own break out party. That would just be rude."

"I am sure that you will get over it Emmett. Now if you will excuse us. Come along Bella." He stood and pulled her up next to him, I saw the resigned set of her shoulders and knew that she had given into his demand against her own wishes.

Before he could take a step, I was in front of him, blocking his way.

"She said she wanted to stay."

"I think if you ask her you will find she has changed her mind."

Edward's lips curved up into a half smile his emotions ricocheting against my senses. He was angry and pleased, his confidence in his control over Bella lending him nerves to stare down my silent challenge. I felt my features harden in response to his words. My muscles tensed and I clenched my fists preparing to teach the arrogant, high-handed, punk a lesson in respect, moving close enough to stand toe to toe with him.

"Jasper…" Bella whispered softly, fear evident in the meekness of her voice.

I tore my hate filled glare away from Edward to look at Bella standing beside him, their hands locked together. Her eyes pleaded for me stop, to back down. For her alone I would do anything, including bowing out when my instincts screamed to fight.

I took a few steps back, the situation far from diffused but unwillingly put on hold. Only now did the thought come into my mind that Bella didn't deserve to see me at my worst, and dealing with Edward like he needs to be dealt with would surely bring out the beast.

Bella looked up at Edward eyes guarded and void of any emotions. It was like a switch being flipped, no fear, no love, no sadness, nothing.

"Let me just go get my stuff."

Edward nodded and walked past me to the tree line while she turned back to walk the fifteen feet down the bank where her sandals, towel, and swimsuit cover-up lay forgotten in the grass.

As she moved to pass me, I grabbed her arm at the elbow stopping her in her tracks. Her empty eyes looked up at me and for a millisecond, I thought I saw that glimmer in her eyes, then just as fast it was gone, leaving me wondering if it was nothing but a trick of the light.

"You don't have to do this, Bella. You don't have to go with him. I can protect you." My voice was strained with the emotions choking me, begging her to choose me.

"Let me go, Jasper. Stop fighting for me." She lowered her eyes to the ground as she turned back to the forest.

So softly, I could have sworn it was the wind, I heard the words that would forever be ingrained on my forever-stilled heart. The words that had first lead me into her forbidden arms.

"I'm not worth it."

I watched as she walked away from me and into his arms, my heart breaking for the millionth time since she had stepped into my life. I watched as Edward's impassive face stared at me over the top of her head and felt the triumph course through him. He thought he won, he had no idea this was just a minor battle in the war over Bella's heart, and I would win the war.

Edward lifted her into his arms and just as suddenly as he had ruined our joyful afternoon, he was gone, with my heart in his arms.

The silence they left behind went unbroken for what could have been hours but actually amounted to a few meager minutes.

"Why do you guys always have to fight him like that?" Alice demanded angrily breaking the heavy silence.

Rosalie's incredulous confusion and surprise filled the atmosphere as she looked at Alice with an expression that could only be described as 'what the fuck?'.

"Did you not see that Alice? He fucking made her leave when she didn't want to! Jasper was just standing up for Bella's right to think for herself! If he hadn't have done it then I would have. Do you seriously not see anything wrong with what's been happening?"

"I see plenty wrong with what's been happening but little of it has been from Edward. You guys are sticking your noses into their relationship, where it doesn't belong. Yes, he's controlling, but you know what, Bella's not stupid or blind. She sees it and has allowed it, so who are we to say it's wrong when she allows it? You guys have been trying to sabotage their relationship ever since Jasper got a hard-on for her, and trying to break them up by making him out to be the bad guy is not exactly trusting behavior. So is it no wonder why he doesn't like her being around any of you?"

"That's not his choice to make Alice." I said darkly my already violent and unstable emotions beginning to reach the boiling point now that Bella wasn't here to force me to control the beast.

"And it's not yours either Jasper! You heard her, let her go, stop fighting for her. She doesn't want you! You have deluded yourself into thinking every time she says no it really means yes! I'm sick of watching you all make fools of yourselves because not one of you is willing to face reality. That reality is that Bella and Edward were meant to be together and Jasper threw away his only chance at happiness with me over a god damned roll in the hay!"

In the span of a hummingbird's heartbeat, I was in Alice's face yelling.

"Fuck you Alice! You're the one that's deluded, refusing to see reality. He is using her, hurting her, manipulating her! He's the one actin' like she has no other purpose but lookin' good on his arm and warmin' his bed! I fucking love her! Love her! That's the god-damned reality! You're just a bitter, jealous, selfish, bitch going along with whatever he says because I tossed you to the side like yesterdays trash."

My anger was out of control and I knew if I stuck around to hear whatever would come out of her mouth next I would not be able to stop before she was in pieces. So I left. I sped away as fast as I could as far as I could in the opposite direction of home. Deep into the wilderness where there would be no witnesses to the rage I unleashed on the undeserving trees and fauna.

Time was immeasurable as I released all of my anger, hurt, betrayal, remorse, and guilt. I drained countless animals, aware only of the blood flowing down my throat and the fur beneath my hands as I let loose the beast, the demon that dwelled beneath my thinly veiled mask. Once sated and the world regained its color rather than the red haze, I stood in a clearing of felled and splintered trees as large as a football field.

Bella's earlier words echoed through my mind as I looked at the destruction around me.

_You are not that monster anymore._

If only she knew how wrong she is.

Never in a million years could I ever deserve her, to be looked at with such admiration and trust, there is nothing I could ever do that would be good enough to deserve her love. However, no matter what I've done, Edward is even less deserving than I. To take someone so beautiful, inside and out, and twist them the way he has, is unforgivable.

I thought on how a day that seemed so right could turn so wrong in such a short amount of time. We were all having a good time, lazing about in the river, enjoying the freedom that reigned in the absence of Edward's oppression. I was finally able to break down some of Bella's barriers, she was going to let me in, I know it. Then it came crashing down, and it was all gone.

While locked within my thoughts the sky had turned to black, the waxing moon large in the sky cast shadows through the forest and the stars twinkled with indifference to my suffering. The hour must be closing in towards midnight. I had missed Bella's celebratory dinner and cake.

With a heavy heart and a mind swirling with turmoil I ran home, hoping for just a glimpse of Bella's forgiving eyes before she closed them for the night.

I cleared the spanning forest with the house in sight when a wall of incredible anger and sympathy stopped me dead in my tracks. To my right I saw Rosalie pacing furiously, a rut already cut into the earth beneath her feet. On her next revolution she caught sight of me standing there frozen in panic by the indications of her emotions.

Her face softened and her shoulders sagged as she made it to my side.

"Jasper, I'm so sorry..." Her voice was choked but the anger was evident in its depths, something serious had happened.

Without a word, I raced towards the house, my mental voice screaming at me for not following Bella and Edward home to protect her. The one fucking time we leave them alone something happens. I knew Edward had hurt her that night and this was the proof.

"Wait! No! Jasper it's not what you think!"

I heard Rose shout behind me but I didn't pay any mind to her words, something had happened and my heart would be lodged in my throat until I saw for myself if my Bella was okay.

I rushed through the door ignoring the sound of it crashing against the wall. I followed the direction the voices had come from, before the sounds of my entrance startled them quiet, to the living room.

Three faces turned towards me with looks of pity, two others held smirks, but one face, the only face I had eyes for was turned down. Confusion filled me, Bella appeared to be fine physically. I ran my gaze over her a second and third time searching for anything and still came up empty. I surveyed the room, looking for clues, anything that would explain the looks on Esme, Carlisle, Rose, and Emmett's faces. Nothing was out of place besides the open bottle of Champaign and the handful of fluted glasses sitting on the table.

Bella leaned forward then to set her own glass on the table, the only one that had been emptied, beside the nearly drained bottle. That's when I saw it. The light reflected off her left hand creating the same effect as our skin in the sun. Only it wasn't her skin.

"You've got to be shittin' me."

Bella's head jerked up and she quickly tried to hide her hand beneath the other, but it was too late. Her eyes met mine and there in the swirling depths was nothing.

"Jasper," Edward said gaining my attention as he pulled Bella's hand out from hiding, displaying the hideous mark of conquest on her finger, "We are so pleased you made it back in time to toast our engagement before Bella had to go to bed without your congratulations."

A growl emerged unchecked from my chest.

My eyes then turned to meet Bella's once more. I allowed all the unbridled anger and betrayal, jealousy and resentment to show through my eyes. I wanted her to know all the pain I felt, I wanted her to see that she had finally broken me. She finally succeeded in chasing me away.

"Congratulations. Have a nice fucking life." I spat, the disgust dripping from my voice like toxic ooze poisoning the room.

I turned, brushing past Rosalie and left through very door I entered only moments ago.


	22. Proof of Insanity

**A/N: Howdy :) Told ya'll youd get this chapter this week. Before we continue I have a few things to say in response to the reviews, first of all thanks for all the feedback, I love every single one of 'em. Alright that being said, there have been way more reviews than I'd like to count that bemoan the events of the story and are demanding some happy resolution, many have even claimed that they may have to stop reading because it's just too frustrating, sad, angsty, ect. I am sorry so many of you feel that way but I never promised a happy story with rainbows and unicorns. This story is emotionally dark, I try to write as realistically as possible and real life does not always come with easy happiness and love that conquers all. Sometimes life is down right cruel. If I offend you, I'm sorry, if I come across as bitchy, I'm sorry I dont mean to, if you stop reading my story because the emotional tourmoil is too much for you, then I am really sorry and I will miss you, thank you for coming this far with me. I will not be deviating from my original story outline to appease the readers, this story is about the art of my creative mind, not the popularity of the story, but dont get me wrong, I love that my story has so many readers:) I love all of ya'll for giving me a chance.**

**Now on a much lighter note I got the most AWESOME review EVER and I wanted to publicly thank gredelina1 for the incredible recognition and ego boost:) THANK YOU! She really restored my faith that are still some of you out there that appreciate my story.**

**Onto the good stuff...THE STORY! YAY!**

**For those of you following along with the playlist the songs for this chapter are- ****All in Your Hands- Framing Hanley, ****Anywhere but Here- Sick Puppies, ****Over- Evans Blue**

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.**

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**JPOV**

For three days I have sat here on this rocky cliff overlooking the churning waters of the Gulf of Alaska. Three days, with nothing but my thoughts, nothing but endless questions, and no answers.

Had I really fooled myself into thinking she loved me? Had all those rebuffs been legitimate? I know that she is my mate, but is it possible that I am not hers? Can that happen? Had I imagined everything? Did I ever truly know who Bella Swan was? Did she just use me to make Edward jealous? Did Edward even hurt her like we had believed? If so then why is she marrying him? Does she truly allow his behavior because it's who she is, what she needs?

All I had were meaningless questions.

I remembered a quote by Albert Einstein that said _Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results._ That's exactly what I had done. I had apologized and professed my love repeatedly, each time hoping that this time would be different, that this time she wouldn't turn me away but fall into my awaiting arms. She struck me with insanity, crippled the God of War, brought me to my knees armed with nothing but her doe eyes and silken lips.

In the end none of it matters. She's made her choice and there is nothing I can do about it, but I'll be damned if I'll stand by and watch her make the biggest mistake of what will either be the short life she has left or the eternity that stretches before her. I refuse to sit on the sidelines quietly and watch as she marries that bastard and lives happily ever after as his puppet. That I can't do, but I'm done fighting for her. There's only so many beatings a heart can take before one has to face reality and admit defeat.

With my mind made up on a course of action, I stood and followed my trail back to Washington passing the destruction I had left in the wake of my mindless escape.

It was nearing noon of my fourth day gone when I reluctantly stepped up to the back door. It was both a blessing and a curse when I listened for any signs of life from inside. I sensed no emotions, heard no movement, except that of a single heartbeat and steady breaths from upstairs. Bella was here, alone. Thankful that I wouldn't have to go through the drama of my leaving with the rest of the family, I was not willing to face Bella either. I debated on waiting to see if she left, but in doing so, I would risk someone else showing up. So using every honed and supernatural skill I possessed I silently and stealthily made my way inside and through the house to my room.

I felt a pang of regret that I would be leaving the first room that I had called my own since my human life. Emmett had helped me move into the room that we had mainly used for storage shortly after we came back from Arizona. We painted the walls a calming blue that reminded me of the Texas sky on a clear day, and since I had no real need for a bed I had opted for a dark brown microfiber couch and a black leather armchair for the open space that had seemed made for a king sized bed. On the two book cases sitting to either side of the window were the few items I had been able to collect throughout the years, some books, various forms of music, pictures, and the odd little trinket that had lived in boxes through all of our moves because Alice had complained that they would 'clash with the décor'.

Now I would be leaving it all. The books, the trinkets, I didn't want any of it, they would only serve as painful reminders of what I left behind. I walked to the closet, pulling out my duffle bag and proceeding to throw what clothes I could from the rack into it's dark depths. I thoughtlessly misjudged the force I used to close the closet door and it slammed into the doorframe with a loud resounding thud that would be heard all over the house without heightened senses.

I heard Bella's heart two doors down the hall skip then begin to beat furiously as her breath caught in her throat.

Shit. Well there goes my plan.

I quickly took the frame that housed the only piece of my human life I had left from the wall and shattered the glass not bothering to take time to take it apart. I lifted the locket from the wreckage and fastened it around my neck, hiding it underneath my shirt. I then resumed my packing, rifling through the drawers of my dresser as her footsteps drew closer and closer to the door.

My mind was warring with itself, both wanting her to open that door, so I could see her face just one last time, and needing her to keep on walking. To save what little scraps of sanity I had left from seeing that twice-damned ring on her finger, hearing about how happy she is and how she had tried to tell me to forget any misconceptions I had about her and I together.

Her footsteps stopped on the other side of the door, I heard the hesitation in her step as she took hold of the knob.

"Jasper?" She called as she finally shored up the courage to open the door.

It opened silently, from the corner of my eye I could see her standing in the doorway, her perfect features frozen in shock as she took in the sight before her. I pointedly ignored her, forcibly putting on a face of calm indifference when inside I was as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

"Jasper? What are you doing?" Panic and fear leaked in to the room at the sound of her higher than normal pitched voice.

I chanced a glance at her, instantly wishing I hadn't. Not only was I forced to see that offending piece of trash on her hand but the look on her face was enough to almost break my apathetic façade. I had to stop myself from running to comfort her.

"I'm leavin'."

"Leaving? Bu...but…no! No, you can't!"

I turned away back to the dresser and opened the next drawer trying desperately to ignore the pain in her words.

"I can Bella, and I am."

"Why?" She asked, tears filling her voice that would never again well up in her eyes, as she advanced further into the room, close enough to grab my arm when I turned around with another pile of clothes.

I briefly looked into her eyes as I pulled my arm from her grasp.

"There's nothing left for me here. It's time I move on."

"Nothing left for you? What about your family?"

With that pile of clothes stuffed into my bag I turned back around, side-stepping her on my way back to the dresser.

"I'll keep in touch, maybe drop by for a visit every couple of years."

She gave a choked sound before she continued in a whisper.

"What about me?"

Damnit, why did she have to make this so fucking hard?

"What about you? It's been fun but the game is over. He's won. You can tell him that for me."

"Game? You mean all this…?" Her voice trailed off weakly, the thoughts my words provoked leaving an acrid taste of disgust on her tongue.

"No." She finally said coming out of her thoughts.

"No!" She shouted her voice now stronger, stubborn conviction written on her face. "I don't believe you. Not with everything that you've said and done. Not with the way you reacted when I accused you of exactly that. No. You and me, we have something, this was no game."

I whirled around to look her dead in the eyes. I was angry enough to spit fire, that only now, after she had ripped my heart out by accepting his proposal, would she acknowledge the connection between us.

"What the hell d'you want me to say Bella! You want me to tell you it's ok, I understand why you chose him? You want me to say I'll still be here for you, that I'll be your friend 'cause that's the only way I can have you? I can't do that. It's not ok! I'll never understand, and I can't be there for you! I can't sit here pinin' for you for the rest of my miserable fucking existence! Not when you've made it clear who you want." I finished by pointing disgustingly at her hand.

Her face was stricken and ashen, her bottom lip quivered, but her obvious distress did nothing to quell the anger that held me. I turned around, taking two steps before the words that had been swimming in my head for the past four days finally broke through. I spun around, once again facing her.

"You know what gets me? All this time I've been worried that he had been hurtin' you! That he was somehow forcin' you to stay with him! I fought him, accused him of abusin' you! I defended you when he treated you like shit! Even convinced the rest o' the family that he was hurtin' you! When the whole time, it was you playin' with me, manipulating me! You made sure to reject me with just enough conviction to keep me danglin' on your fuckin' strings! And for what? To ruin my marriage? To rip this family apart? To destroy my already fucked up soul? For the god damn satisfaction of havin' two vampires bowing at your feet? Congratulations bitch, you succeeded!"

I saw the sobs shake her tiny frame, saw the guilt and pain on her face. For once, her emotions were written plainly for all to see. There was a silent part of me that wished I could take back the hurtful words that I had hurled at her like verbal torpedoes. Despite my fury, I still loved her more than my own existence. My body coursing with my anger and pain still thrummed with life at the proximity of her body to mine. Her heart stuttering in her chest was still music to my undead ears. God I loved this woman so much, but the pain of her choice, of her promise to him, would not allow my anger to weaken. She had hurt me more than anything in my undead life could have. This small girl of questionable mortality held the only weapon that could kill the dreaded God of War, and that was my own damn heart.

"I'm sorry, I never meant to…" Her voice quivered tightly from suppressing the sobs that threatened to consume her.

"NO!" I yelled coming inches from her face. "You do NOT fucking get to apologize! You do not get to act like you are a good person by feeling guilty for what you've done! Just drop the fucking act! It won't work on me anymore."

I turned away from her and hurriedly resumed my packing. I need to get out of here, away from her.

"But I am sorry!" She shouted, the sobs breaking violently from their cage.

"I never wanted to hurt you! I wasn't manipulating you. I tried to tell you to stop, but you wouldn't listen to me!"

"Yeah and it's my fault I was so fuckin' delusional that I thought what I felt from you in Phoenix was love, thinkin' you could ever feel that way for a monster." I retorted contemptuously as I opened the top drawer of my dresser.

There sitting in my underwear drawer was the box I picked up weeks ago on a trip to Seattle with Emmett. It sat there mocking me with the remembered excitement and love that I had felt when I first laid eyes on the delicate piece of silver that rested within its silk lining. Without thinking I picked it up and softly stroked it's velvet curves.

"It was." Bella said quietly bringing me out of my thoughts.

I raised my eyes to meet hers in the reflection of the mirror.

"And if you could sense me now you would still feel it. I can't stop it, though god knows I've tried. I can't control it, every time I see you I feel like I am going to explode. It consumes me and scares me with the desperate need it fills me with to feel your touch, hear you say my name, to love me just as much as I love you."

Her voice was choked, pleading, desperate. Her eyes begged me to listen, to believe the unbelievable words that tumbled from her mouth. Her hand was clutched to her chest right over her heart as if she would willingly rip her heart out to show me it was my name tattooed across it, claiming it, consuming it.

"An' why should I believe ya now?" I asked coldly, not daring to let myself believe for even a fraction of a second that it was true.

"Because it's true. I love you Jasper." I could easily imagine the tears that would be trekking down her cheeks from her soulful eyes.

I turned slowly, facing her, staring her down with my blackened eyes.

"Prove it. Take that off." I gestured towards her hand.

Her eyes went down to her hand as she raised it to her chest. Though I couldn't see her downcast eyes I saw the hesitation in her shaking right hand as she slowly raised it towards the ring. It stopped just short of its destination, fingers clenching and unclenching. She raised her eyes back to mine, fearful and conflicted. I had my answer.

"That's what I thought." I accused scathingly.

I reached behind me and with my supernatural speed I gripped a handful of underwear from the still open drawer and had them in my bag with the zipper closed within half a beat of her heart. I hauled the bag to my shoulder then stood facing her.

She stood frozen, her eyes glazed in defeat and agony. I know that face will haunt me for the rest of my days, but I could not afford to let myself think on the reasons those particular emotions were present. If I did I knew I would not be leaving.

"You were right, Bella. You're not worth it. You're not worth the pain of fightin' a battle for a war that's already been lost."

"Jasper." She whispered brokenly. "Please…"

I thrust the box into her hand.

"No, I can't do this anymore. I can't wait aroun' for you to come to your senses, I can't watch you with him one more day wishin, more than all the stars in the sky, that it was me instead. I just…I can't."

She blinked before looking down at the black box confused. Without waiting I grabbed the last thing that could tie me to my family, my cell phone, and sped out of the house, leaving the door swinging on it's hinges behind me.

With no destination in mind, I ran, and with every impact of my feet on the earth, I died a little more.


	23. Catatonia, Caves and Alligators

**A/N: Hey hey my peoples! Chapter 23 here! There will be another authors note at the end explaining some translations and a disclaimer to a little recognized ethnic group, Cajuns. Alright so, I know alot of you were a bit pissed at Jasper last chapter and understandable, I doubt that will change in this chapter, sorry. I had an overwhelming response to last chapter. You all are so great in shoreing up my confindence that my story is truly loved and not everyone feels this story is too angsty, miserable, sad...and whatever else you can think of. I am here to tell you my imagination is a dark and dramatic place to be...I cannot tell you how many times I've written a chapter only to trash it because it was too...dark, morbid, violent and some of it just plain scary. Reading some of the trashed chapters my husband has now been given a window into my mind...I think he's scared of me now...he hid the knives:) Anyways...heres the chapter...hope you enjoy it.**

**Songs: Wash It All Away- Evanescence, This Time Imperfect-AFI, Crawl-Breaking Benjamin**

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.**

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**BPOV**

_I'm leaving._

_What about you?_

_He's won. _

_The whole time it was you playing with me, manipulating me! _

_For what? To destroy my already fucked up soul?_

_Congratulations bitch you succeeded!_

_Why should I believe you now? _

_Prove it. Take that off._

_You're not worth it._

_Fighting a battle for a war that's already been lost._

_I can't do this anymore._

The words echoed in my mind, the pain and anger on his face replayed over and over like a horror movie caught in an eternal loop, repeating the macabre scenes for an audience of one.

He's gone…he's gone.

My mind was lost within itself. The hard floor non-existent beneath my crumpled body, it was only me, my horrific memories, and the death grip I held on the small box. The only thing I had left of him.

There was a noise…the most frightful sound I had ever heard. It was the sound of a soul dying, wailing, screeching, sobbing, until there was nothing left but emptiness.

Then there was silence, only broken by the two mournful words.

He's gone…he's gone.

An eternity later there was a new sound, foreign. The floor vibrated under my cheek in time with the noise. Click, click, click. Thud, thud, thud.

"Bella?"

"Bella!"

"What happened?"

"What's wrong?"

"Rose, call Carlisle!"

Two thick arms pried themselves between my body and the floor, lifting me effortlessly.

"Where are you going?"

"Her room."

A rush of wind then there was softness beneath me. Reflexively my body curled in on itself.

He's gone…he's gone.

I had nothing left to give. There were no more tears. I can't even shed a single tear for the loss of my heart, of my soul.

He's gone. He's gone.

What did I expect? I knew eventually he would tire of being rejected. It was a very real fear that had now become reality. He couldn't take it anymore.

_I can't do this anymore._

_Why should I believe you?_

_He's won._

_You're not worth it._

"No, I don't know what happened! We just came home. She wasn't even supposed to be here. She just keeps muttering 'He's gone.' You don't think…No I haven't tried to call him yet. Emmett is with her. Yes, I'll call him. Just get here!" Her voice was hushed and far away.

That's right, I wasn't supposed to be here. I was supposed to be at Charlie's, at home, but I had forgotten my book. I came back to get it. I was supposed to stay at Charlie's all weekend because Edward was gone to New York with Alice, buying more useless books for Carlisle's pointless research. Edward did not want me here, did not want to risk anyone finding out, did not want me here when Jasper returned.

_Jasper._

He's gone…he's gone.

"Esme, you need to come home. No, everything is definitely not alright. We…we found Bella in Jasper's…"

"Bells? Come on girl. Snap out of it. Please Bella? You're scaring me."

"…don't even think she's knows we're here. She's not responding to us. Ok."

Click.

"They're on their way."

"Do you think he really left?"

"I don't know Emmy. It looks like it. His dresser was nearly empty."

Something touched my hair.

"Honey, can you hear me? I just need some proof your still in there."

_Prove it. Take that off._

_That's what I thought._

_You were right. You're not worth it._

He's gone.

"I'm calling him."

Beep.

"Jasper! What the hell is going on? Emmett and I just came home to…" The voice went from loud and angry to a low hiss. "You can't just fucking leave her! She needs you! That's bullshit! This is Bella we're talking about, not Alice! She could never do anything like… You WHAT? You can't do this anymore? No, stop I don't want to fucking hear it. If you're going to fucking give up this easily on her then you don't fucking deserve her in the first place! Fuck you Jasper, you can sell that 'my pussy hurts' story somewhere else. You're obviously not the man I thought you were."

There was a crash somewhere near then silence.

"Don't worry B. We'll get him back.

_You're not worth it. I can't do this anymore._

He's gone….He's gone.

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**BPOV**

**July**

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**JPOV**

"Jasper, man, you need to come home. It's like…like you took her fucking soul when you left. She just sits there, staring at nothing."

"Son, I need to speak to you. We need you home. It's Bella. I don't…I don't know what else I can do for her."

"Dude come on, she needs you. It's like you've fucking died to her. She freaked out and bit Rosalie when she tried to help her get into the shower. I think she's going crazy."

"Honey I know Edward and Bella's engagement was painful for you but you can't give up on her. She needs you."

"She's a fucking robot man. She'll tell you she's fine in this…this voice and god her eyes, they're empty. There's nothing there. Please J, just come back."

"Jazzy, you didn't need to run off like that. I could have helped you through this. I'll always be here for you. Now that Bella is marrying Edward we can work through our problems without her distracting you. Just tell me where you are. I can't get a solid vision of you. Please, I love you."

"You fucking asshole! You did this to her! You! Not Edward, not Alice, YOU! I will never forgive you for this."

I closed my cell, unable to hear anymore. There were countless more voicemails, every one as bad as the last. She's lost, she's broken, she's not mine. I tortured myself daily listening to them over and over again, allowing myself that little ghost of a connection. I refused to answer the phone whenever it rang. They would convince me to come back, I can't do that. She will pull through this without me, but I won't survive if I go back to the way it was.

Bella…Bella.

The name rang through my head like a heavenly chorus. A sound that should never be permitted to grace upon my cursed ears for the sins I have committed.

My last words to her ate at my conscience like a cancer. I was angry, hurt. I lashed out the only way I could. I cut her with her own words. _You're not worth it._ My anger fed off her already unstable insecurities. I would never forgive myself for hurting her.

I quickly murdered that trail of thought. I couldn't allow it to go any further. I had already had to stop myself from leaving this god-forsaken cave once today to run back to her, to apologize and bow at her feet begging forgiveness, to swear my undying loyalty, to take her in any capacity she would allow me. I don't know if I'm strong enough to stop myself a second time.

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**BPOV**

**August**

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**JPOV**

The voicemails were less frantic now, more defeated, and fewer in number.

"J, man, I don't know if you've even gotten any of my messages but…we sure could use you here. She's not eating, I don't even know if she's sleeping or just laying there ignoring us. She's lost so much weight. We need you man, she needs you."

"Bella had another episode. The venom is gaining strength, probably because she is so weak. She was only out for a day but it was by far the most violent. I'm afraid she won't survive another like it. Please Jasper…come home." Carlisle's voice was full of heartbreaking grief and sorrow.

"Jasper, I'm sorry I was such a bitch before. Please? Just come home." Rosalie's voice mirrored Carlisle's only she was sobbing quietly, trying her hardest to not let it be heard over the phones speaker.

"Hey man, just trying again. I keep hoping that this time you'll pick up. Esme asked me to apologize for not calling in a while. She won't leave Bella's side except for when Bella goes to the bathroom. We were able to get her to eat a little today. Maybe it's a good sign, if nothing else it's a good day. Call me back, I'm worried about you. We all are."

Not once, since Esme's first call, had any of them mentioned Edward's name. Alice probably would have had I not blocked her number after that first call. Until today anyways.

"I sent Edward and Alice to Volterra today. We cannot wait any longer for Eleazar's friends. I found a reference to a journal kept by Elizabeth Bathory's companion Katarína Benická as well as the journals of Bathory herself that may prove to be exactly what we are looking for. Alice was unable to pinpoint how long the hunt for those journals and any other useful information will take but she was able to discern that they would indeed be given access to the archives. Please son, come home. With Edward gone you may be able to finally get through to her. Please."

There was something he wasn't saying. I could hear it in his voice, there was something he wanted to say but didn't. Was there more going on than they let on in the other calls?

No sooner than I pressed the off button on the phone did I sense someone approaching my earthen crypt. They were filled with both worry and frustration, mixing in the middle was love and anger. There was only one person that I ever encountered that could contain such a powerful concoction of contradictory emotions at one time. I inwardly groaned. Was I not suffering enough that the powers that be had to send in the asshole?

"Alright Major! Enough with this wallowin' bullshit! You either get your pretty vegetarian ass out here or I'm comin' in there and draggin' your ass out kickin' and screamin'! I know I can too, 'cause you haven't left that fuckin' hole in over six weeks to feed. Either way your weak ass is comin' with me!"

I growled in response.

"Yeah, I knew you were gonna say that." I heard the smirk in his voice as his footsteps began their descent into my sanctum of misery.

I didn't move an inch out of my position against the far wall, my knees drawn up to my chest, feet splayed a shoulders width apart with that infernal phone, the messenger of my torment, laying in the musty dirt halfway between my heels.

"Come on. Your pussy-ass, brooding fuck-nugget days are over, even if I have ta slap it outta ya. So get your ass up, it's time ta join the world again."

"Fuck off Peter." I really wasn't in the mood for his less than stellar tough love pep talk.

His shoulders slumped as he gave a sigh of sad frustration and plopped down on the ground next to me.

"Look man, I get it. There's only so many kicks your heart can take 'fore it goes flyin' right outta your chest, but you can't jus' give up."

"She's gonna marry the bastard." I said my voice void of the emotions that were shredding my insides at the words.

"And your gonna let a little piece of paper stop you from claimin' your mate? Now that ain't the Major I know."

"I tried Peter. I tried everything short of kidnapping her to make her see that she belonged with me. He still got that damn ring on her finger."

"Then it sounds ta me like ya didn't try everything. And did it ever occur to ya that there was more to the story than what you know?"

I looked over at him with confusion.

"Sorry man but ya don't know everything. Maybe there was more goin' on that you couldn't even imagine?"

"What did they tell you?"

"Emmett just tol' me that your mate was in a bad situation and you took off after her engagement to the mind reader was announced."

"So he didn't say anything about what we had thought was going on?"

"No, why?"

"No reason, it doesn't matter anymore anyways. We were wrong. She's nothing but a manipulative liar, she probably wanted us to think that shit was going on to keep me chasing her tail. She's no better than Maria or Alice."

"Oh well now that I can't believe. No sir. Any woman givin' to you by fate would be the opposite of those two cunts. Otherwise she wouldn't be your mate."

"And what if she's not my mate? Maybe I just wanted her to be so badly that I had myself convinced, just like with Alice."

"No chance Major. She's yours, she jus' don't know it yet."

"How can you be sure?" I asked looking at him.

He gave me his best shit eatin' grin and replied with his patented and proven comeback.

"I jus' know shit."

I scoffed but his words kept playing over in my head. Giving me that little shred of hope that had been shattered when I saw that ring on her finger. Then just as quickly as it gained life it was squashed by the memory of her hand shaking inches above the ring. She had made the choice to put the ring on her finger and when given the opportunity she made the choice to leave it there. No, no matter if she is supposed to be my mate or not, she doesn't want me.

Peter hauled himself off the rough ground wiping his hands of the dust and debris that clung to them.

"Come on Major, we're gonna walk outta here and get you fed proper, or at least as proper as a veggie like you can get. Then we're runnin' to my place, where your gonna get cleaned up and get an earful from Charlotte for worryin' her. Your stayin' with us till you decide to go back to that little lady you left behind."

"I'm not goin' back there Peter."

_**"**__Ne jamais ne dire jamais mon padna." _

I smirked.

"Your Coonass is showing."

_"Embrasse moi tchew bibitte. _You're jus' jealous."

"Yeah, you got me, I'm jealous that my human life didn't include weekly feasts of stewed possum."

"Better then than now. How're the possums these days? A century can do a lot to the flavor."

"Wouldn't know, don't touch 'em. You should ask Emmett."

He gave a hearty laugh before replying.

"I'll do that."

My heart felt lighter than it had in a long time trading banter with my brother. It had been so long since we had spent any time together and still the ease of our relationship flowed smoothly between us, it was like coming home. Only, it wasn't complete. Parts of me were missing, laying half a continent away in the hands of a fragile girl.

Was Peter right? Would I be returning, eventually, to Bella? My mind, it said no, I can't take it anymore, I won't let her take what little I have left of myself, but my heart, my heart screamed to go. My heart punished me, day and night, with the images the voicemails had painted. Images of my Bella wasting away before their eyes, out of touch, out of hope, out of reasons to breathe. I mourned her, I wanted to be there, holding her hand, whispering in her ear that everything was going to be ok. I just couldn't. My mind, the reasoning for my escape, told me no, and like the coward that I was, I listened.

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**BPOV**

It felt kind of like waking from a dream, a horrifically real and devastating dream.

I felt hollow, detached from myself and the world. Pain gnawed at my insides, twisting and shredding my heart. I felt as if I was going to implode from my guilt and explode from the blistering raw pain that radiated from the gapping wound where my heart sat, now a pile of wreckage drowning in refuse.

I barely recognized the passage of time, only becoming aware of the continuity of the world around me by the movement of the calendar and the occasional mention by the voices around me. Why should I care if their world kept turning when my world walked away, leaving me spiraling headlong into the abyss where darkness dwelled and monsters crept, waiting to tear my flesh with their glistening razor-sharp teeth.

Two months had passed since he had gone, two months of pleading golden eyes and soft words flitting meaninglessly in and out of existence. Two months of Edward's whispered threats and blood-red lips, two months of his silent poisoning hands and haunting reminders.

"_You belong to me Isabella. These are my marks upon your skin, not his."_

He no longer needed to threaten my family and friends to keep my silence, my obedience. The ring on my finger and the raised silver deformities now branding my skin were enough of a reminder. The only person he would touch was me. And touch me he did, hurt me he did, without a sound from my mouth. It didn't matter anymore. One day he would kill me and I would pass from this world wrapped in pain and violence with nothing but relief and regret in my heart. All to keep me his, always his.

I could have told them. I could have told Jasper. Before…but it's too late now. There's no going back.

Then one day he was gone. I wish I had paid more attention to the pointless words that drifted in the air like dust. Where had the pain gone? Where was the leech that clung to my side, sucking on the remnants of my soul?

Maybe there was a god, because as I posed the question to myself, the answer was given in the form of Rosalie.

"I don't care if it takes them years, they are not leaving Volterra without the answers we need."

"Rosalie, I'm afraid Bella does not have years. Not if she doesn't come out of this."

"No, she'll get through this. She just needs time. A little more time."

So the leech was gone, and by the sound of it so was the annoying little mosquito, maybe that's what brought my attention back to reality, the absence of the pesky little pint sized blood-sucker that always buzzed around him. I felt the ghost of a smile spread across my cracked underused lips. Yes, she was just like a mosquito, always buzzing in my ear, impossible to swat away.

"Bella? Honey? Are you ok?"

Esme's concerned voice sounded exhausted, tired, had I done that to her? Has my need to retreat from the world caused this wonderful, light, caring woman to become so downtrodden that even her impervious body was craving the release of sleep?

"I'm sorry." My voice, like my lips, was cracked from lack of use.

I turned my head to the side where I could feel her cold body pressed against mine.

"So, so sorry." I moaned as sobs wracked my body.

"Oh no honey, you have nothing to be sorry about. Nothing."

"Yes, I do. I drove Jasper away, I destroyed your family. Everything that you love is broken because of me."

"Bella, dear, look at me."

She held my face in her hands and forced my head upwards to her mournful tearless eyes.

"You are not to blame. Do you hear me? You have not destroyed us, he will be back. We will be whole again someday. We love you, no matter what." Her voice broke with the emotion splayed across her face.

My cries did not cease however, because I knew, no matter what reassurances she gave me, that I would be the death of this family. Somehow, someday, the truth will come out and they will lose two more of their own. The love will be gone, the bond destroyed, no one will be left untouched by the betrayal of trust, of family, and when the dust settles I will be standing there at ground zero, alone. All because I loved a man that was not my own.

I felt three new sets of hands embrace me, comforting me and it only caused my howls of pain and regret to grow. They love a monster and I am too selfish to turn them away.

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**JPOV**

"Jasper, I just thought I'd tell you that Bella's doing…well she's doing better but not by much. She's broken out of her catatonic state but she's still not our Bella. Please call home son, we just want to know your ok."

"What the hell's Doc Dracula mean by catatonic?"

I snapped my phone shut and whirled around to see Peter leaning against the doorframe.

"You know, just because you can sneak up on me doesn't mean it's a good idea."

"Aw Major don't be like that. I wasn't meanin' to sneak up on ya, I was jus' curious as to what you were doin' up here. You were supposed to be huntin' while Char and I were out."

"I was about to leave, I just wanted to listen to my messages first." I gave him a questioning look. "What are you two doin' back, you just left."

"Yeah, Char forgot to set the DVR to record one of her shows tonight and she didn't want to miss it in case we weren't home in time to catch it. That woman likes her some TV drama." He said with a chuckle.

"Now back to my question, what'd Carlisle mean by catatonic state? I didn't know that was possible for us creatures of the dark."

"Well that's the price ya pay for eavesdroppin', unanswered questions." I said as I tried to walk past him out of the door.

He grabbed my arm as I passed, forcing me to look at him.

"I've been tryin' to be patient here Major, givin' you the time you need but you gotta gimme somethin' here. You haven't told us anythin' about what drove you away from your mate, 'sides she's marryin' the dickhead. What aren't you tellin' us? I know it has somethin' to do with what I heard Carlisle say, I just can't put my finger on it."

I looked into his eyes, the careful indifference that I held close as a shield projected outwards into the air surrounding us.

"She's human." I said, my voice hard.

Peter's jaw dropped and his eyes widened in surprise. I could feel his shock leaking through my meticulously placed buffer and turned out of his grasp.

Smartly he didn't follow me. When I glanced back towards my doorway from the bottom of the stairs he still stood there frozen by the revelation. I hadn't just been rejected by my mate, I had been rejected by my fragile human mate, two things that were completely unheard of together, in one paradoxical parody that had become my life.

The relief I had felt at the news in Carlisle's message was short lived, but still made a world of difference to me. It had been almost two weeks without any calls, without any news. My nerves grew more frayed everyday that passed without the annoying ringtone Emmett had conned me into filling the air. I didn't know whether to take the lack of news as a good thing or a bad thing and that uncertainty had me on edge. I had almost broken down and called, but thankfully I didn't have to. I knew they were worried about me but I also knew that if I called, if I spoke to any of them, the pull home I fought everyday would become too much to resist.

I ran through the trees and entered the wetlands that were the trademark of Southern Louisiana. Peter and Charlotte were sentimental and always came back to Louisiana during the summer and fall months, well sentimental and it was prime hunting ground. With tourist season and hurricane season there was a constant flux of strangers coming and going from the region. If it's a quiet hurricane season then there is never a shortage of hunters and fishermen to get lost or meth labs that can 'blow up' out in the nearly un-navigable bayous.

It was however not the most diverse hunting for my diet. There was an abundance of alligator, raccoon, beaver, nutria rat, and wild boar but the large mammal population was few and far between. So my diet consisted mainly of alligator, and the boar and white tailed deer found in the less marshy areas. I didn't particularly enjoy the taste of alligator at first, it is an acquired taste because of it's lower body temperature, but once accustomed to the cooler, thinner blood, the taste grew on me.

Hunting alligators never failed to remind me of Emmett and the joy he found wrestling with a pissed off grizzly. When I finally did speak with him I would have to recommend alligator to him. The thrill of the fight is worth the shortfall in taste.

I had never felt more exhilarated in the hunt than the first time I tried to go after a fourteen foot pissed off male. He knocked me off my feet with his powerful tail then charged me, grabbing my arm and dragging me into the water for a death-roll before I had even known what the hell was going on. Once I had recovered from the shock of being taken down by something that seemed so inconsequential compared to me, I broke from his grip. We had a good old fashioned wrestling match that could put Emmett to shame before I bit into his neck and tasted the almost fowl blood from his thin veins. Once I was done I felt better than I had since leaving Washington, I had been given the chance to work out some of my rage and frustrations on the beast of a lizard. The fight was primal, invigorating, dirty and I loved it. I sat on a crop of wet earth against a cypress tree for hours afterwards, my mind whirring with thoughts of Bella, for once not tainted by my anger.

It was those times that I relished the images my mind conjured of my Bella, before Phoenix, before I knew she was supposed to mine. When her eyes twinkled with laughter and love and her cheeks flushed rose with life. She was beautiful, she was whole, before I touched her.

I came to the conclusion during such a time that the disappearance of our happy, in love, Bella, may not have been Edward's fault as I had led myself to believe. It was my fault. I had wormed myself into her heart, taken away the security of her pure love for Edward and replaced it with guilt and lies. She was happy living her life oblivious to the cord that had wrapped itself around my heart and drew me closer to her, tethering my life to hers, and would have remained so if I hadn't kissed her first.

I deserved the hell I was now living through. It was me, not my pompous, pin-headed, stage brother, that had stolen her happiness.

I know now that my words to her that day were harsher than she deserved. I know she wasn't playing some stupid game with me, she's not that type of girl. I was just mad, crazy with jealousy and misplaced betrayal

I couldn't shake the sense of dread that overwhelmed me, dread that I had ruined the girl that was more special than the rarest of diamonds, a sudden dread that if we had been right about Edward then I had left her there with him, at his mercy. Mercy that I'm afraid he didn't have.

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**A/N Continued: **_Ne jamais ne dire jamais mon padna.=_**"**_**Never say never my friend."**_

_Embrasse moi tchew bibitte.=**"Kiss my ass dick."**_

******Coonass is a name commonly used regarding Louisiana Cajuns. To some it is a deragatory term but to others it is worn as a badge of pride. If you are of Cajun descent and are offended by my use of the term I apologize. While I did spend a good time of my childehood in Louisiana surrounded by the culture I never did pick up Cajun French so the translations given are very loose and suplimented by French when I am not able to find a proper resource. If you speak Cajun and are willing to translate for me I would love a real live resource :) If you are curious about Cajun culture or just want to know what the hell a Cajun is...google it! :) No seriously wikipedia has some good stuff about it but well just like everything else Wiki it is lacking in some areas, but it will give you a basic idea.**


	24. Tired of Existing

**A/N: Hey hey peoples! I hope those of you in the great US of A had a fantastic Independence Day. I spent the evening at Fort Hood Texas's Freedom Fest, saw Seether's free concert that they performed for our troops and their family's. Watched the fireworks with a few of my really close friends, one of whom deployed three days afterward to Afganistan. 4th of July takes on a whole new meaning when you spend it surrounded by the men and women that fight for our continued freedom and safety. I may not support the war we find ourselves in but I sure as hell support our troops that our willing to leave their family's and give their life for their country. Hug the soldier in your life and tell them thank you for their sacrifice. They deserve it. Ok, ok...yes I am still a little emotional from my friends leaving and the awe inspiring moment I had standing in a field surrounded by soldiers watching the fireworks as they played those sappy US pride songs...so sue me, wait no dont sue me...I have no money:)**

**Anyways I think many of you will be pleased about the events in the end of this chapter. Maybe not the way it happens but really do you think it could happen any other way? Not me. So the songs for this chapter are Lost and Found by Senses Fail and Give Me a Sign by Breaking Benjamin...Can yall tell that BB is my favorite band?**

**Oh and I wont be updating for at least two maybe three weeks because I am being forced to go to Ohio for my sister-in-law's wedding. But I will still be reading reviews, replying to them and writing on next chapter.**

**I love you guys! :)**

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.**

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**BPOV**

"No, Esme, really I'm ok. I'm looking forward to maybe getting some kind of normalcy back, and I think school will do that."

"Ok then sweetie, if you're sure this is what you want. Just remember that I'm only a phone call away. You're still coming here afterwards right?"

"Yes I'm still coming over after school, only until Charlie gets off work, he doesn't want me there alone."

"You know he's just looking out for you. We just want to make sure you have someone around in case something happens."

"Yes I know. I have to get going Esme or I'm going to be late."

"Ok dear, I love you and will see you after school, Bye."

"Love you too, bye."

I dropped my phone into my bag that sat on the seat beside me with a huff. I was exhausted and I hadn't even entered the school yet. I knew this was going to be hard, keeping up the charade that I was fine, that I wasn't dead inside, broken beyond repair, but today my endurance was being tested to the limits and it was only eight in the morning.

First, it was Rose waiting at the end of my bed when I woke up this morning, asking the same questions over and over again like a mental patient with short term memory loss, then it was Charlie constantly watching me from the corner of his eyes through breakfast, I had to repeat my form response at least a dozen times before walking out the door, 'Yes, I'm sure. I'm fine. I just want to go to school and act like nothing has happened. Really I'm ok, stop worrying about me.' Then Carlisle called from the hospital, just to assure me that he would have his cell on him at all times if anything should happen, and to tell me for the hundredth time that I didn't have to do this, I could be home-schooled by Esme and Rosalie. Not ten seconds after I hung up with him Esme called.

I was just so damn…I don't even know. Tired, that's it, tired of getting up in the morning, tired of suffering through hell every time I close my eyes and waking to a whole new hell in the light of a new day. I'm tired of talking, of pretending I'm ok, tired of lying, just…just tired of it all. I keep thinking that maybe staying in the dark fiery pit that haunts my nights would be more preferable, because at least there is no one to disappoint in the darkness, no one to protect with my silence, no one to put on the pretty mask for. This living is not living, it's existing. I wake every morning with the monumental task of putting one foot in front of the other and acting like my heart wasn't justifiably ripped out by the man that was never supposed to have it in the first place, dreading the day Edward comes back to once again stake his claim.

Most days I feel like I'm just one word away from breaking, from giving up and finding a way to end it all. On the bad days, I contemplate running away, just getting in my truck and driving, past the freeway, south, where no one knows my pain, no one looks at me with pity and wariness in their eyes, waiting for the next breakdown. I could just get away, disappear, I could leave all this behind, no more pain, no more heartache, start over, in a foreign place, in some obscure little town, where nobody knows my name.

I laid my head on my steering wheel and closed my eyes. I envisioned turning the key and backing out of the parking lot, never to look back. I saw scenery blur past my imaginary escape and felt the past slide off my back like a weight finally being lifted from my weary shoulders.

I could do it. Just drive away. My hand inched it's way to the ignition, the key was warm between my fingers. Just turn the key. Drive away.

BANG!

My head popped up so fast I had a momentary feeling of vertigo, I felt my heart flutter sporadically in my chest and a scream caught in my throat before I saw the toothy grin of Emmett peering at me through my window.

"Hey sis," He said through the window. "You gonna sit in there all day or are we going to class to get our learning on?"

I sighed and pulled the key from the ignition. Grabbing my bag from the seat I slid out of the now open door.

"What the hell are you doing here Emmett? You graduated last year remember?"

"Yeah well the school was reviewing the records and there seems to have been a glitch in their system that allowed me to graduate without actually passing any of my classes last year. They said I had to repeat the year if I wanted an actual valid diploma to get into college. To make up for the glitch they will give me a year long scholarship to the school of my choice when I get my new diploma. So here I am. Ready to repeat my senior year with my lil' sis at my side." He said with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Emmett." I groaned. "Did Esme put you up to this?"

"Um, no, actually when I mentioned it to them they forbid it, saying that you wanted to do this on your own."

"Well you should have listened to them, they were right. I don't need a damn babysitter."

His cheery face turned serious, he leveled his tense gaze on me.

"Look Bells, you can't just come out of zombie mode like that and expect us all to believe you're over it two weeks later. The shit you're going through is just not something you can sweep under the rug. You're going to need someone here in this shit-hole that knows what the hell is going on." He smirked but the sadness still lurked there behind his eyes. "I got your back sis."

The first bell for class rang distantly from the building and the mass exodus began towards the front doors.

"Whatever Emmett. We're going to be late." I slammed my truck door, which now had had five small dents matching my fingers on the frame of the window, and stormed past him.

Within two strides he fell in step beside me, a stern expression on his face caused by my callous attitude. I couldn't stand the thought that I had hurt his feelings by acting so cold towards him. He was the big brother that I had never wanted but now that I have him I wouldn't trade him for the world.

"So would I be right to assume you just happen to be repeating the same exact classes as me, in the same exact order?" I turned my face towards him with a small smile playing across my lips.

He gave me a huge grin and threw his arm around my shoulders.

"That's right baby Bells. I will be the pain in every one of your teacher's asses and you will have front row seats to the show."

"Great." I said, not bothering to hide the dread and sarcasm in my voice.

It took me all of two classes to decide that maybe everyone had been right to worry about me entering back into the population of shallow and insipid idiots, Mike and Jessica being the poster children.

They of course had made the immediate observation that Edward was not glued to my hip and descended like vultures on a bloated corpse on the side of the road, wondering where the golden boy had gone to, why wasn't he in school, was that an engagement ring on my finger, am I pregnant with Edward's baby, is that why he's gone, is it really Edward that I'm engaged to, where was Alice, when is the wedding, aren't you a little young. On and on they went. I deflected the questions with the rehearsed story Carlisle had concocted to explain their absence and my engagement until I finally had enough and opened my mouth to tell them if they were so damn curious they could go fucking look for them starting with a long walk off a short pier wearing cement boots. I wasn't sure if I was grateful or pissed that Emmett had chosen that moment to pull me away with a hand over my mouth and a quick excuse.

Then of course the rumors flew and I was unlucky enough to hear most of the whispers that passed between my fellow peers thanks to the enhanced hearing since my last 'episode'. To my chagrin my hearing wasn't good enough to hear the ultra low vampire whispers but I could hear almost every word being tossed around behind my classmate's flimsy hands. I could care less what they were saying about me, it just put into stark contrast how much I wouldn't be able to gain any semblance of normalcy. I couldn't be a normal teenager. I would never be able to return to that place of oblivion where my biggest concerns revolved around good grades and cute guys. My problems were so much bigger than if this top made me look slutty, which college was the better choice, how much alcohol I had to drink before I started to strip when 'I Kissed a Girl' came on the radio, and the test coming up next week. No, my worries were so much more complex and dangerous, like the fear that any moment I may develop bloodlust and try to rip out the throats of these blissfully ignorant, cruel, judgmental assholes with an inflated sense of self importance.

My main reason for returning to school rather than be home-schooled was the distraction I thought it would provide me. I thought that maybe if I was stuck in a classroom with a teacher determined to get the lesson drilled into my brain then I wouldn't have time to think about everything. I was wrong. It was the same thing just a different location, the same painful thoughts and images with a different environment, different sounds and smells. Different walls, same prison.

Thoughts of Jasper swam through my mind, the look on his face when my fear and the still sensitive skin reminded me of the pain Edward had inflicted, when I first denied the ring, overpowered my desire to rip the slaves collar from my finger was imprinted on my eyelids. Every time I closed my eyes I saw the hurt and betrayal, the justified hate on his perfect features. The set of his jaw as he clenched it in anger while my hands shook and my knees threatened to give out. The hardness of his voice as he threw my own words at me. _You're not worth it._ My own sense of betrayal I fought when he revealed that they, the whole family, had suspected the abuse and never did anything, never tried to protect me from Edward.

That day would forever be burned into my memory. Nothing Edward ever did could surpass the raw agony of Jasper's slicing words before he disappeared from my life, or the emptiness that consumed me from his absence. What hurt the most was I knew I deserved every biting word and hate filled look. I deserved that and so much more.

The final bell rang, disrupting my thoughts and forcing my attention back to the corporeal world. I felt the smallest amount of satisfaction for making it through the first day of school successfully but it lasted no more than a heartbeat when the thought of enduring it again tomorrow and the next day invaded my mind.

How can I possibly to this?

"I ran here this morning so you think I could catch a ride home with you? You know since your headed that way and all?" Emmett asked with a cheesy grin.

"Like it's even possible for me to say no to you."

He laughed.

"No can resist me once I pull out my charms."

"Yeah well keep your charms in your pants and get in."

He gave a loud boisterous laugh at my word play as he climbed in the passenger side.

"So Belly-welly, how'd you like your first day back amongst the humans?"

I turned the key in the ignition and backed out before I gave him a look.

"Don't ever call me that again. And it wasn't bad."

"Wasn't bad. That's womanese for it was horrible but you don't want to let anyone know your actually suffering in silence."

"No really, it wasn't bad, not great but not bad, it's school." I insisted shrugging my shoulders, not wanting to let on that he was actually right.

"Bells come on, this is me, Emmett. You can talk to me about this shit. I know you weren't paying attention in class and you didn't even take two bites of that nasty ass pizza." His voice took on the uncharacteristic seriousness that I had been hearing too often from him lately.

"Look Em, I'm trying here ok? It's just…it's hard. I'm trying to get something of my life back, trying to not let any of this get me down and it seems that no matter how hard I try there's someone there reminding me that he left, that I ran him away from his family. Damn it, I know that! I don't need you guys on my ass telling me it's ok, that I can feel bad, I can talk to you about it, because I can't! I am here with his god damn family, with all the damn support I don't deserve and he's out there alone, with no one! Where's his fucking support? Where's his shoulder to cry on? Where's his family to make sure he feeds, making sure he doesn't fall off the wagon?"

Silence filled the cabin. I could feel Emmett's eyes on me but I refused to turn my head to see the stricken, sorrowful look that I know is plastered on his face like a macabre Mardi Gras mask.

"Bells…"

I cut him off, the tone of his voice said more than I wanted to hear. He was about to spout the same shit they all do, because maybe if they said it enough, one day we will all believe it. 'You didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't your fault. He'll come back.'

"No Emmett, I fucked up. I was too fucking weak and he left." He was right I'm not worth it.

The rest of the ride passed in an uncomfortable silence, pregnant with all the things we hadn't said.

I pulled up to the house and stopped the truck. I didn't put it in park, I didn't turn it off, I didn't unbuckle my seat belt. I just sat there staring forward at the front door where Esme waited, the door open and a dish rag in her hand. She was the picture of domestication and maternal patience.

Emmett's door creaked open on rusty hinges but stopped halfway.

"Bella?" His voice was quiet, questioning.

"I can't do this today Emmett." I shot him a glance then shifted the truck into reverse, my foot still on the break.

"But…"

I looked at him, my eyes glassy and unfocused.

"I just…I need to be alone, okay?"

He looked at me closely for a minute before slowly nodding his head and climbing out of the truck.

The second the door closed I was backing out of the driveway. As I shifted back into drive I chanced a look in the rearview mirror. Emmett stood where I left him, his bag hanging limp from his hand and Esme next to him with a comforting hand on his arm, identical looks of sadness on their marble faces.

I can't do this anymore. When Jasper left so did my control over myself, my emotions. I was starting to crack, starting to hurt the ones I love.

My thoughts spun and swirled throughout the drive, with nothing but the sound of the tires against the pavement to keep me company. Then my turn came into view.

What if I didn't turn? What if I just kept driving, through Forks and down to the interstate? No one would know until it was too late. I could just disappear. Drive until I ran out of gas and then hitch a ride to wherever. I wouldn't make any decisions about where I'm going so Alice wouldn't see anything important enough to track me. No one could ever find me. They can't track my scent from a car.

The image of Renee that was planted in my brain by Edward's threats ran through my mind. No I couldn't allow that.

I sighed in resignation as I turned. I can't do it.

I mindlessly navigated the streets until I pulled into the driveway of Charlie's house, home. It didn't feel like home anymore, neither did the Cullen's house. Home is where the heart is, and mine was lost, gone, forever.

I grabbed my bag and trudged inside relishing the emptiness of the still house. The refrigerator humming in the kitchen, air whooshing out of the vents from the air conditioner, the tick of the cuckoo clock in the hallway, and the shuffle of my feet against the carpet were the only sounds in the house.

I threw my shoes off and draped my backpack on the hall closet door. I wasn't in the mood to look at the homework that my English teacher decided would be a good idea to assign the first day. Instead I wanted a shower, a long, scalding hot shower that would barely register through my thickened skin.

I walked straight up the stairs to the bathroom and shed my clothes. I sat there on the edge of the tub waiting for the water to heat up in a kind of daze. The last two weeks had been the hardest of my life. I tried desperately to make a show of recovering from my two month hiatus from reality. I tried to give my family, human and vampire alike, no reason to worry about me, about my sanity. Sometimes I could almost fool myself into thinking it was working. But the looks still remained. I was fooling no one. They knew I was broken, they just didn't know that Jasper wasn't the only reason.

The things that Edward had done to force this damn rock on my finger will forever be with me. The memories of the fire and pain, the sense of violation and humiliation, of degradation and worthlessness, being tainted by his filth, the scars he left behind as a mark of possession, as a reminder, will always be there.

I undressed, careful not to look at my body, to see the countless crescent marks mottling my skin. The marks Edward meticulously placed to be well hidden under my concealing clothes.

The memory of his teeth slicing through my skin assaulted me. The feel of him pumping his venom into the jagged open flesh causing the fire to burn through my body, the nightmare of his lips on my body carefully sucking just enough blood to remove the venom afterwards, no matter how hard I scrubbed, I could not remove him.

"_You are mine Isabella."_

I stepped under the spray with his words echoing around me, taunting me.

"_He will never want you now. No one will."_

He was right. If they only knew just how damaged I am, how filthy I truly am, they would run away, turn their backs.

"_I can make the pain go away Isabella. All you need to say is yes."_

The memory of my clenched teeth and my fingernails digging into my palms along with the rotting leaves and soil was still fresh in my mind. I could still smell the earth around me, his sickening scent as he covered my body, my blood and his venom mixing together wafting into the air. The taste of my fowled blood that he force fed me until my stomach purged it in rebellion still lingered on my tongue.

"_You admired his scars so much, now you will have your own to admire, your own to hide."_

"_You belong to me Isabella. These are my marks upon your skin, not his."_

"_Just one word and this will all stop. Just say yes, say you will be mine for eternity."_

The broken and twisted pictures flashed unwillingly across my vision. His black eyes, my strangled cries, the green of the trees above his head, the air on my exposed chest, the taste of dirt and blood on my tongue as I enslaved myself to him when he threatened to take the only thing I had left, after his torture had not been enough to break me.

It was only moments like this that my mind allowed the memories to escape. They were forbidden. They shouldn't be here now. They had to go away.

Go away.

"_You do not say no to me! You are only alive now because of me, I own you! You are MINE!"_

"_No! NO! Edward…stop… don't do this! PLEASE? Don't…NO…You can't….STOP!"_

"_Shut up! It is time you learn who you belong to bitch!"_

"_No, no, please. I'll do anything. Please…just…don't…please."_

"_I want you to say it, bitch! Say you are mine. Beg me to marry you. Beg me to forgive you!"_

GO AWAY.

"_Yes! Yes! Anything! Please don't do that!"_

"_Say it Isabella!"_

"_I'm YOURS! Please! I want to marry you. PLEASE…FORGIVE ME! I'm SORRY! Please don't…please…"_

STOP!

"_You remember that, love. You are mine. You only live as long as I wish you to. You even think about leaving, and this, this will be nothing but a fond memory compared to what I will do to you. Or maybe I will just introduce your mother to our world. I do not think she will be as strong willed as you, easily breakable."_

"Go away! Go AWAY! GO AWAY!" I screamed my voice raw and choked, my whimpers reverberating off the walls as I collapsed onto the floor of the shower, my hands clutching the sides of my head as image after image, word after word, ran rampant through my mind.

Simultaneously there was a crash and the shower curtain was ripped off the rod.

"Bella! What the fu…"

My eyes shot up crazed and frantic at the sight of Rosalie standing there with the shredded vinyl hanging in her hands.

"Get out!" I screamed trying desperately to grab what remained of the curtain from her hands, to hide my body, the ugliness.

She just stood, shell-shocked by the sight before her.

"I said get out!"

She grabbed me by the shoulders and tried to lift me onto my feet. My hands abandoned the curtain and lashed out, scratching, kicking, clawing, and biting blindly at anything I could touch.

"Let me go! Don't fucking touch me!"

"Bella. Bella. Bella!" I was shaken so hard my head snapped back and forth, my teeth rattling. "Stop it! I'm not going to hurt!"

"Let me go. Please, just…" My words dissolved into cries as she let me go and we both sank to bathroom floor.

A strangled sound filled the room mixing with my own erratic sobs.

"Oh my god…I'm so…I should have known…so sorry…" Her soft voice whispered brokenly through her sobs.

My cries rose to a fevered hysterical pitch. She knows, they will all know. They will know.


	25. Marks of Pain

**A/N: I'm Baaacck! :) Wow I had some pretty strong reactions from the last chapter. Unfortunately I was misinformed when my husband told me that we would have internet access at his mothers house where we were staying so I didnt even get to read most of the reviews until I got back last wednesday. I had ALOT of catching up to do. I actually suffered from what my hubby has termed "FanFic Withdrawal" from my lengthy time away from FF:( I had almost 200 updates from stories that I am following and like 50 plus reviews and even a few PM's waiting for me when I finally got home. It was like Christmas at my house with all the giddiness I was emitting I actually felt bad for my boys and had to go to WalMart and pick them up some toys so they wouldnt feel left out.:) There was one question that repeatedly got asked in reviews and that was "Did Edward rape Bella?" this chapter will answer that question. Many of you have expressed your desire to do very bad things to the evil little bastard Edward. My sugestion to you to save your computer during the reading of this chapter, go to your local store right now before you read any further and purchase an Edward doll. Have said Eddie doll and whatever favored instument of torture on hand for the duration of this chapter. It's going to get ugly and sadly he will not be feeling any pain in this chapter. You may want to buy more than one. Hm maybe I should get some sort of money for this promo...**

**Anyways...Songs for this chapter-Running Out Of Pain-12 Stones, Lies-Evanescence, S.O.S. (Anything But Love)-Apocalyptica**

**I love you my lovely readers...remember save a computer, kill an Edward.**

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characte****rs.**

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**BPOV**

Rosalie held me on the floor of the bathroom wrapped in a towel until my cries quieted and I was drained. Resignation, disgust, remorse, and guilt raged within me. I should have known they would send someone to watch over me, that's all they have been doing since Jasper left. Watching over poor, pitiful, broken Bella.

Rose picked me up from the floor and carried me effortlessly to my room setting me on the edge of my bed. Wordlessly she turned to my dresser and produced a sports bra, panties and my favorite pajama's, an old band shirt I had stolen from one of Renee's boyfriends when I was thirteen at the height of my hair band obsession, and an old comfortable pair of grey lounge pants. She set them on the bed beside me but when I snaked a hand out from under the jumbo towel she grabbed my hand quickly to stop me.

"No baby girl. I'm going to dress you. I need to see…" Her voice trailed off choked by the emotions that were thundering behind her carefully set features.

I looked into her eyes and saw a kaleidoscope of indiscernible emotions roiling within her pitch black eyes. Understanding swept through me. She wanted to see all of his marks. She needed to see the ugliness painting my skin, the brands that identified me as his, his property, his toy.

Slowly she stood me up and took the towel from my death-grip. I fought the panic and humiliation that begged me to run, to dive under the covers of my bed, to cover my shame, protect my secret, but it was too late. She had seen them.

The soft tenderness of her hands as she glided her finger tips over many of the marks was worlds different from Edward's yet still they caused the feelings of fear and pain to resurface. I closed my eyes against the onslaught of emotions that overwhelmed me. Her hands merged with the memories of his.

_His tongue continued the trail down my chest until it reached my nipple. The pain, fear and adrenaline causing it to stand erect much to his pleasure. His hands wandered my body, not exploring but dominating, conquering, claiming every inch my flesh. Painful squeezes and too hard grasps, his fingers leaving a trail of filth that I could feel permeating through my skin straight to the bone beneath._

"_You want this. Your mouth says no, but your body tells me differently."_

"_I will never want you!"_

_I closed my eyes and turned my head away as he simply chuckled at my words before swirling his tongue around my nipple and taking it into his cold mouth. The bile once again threatened to choke me as I felt his erection press against my hip and his chilled tongue worked against my sensitive bud. There was no pleasure, just the sickness that enveloped me at the violation and humiliation._

Just as I felt myself losing control of my instinctual response to fight against the intrusion, the degradation, her hands were gone and I felt the soft well worn fabric of my shirt caress my skin, the perfectly stretched contours of my pants hugging me like a welcome from an old friend. I was safe, the marks were hidden and I was safe, for now.

"Bella. Open your eyes for me sweetie." Rose's voice chimed quietly through the silence, tight with emotion.

I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't want to see the disgust and pity in her eyes, or the judgment of unworthiness on her face.

"Bella, look at me." She entreated once again.

I gave in to her request and opened my eyes to see her there within inches of me, a look of compassion and sheer despair marring her beautifully cut face.

Her reaction was nothing I expected but was almost worse than what I had prepared myself for. I don't deserve her concern, she doesn't deserve to have to endure the emotions that are so obviously tearing her apart because of me. I'm not worth it.

"Why didn't you tell any of us?"

I looked down to the faded and stamped down carpet shrugging my shoulders. She raised my face back to hers forcefully.

"Nuh uh, that's good enough. Why didn't you tell us? We could have helped you. We could have stopped this!" She said gesturing to my body, to the marks.

"How could I Rose? I couldn't tear apart your family. You guys have been together, been the only family you all have had, for longer than I have been alive! I couldn't handle being the reason for you guys losing that! I didn't want you guys to hate me for destroying your family."

"So you want to marry the monster that did this to you, and endure this for the rest of your life just so we could keep this ridiculous illusion of a supernatural version of the Brady Bunch?" She paced the floor in her anger, her words causing mine to rise in response.

"I don't want to marry him! I have to! This is what happened when I tried to say no!"

She froze mid-stride her face registering her shock and fury.

"He did that to you because you said no! That is how he got you to say yes? But that's…no that…that's not possible! There are twenty three bites! Twenty three! You were only gone for three hours that night! We didn't…we didn't even smell any blood on you. You were still wearing the same clothes under his shirt. There wasn't a drop of blood on them!" Then her eyes widened with a sudden thought, the look in her eyes making my blood run cold at the prospect of what she would ask next.

"Did…did he…" She blinked her eyes rapidly, I recognized from experience that she felt the prickling of invisible tears behind her eyes. She took a shaky breath before trying to continue. "Did he force himself on you?"

At her words I looked back to the floor.

_He let go of my shoulder then shoved my face into the dirt by my neck. I heard the rip of material and my bottoms were gone. I felt the dirt against my pelvis as he pressed his granite erection in the crack of my ass._

The memories flashed through my already tired mind. The images forever imprinted upon my psyche.

Rose held my shoulder in one hand as she crooked a finger under my chin and forced my eyes to meet hers.

"Bella, did he rape you?" She asked quietly, her voice filled with forever unshed tears.

I held her eyes a moment before shaking my head.

"No." I choked out.

"Are you telling me the truth?"

"_I want you to say it bitch! Say you are mine. Beg me to marry you. Beg me to forgive you!" He growled furiously against my face as he pressed me further still into the ground._

"_Yes! Yes! Anything! Please don't do that!"_

"_Say it Isabella!" He commanded as he thrust his clothed arousal further, stretching the entrance to my innocence, producing an agonizing scream from my raw throat._

_I tried to say it. I tried, but couldn't get the words out through my cries._

_Then I heard the unmistakable sound of metal teeth being pulled apart by the dual tracks of a zipper._

"_I'm YOURS! Please! I want to marry you. PLEASE…FORGIVE ME! I'm SORRY! Please don't…please…"_

_All movement stopped, the only sound, my ragged desperate cries. I had given in. I had been broken._

"Yes. He didn't…he almost but, that's…that's when I gave in, when I said I'd…marry him." I barely made it through before I broke down once more.

Ragged, screaming sobs overtook me and I collapsed into her waiting embrace. I felt as she sat down on the bed and cradled me to her, rocking me gently whispering into my hair.

"You're going to get through this. He will never touch you again. We're all here for you. We won't let you down again."

Her reassurances both soothed my aching soul and caused my heart to shutter in fear. They were only going to get hurt if they tried to stand in Edward's way. I'm sure Alice has already seen something giving away that at least Rosalie knows about his dirty little secret. She would know that the family will soon know and that eventually someone will figure out her involvement. With her on his side there was no end to the destruction they could cause, the innocent people they could hurt.

When my cries were once again silent Rose stood up, leaving me on the edge of the bed.

"Come on, pack an overnight bag. I'll leave a note for Charlie and grab your backpack."

"Where are we going?"

"We're going home and telling the family."

"No!" My panic skyrocketed and gripped me in paralyzing fear.

Rose looked at me with pity.

"Honey we have to tell them, they need to know."

"No, no. Please Rose, promise you won't tell them." I pleaded with every piece of myself I still possessed.

"No Bella, I'm sorry but I can't do that. This has to end now and the only way that's going to happen is if we tell them. This family has had enough with the secrecy and passive aggressive bullshit." She said with conviction and anger, there was no swaying her.

My stomach lurched at the idea of telling the rest of the family, but there was no way to change Rosalie's mind. My shoulders slumped under the weight of my surrender. I nodded my head mutely and rose from the bed towards the bag she held out to me.

"Bella, this is the right thing to do." She whispered rubbing a comforting hand along my back before she disappeared from the room.

I packed my bag in a daze, silently trying to convince myself that this is nothing but a bad dream. But if this were a dream where would it have begun? Did it begin the day I laid eyes on the mysterious Cullen's in the high school cafeteria, the day James caught scent of my blood, or the day I woke up in the hospital? A part of me wished that maybe it is just a dream, or a delusion brought on by the change I was supposed to undergo in the alley. Maybe I am burning and none of this is real, just my brain trying to cope with the pain of the change, maybe any second I will wake up to my new life as a vampire and a loving mate.

I felt Rosalie's cold hand on my shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly, bringing me out of my wishful thinking.

No, this is no dream. This is what my life has become.

"We're going to get through this together Bella."

I nodded not believing that there could ever be a light at the end of my dark tunnel. When she discovers that she will leave, just like Jasper, they all will.

"Let's go." She added softly while lifting me from the floor.

I stared out of the window of my truck with unseeing eyes, my thoughts fraught with what was to come when we reached our destination. I saw the pain and betrayal that would color their eyes, the disgust and pity when they saw the marks of his insanity, or maybe it's my insanity. Would they tell Jasper? Would he care? Will they hate me for bringing out the demon in Edward? Will they blame me for destroying their family?

Over and over I tortured myself with questions and terrifying uncertainty. How am I going to make it through this?

I'm not.

The brakes screeched to a stop announcing our arrival, bringing the three vampires to the porch with questioning looks. I looked from the formidable trio to the blonde goddess behind the wheel and panic and fear surged through me. Rosalie turned to me with a look of understanding and grief. I shook my head. No I can't do this, I just can't.

"I can't do this Rose. Please just take me home." I pleaded in a voice dead of emotion save from the fear that leaked out around the edges causing my words to waver and distort like heat waves on asphalt.

She reached over squeezing my hand, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

"Yes Bella, you can. I'll be here by your side, I won't let you go." Her words, meant for reassurance, did nothing but remind me of a promise once made and broken.

"_You are the missing puzzle piece and_ _I have no intention of letting you go."_

I choked on the pain and worthlessness that rose like bile in my throat. He doesn't want me. He's gone. He's never coming back.

"Come on sweetie." Rose said quietly from my right, she had the door open and was waiting patiently for me to make the first step.

I stared at her outstretched hand unsure if I could take that step. What if they don't believe me? What if they don't care? What if they take his side?

"Bella." Rosalie's voice rang through the still air, firm and unyielding.

I looked into her eyes and saw strength and empathy edged with a kind of haunting vulnerability in her obsidian eyes. She knew, somehow she knew exactly what I was going through. I saw in her face the heartbreak and understanding of the emotional hurricane I was trapped within. How could she possibly know?

"You can do this Bella, your stronger than you think."

There it was. Strength, that's what it all boiled down to. Was I strong enough to defy Edward's orders, will I stay weak and fade into the darkness or will I find the strength to step out of the shadows into the light of truth?

"_It seems you can learn, with the proper motivation."_

Edward's voice echoed through my mind making my decision for me. I will not be his toy any longer. I will not be the obedient pet afraid of punishment. If they can't, or won't protect me from him then he will kill me, if they can then I will be free of him, either way is preferable to an eternity under his cruel thumb.

I took Rosalie's offered hand and gingerly slid out of the cab of the truck, my movements mimicking my insecurity, taking my first step towards freedom on trembling legs.

We walked slowly hand in hand in silence to the porch, towards the inquisitive eyes. My eyes never strayed from the ground as I took that short distance to shore up all the courage I could muster to carry me through this.

"Rosalie, Bella? What's going on here? What's happened?" Carlisle's voice invaded the silence as we reached to bottom steps.

I looked up into the eyes of my family and then to Rose.

"Let's go inside." Rosalie's voice rang out in a monotone giving away nothing of the earth shattering news that they were about to receive.

Slowly they turned around and entered the front door with Rosalie and me not far behind. They each took seats on the furniture scattered around the room leaving the couch for Rosalie and I. I sat down so my now visibly shaking legs would not buckle underneath me while Rosalie stayed standing and even began to pace slightly.

"Rose, babe, what's this about? What's going on?" Emmett asked his voice full of worry not having seen Rosalie like this but a handful of times in their many years together.

She stopped her pacing and took a deep breath looking at me giving me one last chance to back out but I knew it was too late. I could never go back now.

"We were right about Edward, only, not even in our wildest dreams would we be able to imagine the things he's done." She said gravely as the room froze.

The vampires in the room abandoned all human traits, appearing as statues, neither breathing, blinking, nor moving even the smallest of muscles. My breath held still in my throat awaiting their reaction.

"What do you mean we wouldn't be able to imagine what he's done?" Emmett demanded in a iron tone I had never heard from the gentle giant before, his voice held so much rage and violence that I cringed in fear seeing for the first time the deadly being that he truly was.

"Bella?" Esme's voice seemingly drowning in heartache forced my eyes to meet hers.

"I'm sorry." I replied roughly around the lump in my throat constricting my vocal chords.

"Damnit Bella you have nothing to be sorry about! It's that bastard that's going to be sorry. There won't even be any ashes left when I get through with him." Rosalie yelled the anger I had seen her struggle for control over finally getting the best of her.

Carlisle left his seat demanding the attention of the room.

"Rosalie calm yourself and tell us what it is you are talking about." His voice was hard, demanding, angry, gone was the calm façade that normally held his face in a serene compassionate mask. Standing there was not a father but a coven leader giving an order that would not be disobeyed.

Rosalie's shoulders sagged as she looked towards me.

"I don't think I even know the half of it Carlisle." Her eyes saying much more than her words.

I shook my head mortified by the idea of telling them, of reliving that night. I can't do it.

"No…no…I can't…"

She knelt down in front of me taking my hands in hers and looking me deep in the eyes.

"Yes you can. I'm right here. Remember, I'm not going anywhere."

I held her gaze trying to gather as much strength from her as possible. I have to do this if they are going to help me. I nodded before letting my mind wander back, back to the day I lost the last vestiges of myself.

"_I'm not worth it." I uttered as I walked away from the only man that could so totally own my heart._

_My insides quivered and shook as Edward ran through the trees. My mind raced with all the possible punishments that he could dole out. I knew he would take advantage of the privacy of the forest. He ran in the opposite direction of home, leaving my only hope of salvation far behind._

_Just as my nerves reached their breaking point Edward stopped. We were in our meadow. The place I fell foolishly in love with the idea of us, with the excitement of the new world I had stumbled haphazardly into. He lowered me to my feet almost gently causing my mind to reel from the reverence that I haven't seen from him since the day I was spirited away to Arizona._

_What could this mean? Has he finally woken up to the atrocities that he has committed under the guise of love? Has he changed?_

_I felt my hope rise. Maybe, just maybe, he had come to the realization that keeping me forcefully by his side is so much worse than losing me._

_I looked around me at the meadow that once held so much magic for me, for us, and all I saw was weeds. There was no beauty, no magic. Just like our relationship, the flowers were gone, leaving nothing but the sun bleached skeletons behind._

"_Edward? What are we doing here? I thought we were going home?" I asked in a small voice, my curiosity leaking through._

"_I told you. I have a surprise for you." His voice, light and pleasant, carried on the breeze that gently wafted through the clearing, heavy with the scent of rich sun warmed earth._

"_Okay…" I replied, my tone apprehensive._

_I watched as he reached his hand into his pocket and fished out a suspicious velvet box. I felt my heart begin to hammer in my chest and my pulse pound in my ears. My lungs froze, refusing to allow the natural passage of air, suffocating me. My panic was out of control at the sight of that little blue box. It was too small for a necklace or bracelet._

_Oh, god. No. It's a ring. Please, please let it not be THE ring._

_Then before I could blink Edward was in front of me, pressed against me, his cold breath drifting over my face._

"_I love that I have that effect on you." I heard the lust in his torrid tone and fought the bile that rose in my throat._

_He pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes as he brought the damning little box into my vision._

_Slowly he opened it, the well made hinge silent on its journey upwards._

_Sitting within the pillowed satin inside was a huge, gaudy, diamond encrusted ring. It stared at me menacingly, taunting me with the life of servitude it promised._

"_Marry me, Isabella."_

_I could do nothing but stare at the hideous monstrosity caressed in satin in front of me._

"_Love?"_

_Finally finding my voice I spoke the words that were screaming in my head._

"_No."_

_There was a pause of silence, I couldn't look at him, my eyes were glued to the ring._

"_No?" Gone was the confidence and lust in his voice._

_I tore my eyes away from the box and looked at his face full of annoyance and fury._

"_No. I can't, I'm sorry Edward, but, I just…I can't." I pleaded him with my eyes, willing him to understand._

"_You can't?" He repeated, his tone swirling with animosity._

_My eyes prickled with the desire to shed the moisture that could not be conjured and my hands shook from fear. I tried to retreat from him, only managing to take a step back before loosing my footing and falling backwards on my hands. He stood still, towering over my prostrate form, his eyes black as a moonless night._

"_You're sorry?"_

_I whimpered slightly as he clenched his hands at his sides and took a step closer to me._

"_You stupid little bitch, you do not even know the meaning of sorry yet."_

_He took another step. His feet were now planted on either side of my legs, his stormy face looking down upon me with rage is his eyes._

"_You will beg me to forgive you before I am done with you. You will beg me to put this ring on your finger and claim you in the eyes of the world." His voice grew dangerously low, bleeding into a growl as he crouched over me._

_His hands fisted in my hair and pulled me gasping in pain towards his face._

"_No Isabella, you do not know sorry, but you will." His lips grazed the shell of my ear sending shivers of fear down my spine at his words._

_Then I was airborne. The air rushed by me, the world a swirl of green and brown before pain exploded through my back as my flight was halted by the trunk of a tree. I felt more than heard a snap in my spine as my body wrapped backwards around the tree, then my legs went numb. I fell to the ground, rolling several feet away from the tree, bark and splinters of wood rained down on my barely concealed body._

_Oh my god. My legs!_

_I wailed from the pain, from the numbness._

"_My legs! Oh my god! I can't…they're…!"_

_I rose on my elbows, gripping the ground, grasping at anything my hands touched trying to crawl away. My legs laid there limp, useless, behind me, deadweight._

_His feet came into my view. I tried to scream. I tried to scramble away. It was useless. I was hauled up by my arms and thrown against the tree again. Another scream ripped through my throat. His hard body pinned me to the splintered wood, holding me upright on my useless limbs._

"_You are mine Isabella! I think it is time you learned that lesson."_

_Without warning his hand blurred and ripped my crocheted robe-like wrap and bathing suit top off my body. They fell to the ground in shreds as the air blew across my exposed chest. My struggles increased, weakly trying to hide my body from his leering gaze._

"_No, no, no, my pet. You want to parade around in front of him and the world half naked then you should not have a problem with your fiancé seeing what is rightfully his."_

"_You're not my fucking fiancé! You're not even my boyfriend you sick fuck! I'm done with you!" I spat in his face through the violent sobs that wracked my body._

_I tried with all my might to push him away but my strength was no match for his. He had my hands restrained behind my back with little effort._

"_You will never be done with me." He whispered menacingly in my ear before tracing his nose down along my neck to my collarbone._

"_I have longed to taste you again."_

_His tongue flicked out, tasting the skin just below my neck. He moaned softly before running his tongue southward._

_I struggled to break free, tried desperately to shake him off but his hold stayed firm._

"_Get the fuck off me!"_

"_What have I told you about your language?" He said admonishingly. "It is not becoming of a lady. Then again, you are not a lady are you? You are nothing but a common whore. Do not worry, I can break you of that. You will be my whore, and only mine."_

_His tongue continued the trail down my chest until it reached my nipple. The pain, fear and adrenaline causing it to stand erect much to his pleasure. His hands wandered my body, not exploring but dominating, conquering, claiming every inch my flesh. Painful squeezes and too hard grasps, his fingers leaving a trail of filth that I could feel permeating through my skin straight to the bone beneath._

"_You want this. Your mouth says no, but your body tells me differently."_

"_I will never want you!"_

_I closed my eyes and turned my head away as he simply chuckled at my words before swirling his tongue around my nipple and taking it into his cold mouth. The bile once again threatened to choke me as I felt his erection press against my hip and his chilled tongue worked against my sensitive bud. There was no pleasure, just the sickness that enveloped me at the violation and humiliation._

_I felt the familiar fiery, electrical, painful tingle in my lower back followed by the slightest sense of feeling from my toes. The venom was knitting together the damage done by my collision with the tree._

"_Please…stop. Don't do this. Please." I begged him, knowing that if he truly wanted to I would not be able to stop him._

_He released my breast and chuckled coldly against my skin._

"_I told you I would have you begging, but you are begging for the wrong thing."_

_Then a searing, white-hot pain ripped a scream from my throat. My chest was on fire, acid coursed through my veins. I knew this pain, he bit me. His teeth tore through my skin like butter allowing the poison in._

_I thrashed and screamed, trying with everything I had to break his grip, to rip his mouth away from my breast. Nothing worked._

_I cried as I felt the venom burning my veins, leaving nerve endings withered and broken in its wake._

_I was suddenly lying on the ground with the hard earth on my bare back my arms pinned to my sides under his knees. The pain was too much. It was my nightly hell brought into the light of day. Only here I had a body to feel the pain, here there wasn't never-ending darkness. Here there were dark eyes watching on with pleasure as I writhed and wailed from the blaze burning under my skin._

_A chill breeze touched my ear. I had enough presence of mind to know it was him, breathing in my ear, readying to spew more cruelty into the air, words to break me down._

"_I can make the pain go away Isabella. All you need to do is say yes. Say you will be by my side forever as my dutiful, obedient wife."_

_I clenched my jaw against the pain. Now that I had recovered from the shock I was able to contain myself, somewhat. I turned my head to look him in the eyes._

"_Never." I ground out between spasms of pain._

_He chuckled darkly before responding._

"_I was hoping you would make this hard."_

_Before I had time to process what he said I felt another stab of fire in my other breast, then another just below my collar bone._

_I struggled to stay strong against the pain. My screams still escaped through my gritted teeth, muffled by my lips._

_I felt the iciness of his mouth caress the first bite then a pulling sensation as he drew the tainted blood out of my body and into his mouth. The fire there receded but offered no relief from the others that now burned out of control._

"_You taste so good mixed with." His voice sounded from somewhere above me, only now noticing that my eyes were shut tightly in another effort to fight off the pain._

_I whimpered in response, wanting so badly to kick him away, scratch out his eyes, tell him to go to hell where monsters like him belong. My mouth was still clamped shut, I was conflicted in my desire to show him no weakness by staying as silent as possible or fight him until I was too weak to move and the darkness took me over._

_I prayed that the beast within would emerge and save me from this fresh hell invented in his sadistic mind, but when I searched within the darkness it was absent. He had successfully cowed the demon that dwelled within my soul, leaving me alone, and weak. Always weak._

_His hand took hold of my face and turned me towards his him. I opened my eyes, allowing my hate to show through my red and brown orbs._

"_You can make it all go away with one word. Yes."_

_I shook my head violently. I will not give in. I will not be tied to his side forever._

"_Alice said you would be stubborn. I could not believe my little pet would be so disobedient, after all I have done for you. It does not matter, you will break and then you will be mine. Forever." He said with a smirk._

_I shook my head but he just laughed. If ever there was a time I would be thankful that I could not shed a tear, now would be it. My body was incapable of giving him the satisfaction of my tears._

_Once more I felt his frigid lips on my chest pulling the blood from my scorched veins. His hands roamed my body memorizing every inch, staking his claim. Then his lips were gone from my breast and they were on mine._

_Warm liquid trickled slowly from between his lips over mine, spilling down my cheeks and chin, pooling in my ears, my hair, and the hollow of my throat before flowing onto the ground. It wasn't until he pulled away that I realized with horror that it was my own blood. My eyes grew wide at the sight of the monster above me, lips dripping with my blood._

"_We can not waste it can we? If I take in anymore there will be questions, questions you do not want them knowing the answers to. The next time you will taste yourself."_

"_Hmnohh!" I screamed behind my lips as I shook my head with force._

_His head lowered to my collarbone and once more took in the fouled blood, relieving the fire. His face returned to mine, I shook my head trying to fight off his mouth. He grabbed my face squeezing my cheeks trying to force my lips open. Without warning his fist met my ribs in a sickening crunch and my mouth shot open as the air was forced from my lungs. My blood flooded into my mouth, bittersweet, and thick on my tongue. I coughed and spluttered sending a spray of red mist into the air._

_I gasped to gather air into my lungs, my blood dripping down my throat, my stomach turning at the unwelcome liquid._

_Time blurred by in a raging sea of fire and torment, broken only by the taunts and disparaging commands that flowed from his evil lips and the sick purging of my stomach rejecting the blood forced down my raw throat. It was a never-ending cycle of pain and blood, fire and words, screams and smirks. Each time he sucked the venom from my system he would add one more bite, one more everlasting mark of ownership and violation._

"_Dear little Isabella, there is no need for you to hold out any longer. Just say yes, accept my ring and your place and I can make it all go away."_

_More pain follows my silence._

"_You admired his scars so much, now you will have your own to admire, your own to hide."_

"_He will never want you now. No one will."_

"_You belong to me Isabella. These are my marks upon your skin, not his."_

"_Just one word and this will all stop. Just say yes, say you will be mine for eternity."_

_I couldn't take the fire and the pain any longer, I was about to break._

_But…no I have one more option._

_Through the haze I felt as Edward leaned down to suck the venom from the last bite on my hip, my thighs tensed. Slowly with out drawing attention I flexed my muscled one by one through my legs, testing my control over them. As he came up with a mouth full of blood to force feed me I kicked and thrashed with a renewed sense of survival._

_Edward was knocked off balance for just a split second but it was enough for me to kick him away. I scrambled for an escape, the ground now slick with blood refused my feet purchase and I fell to my hands and knees. _

_I have to get away. I have to._

_I regained my footing and made a run for the trees. I couldn't look back, I had to move as fast as I could away from him, from the monster._

_I was just passing the first trees when the wind gushed in front of me and Edward appeared. I skidded to a halt at the murderous look on his face._

"_Your body is healing faster than it use to. That is good to know. Still you should not have done that Isabella. I was only mildly annoyed before, now, I am angry." He said in a calm manner, as if speaking to a child._

_He lunged at me and I turned trying to escape his bloody cruelty. He crashed into my back. I tried desperately to crawl away, grappling at weeds and tree roots in my frantic need to get away._

"_No! No! Leave me alone!"_

"_You do not say no to me! You are only alive now because of me, I own you! You are MINE!" He roared in my ear then there was more fire, my skin tearing as I struggled and fought to escape the agony._

_My shoulder was burning and his teeth were still embedded deeply into the muscle. I could feel as he pumped his toxic venom into my body then sucked it out letting it spill over my skin. It was everywhere, in my eyes, my mouth, on my hands, dripping off my shoulder._

_He let go of my shoulder then shoved my face into the dirt by my neck. I heard the rip of material and my bottoms were gone. I felt the dirt against my pelvis as he pressed his granite erection in the crack of my ass._

"_No! NO! Edward…stop… don't do this! PLEASE? Don't…NO…You can't….STOP!"_

_I screamed hysterical as I tried to buck him off, I clawed the ground, my mouth full of dirt as my face was smashed further into the earth with his weight._

"_Shut up! It is time you learn who you belong to bitch!"_

"_NO! Please…Help! Jasper…JASPER! Please…help me!"_

_His grip grew more painful as he leaned over, his body flush against my naked back._

"_He cannot not help you. No one can."_

_He emphasized each word by rubbing his steel erection against my inner thighs, each time coming closer to my mound, until I could feel the rough fabric of his pants scrape past my lips into the dry canal of my womanhood._

"_No, no, please. I'll do anything. Please…just…don't…please." I was sobbing, begging and pleading for him to spare me that fate._

"_I want you to say it bitch! Say you are mine. Beg me to marry you. Beg me to forgive you!" He growled furiously against my face as he pressed me further still into the ground._

"_Yes! Yes! Anything! Please don't do that!"_

"_Say it Isabella!" He commanded as he thrust his clothed arousal further, stretching the entrance to my innocence, producing an agonizing scream from my raw throat._

_I tried to say it. I tried, but couldn't get the words out through my cries._

_I heard the unmistakable sound of metal teeth being pulled apart by the dual tracks of a zipper._

"_I'm YOURS! Please! I want to marry you. PLEASE…FORGIVE ME! I'm SORRY! Please don't…please…"_

_All movement stopped, the only sound, my ragged desperate cries. I had given in. I had been broken._

"_You remember that. You are mine. You only live as long as I wish you to. You even think about leaving, and this, this will be nothing but a fond memory compared to what I will do to you. Or maybe I will just introduce your mother to our world. I do not think she will be as strong willed as you, easily breakable."_

_His weight disappeared and I curled into a ball._

_No not Renee. I could not stand the thought of what Edward's cruelty would do to her free, loving soul and easy smile. Images of her, spirit broken and eyes haunted with pain and emptiness, so much like my own, flashed through my mind. It was a picture that would torment me for as long as I live. I couldn't let him do that to her._

_I sat in a daze until I was hoisted into his arms. We ran until he stopped by a large stream. I didn't flinch as he walked into the water holding me. I was numb._

_I watched as the water swirled around us red with my blood under the white light of the moon. I smelled vinegar before there was sudden splash of cool liquid. I gasped in shock at the sudden change in temperature. I looked up to see a large bottle in Edward's hands. He was pouring the contents all over himself. When half the bottle was emptied he turned it towards me. I had to close my eyes and hold my breath quickly as he poured the foul clear liquid over my face and hair without warning. He finished off the bottle on my body, everywhere my blood had touched. I wondered idly what the purpose of it was. Then, as if reading my mind, Edward spoke._

"_This will erase the scent of your blood. Once it dries vinegar leaves no scent, even to our heightened senses." His voice rang through the chill night air with a note of clinical detachment, the sun long set from the horizon._

_I still was numb to the world around me. Even Edward dunking me under the water to wash away all blood and vinegar from my hair and face did nothing to wake me up from my stupor._

_It was only after he lifted me from the water onto the bank and produced perfect replicas of not only his clothing but my own that he had reduced to bloodstained tatters that I realized the full implications of some of his earlier comments and his preparedness. Alice knew, she knew all along what he had been doing to me, I never disappeared from her visions._

_The pain that filled my from her betrayal finally woke me from my daze. Tears that my eyes would never shed were instead shed within my heart. I had loved her like a sister, she had been my best friend, I had rejected the only man I could ever love fully because of her and she helped this monster cover up the atrocities he himself committed against me._

_I had not realized that my internal cries had been brought forth to the world until Edward took my face between his hands to stare deep into my eyes._

"_Remember love, you wanted this. I gave you the choice and you chose this. Now put on that pretty little mask you wear so well and convince them you are a happy soon to be blushing bride." He slipped the god-awful ring on my finger, taking time to stare at the item that now claimed me as his to the world._

_His eyes came back up to meet mine, the threat behind his dark amber eyes._

"_You would not want them asking questions, would you?"_

_I dumbly shook my head and schooled my face to the pleasant, happy smile I knew he wanted._

"_There we go, it seems you can learn, with the proper motivation." He praised condescendingly._

_He pulled his own clean shirt over my head hiding the evidence of his sadistic proposal then lifted me into his arms._

"_We should inform them of the good news." Then he took off through the trees, the place of my destruction fading in the distance yet staying trapped in my heart._

My eyes stayed glued to my shaking hands in my lap where they had been throughout my story of the second most painful night of my life until a wild, feral growl shook the baseboards of the room.

My head shot up to see, not my family whom I had come to love more than my own life, but four vampires with onyx eyes and teeth bared in vicious snarls.


	26. The Beast Within

**A/N: Hey! Looky looky...its another chapter:) I know it's short but...well...your just gonna have to deal with it. First I want to apologize if any of you got the impression that either Jasper or Edward had shown up at the end of the last chapter. Neither one made an appearance. That thunderous growl was from Emmett, the cute and cuddly teddy bear was MAD!**

**The songs for this chapter are Within Temptation-What Have You Done and Three Days Grace-Animal I Have Become**

**OH! A little note to all my lovely lovely reviewers. THANK YOU! Worth It hit over 1000 reviews last chapter and I want to give you all a super sexy Jasper of your own... and as soon as they perfect human cloning I will do just that...well after I sprinkle fairydust on Twilight and breathe life into him...but he's mine first!**

**And to all of you that wound up destroying your computer, or other valuable personal items over the happenings of last chapter...I so told you soooo! I deny all responsibilty for any damage that may have occured during the reading of this story...I would love to see an insurance agents face when someone tells them that the damage to the windshield was done because a Twilight FanFic got you all riled up that you just had to smash something that sparkled and the windshield was the first thing that popped into your mind:) That would be priceless!**

**Anyway...Happy Reading!**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characte****rs.**

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BPOV

Another vicious roar shook the house, pictures crashed to the floor, their glass shattering on impact.

I sat there motionless looking into the four enraged faces, their obsidian eyes causing the room to darken as if they were pulling the rays of light right out if the air into the bottomless darkness within. Then the room erupted into chaos and I was being held in someone's granite arms as the world flew by in flashes of color and shadows.

A door slammed, rattling in its frame, and was followed by the sudden halt of motion around me. Through my panic and hyperventilation I noticed I was in a room I had only seen once before. The rich burgundies and gold's enveloped me in their comfort as Esme sat me down on her bed. Her eyes were still as dark as a moonless night yet her hands were as gentle as they had ever been.

"What's going on?" My voice was small, full of fright.

"Shh, baby, it's going to be ok. It's all going to be fine." She crooned as she sat beside me and pulled me into her lap, my head resting on her shoulder.

Savage and bone chilling growls mixed with crashes and the sound of wood and glass breaking resounded from downstairs, the impact could be felt as the bed shuttered and vibrated. She held me there as I cried and cringed with every new thud from beneath me. Their reactions were so far beyond anything I had ever imagined I was terrified by what it meant, terrified by who their anger was meant for.

Then there was silence. No noise was made outside of our sanctuary. In the quiet my cries echoed off the walls, Esme's soft words of comfort and love were drowned by the sound of my heartbreak and fear. The stillness of the house stretched, eliminating the importance of the passage of time.

I felt Esme's body turn rigid seconds before the knob on the bedroom door began to turn agonizingly slow.

Within the beat of a hummingbird's wing Esme stood in front of me, crouched in defense, my body hidden by hers. Then the door slowly opened revealing Carlisle. His clothes were wrinkled and torn, his hair disheveled, but the look he wore on his face was what caused my heart to shutter under the weight of my guilt and anguish. It was the face of a man stricken with grief and pain enough to last several lifetimes. Though his eyes were no longer black they were still dark, the gold that I loved so much barely discernable.

When Esme saw the state he was in she straightened from her crouch in front of me and moved to comfort him. He held up his hand to stay her advance, shaking his head.

"No Esme, do not waste your comfort on me, I don't deserve it."

Guilt wracked my soul. I had done this. I killed the hope and compassion within this man making him the broken man that now stood before me.

"Carlisle, I'm…"

He directed his attention towards me as I spoke, his eyes blazing with anger.

"Don't you dare apologize, Bella. You are not the one at fault here. It is us that are to blame."

"What? No…"

"Yes! Jasper tried to tell us something was wrong the day we returned from Arizona but I didn't believe him. He tried again the day you were found in your room and still I didn't listen! I didn't want to accuse my own son of something so atrocious without proof! I knew in my heart he was right but I couldn't allow myself to believe it. And now…now…" His words trailed off brokenly as he collapsed at my feet his head on my knees as if kneeling in prayer.

"Please…please forgive me for the fool I have been. You did nothing but love us unconditionally and we failed you. I failed you." His voice was thick with emotion, weighted with the guilt and overwhelming remorse that was crushing him under its invisible fist.

I couldn't deny the anger that surged within me when I heard that Jasper knew from the beginning and did nothing, that the family knew yet they sat back and allowed his torture. They could have stopped it all from happening, they could have protected me.

"You knew?"

He lifted his face to mine, the guilt written plainly across his concrete features, his eyes begging for the absolution he knew he didn't deserve. I looked to Esme who wore a matching look of broken remorse. I stood, my outrage overwhelming me. They had known before anything ever happened, not suspected, but known.

"You knew all along? And you did nothing?"

"Bella, please, we were afraid of what Edward would do if we tried to intervene. If we had known, had any idea that he was still…" Esme pleaded.

"Still? So you did know about that night! You knew he beat me within an inch of my life and you still gave him the benefit of the doubt? You still allowed me to be alone with him? What else did you know about? Did you know about the night he crushed my windpipe because my job was to be seen and not heard? Or the day he broke arm because he thought my shirt was too revealing? Did you know that he broke my hand in front of all of you that day we went to the river?" I spat at them, my anger rising out of control, the demon that had failed me when I needed it the most now stirred from its sleep.

From the shocked gasps I could tell that not only were Emmett and Rosalie just on the other side of the door but that none of them had any clue of the cruelty I had suffered from. That revelation should have culled my anger but instead it fueled it on.

These were the infallible Cullen's, the know-all, see-all, hear-all gods of my universe and they had no clue what he was doing to me under their own damn roof!

The demon was not only stirring, it was wide awake and drooling in anticipation of it's immanent release.

My feet, unable to withstand the rage that had grown into an inferno coursing through my veins, paced the floor, crushing the plush carpet beneath them. My hands pulled through my tangled waves still damp from the shower that now seemed a lifetime ago but in truth was only a scant few hours.

"Bella…" Rosalie's voice sounded from the door, her and Emmett finally deciding their presence was required.

I looked up her, a red tinge slowly growing from the edge's of my vision. A low, foreign snarl filled the room emanating from my throat.

"You knew." My voice was little more than a growl.

"You all knew and never came to me, never told me, never HELPED ME!" I screamed, the pain of their betrayal slicing what little was left of my heart into shreds, never to be recovered, never to be healed.

"All this time I kept silent, for you, for your family, I didn't want to tear you apart, afraid of what you would think when you found out I turned him into a monster. I should have known, I should have known you knew but I could not fathom that you would let it continue, not try to protect me. So I kept my silence, for you, for my parents, but it was all for nothing. NOTHING! BECAUSE YOU KNEW!"

The dam broke. I threw the door to the beast's cage open and let it free. The beast roared in rage and satisfaction, snapping at the jaw, ready to dole out justice and pain where he deemed it appropriate.

My arms shot out, lashing out at the closest thing, the Tiffany lamp Esme recovered from her sister's estate that had been her mothers. It shattered as it hit the wall, the myriad of colored glass petals fracturing into thousands of pieces across the floor. The beast sneered at the pained cry that escaped Esme's mouth.

My vision was red with rage, the beast ran free, I stopped recognizing the objects on the receiving end of my wrath. It was all the same, precious antiques that meant more to these heartless creatures than I did. My snarls reverberated through the room, punctuated by the crash of priceless items hitting the floor and walls. With every new item destroyed my screams of fury and pain lashed at the walls filling the air with my anger.

Two arms suddenly appeared grabbing at my arms, binding them across my chest. A body pressed against my back, they were large and no matter how hard I fought I couldn't break the hold they now had on me. I twisted and turned, shrieking in madness. The bestial sounds that ripped through my throat were base and animalistic, full of the desperation of a trapped animal.

My legs flailed unbound, destroying everything within their path until the solid structure of the wall loomed in front of me. In my frenzy I kicked it with all my strength. It shuttered and shook as we were propelled backwards through the air. We came to a jarring stop as the body behind me connected with the wall and slid down to the ground, thick legs sprawled in front of me on either side of mine.

I was frantic to break free. Every instinct screaming to get loose, run away. My legs flailed uselessly, my body held motionless against the unyielding structure that was wound around me so tightly I couldn't escape. Then they leaned forward drawing my body closer to my legs rendering them immobile as well.

I was trapped, left only with my desperate howls of rage and defiance, the pain bleeding into my cries and the murderous glares I sent to the golden eyes that stood there watching.

The mother, oh the sweet lovable deceitful mother, stood just out of my reach her eyes welled with venom clutching her chest. I wanted to hurt her, hurt her the way she hurt me, the way he hurt me, the way they all hurt me. I wanted to rip that non-beating heart right out of her chest and crumble it into dust before I set fire to the hole it left within her chest. Then she would know a fraction of my pain.

The father, the doctor, the leader, the betrayer stood beside her, his hands held in front of him palms out.

"Bella, you need to calm down, Emmett cannot let you go until you do." His voice was smooth like butter, trying to tame the savage beast.

His voice renewed my struggle, bringing forth a new round of growls and indistinguishable noises from my aching throat.

"Bella, sweetie, I know your still in there. I know you're angry, not only at us for what we allowed to happen with Edward but at Jasper too. You're hurt and angry that he would abandon you to your fate alone, after all he promised you. But he still loves you, we all do, and just because we are vampires does not mean we don't still make human mistakes. I can't express how sorry we all are. We never deserved your trust and we proved that in the most grievous way. Please just come back to us." The blonde woman's voice was weak and raspy, full of pain.

I screamed and raged against the steel arms that caged me. One word breaking through the red haze that separated me from the beast, Jasper.

My screams turned to violent cries of agony as my crimson tunnel vision slowly faded returning the color of the world around me. The bright and broken colors that shimmered from the rampage let loose, the pieces of their life scattered across the floor, just like me, the gold of my family's eyes that stared at me full of fear, concern and pain.

I felt as the darkness descended. Hell was coming for me. I curled into myself, still surrounded by Emmett's marble arms, amid the destruction on Carlisle and Esme's bedroom floor, and welcomed the pain-filled fiery abyss for the first time.


	27. Deadmen Tell Tales

**A/N: Alrighty peoples...Chapter 27...Are you excited? Yeah? Well I'm gonna dissapoint you now and answer the one major question that everyone was left with last chapter. No she is not turning fully and hopefully we shall find out why next chapter...keep your fingers crossed and maybe I'll be good to ya. :) Ok now on to the good stuff...My little ol' story was rec'ed by the fantastic ladies over at Altered Lions and Sacrificial Lambs, well more specifically Merina Green who has been a steady reviewer through the life of this story. She has given me some great advice and some great encouragement through her reviews all throughout the progression of this story and I love her for it. Thank you Merina! Go check out their blog at http:/ alsltwilight(dot)blogspot(dot)com You wont be dissapointed.**

**Second I would like to give a bug huge Emmett worthy hug to gredelina1! She is my all time favorite reviewer. She always makes 'em long and full of encouragement, advice, high points and low points, her favorite parts and sometimes not so favorite parts. Seriously whenever I feel my inspiration or motivation wanning I go and reread all of her reviews and I find myself in the mood to get shit typed out. All this crazy shit is in my head and she helps me vomit it up into something worth reading. I would even go as far as to say she has become my own personal annonymous internet muse. Ok enough with that...my hubby has already called my love of her reviews a "naughty little word affair"...Yeah I know...He's a little strange but I love him and for some odd freakin reason he puts up with me. :)**

**My third and last note is quite an important one so listen up. My hubby comes home for his ten day reprieve from the boat on Tuesday so I will in all probability be too busy catching up on my luvin's, hanging with our friends, doing fun new stuff with our little ones and ignoring my totally idiotic family to write and post anything. I'll try to have something for ya'll as I possibly can after he takes off for his next hitch.**

**Love to all my readers!**

**BTW- song for this chapter is By Myself by Linkin Park. **

******Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characte****rs.**

* * *

BPOV

"_You're not the same girl I put on that plane in January. I see the way you two act around each other, he hovers over you and you revolve around him, it's just not healthy, baby, that's not love."_

"_I watch you Bella. I see you laugh and smile. I sit by as you follow Edwards every command like a well trained dog. Everyone sees it."_

"_How did you get to your room? Charlie found you on the floor of your room, not at the bottom of the stairs."_

"_Damnit Bella! Stop it! We know wha…"_

"_Jasper!" Esme barked in warning, cutting him off mid sentence._

_He looked over at Esme, then Edward and back to me. I watched as he clenched his jaw together a few times then sauntered angrily across the room and out of the door. Rosalie followed close behind him after looking at me with pity._

_All of the pieces fell together like an intricate puzzle. They know what happened, they know my shame and no longer desired me, no longer felt I was worthy to be one of them. _

"_I am so sorry, for everything, for Edward exposing you to our world, for allowing my better judgment to be overshadowed by my own fears. I am most especially sorry for not heeding Jaspers warnings." His voice was so heavy with remorse and sadness that I wondered if, maybe, he was apologizing for more than I knew._

_"You know what gets me? All this time I've been worried that he had been hurtin' you! That he was somehow forcin' you to stay with him! I fought him, accused him of abusin' you! I defended you when he treated you like shit! Even convinced the rest o' the family that he was hurtin' you!"_

The past played through my fire riddled mind, my life flashing before my eyes. Somehow I was able to truly think around the pain. They weren't just broken thoughts and images, they were full color movies, playing my life, highlighting all the best and worst moments. Showing me what I had tried to deny all along.

They had known all along. They did nothing to help me. They threw me to the wolves and washed their consciences clean of me with a vague apology here and a gentle hug there. Even Renee, the perpetually oblivious one, saw something wrong with our relationship before anything truly happened, yet she had barely kept contact with me since then. I had been left forgotten on the side of life's road, a living breathing write-off.

My thoughts turned and broiled, always coming back to the same place. I'm no safer from him now than I was before. They didn't protect me all this time that they knew, why would they protect me now.

I felt the change within the darkness. Dawn was breaking, a new day emerging, for once, full of truth, but not understanding. No, I would never understand how they could stand by and watch as Edward killed my spirit and stole my life.

I opened my eyes to see the diffused pre-dawn light of a cloud heavy day filtering through the large window in my room. The clouds were dark, almost boiling in their need to release the weight they carried, waiting for the moment when the burden became too much to bear.

Those clouds were much like me, dark and heavy with the truth I now held. Unlike them there was no way I would be able to dump the load that weighed on my chest. There's no way to go back, I can't unlearn what I know, I can't undo what's already been done, I can't change decisions that have already been made. All I can do is live with the consequences.

I felt the mattress shift as a body moved at the foot of the bed. I didn't bother to look to see who it was, I didn't care. I would have liked nothing better than to awake to a new life where the Cullen's never existed.

"Bella?" My name rang through the silence on a soft fearful voice.

Listlessly I turned my head to see Rosalie sitting there, hair thrown back into a ponytail wearing simple jeans and shirt, her hands clasped in her lap worrying her bottom lip. I turned my head back to the window. I was not interested in anything she or any of them had to say. Nothing they could say would make any difference. Nothing could erase their betrayal, nothing could erase the marks across my disfigured skin.

I heard her sigh then the shift of the bed again as she stood.

"I'll just go get you some breakfast." I heard her say dejectedly as her footsteps moved to the door then fade away down the hall.

I heard the clank of dishes in the kitchen and the soft murmur of voices but the words were indistinguishable. My hearing must have improved during the night because I have never been able to hear anything going on in the kitchen from here, or maybe it's just because of the utter silence in the house.

There was a pall over the house, the house itself seemed to be holding it's breath waiting for something. I remember when I was eleven and my grandparents died, our house had the same feel. Everyone walked silently around the house, talking in hushed tones, never daring to raise their voice above a loud whisper. It was grief and death that held this house in it's spell, just like then.

The voices grew closer to the stairs and I was able to discern that it was not only Esme and Rosalie but Carlisle as well. The few words I was able to make out confused me.

"No…word…news…Edward."

"…tell her…"

"…don't know…"

"…deserves…coming…her."

"…condition…send…catatonic…"

"…bull…hurt…us out."

There was the slam of a door downstairs then Emmett's angry voice was booming throughout the house.

"Still no answer! How do we know he even has the damn thing anymore? For all we know he left it somewhere in the forest the day he took off!"

"He still has it. He uses enough minutes a month to check his messages."

"Well then we should be able to get a lock on him through the GPS chip right? So let's track him down and drag his ass back here!"

"Are you going to be the one to leave Bella and track him down?"

There was silence.

"Exactly. We can't afford to split up the family right now to find him, we need to be here to keep Bella safe."

There was another pause of heavy silence before I heard a muffled voice and footsteps, that I assumed belonged to Rosalie, ascend the stairs. Her steps were slower than normal, almost human.

My eyes were still glued to the rolling clouds outside as she entered the door.

"I brought your breakfast." Rosalie said as she sat the tray on the bed behind me.

I continued staring out the window as if she never spoke.

"It's your favorite. A ham, egg, and cheese toast sandwich." She said in a sing-song voice in a poor attempt to gain my attention.

"I'm not hungry." I replied to her in a tone dead of emotion.

I felt as she lifted the tray from the bed and then walked around the bed cutting off my view of the window with her body. She knelt down placing the tray right under my face as she attempted to look in my eyes.

"Come on, Bella, you need to eat something."

"I'm not hungry." I repeated.

"Please? Just a few bites and I'll leave you alone ok?"

"I said I'm not fucking hungry!" I shouted as I lashed out throwing the tray across the room, splattering it's contents on the floor and walls.

She took a step back in surprise as the tray narrowly missed hitting her in the face. She looked conflicted as if she didn't know whether to be mad or hurt by my outburst. I looked at her with all of my anger burning in my eyes until I saw the clock on the nightstand and was reminded of school. I have half an hour before class starts.

I rose from the bed and walked rigidly over to the dresser pulling out a random outfit before entering the bathroom.

"Just leave me alone." I threw into the room as I closed the door behind me.

I quickly dressed and brushed my teeth, not bothering to shower I ran a brush through my hair and pulled it into a hap-hazardous ponytail. Taking a look at myself in the mirror I was apathetic to the reflection of the girl that stared back at me. It didn't matter what the girl looked like because it's not me, not anymore. That girl once smiled, once laughed, once had heart filled with love and adoration. All I had left was anger and resentment. Like a rose, so well balanced with the beauty of its petals and the dangerous flaws of its thorns, once it's wilted and died, there's nothing left but the thorns, the ugly remnants of the beauty that once existed there.

I turned away from the mirror sick of the sight it held and opened the door to the bedroom. The room was blessedly empty, the walls and floor cleaned of the failed breakfast peace offering. I walked to the corner where my backpack sat untouched from yesterday.

Was it really just yesterday that I was terrified of them finding out? So many lies and truths revealed in a matter of hours, changing everything I thought I knew, revealing the gods to be nothing but sparkling harbingers of my doom.

With my backpack slung carelessly over my right shoulder, I closed the door and proceeded down the hallway to the stairs. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie were standing huddled in the living room, their lips blurring and the room buzzing, when I stepped off the stairs. I spared the smallest of glance to them before continuing towards the front door.

"Where are your going?" Rosalie's voice rang out full of surprise.

"To school." I answered simply.

"To school?" She repeated dumbly.

I rolled my eyes as I passed them in annoyance.

A hand shot out and grabbed my arm just above the elbow stopping my progress.

"Bella…" Carlisle's silken voice called out.

"Let go of me, I'm going to be late." I demanded as the hand stayed firm on my arm.

"I'm sorry Bella, but I can't allow you…"

"Excuse me? You can't allow me?" I turned around leveling my hardened gaze on the family I had thought of mine until yesterday.

"You can't leave. It's not safe." Esme chimed in.

"Safe?" I gave a mirthless laugh. "I hope you're not trying to imply its safe here because I think we all know that's a lie." I spat, piercing her with my hateful glare. She at least had the decency to wince at the reminder of all that has happened to me under their roof, at their failure.

"It most certainly is safer here than it is out there right now." Carlisle said from my side in a more firm tone.

"Yeah, well, I'll take my chances." I pulled my arm from Carlisle's hold and turned for the door.

Before I could take a step Emmett was there blocking my path but it wasn't his massive form that stopped me in my path, it was his words.

"Damn it Bella you can't go 'cause Edward's coming after you!"

My blood ran cold and my feet froze to the floor. My breath was held locked within my lungs as the panic and terror gripped me in their iron fists. The room was held in a deathly silence, not a muscle was shifted or a breath taken.

_Edward's coming after you!_

It echoed in my ears and sent my brain scrambling for the nearest exit.

In front of my eyes, widened in a sudden paralyzing fear, Emmett's body seemed to deflate. He raked his hand over his face, remorse screaming from his honey eyes, as he laid his heavy hand on my shoulder.

"Shit Bells, I'm sorry. We didn't want to tell you like that, it's just…" His voice trailed off, his worry apparent as the words hung in the air.

"So…" I had to stop to clear my throat of the panic that tried to choke me. "So she saw? Alice saw that I told?"

Another silence stretched, the air almost suffocating it was so thick with the apprehension that suddenly flooded the room. The knowledge that there was something more, something dire that they were reluctant to reveal, tore through me like a bullet, ricocheting through my chest mangling my organs on its path to my leaden stomach. Emmett's eyes were darting rapidly behind me, a silent conversation raging over my head between the four.

Slowly I turned to see the three conflicting faces behind me.

"What?" My question hung unacknowledged in the quiet.

I looked from one set of eyes to the next until I was met with a pair resigned golden orbs.

"What is it that you're not telling me?" My voice rang louder, stronger than before, my determination shining through the terror that still held me.

Rosalie gave a sigh and opened her mouth but before she could utter a word Carlisle spoke.

"Rosalie." The one word a warning and plea, rife with concern

"No Carlisle, your concerns, while legitimate, are obviously futile. She can handle this. She's stronger than I think any of us give her credit for. She deserves to know the truth." She met my eyes then. "The whole truth."

"I agree." Emmett's deep baritone voice added from over my shoulder, the vibrations of his chest playing across my back.

Carlisle's eyes roamed the faces of the room before giving a simple defeated nod. Then his attention locked onto me with an expression of pain deep within his eyes.

"Bella I think you should probably sit down. What we have to say is going to be difficult for you to hear."

I nodded silently and walked automatically to the nearest lounge chair while the family took up residence on the surrounding furniture. My mind was reeling with the possibilities of what they were about to say. The familiarity of our positions had my dread sinking deeper into the pit in my stomach. Just like yesterday we sat here with the prospect of life altering news drawing near. Only this time I was the one that sat in the dark waiting for the light to be shed on the truth.

"As you know, I sent Edward and Alice to Volterra in hopes of finding something within the Volturi's archives that could be of use to your situation." Carlisle paused to insure he had my full attention.

I answered him with a nod telling him to continue.

"I don't know if Edward ever told you about the Volturi but they are the ruling coven of the vampire world, the enforcers of our law. Aro, Caius, and Marcus make up the monarchial triad of the Volturi. Of the three, Aro is the most powerful, in both leadership and ability. He has the gift of seeing every thought one has ever had with just the touch of his hand. When Edward and Alice arrived there they were simply petitioning for access to the archives so Aro found no reason to read their thoughts. He granted them admittance to the archival chambers as a favor to me, as he considers me an old friend, and then had little to no interactions with them. That was until last week. Late last week there was a disagreement between Edward and a more prominent guard member. The standard procedure for such disturbances within the castle is for Aro to read the thoughts of those involved and then pass judgment upon the validity of any disagreement or conceived wrong-doings."

My agitation grew with his words, knowing what was coming next.

"He read Edward's thoughts. Then because of Alice's involvement, he read hers as well. While the Volturi are human drinkers and hold no real regard for human life, Aro has an intimate knowledge of my beliefs and knew that I would be appalled by Edward's actions. Aro is a collector of sorts and surrounds himself with gifted vampires. He has coveted both Alice and Edward for many years now and saw this as an opportunity to force them to join his guard. He ordered them contained to their rooms and gave them an ultimatum. Join the Volturi or he would inform me of their actions. To make their decision he gave them a weeks time, at the end of which they were to renounce their ties to this family or he would contact me and they would await there in his custody until I decided upon a suitable punishment. I know Aro assumed that I would banish them from the family and he would be able to manipulate them into joining his guard in the end. However, things did not go according to his plan. I called last night to inform Aro that Edward and Alice had broken from my family's creed and to detain them until I could arrive with my family to pass judgment on the injustices they had committed against the newest member of our family."

Carlisle paused in his story to gauge my reaction, giving me the impression that the difficult part he had referred to was coming next. I took a deep breath to steel myself against what he would say next.

"It was just a few hours before I called that they discovered that Alice and Edward had escaped."

I took a sharp intake of breath at the news that they had not only escaped but that they had escaped the surely massive guard of the ruling power of the vampire world. If they couldn't stop them from leaving then what hope did the Cullen's have of keeping them from killing me?

"The guards that had been assigned to their rooms were dismembered and when discovered the larger appendages were already beginning to fuse back to the body so they estimated that their escape was around one in the morning, which would have been four o'clock yesterday our time. Aro immediately sent his best tracker and four most talented guards to catch them and return them to Volterra. Shortly before my call two of those guards returned." Carlisle paused once more only this time he exchanged meaningful looks with the others before sighing.

"They returned with the ashes of a vampire. The ashes had already turned cold. Edward…he killed Alice…almost immediately after escaping." His voice was grave and shaky as he delivered the blow that he was sure would send me reeling.

He was wrong. I was not hurt or incapacitated by the news of Edward's actions. I was numb. I knew he was sadistic but I had thought it was a side of him that was reserved for me and me alone. To hear that he killed his coconspirator in cold blood, it sent both shock and relief through me in waves. It wasn't just me. I wasn't the only one to suffer at the hands of the monster.

I did mourn the loss of my once best friend's life, but the moment was short lived with the remembrance of all that I suffered at his hands and the revelation that she had helped to cover it up. She may as well have sunk her own teeth into my flesh for the severity of her crimes against me were just as grievous as Edward's.

"That's not all is it?" I don't know how I knew, but I knew without a doubt that Carlisle had much more to say.

He bowed his head, looking at the floor past his clasped hands. He shook his head before raising his eyes to mine once more.

"No. No it's not." He took a heavy breath before continuing. "Their betrayal went deeper than we suspected. Alice and Edward have…had been intimate for years before we came to Washington. According to Aro it was nothing more than a product of circumstances for them but when Edward met you he became obsessed with you to the point that he no longer desired Alice. It angered Alice but it wasn't until he saved you from the van at school that she became sick with jealousy. Aro said that was when she began to have visions of you and Jasper together, of Jasper and Edward fighting over you, ultimately ending in Edward's demise and Alice being alone. She had a vision of nomads traveling through the area." He stopped momentarily to take a deep bracing breath.

"She knew what would happen if we went to play ball in the field that day. She knew that James would see it as a challenge and hunt you. James made a last minute decision though that deviated from her visions. He was supposed to lure you away from Jasper and Alice to a ballet studio by claiming he had your mother, you were supposed to die there before any of us could help you. When her plan to eliminate you from our lives failed she began to feed Edward the visions she had of you and Jasper together. She feigned her loss of visions in order to keep Jasper's suspicions of Edward's abuse nothing more than doubtful theories. She saw that Edward would eventually kill you in a blinding rage so she manipulated every situation to cover up Edward's actions and drive you and Jasper apart thinking that once you were gone and it was pinned on someone else he would eventually come back to her just as Edward had done when we returned from Arizona. Aro felt no need to go into detail about Alice and Edward's relationship besides saying that it was a twisted tryst, intoxicating with their dark natures that were hidden from the rest of the world. They felt no love or loyalty to each other or anyone else, it was all a matter of power and manipulation."

The shock I felt was staggering as I listened to the sick and twisted machinations of the woman I once regarded as my best friend. I almost felt physically ill at my earlier mourning for her life, however brief it was. That was one soul that did not deserve mourning or the common decency of respect for the deceased.

So wrapped in my thoughts I was I didn't even realize that Carlisle had continued with the demented story of Aro's journey through the minds of my tormentors.

"…Edward was a much darker individual than any of us could have ever guessed. Aro painted quite a vivid picture of Edward's mind. He had convinced himself that your life was forfeit to his will the moment he saved you from the van. His obsession over you surpasses anything Aro had ever seen. He is consumed by the need to control you because he cannot reach into your mind. That is compounded by the fact that he believes you were destined specifically for him because you are his La Tua Cantante, his singer. When it became apparent that you were no longer human he became desperate to mold you into the being he desired you to be before your change was complete, if it ever was to make it that far. It was clear to Aro that Edward did not see you as a person but an object to be owned or, more accurately, a pet to be broken and trained. Aro stressed that now that Edward's secrets have been revealed he will be even more dangerous and desperate to get back what he believes is rightfully his. Aro believes, and I agree, that no one will be safe from him now that his perception on reality has been challenged."

I shot up from my chair then. His words sending my worst fears to the forefront of my thoughts like a lightening bolt.

"Oh my god! Carlisle, my mom! We have to protect my mom!"

Carlisle stood, his hands grasping my shoulders gently in an attempt to calm me down.

"Bella, you need not worry about Renee and Phil. Aro sent a small contingent of guards to watch over them at my request. Charlie is taken care of as well. We contacted our allies on the reservation and asked them to protect him. Your parents will be ok, our main concern is keeping you safe. I believe that you are the one in the most danger. He is mad with jealousy and rage and you are the object of his obsession. He will come for you before they even enter his mind."

At his reassurance that Charlie and Renee would be safe I felt myself calm. I nodded to no one in particular letting his words sink in. The royal guards would be protecting Renee and Phil and a coven from La Push would be watching out for Charlie. Confusion suddenly overtook me.

"Wait, there's a coven of vampires in La Push? How come I've never heard of them?"

I saw the looks they exchanged, Emmett with a smirk on his face, and my confusion doubled. What the hell is going on here?

"Um, no. There are not any vampires in La Push."

I heard Emmett mutter something along the lines 'not with those mutts around anyways' under his breath and Esme shot a look at him. He just continued to grin, looking not the least bit contrite.

"But you said…"

"I said allies, but they are not vampires."

"So you have a bunch of humans with, what, flame throwers, protecting my dad?"

Emmett's barking laughter filled the room. The rest had small smiles playing across their faces but I did not see the humor in this situation. My anger rose at the thought of Carlisle jeopardizing my father's safety by entrusting his protection to a group of humans. There's no way even a hundred humans could stand a chance against one vampire.

"What the fuck is so damn funny about any of this?" I yelled.

Emmett's laughter died down to quiet chuckles as Carlisle met my eyes.

"No they are not human either Bella, they're werewolves."

My face froze in shock, my mouth hanging open and my eyes wide as saucers.

"Werewolves? Like real, honest to god, monsters on a full moon, kill them with a silver bullet, werewolves?"

Carlisle chuckled slightly at my stunned and bewildered question.

"Well, no they aren't actually lycanthropes, or Children of Moon as they are mostly referred to among our kind, though those do exist. The La Push pack call themselves werewolves but what they really are is a breed of shape-shifter. It's an inherited gene that causes them to shift during puberty. They can shift on command and retain their humanity while in wolf form. Silver has no effect on them as is true for lycanthropes as well."

"Oh." I said dumbly as I flopped back down into the chair, my mind so full of all the sad, twisted, despicable information that had been pumped into it over the last hour, that I had no more room for an intelligent response.

I stared off into space as my mind reeled, finally catching up with all that Carlisle had said. Alice had tried to kill me by putting me in the wrong place at the wrong time. Alice had been fucking her 'brother' behind her husbands back for years. Alice set up the situations to allow Edward to hurt me. Alice manipulated Jasper and me to keep us apart and we fell for it. Alice had orchestrated this whole thing. I was this living science experiment because of Alice and now she was dead because she couldn't foresee how unstable and unpredictable Edward would become when his control was threatened.

"I guess she didn't see that one coming."

I hadn't realized my thought had been vocalized until I heard the chorus of wry laughs around me.

Emmett knelt down in front of me with his hands on my knees. His eyes were so full of concern there was a little wrinkle forming between his brows as they knit together.

"Bells? You gonna be ok?" His tone was quiet, soothing, it was all wrong on him.

I stared back, my face blank of emotion.

"I don't know. It's just…I mean…they…it's all…" I sighed heavily, giving up trying to form my thoughts into any kind of coherency. "I don't know Em. I really don't know."


	28. Trailer Park Tragedy

******A/N: Hello hello everybody! I am back. Be fore I begin do you think ya'll should be spelled ya'll or y'all? I have been questioning that for about a week now and I just cant seem to come up with the answer. According to the T9 Predictive text thingy on my phone it is y'all but everyone I've ever known has spelled it ya'll. My version of Word accepts both spellings. Hmmm it is a quandary. Anyways. I am not completely happy with this chapter. I dont know why exactly, I just dont feel right about it. If you can identify what it is that is niggling at my brain then you get a super special cookie. My Grandma has this awesome recipe that try as I might I cant get it right, I'll get you one of hers though...they really are to die for. I'd hack my husbands fingers off if he tried to pinch one of my super special gooey chocolate, peanut butter, oatmeal cookies...mmmmmm...Ok enough with my oddness. I loved all the reviews last chapter. If I didnt respond to ya I'm sorry...I was a little busy mauling my hubby:) I'll tell ya this...nothing will spice up your sex life like havin your man gone for 20 days and home for only 10. Seriously! We are so much more...hungry...for each other since he began working the boats 4 years ago than we ever were in our first years together. Damn, getting off topic here again. I guess Jasper fired up my...whatever it is that made me want chocolate and sex. Got to love a man who's not afraid to kick some ass for his woman...by the way yeah, seein your man do that for ya is also a HUGE boost to the libido...:) Those were some good days:) Alright enough, enough. The songs are- Storm to Pass by Atreyu, Hearts Burst Into Fire by Bullet for My Valentine, and Panic Switch by Silversun Pickups.**

**Happy Reading!**

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****rs.**

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characte

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**JPOV**

Her scent, sweet like nectar, bitter like wine fermented past its prime, filled my senses. Close, she's close. I'm not more than an hour behind her.

For nine days now I had tracked her. Her trail had passed through my hunting ground and once I caught her scent I knew I couldn't let her go. I knew I had made the right choice when I came within range of my gift. Her emotions were filled with vengeance, retribution and a rage so powerful that it could have only been spawned by the loss of a mate. There were several other scents along with hers. Their scents were more succulent, not yet turned sour from the stagnation of the venom that ran through their veins. Newborns.

I followed her north through Louisiana and Arkansas, through the Ozarks and into the plains of Nebraska. She spent a great deal of time trying to lose me in the mountains but to a seasoned soldier and tracker her efforts were useless. I was latched onto her trail like a dog with a bone. She gained a bit of distance but I knew I would catch up with her once she entered the flat lands of the Mid-West. A smart person would have turned east into the Appalachians to create more of an advantage but she was not thinking rationally. She was running off of her emotions and the need for vengeance now that she knew someone was onto her. To her this wasn't a chase, this was a race and the prize was Bella's life, or death.

During the chase there was little more to do than think as the trees sped past in a blur and the stench of newborns filled my nostrils. With the newest threat on Bella's life it was impossible to keep her from my mind like I had fought to do for so long. She filled my thoughts and tortured my senses with the memory of her laugh, smile, the taste of her lips, the scent of her hair, the feel of her silken skin beneath the hypersensitive tips of my fingers. I remembered how her emotions used to be so raw and untainted. When she loved she loved with the whole of her heart, when she trusted she trusted with every fiber of her being, her anger was never truly anger but fear, hurt and frustration wrapped in the guise of anger. The untarnished happiness that filled her every time she was in the presence of our family never failed to put a smile on my face and a spring in my step, it would curl around me filling me with its warmth and reverence. The purity of her emotions was born of her innocence and naiveté, of her complete lack of experience in the ways of the world and those that would beat her down just for the satisfaction of watching her break.

She was a different girl back then. That was not the girl I left behind three months ago. That Bella was a broken shell, a marionette dangling on the cruel strings of fate and circumstance. I watched, as I placed that little velvet box in her hand, the hope fade from her eyes and the shadow of defeat swallow her whole. She knew that as I walked out the door so did her heart and salvation. I was an idiot, a foolish, selfish, impatient moron. She finally opened her heart, admitted that I had held it all along, and I crushed it under my boots as I walked out on her.

Doubt still clouded my mind about her relationship with Edward. I was not as sure as I once was about the abuse. All I knew was he was holding something over her to keep her with him. She wanted to rip that ring off her finger as much as I did but something had stopped her. I knew that now. I saw everything about that day in perfect clarity now. The way her heart stuttered to an almost dead stop as I confessed I was leaving, her hands shaking as she pleaded with me to stay. The quiver of her voice as she finally spoke the words I had prayed for since I first held her in my arms. She may have been lifeless before that day but after that day she was soulless. If that wasn't proof of her love, of our connection, our bond, then I don't what was.

I had no excuses that my mind would allow me to believe to explain why it took me so long to see reality for what it was. I had been rejected so many times by the only woman I had ever pursued. I was hurt and frustrated that she didn't trust me enough to confide in me. I was angry that I wasn't enough to make her want me and I was furious with myself that I valued her right to choose above the burning ache to keep her locked within my arms safe from harm, safe from whatever power it was that held her to Edward. I had been blinded by the emotions that I had stifled behind a dam of supportive and tolerant love. It was a dam I hadn't even realized I had constructed until it broke and the over flowing rejection and pain had flooded me in their toxic sludge, turning my faith into acidic bitterness. I couldn't see that all I had to do was talk to her, be there for her, instead of pushing her for a relationship.

I had put Bella in an impossible position, caught between her first love and the man she had betrayed him with, her best friends husband. No matter how right our love is, she felt wrong about it. She had betrayed the two of the most important people in her life. I just kept making it worse by insisting she leave him, making Edward more jealous and paranoid.

I had made every wrong decision when it came to Bella. Missed every opportunity to get to know the woman beneath the mask and I vowed to myself that I would change that.

During my time away I had come to realize that I knew next to nothing about what makes Bella the person she is. I knew millions of things about her and yet I did not know her mind, I did not know her dreams and goals, I had no idea what she wanted from the future. I did not know her favorite childhood memory, whether or not she had a pet as a child, or why she only ate yellow cheese. I did know that she never wore anything made of wool, she always ate her vegetables first, when she wore earrings they were never a matching set, there was a scar along her hairline near her right temple that she rubbed when she was worried, and sometimes when she thought no one was around she would listen to 80's hair bands while singing along in perfect pitch.

I also knew that no matter how much or how little I knew about her, she was my mate. We would have an eternity to learn every inch of each others minds and bodies. My faith was restored and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that we would be together in the end.

Yes, she was mine, and I know now what I have to do. I have to return to her, to repair her, to make us whole. But first I had to take care of this bitch.

I smirked as I saw the lights of civilization in the distance. Wrong move again, bitch. She came too close to a town and the wind was blowing in from the west. Those untried newborns caught the scent of humans. I knew I was right when the trail suddenly veered due west. This was the last leg of the chase. I would have her in minutes.

Looming in the darkness I could see the unmistakable outlines of mobile homes, grouped in a cluster of no more than ten, alone on the prairie surrounded by cornfields. The smell of freshly spilled blood carried on the wind along with the ravenous growls and fading screams of those losing their lives for the sake of bloodlust.

Entering the trailer park it was apparent that no home went untouched. Walls were missing, the twisted wreckage of the aluminum siding lay discarded across the ground, the wooden framing splintered and hanging from gaping holes revealed an even more gruesome sight within the dwellings. It looked like a war-zone with shrapnel and dismembered bodies littering the ground. There were spatters of blood on the ground, mixing with the dirt creating macabre mud puddles like land mines across a battlefield. Standing there amidst the destruction bathed in the light seeping from the windows was a red-haired demon watching as her minions drew the last drops of blood from their helpless victims.

The sounds and smells around me coaxed my beast from hiding and pulled at my memories of blood and fire, of insatiable thirst and endless fury. The drunkenness of power that I had held, in a time when I reveled in the strength and ferocity of my inner demon, seeped into my venom riddled veins and burned with an aching need to destroy. This was what I had been created for, what I had been conditioned to do. This is what I am good at.

"You really should take better care o' your newborns. Things like this tend ta happen when you starve 'em."

Her wild tendrils cut through the air as she whirled to face me in a half crouch. She quirked an eyebrow as she eyed my form.

"You would know all about that wouldn't you, Major." Her grating voice sounded in the warm air, mocking.

I stiffened at the name, surprised that she knew of my past, my mind abuzz with the implications. The only ones who knew me by that name were either dead, family, or surely holding a very long nurtured grudge. To the rest of our kind I was simply known as Jasper Whitlock. The Major, the God of War, was nothing more than an icon of destruction and power from a time when anarchy reigned supreme in the south. It was a name that struck fear into the hearts of the meek and admiration in the fierce. A legend told to newborns as either a warning or inspiration to illustrate their potential in this new and damned life.

"Surprised? Yes, so was Maria when I informed her that you were now a yellow-eye living among humans, even protecting one."

I growled at the thought of Maria knowing my weakness was Bella, a frail human.

"Oh but don't worry, she no longer has any interest in you. She has a new toy she's quite happy with, though she did complain that he's no where near your caliber but she learned her lesson on the balance of power and loyalty with you. She thought it was a mistake to go against you, even after I told her you had grown soft and weak."

"You shoulda listened to her."

"She is the one making the mistake by thinking you're still that man that had all of the south cowering in fear."

Her newborns, now fully sated, flanked her on either side. There were five altogether. While four of them looked to be in their first month, the last one looked to be nearing six months. The older one stood to her immediate right, his emotions swirling with a mixture of fear, lust, anger and protectiveness. He was her major, her right hand man, the puppet she lead around by the dick while spouting false professions of love. He was me a hundred and seventy years ago, fresh from the burning and eager to please my mistress.

"You are weak with animal blood and only one, no match for my newborns. And when your ashes are nothing more than dust in the wind I will make your little human bitch suffer for James' death." She replied condescendingly, emitting nothing but confidence and anticipation.

I simply smirked at her brazenness. This bitch was cockier than a prize rooster in a hen-house, with half the brains, if she thinks that her five newborns should be enough to scare me.

"You think that, only 'cause you don't know any better."

Her smile fell as the last word left my mouth, my challenge angering her further. She gave the signal to her newborns and the four young ones began their charge. I smiled as I saw the signs of their inexperience in the way they launched themselves at me head on.

I ducked past the first one, the fastest, grabbing his shoulder as he attempted to wrap his arms around my torso in a classic tackle and spun around behind him. I wrapped my other hand around to take hold of the bottom of his jaw and twisted. The grating of stone and metal rewarded me as his head was severed and his body slumped to the ground limbs twitching as the body's urge to reassemble took over.

I barely had enough time to toss the blood soaked head before a set of hairy arms encircled my chest, one arm over my shoulder as I felt the long familiar sting of venom coated teeth slicing through my skin. An enraged roar exploded from me as I took hold of the newborns arms and flipped him over my shoulder onto the flailing body of the first one, cutting off his quest for his missing head. I felt as the muddy translucent venom poured down the front of my shirt as the newborns teeth ripped the flesh from my neck. Before he could regain his bearings I brought my booted foot down on the side of his jaw crushing his face beyond recognition and ensuring him to be incapacitated for as long as I needed to dispatch the rest of this merry band of idiots.

I turned back to Victoria and the three remaining newborns. I couldn't help but smile as the last two young ones, taking a lesson from the ease of the others demise, slowly circled me from either side. They were locked in a crouch, snarls escaping through their lips dripping with venom.

"C'mon then boys, I'm waitin'." I taunted knowing they couldn't keep the concentration it required for them to strategize or work together for very long.

They both sprang, one going for my head and the other going for my midsection. I waited until the last possible moment before I sidestepped their attack and grabbed a hold of the one on my right. With his arm firmly in my grasp I used his own force to spin around and kick him in the ribs straight into the others advance. His arm ripped off in my hand as they went flying through the air. The sounds of snarling and tearing metal echoed through the air as the injured newborn lost control of his instincts and attacked the blonde he had crashed into. It was a domino effect, ones attack spurred the others retaliation and within the span of a breath I was forgotten as they were embroiled within their own battle.

I zeroed my attention to the enraged redhead screaming at the two squabbling newborns.

I chuckled darkly at the emotions raging within her, fear, annoyance, fury, and determination.

"Kids these day, huh? No discipline." My voice drew her attention as the remaining male crouched protectively in front of her.

"See," I drawled as I sauntered closer, "That's the problem with usin' newborns like this. Their volatile and unpredictable at best."

I looked back at the two and was surprised to see that the one I had injured was holding his own. The blonde was missing part of his arm and a large portion of a shoulder. The bald one I had ripped apart was obviously the stronger fighter. In my days as the Major I would have been impressed.

"They jus' get distracted so damn easily." I taunted once more as I looked deep within her glowing eyes.

"Kill him, Riley." She cried shrilly, her face contorting in rage.

The older newborn, Riley, didn't see that she issued his death warrant as an attempt to distract me while she tried to make her escape.

I smirked again as I reached out with my gift. Riley instantly dropped to the ground, his howls of pain filling the air as I released all of the emotional torment I had withstood the last three months onto him. He clutched at his chest, tearing his flesh, trying in vain to rip out the frozen organ that held so much pain.

Victoria stood ten feet away where she had looked back at the first cry from Riley's lips, frozen in shock at the terrifying sight before her.

Within the blink of an eye I held her by the throat my fury now painted across my face.

"You should have fuckin' listened to Maria. I, am the God of fuckin' War, and no piss-ant little bitch like you is gonna get near my fuckin' mate." I growled, taking no notice of the horror written across her features as I bit into her neck and pulled her head free from her body. She would no longer be a threat to my mate.

I went on to Riley who lay writhing on the ground nearly begging for death as the pain ate at him from the inside. Watching the effect my pain had on this young one in my earlier frame of mind would have surely brought on a new round of self pity but now it just made me sick. I had endured all of this while Bella had wasted away under the weight of her own pain. We both suffered under this pain needlessly out of my own selfishness, impatience and insecurity. What a fool I have been.

I looked into Riley's tormented ruby eyes as I rested my foot on his throat.

"Please…please…God help me…" He choked out as I withdrew my gift and the aftershocks left a septic trail across his soul. That kind of pain is something that once it's infected the mind it cannot be forgotten, it stays like a tattoo on the soul, a permanent reminder of the depths of the darkness within our mind.

"There is no god, Riley. Only the mercy of death."

His eyes widened as I pressed the heel of my boot further into his trachea and bent down. I took his head between my hands and in one swift motion wrenched his head from his shoulders. I looked into the wide pleading eyes staring unseeing from his disembodied head.

"I'm doin' you a favor here kid."

I pulled the lighter out of my pocket, the one habit from my former life I had been unwilling to give up, a habit Alice had bemoaned countless times in our years together, and held the flame to the torn flesh of Riley's severed throat. I quickly dismembered the rest of Victoria and Riley's bodies and threw them on top of the inferno that had become Riley's head before moving on to the rest of the bodies. The newborns fighting had stopped. They had both successfully ripped each other apart to the point of uselessness. I rounded up their scattered parts and threw them into the fire along with the first two newborns.

I retrieved the patch of skin the second newborn had ripped from my neck and coated it with my venom before affixing it to my neck. I tore my shirt off into large strips and wound one of the strips around my neck to keep it in place while it mended. It could take as long as five hours to fully heal after being completely detached and exposed to foreign venom like it did.

I stood there watching as the blue flames licked across their burning limbs, their faces frozen in horror and pain. My beast swelled with pride at the carnage I inflicted while the humanity I had fought so hard for shuttered at the sight of life lost, life taken.

I felt their hesitance before I heard their footsteps approaching behind me. I knew they were on my trail since the Louisiana border but had not had the time to waste waiting for them to catch up and explain the situation.

"Major?" Peter's voice drifted on the acrid air imploring on my frame of mind, the hidden question revealed in the fear and anxiety he projected.

I turned around facing them with my black eyes, dark from thirst and rage.

"Jasper honey, are you ok?" Charlotte questioned from her position half shielded behind Peter's left shoulder.

"Yeah Char I'm alright." I answered in a disconnected tone.

"Good." Was the reply before I was taken by surprise when a fist connected with my face. I landed flat on my ass in the dirt holding my fractured jaw in my hand.

"Holy Jesus hell woman! What the fuck was that for?"

"That, you deer-licker, was for worryin' me. Again!"

I looked up into her blazing eyes, fury written across her face, her emotions flooding with worry, relief, love and anger. I hung my head accepting my punishment for the worry I caused her by taking off without a word.

I stood slowly in front of her, Peter now by her side radiating amusement along with the same concoction of emotions as his wife, though the currents of worry and anger ran far deeper, parallel with the feelings of certainty and dread that could not be explained. There was something else troubling his mind.

No sooner than I regained my feet was I once again knocked onto my ass, my hand clutching my cheek that now had a spider-web fissure across the cheekbone.

"What the fuck?"

"And that was for not waiting for us, makin us chase your sorry ass across four states!"

"Well fuck Char! I'm sorry, but I couldn't afford to wait for ya'll and take the chance of losin' her! She was after my mate!"

"Who is 'she' and why in the ever lovin' hell would she be after your human?" Her dislike for Bella bled into her voice turning it bitter.

"It's a long fuckin' story Charlotte." I said my shoulders sagging, my posture deflating at the memories.

She shifted her weight, her hip cocked, arms folded across her chest as a sign of her attitude. That's one reason I loved Charlotte so damn much, so rarely did I have to use my gift to discern her feelings because she was so animated and open she wore them right out on her sleeve, they showed in every movement she made, every twist of her muscle, and every shadow or twinkle in her eyes.

"I ain't got nothin' but time, honey."

I sighed in resignation and launched into the story of the beginning of my one-sided relationship.

"We were playin' baseball last spring when we attracted the attention of a nomadic coven that was travelin' through the area. Bella was with us and one of the nomads had a taste for the hunt. He was a tracker and saw it as a challenge to hunt a human that lived under the protection of a coven, especially a coven as…unusual as ours. The other two of the coven seemed to have no interest in joinin' him in his game. One left for Denali, curious about our diet and the other disappeared. Alice and I fled Washington with Bella to Arizona while the rest of the family led him on false trails. The tracker, James, figured it out and tracked us down to Phoenix. He found me and Bella in an alley as we tried to meet up with the rest of the family 'cause Alice had a vision of him at the motel we were staying at. We fought and I killed him, but not before he seriously injured Bella and bit her. That was the beginnin' of everything." I trailed off as I looked up into their faces full of confusion and rapt attention.

"Sorry Major but that don't 'splain much, actually raises more questions." Peter the all-knowing bastard seemed to be flying blind here and I took a moment to relish the fact that he had no mystical fore-knowledge.

"That third coven member, the one that disappeared? Her name was Victoria and she was James' mate. After the drama in the alley Bella was in the hospital, in a coma, for eighteen days. I knew from their emotions during that brief meeting in the field that James and Victoria were mated but with my own mate comatose, then the shit we were all goin' through after she came home, Victoria faded from my mind. Until I came across her scent back in the swamp. I knew she'd want revenge for her mate. She would either go for me or Bella. Since it'd've been impossible for her to pass through my huntin' grounds without catchin' my scent it was obvious she wasn't after me. That only left Bella. I couldn't let her get away."

They stood silent, understanding and empathy swirling within their dwindling anger.

"Now, can I get up or are you gonna knock me on my ass again? 'Cause I'm getting' real tired of sittin' here in the dirt." I was only half serious, but I wanted to make sure I was going to be able to stand without Char putting another crater in my face.

She propped her fist on her hip before replying.

"I dunno. I guess that depends on if you've done anything else I should be pissed about?" Her anger had dissipated, she tried not to let it show in her features, but there was a twinkle of humor in her eyes.

"Oh well, then this might not be the best time to tell you that I'm really a woman and Peter and I've been havin' an affair for the last forty years. We're in love." I said, my tone grave.

"Oh, you're gonna get it!" Her smile lit up her face as she darted forward to smack me on my shoulder while I hauled myself up from the ground.

Peter's laughter rose above ours as we laughed away the tension that had hung between us. He came up beside us and clapped a hand on my shoulder as our laughter died.

"You ever go after a bunch o' newborns by yourself again and I'm gonna kick your ass from here to hell an' back, Major." He said, his tone light but his eyes held the warning behind his words.

"Whatever bastard, your jus' pissed 'cause I didn't save any of 'em for you."

"Damn skippy! It's been ages since we've had any kind o' real action and then you go off and hog it all to yourself. Now what kind o' brother does that?"

"Well damn Peter, I promise the next time I get the opportunity to tear someone up I'll leave ya a leg or two ok?"

The smile fell from his face and the emotions I had wondered over before came to the forefront of his mind.

"What's happened?" I asked, my voice hard and demanding.

He shook his head.

"You know it don't work like that. I can't tell you what's goin' on 'cause I don't fuckin' know. All I know is you never shoulda took off without your phone," He said as he held up my cell phone. "And I got a feelin' we're gonna be doin' some huntin' soon."

The look on his face sent a chill of fear straight through my heart. If it had anything to do with my phone then it had everything to do with my Bella. Without hesitation I powered up my phone and pressed the voicemail button. I listened as the robotic female voice announced that I had five new messages waiting for me.

I listened as Esme pleaded for me to return once more and Emmett explained how he hacked the high school's network to fix the records so he could attend school with Bella, saying she needed someone there to protect her from the high school piranhas. Then Emmett called again, his worry for Bella obvious in his voice as he relayed his concern over her behavior on her first day of school and how she took off afterwards saying she just needed to be alone.

The next message came in at two am the following morning, almost a week ago. I was alarmed by the sounds of growling and the crash of trees in the background, then the sound of Carlisle's voice sent fresh terror running through my frozen veins. Never in all the years I had lived with them had I ever heard Carlisle's voice so angry, full of deadly violence.

"Come home, Jasper, we need you. Now."

His voice was barely more than a growl, all the while the violence in the background raged on. I watched as Peter, hearing the message, began to riffle through the pockets of the corpses still littering the ground until I heard the unmistakable clink of keys.

The last message came in not three hours later. It was Carlisle once again. His voice was tense, the emotions indecipherable yet striking fear and dread into my cold dead heart. His words were quiet and coupled with the tone of his voice I could almost picture him sitting in his study, his elbows resting on his knees, his eyes closed as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Son, so much has happened…too much. I can't tell you everything for fear of your reaction without any of us there to help you. Just know that you are needed here. Not just you and your gift, but…your particular set of skills." There was a heavy sigh and the creak of leather indicating that he was in fact sitting at his desk in his study. "I hate to ask this of you, but we need you how you were before you came to us, we need the Major."

I stood there staring at the phone. Once the screen returned to the wallpaper another box appeared showing the missed calls. There were thirty missed calls since that day yet no more messages. Carlisle declared an information blackout, I'm sure of it.

My mind was both numb and racing in the same moment. The scenarios ran through my mind. The situations in which they would need a fighter, a strategist, a soldier, crashed through my thoughts and sent my gift out of control. The reasons for Carlisle to feel it necessary to keep the details from me could only mean that whatever had happened, Bella was knee deep in the middle of it.

My attention was returned to the carnage around me when Peter's hand came to rest on my shoulder. His emotions were filled with the same dread as before only magnified tenfold by the voicemail that had sent the hair on the back of my neck to attention. Something was very wrong.

"C'mon Major, lets get this mess cleaned up and go git'yer girl."

I nodded mutely and followed him to a shed beside one of the mobile homes. Inside we found a coffee can full of burnt motor oil and a nearly full can of gasoline. He turned to the right and I turned to the left, both using our preternatural speed to quickly pull the copper lines free from the propane tanks that sat in front of each home and creating a trail using the oil or gasoline from the now leaking tanks to a foot shy of the still burning pile of limbs. Once the trails were set we threw dry brush and grass across the gap from the fire to the ring of gas that connected the ten separate paths.

I heard the start of an engine behind me and turned around to see Charlotte pulling a red muscle car around. At least they chose the fastest car in the park. From the looks of the mirror like shine in the paint and the sound of the perfectly tuned purr of the engine the owner had taken great care and pride in this car. I had no doubt it would make it all the way to Washington unlike the rest of the rust-buckets sitting around here.

Charlotte barely had the car stopped when I opened the driver's door and pushed her across the seat while Peter jumped in the other side. I gunned the engine as I heard the faint sizzle of the grass catching fire. We made it to the main road before I felt the almost subsonic boom from the first tank exploding followed closely by the remaining nine. I looked in the rearview mirror as a great cloud of fire reached up into the blackened sky. Black smoke billowed out from the wall of flames almost invisible against in inky canvas of the night sky.

So many lives lost in the name of vengeance, yet I had no grief to spare for the scene behind me because I knew in the pits of my very soul that it was what lies ahead that will break me.


	29. Cops and Chops

**A/N: *hangs head in shame* I know...I've been gone awhile when I promised only two weeks. I promise I really did try but well, hubby got real sick and stayed home for an extra week and a half then my damn stupid muse ran off on me again...*whispers* I think she's havin an affair! So yeah fighting writers block and takin care of sick hubby. But I'm back now! So, here's the long awaited chapter 29. Oh yeah! Worth It has been nominated for an Immortal Sin Award. The category? Best Darkward. So go on over to darksper (dot) blogspot (dot) com and vote for your favorite stories, it doesnt even have to mine. :) Voting closes October 15th.**

**Alrighty then the songs for this chapter areFace This Charade by Parabelle and All Falls Down by Adelitas Way**

**Read on TwiAddicts Read On! :)**

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************Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characte****rs.**

**JPOV**

Seconds ticked by, each one an eternity that stretched and twisted in the tense air suffocating the tan leather interior, each one a milestone that brought me closer to my angel. The rumble of the Chevelle cut through the darkness like an angry dragon hungry for a fight, the hum of the tires eating the asphalt mile by mile lulled my demon into a false sense of accomplishment. My muscles tensed and flexed, dancing under the borrowed cotton shirt left behind by the previous owner, begging for action, for answers. The dread and anticipation mixed and burned in my chest like a hard whisky down a cracked parched throat. It drew the breath from my lungs with its crushing weight as it journeyed from the pit of my stomach and crept its way through my dead veins to my stolid heart.

I fought to keep my mind blank, to keep the images that threatened to drive the demon rabid and chase away the sanity I held onto with every fiber of my soul. Still they were there, whispering through my mind all the unspeakable horrors that I may be racing towards.

As the darkness turned to light and the sun chased us across the sky we were forced to leave the highway and take roads that were less traveled.

I turned down the third dirt road in two hours when I felt Peter's restlessness hit volumes that were no longer containable. That pent up energy and anxiety manifested itself in his adventurous hands. Soon he was rifling through the hodgepodge contents of the glove box.

"Well I'll be a 'coon's ass! Look at this shit! This dude was stuck in the eighties like a broke man in a two dollar whore!"

Charlotte gave a chuckle of amusement as he started pulling out handfuls of cassette tapes.

"Really! Look at this! Guns N' Roses, Def Leppard, Van Halen, Whitesnake, Poison, Bon Jovi, Motley Crue, Ozzy, AC/DC, Scorpions, Dio, Metallica! This is like the eighties greatest hits!"

His excitement rose with every word that shot from his lips as he juggled the countless pieces of plastic, mementos of a past life and extinct technology.

"Oh! Rock the Eighties! We gotta listen ta this!"

Rolling my eyes I watched as Peter popped the tape into the player. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped when I recognized the song that filtered through the impressively modern speakers.

"Really Peter? Breaking the law?"

"Aw come on Major. It's perfect! Racin' down a dirt road in a stolen car? A fuckin' 1970 Chevelle SS396 at that!" He shouted above the music.

I only grinned and rolled my eyes once more as he sang along to the chorus.

"Breakin' the law, breakin' the law! Breakin' the law, breakin' the law!"

"It's not exactly stolen if there's no one alive to own it." I threw back at him.

"That ain't how they'll see it!"

"They?"

No sooner were the words out of my mouth when I heard the sirens behind us and saw the flashing lights in the rearview mirror.

"Fuck! How the hell'd I miss that shit?"

"Too lost in your thoughts of your precious human maybe?" Charlotte shot out, venom lacing her words with hostility.

"Damnit Char, can we not do this now? We gotta figure out a way outta this."

"Just hit'im with some of your Dr Feelgood sleepy-time mojo."

"I can't do that Peter. At the speed he's goin' he'll die when he crashes if I just knock him out."

"We can't stop. That'll end bad for all of us." He replied in a tone laden with knowledge.

"So we run." I stated.

I had no doubt that we could outrun him, this car had a custom built engine that performed twice as well as the it's original stock motor, but I was worried about the attention the car would get from being put on a high alert BOLO. It was already stolen from a massive crime scene.

"We can take care o' the car in Kennewick. I know a shop that deals with our kind once in a while an' won't give us too much shit. We'll be in an' out in no time. They'll help us chop it and rebuild it. After we can give it a nice coat o' paint and it'll be untraceable."

I nodded wordlessly as I laid the petal to the floorboard. The rear end fishtailed slightly, sending a cloud of dust and gravel into the air as the motor opened up and showed off its full potential. Under the control of a human the power of the car and dangerous terrain of the road would have meant nothing less than a tragic and untimely death, but under my precise handling and lightning reflexes it was an experience tantamount to a mild adrenaline rush, no real danger involved.

"Why don't we just ditch this car for a new one?" Charlotte asked as we drifted around a bend of the remote country road, the tires spinning desperately trying to find purchase on the dry earth.

Peter gave her a look of utter astonishment and disbelief from his perch against the passenger door. He radiated glee and mischief as we sped down the road, the police cruiser falling further and further behind.

"Get another car? Char this is a 1970 Chevelle SS396 Hardtop Coupe!"

"So?"

"So? So? You don't jus' ditch a great American-made piece o' art like this! You keep it, you love it, you call it Roxanne an' vow that the day they make marriage 'tween man and machine legal you'll runoff together an' swear your undyin' love in front o' the greasy priest of the camshaft gods!"

"Oh for fuck's sake Peter! It's a fuckin' car, three thousand pounds of metal and rubber!"

An almost horrified gasp escaped Peter's lips as his wife belittled his obvious and unhealthy reverence for the ill-gotten automobile.

"Char, don't bother. You know how he was in the eighties. Jus' be thankful that he's not still teasin' his hair an' usin' up all your hairspray."

The next two hours were passed in an on-going argument between the two on the merit of all things '80s and running background of '80s rock music.

I was thankful for the distraction they provided with their colorful and imaginative insults to each others tastes and intelligence. It offered something besides my tumultuous thoughts to keep me company and drowned out the voices of my families hopeless words and broken spirited messages that now plagued my mind.

The shop Peter directed me to was in what was commonly called the Tri-Cities by the locals. It was the metropolitan area of south-eastern Washington. What Peter didn't mention was that the shop was owned and operated by a Native American woman, who was also a shifter.

Obviously given my history with the Quileute shifters I doubted how helpful the woman would be to a trio of vampires, two of whom were red eyes. I was pleasantly surprised when she had no qualms with either our species or our diets.

We pulled up to Mercy's Garage a little passed noon but because of the new paint Peter insisted on we didn't get out of there until after four in the afternoon. I hated to admit it but he was right, it was a whole new car.

The outer parts were completely replaced with new chrome pieces and the paint job was a mesmerizing metal flaked deep violet with two wide white racing stripes. The finished product left me with a begrudging respect for Peter's opinion and gave me a sense of relief that we were no longer riding around in a high profile stolen car. I suppose technically it was still stolen but with a new VIN and new numbers on all the parts we kept inside the hood, there was no way anyone would ever be able to link it with the poor bastard in Kansas. The finishing touch was the temporary license plates on the front and back marking it as a newly purchased vehicle until I could get in touch with Jenks to arrange papers and registration.

So with the sun in the overcast sky making its journey westward we were back on the road following its trail.

My restless nerves that had me snapping at everyone while we were in the shop calmed. I hated being stuck there while all I wanted to do was take off running towards Forks. The pull I felt was undeniable and had me chomping at the bit to be moving.

However once we were back on our way and every passing second drew us closer to the Olympic Peninsula, closer to Bella, my nerves were more shot than they had ever been. What would await me there? Fear gripped me as the picture the families messages painted of a wasting girl that was no longer anchored to our world imprinted itself upon my eyelids. Was she dying? Is that why I was summoned home? Did the wolves discover her changes and decide that they could not allow a potential threat so close to their territory to live?

Millions of possibilities raced through my mind until I was overcome with a flood of relief and paralyzing terror when the Forks city limits sign appeared when we crested the hill. I was no longer certain that I wanted to see her, wanted to see the anger and pity of my family when I walked through their front door. What if, in my selfish need to cut myself off from the pain of seeing her in Edward's arms, I had killed whatever love she may have had for me? Would she welcome me home with open arms or shun me in hatred?

"_I hate to ask…we need you…we need the Major."_

Carlisle's last words echoed through my discordant mind. Those words, those particular words meant something, something that, until this moment, I had been unwilling to acknowledge. His request could only mean there was either a newborn or a need for a fighter, a soldier. The violent noise that had resounded through the speakers of his first call told me I was correct but it did not point to a definitive answer.

Either way, my own inner turmoil had no place in the situation I was about to jump head-long into. I needed to merge the man I have been for the last fifty-odd years with the Major of the Southern Armies. I would not lose myself to the callous creature I had been yet I could not be the supine victim of circumstance that had left this town behind three months ago.

With the turn of my thoughts I could feel as the two sides settled, side by side, mingling and twisting, becoming one. After all these years I fully understood what it meant to be at peace with oneself. I didn't have to struggle to keep the two separate. I could embrace both sides of the man, and in turn I felt the demon relax. The instincts I fought every day for nearly a century and a half stilled in satisfaction as I gave up the fight and amalgamated them into the person I had become.

Now I knew exactly what Peter had been trying to tell me all these years. He had tried so hard to explain that accepting the demon was not the same as giving into it. He had preached so many times that all I had to do was make room for the bad in the good because, just like the Chinese philosophy of yin yang, there is a natural balance that needed to be obtained before one could be complete.

For all the shit that comes out of his mouth he could be one hell of a philosopher when the mood struck him.

I sucked in a freeing breath and let it out in a long lazy sigh.

"Feels a bit anticlimactic don' it?" Peter asked with a tone of amusement.

I turned to see the spark of knowledge shining from the depths of his ruby eyes. He knew what just happened. Just like he knew I would be coming back here. My lips quirked upwards in a lopsided grin at the gentle happiness laden with smug satisfaction that he projected throughout the car.

"Yeah, it does."

Neither of us needed to explain it to Charlotte, she knew with a simple look and nod exactly what had happened. No longer was I a human cursed, or a demon lost, I was a man who understood the evils of this world and the good that still lived in all of us. I was a man that understood that there was no such thing as purity of the soul, maybe purity of the heart, but not the soul. Even the vilest of monsters can flinch at the cry of a child or whine of a helpless animal and the godliest of men can wish evil upon their enemies.

I was finally the man that Bella deserved. I was not torn by my past and the desire to atone for the wrongs I had committed. Just as Bella had told me, I did what I had to do in order to survive, so I could live to see the smile grace my mate's lips, see my salvation in her eyes.

"Well alright then, hows about you put the petal ta the metal there Major so I can meet this girl of yers." He cheered as we passed the last buildings and were swallowed by the forests that lined the road.

Filled with a new-found clarity and purpose, I acquiesced to his demand.

A bank of ominously dark clouds blocked the late-afternoon sun and cast the world into an uncertain shadow. At first glance it was how it had always seemed, a quietly elegant home tucked away neatly in the forest surrounded by the lovingly kept lawn, though now it radiated with an impression of despondence. Upon closer inspection I noticed the utter disrepair of the yard. The flowerbeds that Esme had always been so prideful of were full of weeds that had choked out the colorful and fragrant flowers. The grass that was always manicured and so well maintained had gone wild with tufts growing up through the cobbled pathway. The windows were grimy with watery streaks of dust running down to the sills. It pained my heart to see the state of the once envious landscape. It spoke to the seriousness of the circumstances I was about to be faced with.

As I brought the car to a stop between Charlie's cruiser and an unfamiliar truck that reeked of werewolves Peter and Charlotte were finishing with the gold contacts they had picked up on the way here. It wouldn't fool a vampire but with humans and most likely the wolves they would appear to have the same amber colored eyes as the rest of the Cullens.

As soon as the doors were opened I could hear the murmur of voices coming from the back of the house and the smell of a charcoal fire.

They were barbequing? With werewolves? And the Chief of Police? What in the blue blazes is goin' on here?

"Ah, now that there is a smell you'd never forget. What's a pack of tahyo's doin' here? And with a cop too?" Peter asked, stealing the question straight from my thoughts.

"Hell if I know, but I'm sure as shit gonna figure it out."

It wasn't only the presence of the wolves that baffled me but the fact that they were grilling out with Bella's father. They never grilled and Charlie never came over to visit, like any other normal human our presence made him nervous. The only time the idea of a barbeque has ever been mentioned was the day that nearly killed me. When they wanted to celebrate Bella's…

"Fuck! What day is it today?"

Both Peter and Charlottes face were caught in a quizzical expression.

"What?"

"The date damnit! What's the date?"

Peter's face suddenly lit up full of understanding and amusement. Charlotte was still looking at me like I had lost my mind.

"It's September thirteenth." She drawled slowly as if I was a regular on the short bus.

"Damnit." I whispered, hating that my suspicion was right.

I turned away running my hand through my hair. How the hell could I not think of her birthday? Now here I am showing up after three months without a word empty handed and crashing her party.

"Holy mother crackers and goat cheese! It's the little bebelle's birthday!" Peter almost shouted in astonished amusement.

"Well it's a good thing I insisted on us stoppin' to chop the car now ain't it? 'Specially with a cop around." There was no way to miss the smugness radiating from him even without my gift it could be seen in his self-satisfied smirk.

He walked around the back of the car to where I stood. His smirk only grew wider as he clapped me on the back and laughed.

"I had a feelin' we'd need the car when we got here."

I looked at his grinning face in surprise as his words sank in.

"You want me to give her the car for a birthday present?"

I couldn't believe what he was implying. After the hours of arguing with Charlotte, after the small diatribe about loving and marrying this car he wanted me to give it away?

"I was just pullin' y'alls tails about that shit. Though I was right about the awesomeness of this car. I had to say somethin' to convince y'all from just droppin' it off in some alley." He sported the biggest shit eatin' grin I'd ever seen as he took in both mine and Charlottes stunned faces.

"You piece of shit! We went through all that trouble just so Jasper could have a present for his little toy when we got here?" Charlotte's outrage permeated the air.

I growled and opened my mouth to finally put her in line. I wasn't about to let her go off and bad mouth Bella anymore. If she doesn't like her after meeting her than she can just keep her own damn opinion to herself. Peter beat me to it though.

"Careful Char." He growled low in warning. "I won't have you talking about her like that anymore. Neither of us knows the full story and I gotta feelin' there's much more than the Major could even imagine in his darkest nightmares."

Wide-eyed Charlotte nodded though anyone could see the defiance in her stance. I felt her underlying curiosity and worry that was triggered by Peter's cryptic words.

I would be lying if I said I didn't feel my concern raise a few notches at his insinuation either. If Peter's feelings were telling him there was something more sinister going on then it was definitely not something to be taken lightly.

Silence descended over us as we walked around the side of the house, the keys to the Chevelle buried in my pocket.

Time stopped as we turned the corner. Fourteen pairs of eyes stood frozen, the air was tense and charged with an edge of hostility. The spell was broken by a low growl rumbling through the chest of the largest Indian.

I gave no notice to the other bodies that shifted and stirred in the group. My eyes were focused on the figure sitting in the patio chair on the far side of the gathering.

I was stricken with grief and heartache as I took in her once vibrant brown eyes, now marbled raspberry and chocolate, dull and worn, beaten down by life and the death that looked as if it stalked her. Her face was gaunt, her cheeks no longer flushed with the vitality of youth, they pointed out under her pallid skin. Her clothes hung from her frame, too large for the emaciated body that they held under their protection. Her lips were dry and had lost their plump rosy color that had begged to be kissed.

This was not my Bella. This was not even Edward's Bella. This was a wraith, a hideous wraith of my own making.

Still it could not diminish the flutter I felt in my chest at the sight of my angel alive, no matter how thin the string that held her to this world. My emotions danced and swirled, canceling out the barrage of anger and protective love that battered against me from the mixed group.

"Bella." Her name slipped reverently from my lips, a prayer to the gods for the life of my heart.

At the sound of her name she stood, ever so slowly, and took a step closer to me. I held my breath, silently begging for her to take one more, for every step that she took she was that much closer to my arms. My fingers itched to run through her languid hair, my arms ached to hold her within their protective embrace.

My prayers were answered when she took another step, her moves less hesitant than before. That step was followed by another, then another.

My heart swelled near to bursting. I no longer cared if she forgave me, nor did I care if she never wanted me the way I so desperately needed her. As long as she was safe and I could watch as she lived whatever life she chose I would be happy. Just to bask in every smile that would pull at her lips, every laugh that would bubble up from the depths of her soul.

Everyone held still as a statue as she journeyed closer and closer towards me. The world itself held it's breath, no air stirred save that which was disturbed by the slip of a girl who now stood no more than a foot from me. Electric shocks swam across my skin at the nearness of her, my body vibrated with life, with love.

The eyes that I had held through every step she made, stayed lifeless, a torrid imitation of what they once had been. Then there was a spark. Like lightning it flashed through the dappled depths.

Before I had any time to identify the single emotion her eyes betrayed, my world was shattered by a deafening pop accompanied by a range of cracks. Within the same breath I was hurtled backwards, my ass once again meeting the ground violently.

Shocked I looked up into the nearly blazing eyes of my angel.

"Go back to whatever hole you crawled out of Jasper, there's nothing left for you here." The words came out forcefully, full of menace and spite, as she threw the words I had used to break her heart back in my face.

As if nothing happened, she turned away and calmly walked through the back door.

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." Peter's cryptic voice broke the stunned silence as her footsteps drew deeper into the house.

There was a faint snort from inside followed by a jaded sardonic voice that sounded so wrong coming from the lips of my angel.

"You have no fucking idea."

I looked up at Peter who's emotions told me he found my position funny as all hell. I sent him a shot of resentment as reprimand but it only caused his smile to grow as he met my glare.

"Don't you give me that look Major. I'd've figured by now you'd be used ta sittin' yer ass in the dirt."

I gave him another scathing look before hualing myself to my feet and dusting myself off. There was a lace of satisfied amusement running through the crowd but still the anger was boiling. I gathered as much calm as my addled brain could muster and sent it out in waves hoping to diffuse the tempers that were rising.

"Jasper, it's good to see you again son. If you will excuse me, I'm going to see if Bella's ok." Carlisle said loud enough for the few humans present to hear then dropped his voice for those with supernatual hearing. "And make sure her bones set properly this time."

He shot a pointed look at one of the russet skinned boys. The boy ducked his head, shame and guilt radiating from him. A few of the others chuckled.

"I'll go with you." Rosalie announced as Carlisle started for the door pinning me with her fiercest look.

I felt Charlotte's curious pleasure before she spoke the words that I knew would damn us all.

"I think I like her."

* * *

**Peter's Cajun Translations**

**Tahyo-a big hungry dog**

**Bebelle- doll**

**A tip I found to get through writers block was to pick up a book and read. So I chose a random book from my shelf of books I had been collecting to "eventually" read. I havent really touched a book in two years because I've been too addicted to fanfiction. Anyways it really did help alot. Not only did I read one, I read the first three books of a series that I am thoroughly in love with now. As a tribute I dropped a few paragraphs honoring the main character of the series. I'm curious to see how many of you recognize it. :)**

**Oh and the song that Peter sings along to is Breaking The Law by Judas Priest I was gonna put Runnin With The Devil by Van Halen but I found out it wasnt really from the '80s, it narrowly missed it by releasing in '78.**


	30. An Inch Away, A World Apart

**A/N: Hey hey peopleS. I know it's been a while. I had a really bad case of bronchitis and it took me forever to get over it. I dont like to write when I feel sick because I dont want my foul mood to bleed into my writing. So yeah, I was really, REALLY sick. I loved all the reviews last chapter. I know I didnt get around to responding to most of them but know that I read every one of them and loved hearing your opinions. Most of you have been all for Bella's anger and making Jasper and the family grovel, a few of you have been quite inventively vocal :), there is a small group of you that dont care for Bella's attitude because she was the one that didnt open her mouth and get the help she needed, I appreciate y'alls opinion too. Personally I hold no support for either side of the argument. Like I have said time and again sometimes there are just no right answers. Alight so onto the story.**

**Songs are My Immortal by Evanescence, Don't Wait by Dashboard Confessional, and Wait for You by Atreyu(this song is a beautiful ballad that sounds nothing like their typical stuff, I highly recomend listening to it)**

**Happy Reading:)**

* * *

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.**

* * *

**BPOV**

The door slammed as I fell backwards against it. I blindly felt around until I found the knob and turned the lock. A lock wouldn't stop a vampire but it would send a clear message to those who dared to follow.

I clutched at my sides and doubled over as the pain shot through me like fire in my veins, thousands of razors clawed through my chest ripping me open and worrying the edges of my wounded heart.

God, help me. I don't hate him. I tried so hard to turn my love to hate, just as the stranger said, tried so hard to banish him from my heart and turn it cold. I failed. At the first sight of his face, of the sunset eyes that could see straight into my soul, all of my hard fought efforts crashed around me like a house of glass in a hail storm.

My legs, no longer able to stand under the weight of my emotions, collapsed underneath me. With my face buried in the carpet I struggled to keep my silence, to not allow the soul-wrenching cries that begged to be released from my throat. Too many ears to hear, too many faces to look into when I finally gained control of myself, too many explanations that would fall dead on my lips with one look into his eyes.

I can't do it. I can't see him again and know that my love will never be enough, know that once he's heard the truth he will understand that I will never be whole again. I will always be a broken shell. I will always belong to Edward. That ultimately I sacrificed his happiness for my own prison.

The door knob rattled as someone tried to open the door. There was a knock on the door and Carlisle's voice filtered into my sanctuary of misery.

"Bella, may I come in?"

"No." I choked, barely audible to his superior hearing.

"Please, I need to take a look at your hand make sure the bones are properly set before they heal crookedly again."

"It's fine." I replied with more strength, though my voice was muffled by the soft carpet and strained by the lump building in my throat as I buried my face further into the tufted wool.

Another voice came at the door.

"Sweetie, come on, you can't shut yourself up here. It's your birthday party. Charlie and the wolves are all here to celebrate it with you. Don't let him showing up ruin this for you." Rosalie coaxed at the door in Carlisle's place.

Convulsively my body tried to curl more into itself as another shot of pain ran through my chest.

"If your not going to come out then at least let me in so we can talk about this. It's not good for you to keep it all bottled up like this."

The pain flared to anger as the monster found a hold in my weakness.

"I don't want to talk Rosalie so stop trying to fucking shrink me!" I shouted before gaining control.

A whimper escaped as the pain took over once more.

There was silence from the door for a few minutes. I knew she hadn't left because I hadn't heard her footsteps, I could imagine the almost cold expression that she normally adopted after I'd thrown an undeserving barb at her.

"Okay then, just come back out when you're ready." Though she tried to veil it I could hear the hurt in her voice.

Her steps retreated down the hallway and I let out a sigh. Their intrusion had at least provided me with a distraction long enough to gain control of the pain that had threatened to plunge me back into the black hole.

Why is he back? Why now? After all this time. He had been gone for three months without a word. He had walked away without so much as a backward glance. Now he comes back, on this day. Of all the days he could have made his grand return, he chose today.

I couldn't let myself feel the hope that bubbled up that maybe he came back for me. Maybe he chose today because it would mean that much more to me. No I couldn't think like that, I couldn't hope for that. He could have just as easily chosen today to torment me, to ruin what was supposed to be a happy day for me.

So much was an unknown. I didn't know why he came back, if he was staying, what he expects, and though I saw none of the hatred that had clouded his eyes when he left, I didn't know how he felt about me anymore.

The sound of soft footsteps echoed down the hallway coming to a stop in front of my door. From the hesitation of the gentle knock I could tell it was Esme.

"Bella? Emmett took Jasper, Peter and Charlotte hunting until the party is over so you can spend this time with Charlie and the Pack before they have to leave."

I didn't respond, my distraught mind a flurry of apprehension and fear. He would tell them, tell them everything.

I sat up stiffly, there was no telling how long I had lain there, for time held no meaning in the face of my heartbreak, and fished out the burnished silver necklace that lived there, a comforting weight that burned with the memory of his touch. I lightly fingered the delicate phoenix that held the small cordate piece of yellow jasper to its breast.

The only clear memory I had of that first tenebrous week after Jasper left was when Edward tried to pry that small black box from the deathly clutch I held. It was my last link to Jasper, I couldn't allow Edward to take it, he would hide it, throw it away, foul the only piece of Jasper I had left.

So I did the only thing I could. I hid it the next time I was alone. There it sat on the ledge between the box springs and bed frame, away from prying, dangerous eyes, until the day Rosalie decided to put the new bed skirt that matched the duvet that Esme had bought on my bed.

I hadn't had the courage to open it until that day. I would draw it out from its hiding place and sit there on the floor against the bed for hours, just staring at the soft velvet covering.

I didn't even realize what Rosalie had in her hands until it was too late. That was the first glimpse I had of the necklace. Once I laid my eyes on the treasure that dwelled inside I could not bear to lock it up again. It's been in my pocket ever since, unable to part with it yet unable to wear it as a badge of my failure, of my crime against the man who's only mistake was loving me.

"Hey Bells? I've got to be going soon but I wanted to give you your presents from your mom and me before I left." Charlie's voice drew me from the dregs of my thoughts.

I sighed lifting my head and tried to compose myself while stuffing the necklace back into my pocket. I reached up and unlocked the door leaning forward to allow the door open enough for Charlie to come in.

"Hey kiddo." He greeted quietly, relief and sadness coloring his tone as he lowered himself and the packages he held onto the floor beside me.

"Hi Dad."

We sat there in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before I felt the need to break the moment with an apology.

"About earlier, I'm sorry…"

"No need kiddo. I understand you've been going through a lot, more than you should have to."

I nodded. He would never know just how much I've been through, thankfully.

"Look, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that you should go easy on the kid 'cause I don't know what happened between the two of you but that boy cares about you. And as much as it pains me to think of my baby girl all grown up and having a serious relationship, I'd much rather see you with him than that Edward. I can't tell you how happy it made me when I saw that you had taken that damn ring off. I didn't like that boy from the beginning but Jasper, he's different. He's a man where Edward is still a boy." His voice trailed off and I could see the flush of his cheeks from his discomfort.

I smiled at his embarrassment and couldn't help but tease him.

"Why Dad, are you giving me advice on boys? Are we having boy talk?" I laughed when his cheeks flamed to a ruddy cherry color.

"Yeah yeah, keep picking on your old man. I'll drag you fishing with me next weekend if you keep it up and make you bait your own hook."

That got us both laughing at the memory of the last time I had gone fishing with him when I was twelve. Charlie, Billy, and Jacob had tried to teach me to bait the hook with a live minnow. I had squealed as soon as the squirming little fish had been stuck in my hand then I couldn't bare to look as they instructed me to stick the hook through it's mouth. So I closed my eyes and turned my head away fully expecting to hear it scream as I surely thrust the copper spear through its tiny jaw. Only, to my surprise the scream came from my mouth when I missed the minnow altogether and hooked my middle finger instead. When I looked at the piercing in horror the sight of the blood caused me to faint and fall right into bucket of minnows and cooler of already caught fish. Charlie and Billy called the fishing trip off early since I had lost them their bait and I'd had to suffer the hour long ride home in clothes wet with fish water and dripping onto the cruisers back seat with Jacob teasing me mercilessly about being the 'Fish Girl of Forks". Charlie hadn't been able to get the smell of fish out of the cruiser for months. It was rumored that those months were the quietest months in Forks history for the usual trouble makers were afraid of the cruel and unusual punishment of having to be locked in the back of the fish cruiser.

Following my train of thought Charlie spoke through his laughter.

"You know Roy still begs me every time he hears about me going fishing to not take you along. Says he still has nightmares about being stuck in a fish cooler while handcuffed and a giant fish reads him his rights."

"Oh he does not!"

He nodded his head furiously.

"He sure does. Says that's why he decided to sober up and get his crap straight."

"Well there you go. Bella Swan, the Fish Girl of Forks, turning drunks into upstanding citizen's one stench at a time." I replied with a gleeful smile.

"My little fishy superhero." He returned my smile with one of his own just as big while giving me a one armed hug.

Our gaiety faded as we sat there, my eyes on the gifts that sat in front of us, reminding me of the present.

Charlie pulled his arm from around me and leaned forward to grab the smaller of the two boxes.

"Well let's get this over with shall we." He said as he handed it to me.

"I told you and Mom to not get me anything."

"Yeah and we didn't listen so get over it."

I tore the paper and opened the brown box to reveal three smaller boxes. Picking up the top one I pulled the top off and almost groaned when I saw that it was a ring. I picked it up and the moan of displeasure stopped dead in my throat as phantom tears pricked the back of my eyes. It was only a simple silver ring but the message on it was what held my attention and caused the lump to form in my throat. 'Nobody can hurt me without my permission.'

I sat there frozen, the ring held between my right thumb and index finger, as the implications of the words ran through my brain. What was she saying? Was she trying to tell me that it was my fault that Edward had hurt me? That he only did it because I let him? But how could she possibly know? My mind was whirring with emotions that I couldn't name, couldn't begin to dream to identify for they mingled so ambiguously it was impossible to see where one ended and the other began.

"Trust Renee to be all philosophical and prophetic." Charlie snorted as he leaned over and read the inscription breaking me from my spell.

I looked at him giving a hopefully sarcastic smile before replying.

"Yeah, that's Mom."

I prayed that he didn't hear the shakiness of my voice or the slight tremor in my hands as I placed the ring back into the box and reached for the next one with dread pooling in my stomach.

The second box revealed a necklace with a compass pendant and for one brief second my hope rose that Renee's gifts did not follow a theme as she is commonly known to do. Those hopes shattered when I picked it up and saw the writing on the back. The words weren't as shocking as the ones on the ring but still held me within my thoughts for several minutes as the quoted words stared at me from the mirror finish. 'Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.' Yes Renee definitely had a running theme going with the box of jewelry. I had no doubt that the next box would hold some bauble with some sort of wisdom to impart upon what Renee obviously believes to be my lost and troubled mind.

I was right. I opened the final box to see a thin brown leather bracelet with a span of what was most likely stainless steel that read 'It's never too late to live happily ever after' on its face.

While the rings message scared me the necklace and bracelet struck a cord within me. Some deep desire that I had vainly fought to repress came flooding back with a vengeance. The dream that somewhere, faraway from here, was a place I could forget that Edward Cullen ever existed, somewhere I wouldn't feel the biting pain of rejection and failure, somewhere I could be happy without the barely concealed looks of pity and sorrow that reminded me I was nothing more than damaged goods, a broken shell of my former self. 'Go confidently in the direction of your dreams,' 'It's never too late to live happily ever after.' Separately the messages are inspiring, but together they are profound and life altering. The words swirled through my mind, tasting of the sweetest chocolate on my tongue as they burrowed to the depths of my soul, igniting that which I thought had disappeared. Hope. A dream for a better life, a thirst for more, a yearning for that happily ever after that I had thought to be dead and buried among the ashes of my freedom.

"Mine isn't as fancy as what your mom got you but well…" His voice trailed off as he held the second gift box out for me to take.

"You know I don't care about that, you really didn't need to get me anything."

"Well if it makes you feel any better I didn't spend a dime on it, and it's kind of a gift from me, Billy, and Jake." He reasoned as I ripped through the paper that he had obviously wrapped himself.

I pulled the box open and was rendered speechless once again. Sitting there amongst the paper used for packing was a small wooden figure.

"It's, uh, it's a totem. The wolf on the bottom Jake carved himself and the rest Billy did. The wood came from my mom's old rocking chair that's in your room."

I tore my eyes away from the figure to stare at him in horror.

"You destroyed Grandma Swan's rocking chair for this?"

"No, no, I had to replace one of the arms a few years ago and just never got around to getting rid of it. It sat in the shed until Billy mentioned that he could carve you something for your birthday." I saw the slight blush on his cheeks as he admitted this.

I looked back to the totem with a new set of eyes. The only real memories I have of Grandma Swan were of that chair. I would sit in her lap as she told me stories and brushed the hair out of my face, when I cried over having to go back to Arizona she would rock me while soothing my tears away with gentle words of love and comfort. That same chair was where Charlie sat with my tiny swaddled form for five hours after they had brought me home from the hospital too scared to put me down and wake from what he claimed was the greatest dream of his life. That rocking chair was where Renee would sit and watch me sleeping until she fell asleep in an exhausted new mother sleep.

I fingered the smooth carved lines of the wolf at the base, it looked so much like Jakes wolf. I had only seen him in wolf form a few times since I had found out about the wolves just over a week ago but I could never forget the large expressive eyes, the mouth that had the distinct look of a smile, and the slight quirk of the left ear. Above the wolf was the face of a great horned owl, the wide eyes full of wisdom and understanding. When I was younger I heard one of the elders refer to Billy as the Great Owl at a bonfire that Charlie dragged me to on one of my visits. I remembered asking Jake about the name and he explained that Billy's spirit animal was the owl, and he had earned the name through the wisdom and knowledge that he possessed from being the keeper of the stories of their people. It was obvious to me that the owl represented Billy. On the very top there was the head and torso of a bear. The arms, cradled in front of its chest, held a small cat that looked like a bobcat or lynx with its tufted ears. On the chest of the bear just above the cats head was a star. It didn't take me more than a second to understand that the bear represented Charlie and I couldn't agree more. He was strong, steady, and fiercely protective of those close to him, which was why I could never tell him the pain I had suffered under Edward's hands. He would run off half-cocked and get himself killed by trying to deliver what he believed was proper justice. What confused me was the cat in the bear's arms. It was obvious that the cat was to symbolize me within the safety of my fathers arms but why would he use the cat for me? Cats were cunning, stealthy, hunters by nature, and indifferent to the world around them. That without a doubt was not me.

Charlie's voice broke me from my musings as he explained that it was not a typical totem. The way Billy had described it him was it is a totem of protection and luck, to keep me safe and bring me good will and fortune.

I held no true belief in the magic of the Quileutes but I would cherish it forever for the thought and love that the wooden token possessed. It was something beautiful created out of love and fashioned with thought and care.

I looked up into his brown eyes, the physical legacy he had passed down that I had lost forever to the venom. I felt that same venom well up in my eyes, forever unshed tears that I had cried countless times before.

"Thanks Dad. I love it."

"No problem kiddo, I'm glad you like it."

I threw my arms around his neck, mindful of my strength, and held him in a hug. He was stunned for a few seconds before I felt him relax into me and put him arms around my back.

"I love you Daddy." I murmured into his shoulder.

"I love you too Bells." His voice was gruff with the well of emotions that spilled into his words.

I held onto him for as long as I could trying to memorize the scent of him, aftershave and gunmetal, the tickle of his mustache against my neck, the rough prickle of his stubble, the feeling I got as I fit perfectly within his protective arms and the way his hands gently clenched and unclenched behind my back pulling me closer with every movement. This was the man who loved me before I was born. The man that named me for his favorite grandmother, the man that was willing to take a month off of work every summer just to spend time with me when I refused to come to this dreary little town. He was the person that passed on the love of eighty's rock and sang along off pitch to 'Sweet Child of Mine' every chance he got. This was the father that taught me self defense and how to shoot a gun, gave me pepper spray when he found out I was taking the city bus to downtown Phoenix three times a week to visit the library, and bought me an old rusty beat up pickup truck to get around because he felt it was safer than the little aluminum cans that run the roads now.

I didn't want to leave him. I didn't ever want to forget even the smallest detail about him. In that moment it didn't matter that we never really talked to each other, hardly ever expressed our love for one another with the proper words. We didn't need words. We each knew that our love was in every act, every wish for safety and every meal I prepared with care.

Reluctantly I pulled away from his embrace.

"Alright, enough with this mushy stuff, I have get going. I have the late shift tonight manning the call center 'cause Wanda's at her daughter's house fawning over the new grandbaby." He said as he started to haul himself to his feet.

"Alright then. Tell Wanda I said congratulations."

"Will do."

He reached for the doorknob and started to pull the door open.

"Hey Dad?"

He looked at me and for the first time I saw the tears shining in his eyes.

"Thanks for coming." I spoke, my tone soft from the emotions that left me raw and vulnerable.

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Happy birthday kiddo. Hey you still coming over on Wednesday to fry up that fish for me?"

I gave a short laugh.

"Yeah I'll be there. Otherwise the fish will just sit there in the freezer for the next two years."

"Great," He replied with a smile, "I'll invite Billy and Jake over and we can make a night of it."

"Sounds great Dad."

Jake will be there either way since the Cullen's had organized a hunt that day so I might as well feed him.

He started to step through the door but stopped to look back at me.

"And Bells? Think about what I said, okay? He cares about you. Maybe you should give him a chance to explain himself before you tell him to take a hike again."

Jasper, he was talking about Jasper. My mind spun at the thought of Jasper still holding any feelings for me, of the explanations that could come from his mouth. I don't know if I could do it.

"I'll, uh, I'll think about it okay Dad?"

"That's all I ask for kiddo. I'll see you later."

"Yeah bye." I replied without thought my mind distracted with thoughts of Jasper.

I sat there listening to the awkward farewells of the pack as the sky darkened. The Cullen's and the pack were still very much uncomfortable around each other but had formed a tenuous bond of camaraderie over a common goal, a common enemy. Keep Bella safe from Edward.

I had been so nervous over the meeting with the wolves the night after I had first learned of them until I saw that my childhood friend was counted amongst the four legged furry defenders. After that I had latched onto the pack, some giving me a less gracious welcome than others, but still I became fast friends with a few of them. Sam was a furry big brother, Quil and Embry were the rough around the edge goofballs that somehow wheedle their way into the hearts of most people they come in contact with, and I was not immune to their charm. Jared was a little hesitant at first but he quickly warmed up to me and I soon discovered that he was nothing but a sweet talking ladies man, his charm I was immune to. Paul, he was hostile from the beginning, calling me leech lover and bloodsuckers pet. He was only around because Sam put the order on him to help protect me. Until two days ago.

It was the day that I overheard the phone call from the tracker that was on Edward's trail. Edward had made it to the North American continent. The bastard had swum across the Atlantic Ocean.

At hearing that I ran blindly from the house, my panic and fear out of control. Without thinking I drove my truck out of the Cullen driveway and just started driving. I had no direction in mind I was simply running off the need to escape, to disappear. I didn't know where I was until a giant wolf the color of tarnished silver ran into the road causing me to jerk and send the truck into a creek that ran along side of the road.

I knew it was Paul. I had seen him phase many times before when his anger got the better of him. As the truck sank lower into the creek and the water poured into the cab up to my chest Paul's scowling face appeared through my window yelling something that my fear addled brain couldn't understand.

Paul managed to rip the seat belt and pull me through the window without my help. He dragged me through the water the scowl a permanent fixture on his face and spitting inventive curse words with every slap of his hand on the water. I was nearly coherent enough to understand some of what came from his mouth. If I was still capable of blushing I would have been the color of an over-ripened strawberry at the words that fell from his lips. I also caught the gist that I had almost broken the treaty by crossing onto Quileute land. Because of my status as not quite human I was not allowed into the wolves' territory as set by the treaty agreed upon by Ephraim Black and Carlisle.

After Paul had hauled me onto dry ground I regained my senses. Paul had apparently phased back from wolf and immediately jumped into the water naked with his shorts still tied around his ankle so I got a nice look at his hairy ass before I turned around towards my truck. As Paul rung out his clothes, cursing me the entire time, I stood looking at my truck. The only part that was visible above the water was the tail gate. I mourned for my truck. I didn't know much about vehicles but I was pretty sure that submerging them was not a good thing.

I was right. When Emmett and Rose went to pull it out of the creek later that day Rose came back with the prognosis. It was dead. The only way to revive it was to completely replace every moving and unmoving part.

I immediately turned around to the wet grumpy, and dressed, wolf angry that he was the reason my truck was now dead in the water.

We exchanged quite a few choice and heated words but it was my right hook to his face that ended the argument just as the rest of the pack showed up to witness him fly through the air straight into the chilly water. The boys thought that was the funniest thing since dancing bears and have not let up on Paul since for gaining a black eye and a dunk in the creek for insulting my rusty old truck.

Paul has been much more agreeable towards me since then. He's still not my biggest fan, that honor rests confidently in Jacob's oversized hands, but I apparently gained some form a respect from him.

The funniest part came when I was brought back to the Cullen house by the chuckling Indians. When Carlisle had to re-break my hand to set the bones properly I let loose a new string of curse words that I had picked up from the wet dog back at the creek. I was also cursing Paul's very birth and threatening the tools of his manhood through the pain. Yeah, the wolves thought that was as humorous as a pirate with two peg legs in a shoe store. Then Esme lit into him for endangering me by pulling the stunt he did and not being respectful around a lady. She was not happy about my newfound vocabulary. That just had the pack rolling even harder.

After all of that excitement died down Carlisle relayed the information from the tracker. Edward had run from Italy to France and swam the English Channel to England. From there he ran north through Scotland and took to the water. He swam to Iceland then Greenland and was, at that moment, making landfall on Ellesmere Island, which according to Carlisle was the northern most point of North America located within the Arctic Circle. The tracker and his party had been unable to catch up with Edward due to his speed but was hoping since this was the first time they had been in a largely unpopulated area they would be able to make up time by not having to skirt towns to keep themselves from exposure and it was the first real chance Edward had to hunt anything more than the rodents and small mammals that had crossed his path.

My fear was uncontrollable when it really sank in that it only took him about a week and a half to make it this far. How much longer did I have before he was knocking on the door, putting all those I cared about in harms way?

The sounds of the clean up had faded and the faint murmurs coming from the living room downstairs told me that the house had been cleared of all but the three remaining occupants. Carlisle, Esme and Rose stayed there speaking quietly enough to give nothing away while still letting me know they were there, protecting me.

The sky turned from the soft blues of twilight to the dark shadows of dusk and still I held my position on the floor, my back against the door. Soon the light outside my window disappeared completely leaving the impression of a yawning black hole churning outside the house of many corpses.

I heard the unmistakable sound of Emmett's return though only two sets of silent footsteps followed him in through the back door.

Had Jasper heard my story and decided that I was not worth the effort? I wouldn't blame him for running as fast as he could in the other direction.

'Go confidently in the direction of your dreams,' 'Its never too late to live happily ever after.'

My mother's message through jewelry came back to me. Could I risk taking that leap of faith? Can I trust him to love me, to not hurt me again? Can I trust myself to not hurt him again, like I had done time and time again since we returned from Phoenix?

Lost in my thoughts, my mind going around and around with the same endless questions, I never heard the front door open, the quiet inquiries, or the footsteps mounting the stairs towards my silent refuge. Not until there was the softest sound of stone flesh brushing across wood and the slightest vibration of the door against my back.

"Bella?"

My breath hitched and my heart pounded against my ears. I darted my eyes around the room in panic looking for an escape, anyway out of what was lingering at my threshold.

"Darlin', please. Talk to me." The confidence that had always laced his voice had faded, leaving nothing but a mountain full of regret and remorse, guilt and shame.

My silence, laden with the pound of my erratic heart beating to the drum of my angst-ridden despair, answered his pleas. I heard the clear sigh fall from his lips as a thud shook the door. There was a rustle of fabric against the door. I could feel as much as hear as he rested his body on the door and slid downwards. I could almost feel the chill of his skin through the polished maple and the electric thrill that raced across my skin by his presence. When the movement stopped there was another quiet thud from the other side.

"God darlin', I'm so sorry. I…I never knew."

With the confirmation that he had been told the lump that had been steadily forming throughout the last several hours suddenly grew to the size of a grapefruit while the muscles in my throat simultaneously tightened. Choked and pointlessly fighting tears that could never fall I wrapped my arms around my chest as my body convulsed in mute sobs.

"I knew you'd been hidin' somthin' since Phoenix but I always assumed it was jus' your feelin's for me that you didn't want him to know about. That's when it started isn't it? That day you attacked him in the hospital."

He waited for a few moments willing me to deny it though, no matter how much I wish I could, I couldn't lie. That was the beginning of the end. The day he called me a 'mere human', the day he let me know just how little I meant to him.

"I knew somethin' was wrong with him even then, the way he spoke to you, down to you, the expectation he felt whenever you were asked a question, the self-satisfaction that swelled in him when you gave the answer he required of you. I tried to tell the family the night we got back from Arizona. I tried to get them to see the way he controlled you and bullied you with disguised words but the only ones I convinced were Rose and Emmett. Still, I only made it worse for you, didn't I? I was sure that you didn't fall down the stairs that night. Rose saw the bruise his hand left on your neck and still I let the rest of 'em talk me out of what I had planned to do. I was goin' to kill him that night, without solid proof or confirmation I was goin' to turn him into fertilizer for Esme's flowers, but they convinced me that I was jumpin' to conclusions, convinced me to watch and wait. Catch him in the act and all doubt would be gone." His voice faded as it grew tight and angry.

I waited, listening to the only explanation I ever wanted. I wanted to hear from this man why he didn't help me, why he didn't defend me when all the others tried so hard to keep a blind eye. He wasn't blind, he saw through me and still, he never came to me rescue, never stopped his cruelty.

"I talked to Esme that night about the options we had, because she finally saw Edward for what he was. We were sure that if we confronted you about it you would just run scared and we'd drive you further away from us and deeper into his web. If we tried to take you away from him without your consent we were afraid you'd fight us and go back to him. Then he would just cut you off from us somehow. We all felt that we were damned if we did and damned if we didn't. So out of fear of makin' the wrong decision, of makin' the situation worse we did nothin'. Our inaction allowed him to continue, to devolve into what he became."

I hadn't ever thought of it in the way he put it. Not only was I savaged by Edward's behavior but the entire family lived in fear as a side-effect of the situation that Edward, and myself, put them in. They felt helpless for the first time because it was not simply something that could be overcome by money or force, in which both they had the upper-hand. It was not a supernatural dilemma, it was a very human problem twisted by a supernatural force.

"But that isn't really true either is it? I made it worse by my persistence. I was there every chance I got, tryin' to prove myself to you and steal you from him." He paused, his tone taking a sardonic quality as he continued. "Now that we know Alice never lost her visions of you I can only imagine how bad it truly was for you. Every time I touched you, every time I tried to force you to see what was happenin' between us, he saw. It makes sense now, the convenient appearance of one or the other every time I decided to take the next step or thought to throw caution to the wind and confront you about the way he treated you." Anger bled into his voice, whether it was aimed at himself or Edward and Alice I wasn't sure but I thought that it was most probably a bit of both.

"I always knew that Alice was a connivin', manipulative, bitch but I never, not even in my wildest dreams, imagined that she would do somethin' like that. I don't even know how she fooled me, how she got aroun' my gift." There was and crash and the sound of splintering wood as the walls shook.

"Darlin', you have ta believe me. If I'd had any idea of what was really goin' on I would'a moved heaven and hell to get you away from him. I am so sorry. For everything."

The hallway outside my room fell silent. For a long time I sat there, unknowingly mimicking his exact position, with nothing but the inch thick door separating me from Jasper, my soul.

"I'm here now darlin'. I'm never leaving you again."

I bent my head down to rest on my knee, trying desperately to not let the hope that bloomed in my chest unexpectedly at his words grow any larger than it did. I couldn't afford to hope, or even dream, that he was right. I knew, eventually, that he would leave, they all would, when they realized I wasn't worth the effort any longer.

In the stillness that settled over us I gently rose to my feet and walked to the bed. Soon the darkness would take me and when it did I didn't want to be caught on the floor. Lying on the bed, still clothed in the jeans and shirt I had worn all day, I could see the shadow of Jasper's form through the crack under the door.

"When I left here, I had no intentions of ever comin' back. I was so hurt and confused over everythin' that happened, I thought I couldn't take another day watchin' you with him. But it killed me even more to be away. Even though I had left you far behind me, you were right there with me, every step I took. I saw your face dance in front of my eyes, caught your scent on the breeze, heard your laughter ring through the trees, tasted your lips even time I closed my eyes. Your memory haunted me and no matter how much I tried to forget you, I couldn't. The feel of your body that fits so perfectly with mine, was imprinted in every cell of my body. I listened to the voicemails the family left me and felt my heart ripped through my body every time they described the state you were in. Still I was a coward. I couldn't bear to return and face what I had done to you."

His shadow moved and undulated through the tiny space between the door and the floor.

"I love you Bella. I'm sorry for not doing everythin' I could to show you just how much you mean to me. I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me. You have no reason to forgive me and I have no right to ask that of you. I'll wait for you darlin', even if it takes till the end of time, but please, tell me I'm not too late. Tell me I haven't killed that love you held for me with my ignorance. Please, I need to know I haven't lost you forever."

His voice broke my heart. He sounded so lost, so vulnerable with his heart in his voice. I couldn't do what he asked though. The girl he loved is gone. I buried my face in my pillow and silently cried for him, for myself, for all that had been changed irrevocably by the monsters that had hidden within their midst.

Faintly I heard the crack of wood and the thump from Jasper's position followed by the sounds of the strongest man I've ever known breaking. His tear-filled words shook my soul to the very core. I wanted to go to him, comfort him, kiss his pain away, reassure him that I would love him until time itself ended, yet I couldn't move. I couldn't do the one thing I wanted more than anything else in this world. I couldn't love him like he wanted me to.

The darkness invaded the edges of my vision and slowly took me under it's spell. Jasper's mournful words carried with me into the abyss.

"Please Bella, I'm so fucking sorry."


	31. Secondhand Violations

**A/N: Yesterday was my 25th birthday, I wasnt feeling old at all until my sister so lovingly brought it to my attention that I am now halfway to 50. Can you say bitch? But I have made myself feel better with the thought that my fantastic hubby will be halfway to 60 in January:) My three favorite guys gave me the bestest birthday ever yesterday but Firby (my hubbys nickname) and my two best girlfriends have been conspiring behind my back and are dragging me out tonight. They have taken care of the babysitter and even made sure we dont have a time to be home but I am clueless and a little scared about whats going on. My girls are diabolical, I know how their minds work...I know they are up to absolutely no good. I just hope I dont wind up in jail by the end of the night:) Which brings me to this chapter.**** I have been sitting on this chapter for 3 days now and decided to say, screw it, and give it to ya in case I am put away for riding a stolen horse drunk down 6th st in nothing but my underwear and cowboy hat(which is almost tame when it comes to the 3 of us together, they know that after 6 shots of tequila I will do ANYTHING, and my hubby loves to see me make a fool of myself as long as theres nudity involved, in fact he encourages it every chance he gets*rolls eyes dramatically*). I'm not totally satisfied with this chapter, most of it came out in while I was caught up in the zone. But I have edited, revised, and rearranged it dozens of times over the last 3 days and short of completely rewriting it I can't think of how to make it better, and truthfully I like how it came out but I'm concerned it's a bit not him, if you know what I mean. Oh well, I hope you enjoy it. **

**Sings that inspired this chapter are Blood on My Hands-The Used, Hopeless-Breaking Benjamin, and I Will Stay-We Are The Fallen**

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.**

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**JPOV**

I listened as almost instantly Bella's breathing evened out and her heart rate slowed. Within seconds she fell asleep. It seemed unnatural but I hadn't exactly spent much time in the last hundred and fifty years studying the sleep patterns of humans so I brushed the shiver of unease aside.

I sat there, matching Bella's breathing with my own, with my forehead pressed to the door and my hands splayed across the wood grain. Hours passed, my thoughts a maelstrom of activity. Tactical strategies to keep my Bella safe from that delusional fuck-head, grand attempts to show Bella how I felt, that I will never leave her again, images of the carnage that will be left when I get my hands on Edward, what needs to be said to my family once I am able to calm my thoughts and focus, it all flew through my mind carried by the Gael force winds of a hurricane.

How could I let this happen? I was supposed to protect her, keep her safe, and I failed. We all failed.

"_What the hell Emmett? What happened to her?" I demanded once we stopped, we were a good thirty miles into the wilderness._

"_What happened to her? What the hell do you think happened to her? Her fucking mate took off like a bat outta hell and she was left with that piece of shit, your bitch ex-wife, and the rest of us blind to what was happening right under our noses!" Emmett yelled, his face inches from mine._

_I felt the fury radiating off him coupled with deep rivers of worry and failure._

"_She fell apart after you left man. She wouldn't eat, slept like the dead only after she passed out from exhaustion. We fought against Charlie to keep him from putting her into a crazy house. Her body was there wasting away but she wasn't. She was dead!"_

"_She made the choice to marry him, Emmett! What the hell was I suppose ta do? Stand by for the rest o' my life and watch her live her happily married after? I couldn't do it Em! I couldn't!"_

"_Yeah, some fucking choice she had. Do you know what she went through that night? No! Cause you fucking ran away like a god damn coward!"_

"_What do you mean 'what she went through'?"_

"_No, un uh, I'm not telling you shit. If you want to know then you ask her, if she ever decides she wants to talk to your sorry ass."_

_He turned back in the direction we came from to leave._

"_Emmett, damn it, you owe me an explanation, you know good and well she ain't gonna tell me squat!"_

_He reeled around, his eyes lit with fire._

"_I don't owe you shit! You were the fuck-head that took off and left Bella! After all the bullshit she took from Edward it was you that broke her, not him, you!" His body quaked with fury, guilt, and sorrow. His fists flexed open and closed._

_No sound came from Peter and Charlotte who stood beside me. While Charlotte was full of curiosity and sympathy, Peter was fighting off wave after wave of foreboding dread and a strong desire to run. I felt that dread myself, somehow knowing that Peter's emotions were born from his gift of intuition that told him my suspicions had been right all along._

"_Emmett." I growled out in warning, I needed to know, now more than ever._

"_No. Fuck you Jasper. Go back to wherever you came from, your no longer fucking welcome here."_

_Before he could move I had him pinned against a tree with my hand around his neck and the other arm holding him in place across his chest._

"_Tell me or I swear I'll send you home with your head in your hands and your dick shoved so far up your ass it'd take you a century to find it."_

_He looked into my coal black eyes with defiance and rage._

"_He fucking bit her! She said no and he bit her, not once or even twice, but twenty three fucking times!"_

_Stunned I let him go and staggered backwards._

"_But how is tha…Oh God." Charlotte gasped after her question was answered by her own memories._

"_He bit her, pumped his venom into her until she screamed from the flames, then sucked it out and did it again."_

_Charlotte just sobbed at his words while Peter and I snarled. They knew better than I the pain from such torture. They had both undergone the ritual of being infected and cleansed by Maria before they were turned. I inwardly cursed myself for putting the idea of it into Edward's head._

"_So his eyes wouldn't turn red he forced her to drink her OWN blood!"_

_Our growls echoed through the forest as he continued his morbid tale._

"_That was only after he made sure she couldn't defend herself or run away by throwing her into a tree hard enough to crush her spine and paralyze her. That bastard knew she would heal from it because he had been breaking her bones as punishment since that night she 'fell down the stairs'."_

_Emmett's eyes hardened as he looked me in the eyes._

"_Still she told him that she would never marry him, after all that, she stood her fucking ground, even tried to run from him once her spine fused back together. But that's when he finally broke her."_

_He broke eye contact with me then, looking to the forest floor with pure rage and disgust._

"_That's when he finally gave her a choice, marry him, or he would rape her."_

_He looked back at me, the malice gone, his face crestfallen and full of sadness and disappointment._

"_She made the only choice she could, and you threw into her face before walking out on her."_

_We all stood frozen, the weight of Emmett's words settling over us like shackles of fire around our throats. The newfound peace between man and beast was not being tested because both were calling for vengeance, for Edward's head on a pike. They both wanted blood to run in the name of justice._

_A deafening, bloodcurdling roar rose from my chest as I flung my arms out and brought the others to their knees with the force of my power. My gift spread through the forest dropping all those with beating hearts to the ground with lifeless eyes as their hearts burst under the pressure of my rage and despair. The air was charged and heavy, the very atmosphere under my command, hungry to right the wrong done against my mate._

"_Where is he." The voice that emerged was one that had not been heard in over a hundred years, it was the true voice of the Major, the God of War was on the march._

_The three who knelt, not out of respect, but because they were unable to bear the burden they had found themselves under, looked on with pleading eyes yet made no move to answer my demand._

"_Where is he!"_

"_Jas…"_

"_I didn't ask for your god damn opinion! I wanna to know where the fucker is that thought he could get away with hurtin' my mate!"_

_To loosen his tongue I added a wealthy dose of submission. He fought against it of course but he was no match for me._

"_Now this is the las' time I'm gonna ask you. Where is he."_

_The deadly calm tone sent a shudder of fresh fear through Peter and Charlotte that had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the memories that it evoked. They remembered a time when that tone was reserved for the insolent newborns that were within a hairs breadth of their final death._

"_The Volturi's trackers are following him through north eastern Canada." Emmett's voice was weak, strained by the reluctance that fought against my influence._

"_The Volturi? What do those greedy paperweights have ta do with this?"_

_His gaze flickered between my obsidian eyes to the ruby ones of my companions. Charlottes fear was so palpable on the air that I could almost taste it, her eyes pleaded with Emmett to answer my questions while the little hope left in her dwindled with every fleeting second. She didn't think they would all make it out of this. She may be right. Peter just knelt there, his eyes dark with resignation as he nodded his encouragement while he took Charlottes hand in his._

_Emmett's eyes met mine once again, his defeat evident in the fall of his shoulders and the tilt of his head, an unconscious signal that displayed the throat the victor._

"_Edward and Alice were sent to Volterra to hunt down some books but he pissed off one of the higher ranking guards. Aro read them and discovered the whole thing. Alice used Edward's obsession over Bella to try to get rid of her. Edward and Alice had been fucking each other for years and she was jealous that Bella had taken Edward away from her and was going to take you away too. When Carlisle called Aro to have him lock the two up until we could get there Aro told him that they escaped. As a favor to Carlisle Aro sent a group to protect Bella's mom and step-dad and put his best guards to tracking Edward down."_

"_Alice created this shit fest? How? She's blind to Bella."_

"_No, she wasn't. She lied about losing her visions of Bella to throw suspicion away from her."_

_I roared and turned away from them. I sent my fist through a tree before kicking it, uprooted it flew several feet before taking down several others in its landing._

"_And it fuckin' worked! That pint sized bitch thought she could take me for a fuckin' fool? When I get through with her she'll regret the fuckin' day she was born!" I growled furiously while bringing my attention back to the forms still prostrate among the bracken._

_Emmett's face was cast downward, an internal war waging between his fear and frustration._

"_What aren't you tellin' me Emmett."_

"_Edward killed Alice as soon as they were out of Volterra."_

_A snarl rent the air as the news sank in. I was robbed of the pleasure of hearing her beg for her life as I ripped her flesh from her bones by the boy._

"_The creature killed the creator. It's more merciful than she deserved but no less fittin'."_

_I drew closer a few paces and leaned forward._

"_Where is Edward now."_

"_I told you north eas…"_

"_I don't wanna hear that bullshit! I wanna know where exactly he is." I growled as I leaned in closer almost nose to nose with him._

"_I…I don't know exactly."_

_He was lying. I could feel the fear, anxiety, and desperation running wild and uncontrollable through him._

"_You're lyin' Emmett. The tracker is callin' regularly with updates isn't he? My guess would be every mornin'. So where was the tracker this mornin'?" My voice hit a deadly low as I called him out and poured shame into him._

_He hung his head and responded quietly, my influence bleeding through his voice._

"_They were on the north shore of Baffin Island's Brodeur Peninsula at dawn."_

_With the information I wanted I pulled back my gift. All three shook as the sudden withdraw of power left them feeling weak and their own watered down, distorted emotions flooded in._

"_Go back to the house. I've got some things to take care of." I ordered them before taking off in the opposite direction of the setting sun._

"_Major!"_

_I stopped and turned to see Peter standing there with a haunted look within his eyes. I felt a great amount of regret for drudging up the memories that he had tried to leave in the south. He had born the brunt of my wrath in those days, always pushing me, denying my most destructive orders. I tortured him with my gift and yet time and time again I couldn't bring myself to kill him. Despite my treatment of him, he was my one and only friend in that world of death._

"_Go back Peter."_

"_No. I wont let you do this again Major." The weight of his words and the pity that misted through the confusing collection of his emotions made it plain that he wasn't just speaking of hunting Edward down._

"_I have ta do this. I can't allow him to live another day. His very existence is a threat on her life."_

"_Damnit Major! Don't try to sell me that shit 'cause I ain't buyin'! Your not jus' doin' this to go after his worthless ass, your doin' this 'cause your runnin' away agin!"_

"_What the hell else would ya have me do Peter? You heard her back there! She wants nothin' ta do with me!" I turned my back to him, to hide my pain, my weakness._

"_She hates me Peter. I ran away when she needed me and killed whatever feelin's she had for me. The best thing I can do for her now is make sure that bastard never gets within a hundred miles of her."_

"_Horseshit! Yer scared! You know what? Nut up! She's jus' as scared as you are, the only difference bein' that she's a kid with one foot stuck in a world she don't fuckin' belong in! You left her and now you gotta face the god damn consequences!"_

_I fell to my knees, the moist soil beneath the rotting leaves soaking through my pants, and bowed my head._

"_She doesn't want me. Not anymore."_

"_You really are blind without that convenient lil' gift of yours aren't ya? 'Cause you obviously didn't see what I saw back there. She wants you like a drunk wants their Jack."_

_I hear the light footsteps of Charlotte approach only seconds before her velvet voice flows through the air._

"_He's right Jasper. That girl's hung on you, but she's hurt and scared. She's been through more than we'll ever know. You know the bond of mates doesn't just go away because you've fucked up, and just seein' the two of you, I know. It's there Jasper it's jus' buried under all the bullshit."_

_Their arguments had merit but it was a difficult thing to come to terms with._

"_If you run now you then don't bother coming back. If she survives it I'll make sure you never come near her again. I won't let you hurt her again, brother or not." Emmett, who had kept back in the shadows, added._

"_I…I need to think."_

_Instantly I felt their anger and disappointment rear up._

"_I'm not leavin', I jus'…I need to think." I heard one of them open their mouth and felt Peter's determination. "Alone."_

_There was a moment's pause before Emmett and Charlotte's footsteps retreated._

"_If you ain't back by midnight I'm comin' to hunt you down and kick your ass so bad your own mama wouldn't even recognize ya. Ya got me?"_

_A small smirk spread unbidden across my face._

"_Yeah Pete, I got ya."_

"_Good."_

I spent several hours there on the damp ground with my thoughts rolling. Until finally I came to the conclusion that I was in fact acting out of cowardice to run like I had intended. Yes I wanted to hunt down Edward and rip his tongue out through his ass and make him feel every second of pain he had inflicted on my Bella a thousand fold, but right now was not the right time. By leaving I would have left her more vulnerable than she would be if I were by her side. I needed to be here, with her. I need to right the wrongs I had done to her.

I rolled my body around so my back was once again leaning against the door and let my head fall back with a thud, an act of frustration I had done many time since I made camp outside my angel's room.

"You ok man?"

Emmett's voice echoed through the silent hallway. I looked up at his sad face and could see the difference in him. This was not the carefree, fun-loving, quick with a joke Emmett I left behind. No, this man had helplessly watched his sister waste away before his eyes and was tortured by the aftermath of her trauma. He had become jaded and weary, there was a tiredness in his eyes and a weight on his shoulders.

I vowed to make Edward pay for not only what he did to Bella but for what he did to the rest of my family as well.

I huffed and shook my head.

"No, I'm not ok." I responded quietly with an edge of frustration. "That motherfucker did this to her and then I went and made it worse. And I jus', I don't know how to fix this."

He shook his head and sat down next to me mirroring my pose.

"Dude, you can't. There's no way to fix this. It's never going to be the same, she's never going to be the same."

"I know that."

"Do you really? A part of her died every time he hurt her, an even larger part of her died when you walked out that door. She may never lose that empty look in her eyes, or let you touch her like she used to. To her she is broken, worthless, marked by a monster who will always own her."

The full impact finally sank into my brain that was already feeling overloaded. I rubbed my face furiously as I thought of the girl that had captured my heart and tried desperately not to mourn over her, she was still there, somewhere, she was just, different.

"How did you do it?"

He looked at me puzzled.

"How'd you get Rose…whole again?" I looked at him desperately trying to convey my lack of words for what I really wanted to say. How did he fix her?

"Jas, man, sorry but this doesn't even compare to her, it's so much worse. Sorry babe." Hey threw out and was answered with a short 'It's okay.' "With Rose it was one night that shattered her rose colored glasses and showed her the evil that could hide under a pretty face. Bella, she lived with that monster, her soul was worn down and twisted everyday under his abuse for months. Her scars run much deeper than Rose's ever did. Rose was lucky in a way, she doesn't remember most of the details. She was left mostly with the emotional aftermath, not the memory of who did what where and how. Bella remembers it all. You can see it in her eyes and the way she flinches away whenever we move too fast, speak too loud, or even smile too wide." He paused trying to collect his thoughts. Speaking of the differences between the girls was trying for him on many levels, his heart was breaking all over again for both of them.

"I came around years after Rose was turned. She had revenged herself against the men that hurt her and had a kind of closure in that. All my Rosie needed from me to heal was plenty of time and reassurance. I'm sorry man but I don't think it's going to be that easy for you. We were all part of the problem and we all have something to atone for, but you, you're gonna carry the brunt of it."

Carlisle appeared at the top of the stairs, his face too looked ragged, tired by his human daughters anguish. Vampires don't change, don't show the progress of age, but Carlisle, much like Emmett, appeared older now. Internally he was wracked with guilt, sorrow, and a strong sense of self-disgust.

"He's right son, Bella and Rosalie, their situations vary more than they compare. Her ordeal is closer likened to Esme's life before I found her. But, similar to Rosalie, Esme's memories of the abuse she suffered largely faded during the burning. She still remembers more than she would like but the details are fuzzy. The difference between Rose's experience and Esme and Bella's is mostly that with Rose it was simply that, a terrifying experience that changed her perspective of the world, Esme and Bella suffered much longer, both had become convinced that it was what they deserved and was to be their life until the abuser decided to end their suffering. They were both irreparably changed by their prolonged exposure and it shaped them, became a part of who they are, instead of something that happened to them." He sighed and came to sit on the floor across from mine and Emmett's position.

"She is suffering from some very textbook products of abuse, mainly Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In Bella's case it was delayed until the day you left, or maybe perhaps it was directly linked with your leaving, we may never know. The catatonia was the first symptom, her moody behavior, the uncontrollable anger, her almost apathetic demeanor towards most people she comes in contact with, they are all indicators as well. She's not only dealing with the emotional backlash of Edward's abuse, she is struggling to keep her mind afloat, on top of whatever effects the venom is having on her. You will have it rough son. She is filled with guilt believing that she is at fault for his actions, shame for allowing him to do it, it doesn't matter that she was helpless to stop it, fear that he will return, and fear that everyone she loves will abandon her. She was always a strong independent girl and he broke her down."

He stopped and looked me in the eyes.

"She will never be the same Jasper. He made sure of that. It may take her years to accept your apology and learn to trust you again. It may be years after that before she will be able to be close to you, to entertain the idea of any kind of intimacy. There may come a day that she can honestly look in a mirror and say that she will no longer be haunted by the events of her past but we also need to realize, she may never be whole again. All you can really do is be patient with her, reassure her everyday of your commitment to her, and love her, especially when she pushes you away. Ultimately the best medicine is time and support."

We sat there silent, I had never felt more helpless than I do in this moment. Emmett and Carlisle reflected my feelings fully. We all mourned for the girl that laughed without a care and loved without reservation. That girl was gone forever. In her place was an angry and bitter person, she was hurt and scared and felt she couldn't put her trust in anyone, least of all herself.

"It's going to be a long and trying road Jasper, just know that we are all in this together." With that last drop of assurance he stood and made his way to the stairway.

Before he could touch the first step pandemonium erupted from everywhere and nowhere at once. Fire burst through my stale veins, a pain equal only to the flames of change. The screams of my family pierced my ears at the same time a familiar yet unidentifiable scream rent through my mind.

Images flashed through my mind, thoughts that were not my own dominated and shattered through what little control I held. Emotions, each bearing the distinct markers of my family, crashed into me. Then the most excruciating emotions exploded within me, my skin felt like it was bursting at the seams with the intensity of hatred, self-loathing, disgust, fear, humiliation, loneliness, guilt, rage, shame, rejection, despair, anguish, and pure terror that filled me. The who's who of negative emotions became a brackish cesspool within my own mind infecting everything it touched.

Broken images, no memories, ran together, colliding violently, at the speed of light behind my lids that were welded shut from the pain. Horrific pictures of blood, retained sensations that ran across my skin, the faces of the family, of Edward, of myself, blurred across my vision. I saw myself through Bella's eyes as I walked out of the door with my duffle bag, watched as Edward's cruel smile looked down at me, no Bella, as a snap sounded and pain radiated from my hand. I felt his teeth slice through skin, the invasion of acid through my body, heard Bella's screams, listened as she called to me for help from her, my, raw throat. I felt as our heart shattered into a million irretrievable pieces as I watched my cold face throw words at her like they were weapons.

"_You were right, you're not worth it."_

All the while I spiraled through a black hole, no beginning and no end, the burning of razors and napalm searing every inch of my consciousness.

I cried for mercy though it was impossible to tell if the sounds ever made to my mouth and into reality. Screams of pain, of terror rent through the darkness echoing against the recesses of my brain and tattooed themselves there.

_He knew it then, he'll know it now. I'm not worth it. I'm damaged, broken, tainted, scarred._

A glance of Bella standing in front of a mirror raced through, the pain linked to each and every scar that stretched across her skin shot around my body, making them my own.

Pain radiated from my heart, so raw and pure, and far beyond anything I had ever suffered from before as every interaction we had since Phoenix played by in an instant. I saw myself through her eyes, felt her denial, fear, and desire just the same as I felt her heart ache with every look and touch. Then it was taken over by the nightmare, the meadow, not even thoughts were discernable as she stared at Edward's face dripping with her blood. My gut churned as I, no she, expelled the sickly sweet blood that he forced down her throat. The imaginings of a broken spirited Renee burned behind my eyes, then it all shifted.

I saw her life, the sweet faced grandmother that wiped her tears away, Charlie's smile, Renee in full belly dancing garb. It all flashed by, every sound, smell, touch, taste, and image simultaneously hammered it's way into my mind before it looped back. Back to that night. The weight of a ring that seemed to burn my finger, every tingle that coursed through her body as my spine healed itself, the helplessness, the pain, the taunts.

"_I want you to beg Isabella. Beg me to take you as my wife, beg me to forgive you."_

Another bite, another chuckle full of malice and lunacy, another plea for mercy. It morphed again to desperation as my eyes grew hazy from the lack of oxygen. My throat is crushed and my lungs are screaming for air. My arm, my leg, my head, my ribs, one injury after another are relived, every word from his mouth retold. Alice pranced into the room, a knowing smile on her deceptively sweet face as I, or Bella, cradles another broken arm.

Her thoughts landed back on my face, that night she saw my scars. The awe of my scars and how they danced in the moonlight, the dust like fireflies weaving a spell around my body, left her breathless. Again my face was there but it was haunted as I retold my story on the shore of the river.

Then there was the meadow once more. Always the meadow.

Suddenly it all stopped and I was back in the hallway, on my side facing Emmett who also lay curled in the fetal position. The screams echoed within my mind as my ears registered the silence throughout the house broken only by the painful gasps from downstairs.

Emmett opened his eyes, they held unadulterated fear and confusion along with the imprint of the pain I myself was still reeling from.

"What the hell was that?" He croaked, his voice haggard and cracking from the unexplainable experience.

From the feelings running through the house we had all been thrust into the same hell.

Then I heard the most frightening sound of my life. A wet gurgle followed by the sound of lungs drowning.

"Bella!"

I scrambled from the floor, by body shaky and unstable, and busted the door off it's hinges. Right behind me was the rest of the family, including Peter and Charlotte.

I rushed to Bella's side as she began to convulse, still unconscious. Blood ran from the corners of her mouth, her nose, eyes, and ears. She choked and coughed, blood misting into the air. I was at once thankful that her blood no longer had the appeal of a humans, for it was everywhere and after what we had all just gone through I couldn't be sure that our control would have held.

"Turn her to her side." Carlisle barked as he made it to the bed.

Following his instructions I had her on her side facing me in the blink of an eye. He began to alternate compressions using a hand on both her front and back and swift sharp pounds to her back.

"Breathe for her Jasper. We can't give her any medications but we can keep her going until her body heals itself!" Carlisle's voice was harried and desperate.

Without hesitation I leaned down and opened her mouth further, plugged her nose and began breathing into her mouth in time with his compressions. With every pump of his hands a river of blood rushed into my mouth. I had two options, swallow it and keep going or take my mouth from hers and spit it out. In order to keep her breathing as fluid as possible I put aside my reservations and swallowed the blood that flowed out of her lungs without lingering too long on how right she tasted on my tongue.

There was complete silence as we worked to keep my angel, my heart, the reason for my existence, alive. I pushed the emotions that bombarded me away until I was left with just my own manic desperation.

Finally, after what seemed like hours her lungs were cleared and her body corrected itself. Or rather the venom did, I could smell as her scent changed once more.

Still she seemed to be stuck in a deep peaceful sleep. I knew better now, we all did. I heard her thoughts about the nightly burning, how she doesn't fall into a deep slumber but is dragged into her mind where she is held captive by the flames until morning.

I smoothed her sticky hair back and caressed her forehead as I stared down at her blood stained face. She had endured so much, and still she could not find peace. Venom welled in my eyes and blurred my vision. I may never be able to make her whole but I'll die trying if that's what it takes.

Rosalie came up beside me and started to gather Bella into her arms. I couldn't fight the growl that slid past my lips as I took a defensive posture over her. Rose took a step back, her eyes guarded as she spoke.

"She needs to be cleaned up Jasper."

"Then I'll do it."

"She wouldn't want you to see her like that."

"I've seen her scars. We all did, didn't we?"

There was no reply but the emotions that swirled through the room were confirmation enough.

"It's doesn't matter Jasper, she still wouldn't want you to see them, not like this. I've seen them with my own eyes, she won't panic as much if she awakens and finds herself naked in the bath with me."

Her logic was sound though I didn't like it. Regretfully I nodded my head in ascent to her and stepped aside.

She picked Bella up with the care she would a newborn child and turned towards the bathroom.

"You should clean yourself up too. You can use my bathroom. I kept some of your old clothes in my closet. Alice threw the rest out and bought you a new, less appealing, wardrobe after you left."

I nodded wordlessly as I watched her disappear beyond the door with my angel, my broken angel.

Esme, with the help of Charlotte, began to strip the bed of its linens as Emmett, Carlisle, Peter, and I stood, still frozen from the shock of what we saw, what we felt in our minds. All of our instincts were screaming for retribution, our senses alert with the need to protect.

"Go on Jasper." Esme coaxed softly. "Get yourself a shower, we'll take care of this. By time you're done she'll be back in bed."

Again I nodded, words were more than my brain could handle. I trudged across the hall to Emmett and Rosalie's room. It was exactly like I remembered it except for the dust that had collected on the game system that sat under the tv. He had stopped playing. When? Why?

In the bathroom I found their double sized shower, turned it to the hottest setting and stripped from my soiled clothing. My hands left trails of blood everywhere I touched, a sick reminder of Bella's trials.

I was starkly aware that as I washed away the blood my skin still felt as though it held a film of corruption, of filth. I scrubbed longer than was necessary, going over the same places repeatedly. Then a memory, one that was not my own, was brought into the forefront of my mind. The flash of Bella's hands madly scrubbing those same places on her own body, the broken sob that fell from her lips and reverberated off the tiled walls lingered in my mind. Then everything came flooding back. My perfect recollection damned my sanity as I was battered by image after image, memory after memory. Her screams would haunt me until the day I met my death, the pain of every mark would meld with my own. I couldn't help but compare the little girl I saw in her memories with the woman she was now. It broke my heart to see something so perfect, so pure, sullied by the burdens of our world. She was never meant for this.

I cut my shower shorter than I wanted it. Physically I was clean but I still felt dirty, I felt violated from the memory of Edward's hands on Bella's body.

With the towel wrapped around my hips I left the bathroom to hunt down my clothes in Rose and Emmett's closet. It didn't take me long to find the section of clothes in the back that still bore my scent. Blindly I chose a pair of pants and a shirt. I would need to do some shopping soon but for now commando will have to do.

I walked back across the hall to see the sheets of the bed had been replaced, the carpet smelled putrid with the stench of ammonia clinging to its now clean fibers, and Bella laying under the new fluffy comforter as if nothing had ever happened. The others were scattered around the room, not daring to leave her but needing space of their own. They all sat curled into their mates gleaning what comfort they could after the cataclysm that rocked their senses and stolen their blissful ignorance. Esme cried almost silently into Carlisle's shoulder as he rubbed her back. He didn't dare offer words of comfort, he knew they would be a lie. It's not all going to be okay. We don't know if she will get through this. We don't know if any of us will make it to the other side of this unscathed.

The roles were reversed when I looked towards the floor where Emmett and Rose sat huddled together. Emmett had his arms wrapped around Rose with his head buried in her stomach as she softly ran her hand through his dark hair, a mournful look glistening in her eyes. Charlotte and Peter just sat together next to the door both with faraway looks on their faces. Their hands were clasped together, the knuckles whiter than the rest of their skin showing the death hold they had on each other. Each the anchor that held the other to reality instead of the memories that had us all disturbed beyond words.

I wanted to go to Bella, hold her as she fought through the hell we had only been given a glimpse of, but I hesitated with the knowledge that she wouldn't want me there when she awoke. In the end I decided that I didn't care. She could push me away in the morning. Right now I needed her. I needed to hold her and know that if I couldn't keep her safe from her mind I could at least keep her safe from the world.

My feet moved with purpose as I crossed the room to the bed of my Snow White, wishing with all my might that we could live in a fairytale world created by Disney and a simple kiss would be all she needed to bring her back from that nightmare. I sat down against the headboard, my need to touch her and my respect for her boundaries finding a middle ground, I pressed against her side as much as I could without becoming a part of her. I curled my fingers into her hair that was now as lackluster as it once was lustrous and softly stroked her damp curls.

For hours we sat there keeping vigil by her side. Not a word was spoken. We all wore matching faces of numb devastation, though the emotions that brewed under those masks was creating a storm within the room, a violent storm, charged with the full spectrum of dark painful emotions. Though the eye of the storm glowed brighter than anything I had ever felt. In the heart there was love, the likes of which I had never experienced before, along with protective compassion and tenderness. In that moment I knew that each and every person in this room would willingly give up their life for this angel if it brought her even a moment's peace.

I knew the moment Bella was released from her prison as the twilight before dawn lightened the skies. For just the briefest moment I felt a trickle of relief through my fingers that rested against her cheek. She took a deep breath before opening her eyes and meeting mine. For just one second I saw a soft smile tug at her lips and happiness shine in her eyes. Then it was gone and the angry mask was back.

She sat bolt upright, her gaze never leaving mine.

"What the hell are you doing in my bed?"


	32. Veils of Privacy Are Still Transparent

**A/N: I know, I know...I've been gone for a while. I'm uber-duber sorry. Truth of the matter is I've just been too depressed to write. I tend to get that way when winter comes around. The last time I updated it was the day after my birthday and I was stoked about my hubby's and best friends surprise night out they had planned. Well we didn't go to Austin but we did go to a strip club. I got a nice lapdance by this gorgeous blonde to Pornstar Dancing by My Darkest Days and the waitress made sure to keep the bouncers off me cause I was HAMMERED! One of the dancers even got me topless,(which apparently is completely legel here) much to my hubby's delight. I sang Last Dance With Mary Jane all the way home in a packed Honda and drove everyone crazy cause I apparently could only remember the chorus...it was a 30 minute drive home. So suffice to say it was great night but it went down hill from there and I've just been trying to hold onto my sanity and take care of my family since then.**

**So yeah on to the chapter. You might notice that Bella has a bit less hateful outlook in this update. Maybe Charlie's words of wisdom are getting to her, or maybe she's just growing as a person. We will see wont we?**

**Songs are Yours to Hold by Skillet and A Drop in the Ocean by Parabelle**

**Happy reading and I will try my hardest to get back to a good update schedule. I love all of my readers and cant wait to hear your thoughts on the chapter.**

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Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.

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I knew the moment Bella was released from her prison as the twilight before dawn lightened the skies. For just the briefest moment I felt a trickle of relief through my fingers that rested against her cheek. She took a deep breath before opening her eyes and meeting mine. For just one second I saw a soft smile tug at her lips and happiness shine in her eyes. Then it was gone and the angry mask was back.

_She sat bolt upright, her gaze never leaving mine._

_"What the hell are you doing in my bed?"_

**JPOV**

Her angry, demanding question hung in the air like smoke and settled with unease among the immortals that held their pose's along the edges of the room. They were all emitting conflicted feelings of devastation, pity, anger, and hurt. Of the seven that occupied the room, four were suffering from shame and bruised egos, wondering why she hadn't told them of her torture, her inescapable pit of darkness and torment. None of us had quite recovered from the emotional trauma that we ourselves had been subjected to and some wondered how she had survived so long with it plaguing her nights. Of all of us it was Peter, Charlotte and myself that held an understanding of the strength she held within her. We had once lived through hell and we knew the toll it took on ones soul, the darkness that manifested in your most innocent thoughts and the hardening of your heart out of shear instinct for survival. The anger that festered in her soul, the depression that held her hostage was no stranger to us.

I opened my mouth to answer her still unanswered question but it was not my voice that rang through the churning stillness.

"He's here for the same reason we all are." Carlisle's voice, deeply distraught yet still comfortingly calm, responded.

Bella's head whipped towards him and with widened eyes she took in the six faces that lined the walls of her room.

The look of rage turned to one of resigned expectation.

"It happened again didn't it? The nose bleed, the seizures?"

This has happened more than once?

I too shot my gaze towards Carlisle, meeting his eyes briefly before he uncharacteristically dropped his gaze to the floor and shuffled his feet in discomfort. Esme rose from her seat beside him and came to sit on the other side of the bed. The mournfully heartbroken look within her eyes caused a visible panic in Bella as she looked at her questioningly.

"Bella," Her name catching in her throat as the venom pooled in her eyes. "Why didn't you tell us?"

That was as far as she got before her emotions choked her beyond speech and she pulled Bella into an embrace that left her perplexed and looking to the rest of us for answers.

Carlisle stepped forward then.

"Bella, something happened last night that has never occurred before. The best I can guess is that the shield that makes you immune to those gifted with special abilities faltered for a short while. Though it seems that the shield not only keeps those gifts out but also your consciousness in."

Her eyebrows screwed up in confusion.

"I don't understand. My consciousness? What does that mean?"

Again Carlisle looked to the floor, his unease at the invasion of privacy committed last night, no matter how involuntary it was, did not set well with his conscience.

It was Emmett that answered.

"We saw what happens to you. We were there with you. We felt what you felt, saw what you saw."

All at once she jolted away from Esme as if she were shot by lightning.

"Wha-what d-do yo…" I could see the full blown terror grip her as she attempted to shrink into the headboard.

Her throat began to convulse as she gulped trying to swallow the hysteria that gripped her and had her eyes shining with the same unshed tears that welled in Esme's eyes.

Charlotte spoke up for the first time since entering the Cullen's home.

"We saw it all Sug, the darkness, the burning, what he did to you, the scars. We felt everything."

A moment went by filled with the desperate gasping of air through Bella's airway.

"It was like they were our memories, our emotions. Your thoughts were ours." Rosalie added, her voice shaken by the memories of it all.

There was a short whimper from Bella before she looked to me.

"Everything? You saw it all?" Her words were a plea, desperate with the need to hear that some of her secrets were still hers alone.

I looked from her drawn face to see the hard knowing gaze of Peter. We shared a look, communicating without words. We had seen every detail and our immaculate memory would never let us forget the feelings of utter worthlessness that bastard had instilled in my mate or the scars that she would wear for the rest of her existence. We were in agreement that the bastard would not live to see another full moon.

I cast my eyes back to my angel and nodded.

"Yeah darlin', we saw it all."

Her face crumpled instantly at my words.

"How…how is that possible?" She whispered brokenly to no one in particular.

Carlisle came up and took a seat next to Esme.

"Bella, exactly how long has it been like this? The burning?" He asked gently.

She shot her eyes around the room and her shoulders sagged even further giving the impression she was trying to fold into herself.

"Since the beginning. It wasn't a coma in the hospital."

"Fuck!" Emmett hissed as he buried his face in his hands, pulling his hair with his fingers.

"Why didn't you ever tell us?" Esme inquired her voice betraying the pain she felt.

"I don't really know anymore. In the beginning I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to feel any worse than you all did about what happened. Then as time passed and everything was happening, I just…" She trailed off as she shrugged her shoulders and picked at the blanket in her lap. "It was just one more secret to keep I guess."

Silence reigned as we were all lost in our own thoughts. Thoughts of the secrecy, the lies, of how alone Bella must have felt all this time, hanging onto the lies out of fear, for her and her family's safety and judgment from those she had thought to be infallible. Our failure was monumental.

"Bella, did anything different happen tonight? While you were, locked in, for lack of a better description?" Carlisle prodded hesitantly.

She chewed her lip as she thought, a look of confused concentration adorning her face.

"Um, no, not really. I mean it's not like it used to be but that didn't happen last night."

I think all of our faces were screwed up in confusion but the only face I was focused on was hers.

"What do you mean?" Carlisle asked.

"Well," Her voice was meek and hesitant. She was truly uncomfortable talking about this. "It used be much worse. It was nothing but never-ending darkness and flames. I could feel the fire scorching me but it was like I had no body if that makes any sense. There were no memories or thoughts, sounds or feelings, it was nothing but pain. But now, I can think through the pain, I can remember who I am."

If a pin dropped anywhere in this house we all would have been able to hear it fall through the air before it hit the ground. There was shock and pain, admiration and guilt as we imagined the fact that what we experienced wasn't even the worst of what she had endured.

I looked up into the studious face of Carlisle. His eyebrows were knitted together in concentration but there was pall of dreadful understanding painting his emotions.

"What is it Carlisle."

He looked taken aback by my tone but I couldn't be bothered by niceties at the moment. I needed to know what it was that he had figured out.

"I'm not sure but I think I may know what's going on."

We all waited on bated breath for him to continue.

"I think that perhaps Bella's innate ability to shield her mind is purely instinctual and is working doubly hard to keep the venom from poisoning her mind, effectively becoming a solid shield to repel the very physical attack of the venom. It is most probably the shield that is also keeping her from sleeping because it cannot afford one moment of weakness."

"So her shield is now manifesting physically as well?" I asked just to hear the affirmation once more.

"Yes, I believe so."

I nodded, my mind a whirr of possibilities. If her shield was turning from not only mental but physical as well then that meant with some coaching she would be able to protect herself. She would never again be vulnerable to the kind of pain Edward had inflicted upon her. She would be safe.

I was made aware of the fact that I was unintentionally projecting my potent mixture of relief, elation and pride when Peter made a poor imitation of a cough and I looked at the inquiring faces of my family. Bella was however clueless as to what was going on.

In a voice too low for Bella to hear I spoke to my family.

"She'll be safe. All we have to do is teach her how to use her shield and she will be safe from both mental gifts and physical harm. She'll never have to endure anything like that again!"

Peter and Charlotte both held looks of understanding and hope. While the Cullen's felt the same way, they were all suppressing smiles and shooting looks towards my mate. I looked at Bella, her face showing nothing.

"You're assuming that I can control it. Carlisle said he believed my shield is instinctual."

There was a moment of dead silence before the room erupted in laughter at my obvious shock.

"How…" I couldn't get the question out as my jaw decided to make a permanent home on the floor allowing insects of every size to buzz into my gaping mouth.

Bella just held a smug grin as Emmett gained enough control of his laughter to answer my unvoiced question.

"Yeah that's about the reaction we had when she butted into one of our 'vamp conversations'."

I looked from Bella's mirthful eyes to those of my family then back to Bella.

"You can hear us when we do that?"

"You mean when you have secret conversations over my head? Yeah, I can." She deadpanned.

I just stared, astounded by my mates strange circumstances. In all appearances she was human but vampiric qualities were hiding underneath the rundown façade, waiting to reveal the strength of the person she had become and the being she would one day be, for I had no doubt that she would be one of us. What worried me was the time it would take for her to get there and the hardships she would have to endure along the way.

"Well, does the dear Bella still eat food or is that just as appealing to you as it to us?" Peter said coming to the bedside and bowing exaggeratedly.

"Oh she'll tear into a steak nice and rare but she still prefers that weird green ice cream with brown shit in it and family sized bag of potato chips." Emmett replied coming up beside him with a grin.

With that we all moved to the kitchen so Bella could eat and spent the rest of the day around the house discussing all that I had missed. I loved hearing about Bella punching the wolf from the day before, though I hated to hear that her standing up for herself had earned her a broken hand. I never strayed more than three feet from her side over the hours of playing catch up and she never gave any indication that I was welcome by her side but I took it to mean a sort of truce. I was just grateful that though she never condoned my closeness, she didn't forbid either.

Through the day there were plenty of laughs shared, most were from Peter and Emmett's sharing of their adventures. Conversation was still short and a stilted. Rosalie held a deep resentment towards me and continuously shot me the stink eye, once in a while throwing barbs my way that cut me to the core. Before I left she was my biggest supporter and now there was a chasm the size of the Grande Canyon between us. I could almost see the daggers flying through the air aimed straight for my heart.

It wasn't until nearly dark when the house started to grow quiet and the air grew tense waiting for the conversation to move towards the giant day-glow pink elephant in the room. Before things turned sour I took my chance and asked Bella to join me outside. I saw the wariness in her eyes as she nodded her head silently. I couldn't suppress the relieved smile that crawled across my face. I desperately needed to talk to her and while I knew everyone would be listening, I still needed a small veil of privacy.

I looked at my angel in the watered down light from the cloud covered moon. She was beautiful even in her bedraggled state. I didn't care that her hair didn't shine the way once did, or that her eyes held a dull lifeless appearance, she was a goddess in my eyes.

"Bella, I…I need to apologize for so many things I don't know where to begin." I told her.

She crossed her arms and her lids lowered, guarding her eyes. It was still disconcerting being so disconnected from her emotions. She gave nothing away with her body language. I didn't know whether or not she was receptive to my apology.

"I was an idiot. I let my doubts and the doubts of the family overrule my better judgment. Then I let my emotions get the better of me. I never shoulda took off like that. I jus'…I couldn't stand seein' you with him and then…I saw that ring and I couldn't take it anymore. I cracked."

Her face was still impassive. God I was fucking this up royally.

I turned and paced a few feet away running my hands through my hair disheveling it.

"Damnit darlin'. I'm so fuckin' sorry. I thought you didn't want me. I thought you really wanted him. I was convinced that everything was in my head, or maybe some twisted kind of wishful thinking. I thought that ring meant I was wrong, that he wasn't hurting you and you never felt anything more than friendship toward me. I will never be able to say exactly how monumentally sorry I am for falling for his shit and leaving like I did."

I took her hands in mine. I couldn't tell if it was her hands or mine that were shaking like a drunks going through detox. I looked deep into her blood and chocolate eyes and begged with my own for her forgiveness.

"Darlin' I didn't mean any of the shit I said that day. I may be a man that's lived a hundred and sixty three years but in the end that makes no difference, I'm still just a man. I fucked up, I know that, and I'm sorry it took me so long to get my head outta my ass and come back to you. And while I can't promise I won't leave again, I can promise that I will never leave _you_ again."

Bella's lower lip trembled and her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. She broke her gaze from me and looked to the grass beneath our feet. I couldn't have that. I hooked my finger under her chin and forced her face back to mine.

"Darlin', please, please say you'll forgive me. Tell me I'm not too late." My voice was gravelly and low with the mass of emotions that swelled and caught in my throat.

"I…I don't know Jasper."

**BPOV**

The back door crashed open and Rosalie stood there silhouetted in the light her face a mask of fury.

"You can't seriously tell me your thinking of forgiving him!"

"Ros-"

"After everything you went through because of him? You may have forgotten but I haven't! You were catatonic for months because he walked away without a thought or care to what it would do to you and the rest of us! He abandoned us like a fucking coward!" She stepped between Jasper and I, her blazing eyes trained only on me. "If you do this, I wont be there to pick up the pieces again Bella. I won't watch as he kills you again, because that's exactly what he did when he left. You were losing yourself before he walked out that door but it was his blow that killed you, make no mistake about that."

"Jesus fucking Christ Rose don't lecture me! I remember! I was the one that lived through it, not you!"

"No, that's where you're wrong."

"Rosalie," Jasper said his voice low and hard in warning.

She ignored his warning and barreled on.

"Because of your shield breaking down last night we all lived it through your memories. It's not just you anymore. We all felt what you did, lived through what you did. We still feel it, even now, not just about Edward but Jasper too."

Pain, outrage, anger and indignation roared within me. How dare she? How dare she try to compare what they saw to what it felt like to be there, to live with it every second of every day?

"Don't fucking pretend you know what I've been going through just because you were inside my memories! You have no idea what it's been like!"

"But I do know Bella. I know what's it's like. I've been there!"

"No! You haven't! Can you remember everything Royce and his friends did to you with perfect clarity? Can you still feel their hands on you? Do you have marks like these to remind you every time you look in the mirror that your body will always belong to him?" I screamed as I pulled the collar of my shirt down to display the scars. "Did Emmett abandon you when you needed him? Did the love of your life turn his back on you after you finally confessed your feelings to him?"

She met my outrage with stunned silence. Her eyes frantically searched for something, anything to give her ground once more.

"That's what I thought. You may have been raped Rose but at least they didn't make sure you'd live to remember every detail. At least what they did didn't force you to hurt the one you love, to lose him."

I looked at Jasper and at the family that had gathered near the door then back to Rose.

"And as for Jasper, no I haven't forgiven him but I can't fault him for leaving, not anymore. If our roles had been reversed I would have done the same thing. Sometimes you have to do what's best for yourself and damn what everyone else thinks." I said softly.

I moved passed them towards the house.

"Now if you will excuse me I'd like to take a shower before I go to bed. Have a good night."

Jasper's soft touch on my arm drew my eyes to his.

"Bella."

"We'll talk tomorrow Jasper."

He nodded and let go of my arm. I instantly missed his touch and cursed my body for the tingles that lingered where his fingers had rested.

My shower was full of an overwhelming angst. I could not pin point where the feeling came from or why but every droplet that ran down my body was laced with its power. My movements were heavy and lazy as I wished for all the world that I could wash the feeling away.

The hot water ran out long before I was ready and with a compounding sense of regret I stepped out of the tiled stall. I dressed in my favorite pajama's and walked out of the bathroom still drying my hair to see Jasper standing with his back towards me gazing into the night through the window.

He turned around as I stepped further into the room.

"What are you doing here? I told you we'd talk tomorrow."

"I um, forgot to give you this today." He said as he held up a small box.

"Please tell me it's not jewelry. I don't think my jewelry box can handle any more."

He looked down at the box and chuckled.

"No it's not jewelry." I loved the gruffness of his voice as it filled with quiet humor. It made my heart clench in a bittersweet mixture of pleasure and pain.

"Thank god for that."

"You didn't like the necklace I gave you?" Though the laughter still laced his voice I could hear the hurt hiding behind it.

"Oh, no, nothing like that. I loved it." I looked to the floor as I tucked a wet lock of hair behind my ear. "It's just Renee gave me a bunch of jewelry for my birthday and the message that came with it is still making my head spin you know?"

"Well you don't need to worry about that. This is definitely not jewelry, though it is silver." He said with a grin.

He handed me the box.

"Happy birthday darlin'."

I opened the box with an encouraging smile from Jasper and stared in confusion.

"It's a…key?" I looked back at him.

"Go look out the hall window."

With another quizzical look I walked out of the door to the window. There was a gorgeous old muscle car sitting in the cone of light from the flood light. The dark paint shimmered under the spotlight looking much like Jasper under the light of the moon.

I looked down at the key held tightly in my hand and then back to the car. No fucking way. No Fucking WAY!

"You got me a car?"

I heard him come up behind me.

"I knew your truck was on it's last legs and thought since it was an older model car you'd like it a little more than a Volvo."

I turned to him with my face still frozen in shock.

"You got me a car?"

His eyes squinted a little and his brows rose towards his hairline.

"Yeah. I know you don't like expensive gifts and all but it really didn't cost me that much." He waited for my response but when he was met by silence he continued. "I'm sorry. Do you hate it? Look I can just give it to Peter if you don't want it and get you something else. I jus' thought that…"

He didn't get to finish his sentence as I launched myself at him squealing.

"No! No! I love it!"

He wrapped his arms around my waist and held onto me. He was just as reluctant as I was to let go. It felt so right, so perfect, here in his arms. Just like in Phoenix, it felt like home.

I pulled away far enough to look into his eyes.

"Thank you Jasper." I said softly, my earlier enthusiasm gone and replaced by a whirlwind of emotions that turned my stomach into knots.

"Your welcome darlin'."

We stood there in the hall just staring into each others eyes until we were very rudely interrupted by none other than the king of crude.

"Alright you candy bribing cradle robber. Let go of my baby sis before I have to whip out the pictures of your hairy ass and make her go screaming for the hills in terror of the yeti you've got hiding under your Wrangler's."

I huffed in frustration and looked over Jasper's shoulder to the grinning idiot behind him.

"You could spoil a wet dream you know that Emmett?" I retorted.

"Just doin my job Bells. What else is a brother for than to keep you from leaving snail trails all over the house?"

"Oh my god, Emmett! Graphic, too graphic!"

He gave me a toothy grin and shrugged his shoulders. I vowed that the day I'm strong enough to smack that smile off his face without breaking my hand I would do just that.

I stepped around Jasper.

"Well I should be getting to bed."

Their faces instantly fell as the newfound knowledge of what bed really meant for me.

"Bella? Are you gonna be ok? Do you want me to stay with you?"

I wanted to say yes so badly. My heart raced at the thought of him beside me throughout the night, his face the last thing I see before falling into abyss and the first thing when I opened my eyes in the morning. I know I wouldn't be able to feel him there beside me but just the knowledge of him there would help me through the eternity of burning.

"No Jasper. I'll be fine. It's not my first rodeo." I gave him a sad smile and closed my door.

Through the walls I heard his soft response.

"G'night darlin'."

Yeah, I wish.


	33. Daisy Mae's Day Out

**A/N: Hey everybody! Good news, new chapter, really long. I will warn you it's mostly fluff really but it's interesting fluff that sets up some pretty big shit thats coming up. I dont really have alot to say today. I had one song on repeat throughout the entire writing process of this chapter and it kind of captures the mood of it. Then during the editing I was listening to my Random playlist and the second and third songs seemed to fit with the chapter so I've added them in as well.**

**Ch 33 music- Painted on My Heart by The Cult, In Repair by Our Lady Peace and Utopia by Within Temptation**

**Enjoy my ovely peoples!**

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**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and all its characters.**

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JPOV

There was a heavy pall throughout the house that night. When Bella's heart rate leveled and her breathing became deep every living and non-living creature in the house seemed to hold their breath. As if when she fell unconscious our lives were put on pause. The emotions that tore through the house told me that everyone was waiting for it to happen again, to be plunged into the nightmare that was her mind. Some felt a need for it to happen again, to be there with her in the only way they could, or maybe they prayed for it as penance. Others dreaded it with every fiber of their being. So inundated I was with their emotions I couldn't be sure in which category I fell into.

Our wax museum impersonation was only broken by the sound of the phone ringing. It was Demetri calling in with an update. There was a storm brewing in the north and the trail was getting harder to read. He couldn't be sure if it was the weather, a further de-evolution of Edward's mind or something else but the tenor of Edward's mind was getting harder to grasp. This was unsettling to us all. Demetri was the best known tracker in the world, hence why he was a part of Aro's personal guard. Aro does not surround himself with second rate. If Demetri was losing him then there was definitely something wrong.

My thoughts were echoed by Peter's creeping sense of dread. His gift was telling him something was wrong. For the thousandth time throughout our companionship I cursed his overtly vague gift. It could tell us that there was a fire but it failed to say when, where, how, or who. His gift, which was really nothing more than an over developed sense of intuition, was the most inconveniently useful gift I had ever run across.

"I don' like this Major. Somethin's jus' not right."

"I know Peter."

"I knew we'd be doin' some huntin' soon but it jus' don't feel like this is it. But if this ain't it then I don' know what it could be."

"I don't either."

Who else could there be to hunt down? What else could there be to search for? I was drawing a blank right along with him.

"If Demetri is losing track of him then we need to take the fight to him, not wait for him to get here. Who knows just how far ahead he is of them."

"My thoughts exactly Major."

Fuck. I wasn't looking forward to telling the family or Bella about this. After the call had come in it became apparent that there wouldn't be any extended hunt for any of us on Wednesday so I assured Carlisle that they could go for a hunt while we stayed and waited for Bella to wake up. Rosalie put up a fight of course but in the end Emmett reasoned with her that Bella and I needed some time to ourselves to talk.

I raked my face with my hands and sighed heavily.

"We'll leave tomorrow. I just want today with Bella."

Immediately after I spoke I felt a short, faint burst of foreign emotion. I couldn't help but smile, it was happiness, hope, excitement, and it came from Bella.

I ran to her room with the wings of Hermes on my heels with a grin bright enough to light up a moonless Texas night.

"Mornin' darlin'." I drawled leaning against the door frame.

I smirked at the flutter of her heart and felt a pang of regret for the missing blush that should have accompanied it.

"Good morning to you too. I guess since I don't have a room full of statues it didn't happen again last night?"

My smile faltered and I took a step into the room.

"Nope."

"So did you have fun catching up with the family without the resident freak around?"

Her voice was light and joking but it hurt to hear her refer to herself like that.

"Your not a freak darlin', and no, it was a pretty quiet night. We just sat around and watched the shadows."

By the look on her face she didn't believe me, which I counted on. I wasn't going to tell her that really is exactly what we did.

"You know you don't have to lie to me. I don't care what you guys do when I'm…not around."

"And I wouldn't dream of lyin' to you darlin'. It was a very long and boring seven hours."

"Right. So where is everyone? Rose is usually here with a 'nutritious' meal, ready to shove it down my throat." She looked down and picked at her fingernail. "Though after last night I shouldn't be surprised that she's not here."

"Bella don't feel bad for standing up for yourself. She was out of line doin' what she did and you did what you had to do."

She nodded.

"Maybe but I should still apologize to her. I said some things I probably shouldn't have."

"Maybe, but maybe they were things she needed to hear."

"Still, I can't let things hang around between us like this. She was there to help me when no one else could, or would. She's been good to me."

"I understand darlin' but your apology is gonna have to wait. She's out hunting with the rest of the family right now."

She looked up startled.

"They all went? But they were going hunting on Wednesday."

"Well something changed and they decided they couldn't do the hunt Wednesday so I told them to go this morning. It's just you, me, Peter and Charlotte."

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Peter and Charlotte appeared in the doorway behind me, both grinning like the cat that ate the cream.

"Nope sorry Major, it's jus' gonna be you and sweet _bebelle_ here. The wify and me are goin' to get some food of our own. Thought we might try the roadkill diet while we're here so we don't get the _bouki's_ furry tails in a twist."

I looked to Bella to make sure that was ok with her and was rewarded with the most adorable face I'd ever laid eyes on. Her eyebrows were screwed together and her nose was quirked to the right as she looked between us in confusion.

"What's got you looking like your trying to figure out how the turtle got on top o' the fence post darlin'?" I asked.

Her face screwed up even more.

"What?"

Peter and I burst into laughter.

"What's got you puzzled sug." Charlotte translated sweetly while giving us both the stink eye.

"Oh." She muttered a look of embarrassment on her face. "Well I was just trying to figure out what Peter just said, and where he's from. The foreign words he says sound kind of French but he has a slight drawl like you and Jasper though his accent isn't Texan at all."

Peter stepped forward to explain.

"My dear _bebelle_, or doll, the roadkill diet is what I call the veggie diet and _bouki_ is a dimwitted dog in folktales where I'm from. As to where I'm from, well that'd the down in de bayou." He said laying on the accent heavily.

"Bayou? As in Louisiana?"

"Yes ma'am. I was born on the bayou in 1853 to a Texan mama and a Cajun daddy. And it's not French I been speakin' it's Cajun French."

"What's the difference?"

Peter opened his mouth but by the emotions he was putting out I knew it'd be something borderline rude so I quickly went on to explain to keep his mouth shut.

"Cajun's use a more archaic form of French mixed with Spanish, German, Portuguese, Native American and Caribbean languages."

"So it's a mutt language."

We all chuckled.

"Yeah darlin' it is."

"Ok. Now that the lessons over we're gonna head out and bag us some coons or whatever it is you weirdos eat."

He clapped me on the shoulder as he passed and Charlotte gave us each a friendly farewell before they descended the stairs.

"Try the possum! It's a real delicacy in these parts!" I yelled down at him.

"Fuck you fur sucker! I ain't fallin' for that shit! Next thing ya know you'll be tellin' me the snipe tastes like a juicy little fat kid!"

The door closed, cutting him off from my answering laughter. I turned back to Bella to see the ghost of a wistful smile on her face as she looked away from me.

"So darlin' hows about you get dressed and we'll take that sweet car of yours for a ride?"

"Um, as much as I would love to do just that, I have school."

My cell rang from my pocket. It was the distinct tone that Peter had set for himself on the drive here. I pulled it out and pressed the call button then set it to speaker.

"Schools been canceled today _bebelle_. It seems they had an anonymous call alertin' 'em to a particularly nasty bomb stashed somewhere on the grounds. Have fun an' take care o' Daisy for me."

Bella stood gaping at the phone as it disconnected. As much as I hate to condone Peter's little flights of fancy like this I couldn't help but send out a mental thanks to the crazy bastard. For a second I was afraid that the one day I had given myself with Bella before I left to deal with Edward was going to be spent stalking that damn high school.

"Um, who the hell is Daisy and why do I have to take care of her?" She asked dumbfounded.

"Daisy is what Peter named the car, after his favorite character from the Dukes of Hazard. Even got a little decal put on the back window."

"Seriously?"

"Yep."

"Right. That's a little weird."

"That's Peter darlin'. Now get dressed, we're burnin' daylight."

She stood upright at attention and saluted me.

"Yes sir, Major sir." She said with a snicker.

I'd be lyin' if I said that didn't make the little man in my jeans twitch. I had an instant vision of Bella in one of those sexy little soldier outfits standing before me ready to take orders. My mind wondered to all the fun we'd have once her psychotic ex was taken care of and we could move on with our life, together.

I smirked at her as she shut the bathroom door. The sound of cloth moving across her skin and falling to the floor had my imagination running wild with thoughts of the creamy skin of her hips beneath my fingertips, the soft moan of pleasure that would escape her lips as I played her body like a well tuned instrument under my skilled hands. I saw how she would writhe on the bed in ecstasy as I brought her to heights she'd never known existed. One day I would spend hours, days even, worshipping at her temple, showing her just how much of a goddess she is.

My jeans were uncomfortably tight as the images bombarded my brain. I felt like a deviant for thinking of her like that when she has been so completely traumatized. She wouldn't be ready for that kind of intimacy for a very long time and it tore me apart thinking that I wouldn't be able to touch like I wanted to. Now that I had accepted that she was really and truly my mate, the urge to cement our connection and bind her to me for eternity was stronger than anything I'd ever felt. Every instinct, every need, every desire screamed to hold her, touch her, claim her, like a mate should.

I'd seen her almost imperceptible grimace whenever someone touched her, the visible flinch whenever she didn't see it coming. She was broken and it would take a lot of time and gentle care to heal her. Even then, like Carlisle and Emmett said, she'd never be the same girl, but maybe she would come out of this a stronger person.

She was finally done getting ready for the day and came out of the bathroom dressed in a pair of loose jeans and a baggy Pink Floyd band shirt, but to me she had never been more gorgeous. I could tell, despite her blocking my gift, that she was brimming with excitement, she was nearly glowing because of it. She had pulled her hair into a ponytail and the curve of her graceful neck was a sight more erotic than my earlier musings. It begged to be kissed, sucked, and lavished with the attention of a lover, to be cradled as it arched in carnal bliss and vibrated with purrs of rapture.

"Jasper?"

I shook my head to clear it of the pictures that played vividly through my mind. I looked at her and her questioning eyes.

"Are you ok? You looked kind of lost there for a minute."

"Yeah, no I…I'm fine. Just you know, thinking." I chuckled to try and hide the roughness in my voice caused by my arousal. "So you ready to go?"

"Hell yeah, I'm ready to see how Daisy feels behind the wheel." She answered laughing as she used the name Peter had christened it with.

Once outside Bella took her time walking around the car, running her hands over the paint and caressing it's curves. I had to actively steer my thoughts away from how her hands would feel on my naked chest, or the sight she would make on my bed caressing herself like that for me.

"She's beautiful." She breathed when she made it to the front of the car.

"Yeah, she is." I said not taking my eyes off of Bella.

She looked over and met my stare before shifting her eyes to the ground.

"You weren't even looking at the car Jasper."

"I wasn't talking about the car either darlin'."

She stuck her hands into her pockets and shuffled her feet.

"Right, so, um, are you ready?"

I moved to the driver's door and opened it wide for her.

"After you my dear." I said giving an exaggerated bow and smirking at her.

She returned with a smirk of her own and walked with an almost swagger towards me. The sway of her hips tempted me into another daydream of my hands on her hips as we moved together in a primal rhythm as old as time itself.

What the hell is wrong with me today? I need to fucking get my shit together.

"Why thank ya cowboy."

Damn that imitation drawl falling from her lips and that sultry smile nearly had me undone. The only thing that kept me from throwing her against the side of the car and ravaging her was the fear of her reaction to such an aggressive move.

She slid behind the wheel and craned her head around taking in the black leather interior and chrome accented dashboard. I closed the door and ran to the other side climbing in beside her as she stuck the key in the ignition. It started with a growl that quickly turned to a bass-like purr. Bella's eyes closed as she hummed in pleasure.

"Damn that's a gorgeous sound."

"It sure is darlin'." I agreed not talking about the car at all. "Now let's get her out on the highway so you can open her up and see what she can really do."

She giggled as she shifted into drive and stepped lightly on the gas. Once on the highway she was able to really get a feel for the car. It didn't take long for her to tune herself to the car and it was mesmerizing to watch. The car responded to her in an almost anticipatory manner, they fit together effortlessly and I knew I owed Peter for this. His feeling was right on the money.

"So where should we go?"

She was the very image of perfection, sitting there behind the wheel like she was born for it, her hair whipping in the wind and the world blurring past her window. The smile that was permanently glued to her face was the biggest I'd ever seen her wear. I would happily give up my immortality just for the opportunity to see her like this.

"Well how bout we drive up to Beaver and stop in for some food. I hear the Hungry Bear Café serves a mean biscuit and gravy breakfast, complete with hashbrowns, bacon and eggs."

At the mention of food I heard the distinct sound of her stomach gurgle in anticipation.

"Oh that does sound good, but only if its real hashbrowns and not those preformed patty things. Those things are a crime against potatoes everywhere."

"How so?"

"Because! Those are not hashbrowns! Those things are just obese tatertots trying to fool us into thinking their something better. Tatertots are a school cafeteria invention to get rid of left over hashbrowns and hashbrowns are the potato's crowning achievement."

I shook my head at her logic and laughed.

"Well alright then."

It was only another five minutes or so until we hit Beaver and though we had a million things to talk about, we were silent. The only sound was the low music coming from the stereo and the car gliding along the highway. It wasn't an awkward silence, it was comfortable with a feeling of contentment permeating the air.

We pulled into the empty café parking lot and found a quiet corner in the back. The breakfast crowd had already cleared out and the lunch traffic was still more than an hour away. Bella was pleased to find out that they indeed did serve 'real' hashbrowns and ordered a large plate of them with gravy and bacon. The conversation flowed easily between us as she ate and I pretended to sip on a cup of black coffee. I hadn't really been looking forward to having to drink it just to keep up appearances. When Bella saw my face after the waitress had delivered the steaming mug she laughed and told me I didn't really have to drink it.

"But I know how awkward it makes you feel when you eat and we don't so I think the least I could do is choke down a cup of coffee for ya." I told her.

"Oh please. It's not really that bad anymore. I've gotten used to it. Besides, you wouldn't take me on a hunt with you and expect me to drink just because you are would you?"

"Well no but that's different."

"No. No it's not. You wouldn't expect me to drink blood and I don't expect you to eat food." She said in a matter of fact tone.

"I hadn't really thought about it like that darlin'. You have a very valid point. Thank you." I beamed at her grateful that she had saved me from having to ingest the foul smelling brew.

"You know, I remember coffee from my human days."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It was nothing like the stuff you have now. Our coffee came in the form of little green beans that we'd have to roast and grind ourselves using nothing but a tin cup, if we were lucky. If we weren't lucky we were stuck with coffee substitutes that were made from acorns, peanuts, chestnuts, barley, and even okra seeds."

"Wow. I can't imagine you drank coffee an awful lot then."

"On the contrary. We drank coffee like is was our own brand of heroin, out on the field the average soldier had little more with them than their rifle, tin cup and coffee rations. Most of the time coffee was the only edible thing we had cause our food was usually full of weevils, covered in mold or harder than a rock."

"Ew that's just disgusting."

"Yeah it was but those were the times. We didn't have preservatives and airtight packaging or even refrigeration to keep food fresh. That's why pillaging was so popular among the soldiers, 'cause if you stole the food right off the farm then it was guaranteed fresh and edible."

"Wow. I can't imagine what it was like back then. And you, you actually lived it." Her face portrayed the amazement in her voice.

"That's nothin', you aughtta hear some of Carlisle's stories. He was born two hundred years before me. He lived when there was no such thing as guns and machinery. Now that I can't imagine."

She pushed her plate away, the contents half eaten. I waited for her to say something but when she made no move to meet my gaze or respond I knew something was wrong.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," She said shifting her eyes to the window peering out at the grey sky. "Its just…it's a little hard to wrap my head around the fact that the people I live with, that are as close to me as my own parents, have actually lived the history I've spent my entire life learning about in books. You all have lived long enough to amass the knowledge of several lifetimes, or in Carlisle's case a dozen, and still…" Her voice trailed off in a morose tone.

"And still can make the mistakes of a normal average human?" I finished for her.

She bent her head and focused on her hands that were now tearing at the napkin. I leaned across the table and rested my hands over hers stilling her nervous movements.

"None of us are perfect Bella. You seem to look at us like we're demigods or something, but we're not. We're men and women just like you, we learn the exact same way you do, by making mistakes. We may have lived long enough to have the knowledge of several lifetimes but for the most part we don't have the life experience to back it up. Our lives have maintained a constant for decades, with the same people, same routines year after year. This is all new to us as well."

She slid her hands out from under mine and sighed heavily slumping back into her seat.

"I know, I know. And it's not like it's completely yours and the family's fault either. I mean, I didn't say anything, I didn't try to get help." Her eyes that held so much sorrow and turmoil were also filled to the brim condemnation, not towards me or the rest of the family but towards herself. "I didn't even try Jasper."

I took her hands in mine once more and held on with an iron grip when she tried to pull them away.

"Darlin', you listen to me and you listen good." I told her my voice hard and angry. "You did nothin' wrong. He threatened you, played on your insecurities, and used your love for your family against you. Given who he is and what he is you did the only thing you knew to do and that was anything in order to survive and ensure their safety."

She averted her eyes down to the table but I couldn't have that. I had a point to make and I was going to make damn sure it got through. I released her hands and took her face between my hands and forced her to look at me.

"No one blames you for what happened. We understand why you didn't tell us. It's us that should have handled it better. I shouldn't have let the family's doubts dictate my actions, they should have listened to me, we all should have done something to keep you away from him the minute we suspected he was abusing his advantages over you. We were the ones with the power to stop it and we did nothing. We are the ones at fault here. Not you. Do you understand me? Never you." I stared hard into her eyes taking in the striations of brown and crimson that looked like a work of art hanging on a museum wall and I could almost see the tears that would be streaking down her face.

"But it was my fault Jasper." Her voice was thick and husky with emotion. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. "I told him I loved him and then I betrayed him with my best friend's husband. I was wracked with guilt over that betrayal and by my feelings for you. So I became what he wanted me to be in order to convince myself that I belonged with him. The day that I said I fell down the stairs was the day I decided I couldn't pretend anymore and broke things off with him, it was also the first time he hit me. It was me finally admitting what I felt for you that sent him over the edge that day." She choked back a strangling sob.

I shook her gently while running my thumbs beneath her eyes, wiping away the invisible tears.

"Bella, darlin', baby, look at me." I could hear the panic and desperation in my voice though I was trying my damnedest to stay calm. The damage he had done knew no bounds and it was causing the demon I had made amends with to bite at the bit with fury.

She opened her eyes and the guilt that thundered within their depths was like a hurricane wiping all trace of hope from the world. It broke my heart to see her blame herself for anything that asshole did to her.

"You are not responsible for his actions. You made some mistakes but he had a choice. He made the decision to hurt you, him, not you."

I was focused so entirely on Bella that I was taken by surprise when the waitress appeared beside the table.

"Is there anything I can get you over here? Some more coffee?"

I pulled away from Bella and sat back against the booth uncomfortably.

"No thanks, I'm good." I said with my eyes still trained on the angel sitting across from me. She was shifting nervously.

"Alright then. Are you done with your plate hon? Want me to take it for you?"

"Yes, thank you." She said quietly darting her eyes to the waitresses aging face then down to the table.

"I'll bring you the check." I nodded in appreciation.

As soon as the waitress disappeared Bella muttered that she needed to use the restroom and shuffled off to the other side of the café. As I waited for the bill and Bella I thought through everything that was said, and everything that was not said. Her predicament was more my fault than I had ever imagined, but I resolved myself to stop playing the blame game. We had all had a hand in the situation, some more than others, but the ones that had held the weapons would get there just desserts. Well, one would, Alice had already paid her dues, unfortunately. I hadn't allowed myself too much time to think on her involvement in this whole fiasco. She had orchestrated the whole thing, she riled the mentally weak Edward up, gave him the gun and told him which way to shoot. Then covered for him every chance she got. I was almost sorry that he had killed her, only because I wanted to do it myself. If it were possible I would bring her back from the hereafter just to kill her again, only much more slowly and infinitely more painfully. How the stupid bitch could think she would get away with it is beyond me. She had to have seen that eventually her part in the mess would be discovered. After all the years we spent together she had to have known what would happen if, no, when I found out.

I mentally cursed her soul to the deepest pits of hell, then hoped that hell truly existed just to punish her, and eventually Edward once I was done with his sorry ass.

I heard the chime of the bell above the door followed by the raucous noise of a group of teenagers from Forks High enter the diner.

"Hey Aunt Mabel, is Roger still serving pancakes or do we need to order from the lunch menu?" One of the kids asked as the crowd situated three of the tables in the middle of the floor together.

"Eric Yorkie! Why aren't you in school?" The older woman who had waited on us scolded the kid as they all sat down.

"He's not skipping Ms Parker, there was a bomb threat so they canceled classes for the day while they search the school." The sweet faced girl a few seats down chimed in. I recognized her as the girl that Bella had become friends with last school year, Angela.

"A bomb threat? Lord almighty what is the world coming to if even a school isn't safe?"

"It's probably nothing Aunt Mabel, just someone that forgot to do Mr Tanners report that was due today."

"But it's exciting though don't you think? They had to call in the bomb squad from Seattle along with those dogs that sniff out bombs. Some of those cops were really young, and really cute." One of the other girls giggled.

"Please Jess, you…oh my god is that one of the Cullen's back there?" I remembered that voice very well, Lauren Mallory. "No, no, no, don't everyone look at once!" She hissed.

"Oh my god it is!" Someone whispered. "That's Jasper!"

"What's he doing here? Isn't he supposed to be at college?"

"He's here with a girl." The waitress added. "Things looked pretty serious between them."

"Alice? But I thought her and Edward were sent to a special art school for the semester?"

Just then I heard the squeak of the bathroom door opening and looked to the doorway to see Bella frozen in place as she took in the gaggle of her peers sitting between her and I. They hadn't seen her yet but they would the moment she made a move towards our table. I watched as she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders readying herself for the questions that would surely come.

"Bella!" All the chatter stopped as Angela rose and skipped over to Bella's side.

"Hey Angela." Bella greeted her with a genuine smile even if it was a little apprehensive.

"Fancy seeing you here right? We just came to mooch food off of Eric's aunt, what are you doing here?"

"Oh well, me and, um, me and Jasper were just taking my new car for a drive when we realized we were hungry and decided to stop for some breakfast." She gestured towards me as they slowly made their way towards the tables.

"Oh my god, your dad got you a new car?"

"Well, um, no. Jasper did, for my birthday."

"Wait," The boy I recognized as the one that would have killed Bella with his car last January if it had not been for Edward, butted into their conversation. "That's your car out there?" He pointed out the window at Daisy.

They all whipped their heads towards the window.

"No way! Jasper Hale bought you that for your birthday?" Mike who had been silent until now spoke up. I felt the rage of jealousy run through him, but it wasn't aimed towards the car, it was aimed at me.

When she nodded with a small prideful smirk playing on her face there was a round of appreciative remarks from the guys of the group.

"I don't get it. What's so great about it?" Asked Jessica, her confusion and jealousy over the attention Bella was receiving evident in her voice.

"That, Jessica, is a 1970 Chevelle Hardtop Coupe." Piped a guy whose name I didn't know.

"So?"

"It's only like the best muscle car ever produced by Chevy, ever! The LS6 model was one of the fastest built muscle cars of all time with four hundred and fifty horses straight from the factory."

I had to admit, I was slightly impressed, the kid knew his muscle cars. It's not a very popular genre with the younger generation these days.

"You act like I'm supposed to know what that means Scott."

All of the guys, save for Mike whose attention was focused solely on Bella, shook their heads at the ignorance of the girl but from the emotions bouncing around, most of the guys didn't even know what he was talking about. They just thought they should and were going along with him.

The boy, Scott, turned to Bella, his excitement palpable.

"So how's it ride?"

Bella beamed.

"Like a dream."

Before Scott could ask his next question Lauren decided to open her mouth. The malice that I felt from her almost dripped from her lips as she jabbed at Bella with her words.

"So you and Jasper huh? I guess we know the real reason why Edward and Alice ran off to art school now."

That's it, time to go, before I kill the girl right here in front of the rest of the children. I threw a twenty on the table which would more than cover Bella's breakfast and my untouched coffee and made my way quickly to Bella's side.

"Not that it's any of your business, Lauren, but no, it's not like that at all. Jasper and I are just really good friends."

"Psh, please, nobody gives a girl a car for her birthday without something else going on. What, one Cullen wasn't good enough for you? You had to go after your best friend's man too?"

The rest of the kids just sat there wide eyed and wondering looking between the two. Angela was angry but the rest of them were throwing off mixtures of agreement, shame, discomfort and pleasure. The pleasure and agreement was being projected by most of the girls and I could only assume their thoughts were on a similar track as Laurens. The shame and discomfort came from the others that were trying to avert their eyes from the spectacle in front of them. They didn't like how Lauren was treating Bella but they weren't willing to step in and help her. The waitress just stood there enraptured by the drama she was soaking up to run off and gossip about with all the other ol' biddies.

I made it to Bella's side and all eyes turned to me.

"Come on darlin', let's get outta here." I said placing my hand on the small of her back for reassurance.

She looked at me nodding absently and I was about ready to rip Lauren's throat out for saying that awful shit, especially after what Bella had just confided. She already held a mountain of guilt on her shoulders for the way things had happened, she didn't need this spiteful little girl accusing her of the same things she blamed herself for. No matter how untrue it is.

I ushered her away from the tables and walked slowly behind her so she would clear the door without hearing what I was about to say. I didn't want her going to school and having to face these kinds of rumors but the only way I knew to do that was to steer the animosity towards someone else. In this case the family would take the brunt of it but they were able to handle the scandal, Bella's skin wasn't as thick as ours.

"It really aint any of ya'lls business," I said turning back to the group once Bella was out the door. "But Edward and Alice didn't go to art school, they were sent away to live with relatives because they didn't give two shits about us or the family when they decided to jump into bed together. You can talk shit about them and our family all you want but Bella didn't do anything wrong and I won't let you drag her name through the mud like that." I finished with a growl staring into the wide eyes of the biggest mouth in the town of Forks.

I marched out the door towards an inquiring Bella. She stood near the door with the questions ready to fire.

"What did you say to them? They look like they've been sucking on a lemon."

"I told them the truth. Or at least a version of it." I said taking her arm and leading her toward the car.

"You did what!" She demanded pulling her arm from my grasp.

"I told them Edward and Alice were sent to live with relatives 'cause they were caught in bed together."

"Oh my god, Jasper! How could you do that?" She was even more upset at the news of me setting them straight than she was with the loud mouthed bitch's accusations.

"I did what I had to do to shut them up. I don't want you goin' to school tomorrow with rumors flying around like flies on cow shit about how you chased off two Cullen's so you could get your hands on another! The family can take a scandal like that with a grain of salt, you can't. I saw how that whore affected you and you don't need to take her shit on top of everything else you've been havin' to deal with." I tried reasoning with her but the look on her face only told me that I was just digging the hole deeper. I didn't understand what I did wrong here. I was only defending her.

"I didn't need you to defend me like that! I've been dealing with that shit since school started. Only now it's going to be worse because instead of them just whispering about it behind my back and throwing the odd comment out there they are going to be all over me demanding to hear the whole fucking story of how I drove my god damn fiancée to the arms of his sister!" She was yelling at me in the middle of the parking lot and I could feel the eyes of everyone in the café on us watching and waiting for more gossip fodder.

"Then just tell them that it was goin' on long before you even came around. It's the truth."

"I shouldn't have to tell them anything! You should have just kept your damn mouth shut!"

"Well excuse me for tryin' to do what I thought was best for my mate!"

She cocked her head back like she'd been hit and her eyes went wide.

"So you think you know what's best for me now is that it?"

"Yes, damnit, I do!"

"You can go to fucking hell Jasper Whitlock, and take that bull you rode in on too because I don't need your shit." She turned around and stalked towards the car.

"I put up with enough of that crap from Edward, I don't need it from you too."

It was with those words I understood what the real problem was, what it was that I had done wrong. I ran my hands through my hair fisting them at the base of my neck.

"Fuck!"

I was so fucking pissed that I could have screwed up so badly without even realizing what I was doing. Here I was trying to dictate her life, making decisions for her without even thinking about what she wanted. She was right, she had taken that shit from Edward for far too long and now here I was trying to do the same damn thing.

The roar of the engine alerted me to the fact that she was fully intending on leaving my ass here in the parking lot. Fuckin' hell.

"Bella! Wait!" I ran to stop her from leaving. I had to remind myself that there were still a dozen eyes watching us so I couldn't just use my speed to catch up with her.

I caught up to her as she stopped at the road and waited for an opening in traffic. I said a silent prayer that she hadn't thought to lock the doors as I jumped into the passenger seat. Looking at her profile I was struck breathless. Her eyes blazed with anger and life, there was a slight glow to her skin that hadn't been there this morning and her jaw was clenched so tightly that I was a little afraid she'd break her teeth, but she was glorious in her fury. When she didn't make a move to pull into the road when it cleared I realized she was waiting for something but my mind was still stuck on how beautiful she was when she was mad and I couldn't think straight.

"You better have something to say along the lines of 'I'm sorry' or you can get out of my car right now and walk your sorry ass home."

She pinned me with her stare and instantly made me feel like I was two inches tall and minus my balls. How in the hell a human, or mostly human, girl could have this effect on me was beyond me but I knew in that moment I wasn't above groveling.

"Darlin' I am really fuckin' sorry. I wasn't thinkin' when I said that. And I'm sorry for tellin' 'em. I just couldn't handle them treatin' you like that. You deserve better than that. I was jus' tryin' to get them to lay off ya. I should've realized that you've had plenty of time to do that yourself and that there must have been a good reason for you to have not done it." I pleaded my case, trying desperately to make her see just how sorry I was. "I was jus' tryin' to help."

She looked back to the road and seeing that it was clear she turned out on the highway.

"You're right. There was a reason I hadn't said anything. I can handle the rumors, it doesn't really bother me or my daily life, but if I had told them your version it would have affected Carlisle and Esme's. It doesn't matter how understanding the people in town seem to be, it's still a small town full of judgmental assholes that wouldn't understand that the sins of the children aren't the sins of the parents. Carlisle loves his job at the hospital, he likes the people and he enjoys the fact that he can bring the kind of skills that are only found in the best hospitals to this small community. He has saved countless lives in this town just by using his super senses like smelling the early stages of cancer, hearing the irregularity in a newborns heartbeat, and seeing the tumor as big as a grain of salt on an MRI. And Esme has always enjoyed helping out in the maternity and pediatric ward and everyone there loves her because she is so good with the kids and new mothers, many of whom look up to her as a role model. But none of that will matter once the people hear that those two were committing incest under their roof. Not when all of you guys were already pushing the bounds of taboo by being adopted by the same parents and living as couples with their permission." She was still angry, I could hear it in her voice and see it in the way she gripped the steering wheel, but she was losing her steam.

She was right. I hadn't thought on how it would affect their daily lives in the long run. I felt horrible for putting the guilt of what was sure to happen on her shoulders. However misplaced it was she would feel guilty that she was the reason behind it.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't think that far ahead. I was just trying to help you out." I apologized again. Then something that she had said in the parking lot came back to me. "They've been talking about you like that since the start of school?"

She glanced over at me and nodded.

"And Emmett never did anything?"

She shook her head no.

"I asked him not to. I also asked him not to tell the family. It would have done nothing but piss Rose off and upset Esme."

"What were they sayin'? I mean it's not like they could accuse you of the same thing that girl did today."

She gave me a pointed look that told me that's exactly what they were doing.

"They really tried to say you were with Emmett?"

"Yep, hence why Rose would be pissed off. But really every rumor you could possibly think of was circulated. I was pregnant, I cheated on Edward with you, Emmett, even Carlisle, one even had me caught in bed with Alice. I was also rumored to have turned Alice and Edward onto drugs, and the other way around, either way they were both in rehab. No matter what the rumor the common element was that I had destroyed the family." Her anger was now gone as she recounted the rumors with nothing more than bitter disinterest.

"And Emmett didn't tell the family about this?"

"Oh no, he wanted to but I begged him not to. It wouldn't do any good and I had become used to the cold looks and sneers. I think they bothered him more than they did me."

"Well yeah. You don't deserve that shit. After all that you've been through you shouldn't have had to deal with that too."

"I don't care what those idiots think of me Jasper. Besides, compared to what I had been going through it didn't even really register on my list of things to care about."

"Don't you think it's a bit hypocritical of you to keep something like that from the family when it involves them too? I mean you did it for their own good didn't you?" I had to ask, after she had just put me through the ringer for doing the exact same thing.

"Maybe but it involved me more. The family would have put what they thought I needed first when it came to that and no matter how much I would've told them it didn't matter they would have made the decision to out a version that took the blame off me just like you did. And then I would have felt even guiltier that they had put their own name at risk just to save me from stupid high school rumors."

"But you don't think they deserved the right to make that decision for themselves?"

"Maybe…"

"Bella-"

"Look, fine I get it ok! I'm a god damn hypocrite! So sue me!" She snapped.

I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face. I might have even laughed a little bit. I just fell more in love with the woman she had become. It seemed that every moment I spent in her presence, getting to know the Bella beyond the mask she had worn for so long, I missed the old Bella less and less. This woman was a firecracker when she was angry and hated to admit that she was wrong but would begrudgingly admit defeat when it was warranted.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" She asked with a mixture of anger and confusion.

"Nothin' darlin', just enjoying the fact that I won our first real argument and even got you to admit you were wrong." I said beaming even brighter at the scowl she shot at me.

"Whatever."

We were quiet for a few minutes, me smiling away and her wearing that cute little scowl that caused her eyes to pinch at the corners. My mind wondered once more to less innocent thoughts of the fights we would have in the years to come and the make up sex that would ensue. Would she be one of those that liked to have rough angry sex and then laugh at the ridiculous reasons for the fight afterwards? I could imagine the way her breasts would bounce as I took her roughly against the wall, our clothes in tatters on the floor around our feet.

We had just passed a sign that informed us it was thirty five miles to Port Angeles when I realized that she had turned east on the highway in Beaver instead of west.

"We're going to Port Angeles?" I asked.

This time it was her turn to laugh.

"What have you been thinking about over there that kept you from realizing we weren't even driving in the right direction?" She said smiling.

"You don't want to know." I smiled back at her.

"Ok now you've got me curious. What were you thinking about?"

"Seriously darlin', you don't want to know."

She pressed her lips into a thin line while still maintaining the smile in her eyes. She was nearly bouncing in her seat from frustration.

"You know I've always hated that expression. If I didn't want to know then I wouldn't freaking ask. So tell me, what had you lost in lala land?" She demanded.

I huffed. She wasn't going to take no for an answer. Do I tell her the truth or do I make something up? Hmm, 'I was imaging how your boobs would bounce while I fucked you against the wall' or 'I was practicing my Russian for the day when the Comies take over the world.' It was a tough decision. How about a half truth, I've been handing those out like their candy today so why not.

"I was thinking about you." And your perky little breasts.

"Oh, ok then." She said drawing out the syllables and looking at me like she was contemplating the possibility that I was slow in the head.

A smirk played across my lips. One disaster averted.

"So," I said before she could think too long on my answer and why I was less then enthusiastic to tell her. "What do you want to do in Port Angeles?"

Her face lit up as she went on to explain that she wanted to get some 'bad-ass' seat covers and accessories for the car. She spent the last thirty miles talking very animatedly about all the stuff she had seen in the car shop when she had come here with Rose and Emmett last week. She was genuinely excited to make the car truly hers and it warmed me to my toes to hear the plans she had and see the life that shone in her eyes.

We spent hours going from store to store picking up little odds and ends for the car. She took to calling the car Daisy pretty fast and by the end she had extended it to Daisy Mae and even had a new decal made at the custom shop complete with a tribal phoenix wrapping around it. I didn't need to ask the reason behind the phoenix. I had watched as she pulled the necklace discreetly from her pocket and showed the guy at the counter what she wanted the phoenix to look like. I of course wouldn't let her pay for anything touting that since it was my present to her I should at least foot the bill for any customizations she wanted to do to it. The excuse sounded like crap to me too but she just rolled her eyes and went in search of a stereo. The one thing we hadn't updated on the car was the stereo since Peter didn't want to lose what tunes we had and I wasn't willing to lose time by stopping at a music store. So that old tape deck still sat in the dash looking like the neglected little red headed step child.

I went ahead and paid the guys to install the stereo while we went shopping for cd's. I was surprised by the collection she came up with. There was a nice selection of sixties and seventies rock, with some modern alternative rock thrown in but the bulk of it was eighties hair bands and hard rock. Her and Peter had the exact same taste in music.

It wasn't until four o'clock when we got on the road back to Forks. The hour drive back was filled with laughter and singing. She had a great voice and knew all the songs. We debated over the best bands and best songs, discussed the meanings behind some of the serious songs, which gave me great insight to the workings of her mind, and made fun of the more ridiculous songs.

The drive went entirely too fast for me and I was almost angry when our turn came into sight. After the day we'd had I didn't want to walk into that house and be forced to share her attention once more. I quickly thought of ways to stall our return. Then it hit me, I could take her out to the little watering hole I found on one of my hunts. It's too cold to go for a dip but I was sure she'd appreciate the view despite the chill that was in the air.

"Hey darlin', why don't you keep goin' a little ways and take the road on the right?"

She quirked her eyebrow at me but nodded and kept driving. When she turned off the road she snorted.

"You call this a road?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with it?"

"In Arizona this would be called a wash, but everywhere else it would just be called a wet weather creek."

"No this is a road, see the gravel, that's not here by accident."

"Some would call that a creek bed." She retorted with a laugh.

"Just shut up and drive." I remarked with a smile.

I enjoyed our little, I don't even know what to call them. Fake squabbles? Verbal matches? Whatever the name, I loved it. Matching wits with my woman. It was such a mundane thing but it gave me a sense of normalcy, as if we were just another human couple.

I directed her through the maze of winding gravel and dirt roads. She bitched the entire time that I was getting her car messed up. I wasn't about to tell her that this car had handled a road twice as bad topping a hundred miles an hour with a cop trailing in its dust, I just had a feeling that she wouldn't take to that news too kindly. Finally after twenty minutes of navigating we came to the spot that I was looking for.

"Alright, do you see there where the grass is tamped down and there's just enough room for a truck to fit in between the trees?"

"You can't be serious! I am not taking Daisy Mae into that! What if we get stuck in the mud or I hit a tree?"

"Oh come on Bella. Look who you're talking to. If we get stuck I'll just get out and lift the damn thing out of the mud. And if you're that worried about hitting a tree then let me drive, you know I won't hit anything."

She sat there, her eyes darting from the darkened path to me and back again.

"Fine, you drive, but if you get one scratch on her you're spending the night repainting her." She huffed as she threw the car into park and got out.

I slid over and waited for her to make it around the car.

"You won't regret this darlin' I promise."

"Whatever, just be careful."

I maneuvered through the trees as Bella white knuckled the door and worked on grinding her teeth into powder. Finally the trees thinned and the pink sky was visible past the tree line.

"Close your eyes."

"What? Why?"

I gave her a look.

"Just do it."

"Fine." She huffed again and shut her eyes tight.

I slowly brought the car to a stop ten feet from the pool of water and got out. I rushed to Bella's door and helped her out while she kept her eyes welded closed.

"Alright darlin' you can open 'em." I told her as I led her to the front of the car.

She gasped when she got her first look at the beauty in front of her. There was a stream that fell down a small six foot cliff into a pool that was about sixty feet across then it spilled into another pool almost twice it's size about ten feet below it. The rocky ledges were covered in moss and leaves but the real amazing part was how clear the pools were. You could see straight to the bottoms where the perfectly smooth river stones sat in all shades of white, grey, black and red. The fiery sky was being reflected off the surface of the pools turning the green surrounding them into a frame to mark the art of nature's glory.

"Wow. Jasper this is…there are no words for this. It's just…incredible." She breathed awestruck by its magnificence.

I grinned down at her.

"Yeah I thought you'd like it."

"Like it? No! I love it!"

I had been wrestling with the decision all day of when to tell her that I was leaving tomorrow to hunt down Edward. My original plan when I decided to bring her here was to show her this place and talk to her about it. I know it was cowardly of me but I was going to use the beauty of this place to help make her more agreeable to my plans. I knew she wouldn't want me to go so soon after coming home but I had hope that the magic of this place would help me convince her it was the only way to be able to take care of him without anyone else getting hurt, so we could start our life together. Looking at the awe and wonder on her face now, I couldn't do it. I couldn't spoil the magic of this place for her.

I sat on the hood of the car and pulled her to me with her back coming flush with my chest and her hips fitting perfectly between my knees. I wrapped my arms around her and rested my head on top of hers staring out at the setting sun. The sigh that fell from her lips was heavenly; it was the sound of contentment and quiet joy. We sat like that for nearly an hour, the only sounds in our little slice of paradise was the waterfalls as they dumped their water into the pools.

I moved my head to her shoulder and brushed my lips across the shell of her ear.

"I love you Bella. I'm so sorry for the pain I've caused you. I'm gonna do better, I promise."

She turned around within the circle of my arms.

"I'm not going to lie to you and tell you its ok, because it's not. But I can tell you that I understand why you did it. I hurt you too. I'm sorry. I don't forgive you for the way you did it but I do forgive you for doing it. We've both fucked up so much and…and I would like it if we could start over. Today has been wonderful and I like us together. We can laugh, cry, argue, and just be quiet together. I…I want this." She said nervously biting her bottom lip.

"God darlin' I want this too. So much you have no idea."

I tucked the hair that had come loose from her ponytail behind her ear then rested my hand against the side of her face, gently stroking her cheek. Her eyes closed as she gave a soft moan.

"I think I might have an idea." She responded opening her eyes to stare into mine.

The world faded away as our faces drew closer. Her tongue darted across her lips in anticipation. I wasn't aware of moving but then suddenly our lips touched and it was ambrosia. The sweetest gift from the ancient gods. Her lips molded to mine perfectly, the warmth of them were my undoing and what began as a tentative kiss turned to passion and heat. Her lips parted giving me the entrance I begged for then our tongues were dancing that timeless battle for dominance. My hands wound through her hair as she wrapped her arms around my neck. She moaned into my mouth and I thought I would explode from the sheer bliss of it all. I trailed my hands down to her hips and pulled her closer. My obvious erection sandwiched between our bodies, rubbing against her stomach.

Then, just as suddenly as it began, it was over. She jumped backwards with a look of panic on her face and her heart skipping faster than a hummingbird's wing.

"What? What's wrong? Did I hurt you? Shit Bella I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

Her clear panic fed my own. I stepped closer to try and find any injuries but when I stepped forward she took a step back and held her hands up to stop me.

"Darlin'?"

She just held her hands up higher and closed her eyes tightly shaking her head back and forth.

"Bella, please, tell me what's wrong. What'd I do?"

She whimpered slightly before finally opening her eyes.

"It's not you Jasper, it's not you, please believe that. I just, I can't do this. Not right now."

Her hands shook as she lowered them and wrapped her arms around her middle looking for all the world like she was trying to keep herself together.

Then it hit me. It wasn't me, it was him, and the memories of his hands, his cruel hateful hands on her body. The images that I had been privy to the night before last ran through my mind like a riptide pulling me down into their depths.

"Oh god, darlin'. I'm so sorry. I didn't…I didn't think about how hard this would be for you. I'm sorry."

She shook her head violently.

"No, don't apologize! You didn't do anything wrong." She said as she tried to choke back the sobs that were slowly trying to overtake her. "I'm the one that's broken. I'm never going to work right and that's not fair to you. I'm sorry, but I can't do this to you."

"No un uh, don't you talk like that. You just…you need time. And I have plenty of it. I won't give up on you, on us." I soothed as I crept closer until I was inches from her quaking body. "You're not beyond repair darlin'. Don't give up on yourself like that. We'll get through this together, I promise."

I gently placed my hands on her shoulders and fought my urge to growl in anger at what that bastard had done to her when she flinched under my touch.

"Shh darlin'. It's gonna be ok. We'll get through this. You'll see." I whispered into her hair when I was finally able to pull her into my arms.

She shook and shuttered against my body but still burrowed into my chest seeking shelter and comfort. She cried herself out while I smoothed her hair and rubbed her back. Through it all, my mind wondered to all the horrible ways I would make Edward suffer before I granted him his final death. When I was done with him he would be unrecognizable and begging for the flames of hell as respite.

I don't know how long we stood there. Time was meaningless and I had plenty of it but by the time Bella had control of herself again the light had long since faded from the sky and the trees around us held a darkness that was nearly impenetrable.

"I'm sorry." Came her meek voice as she lifted her head from my chest.

"For what darlin'? I was the one that took it too far. I shouldn't've been pawin' at ya like that. Carlisle and Emmett warned me that intimacy was somethin' that couldn't be rushed and that'd I'd need to take it slowly with you." I looked down at her. "And look at that, my first chance and I screwed it up."

I was going for funny but all I got was an absent minded nod. I waited for her say something, anything but she just stood there silent watching the water ripple in the shadows.

"It's getting late. I should get you home."

We climbed into the car and made our way silently through the trees.

Did I fuck this up again? Did I do the wrong thing? The questions and uncertainty roiled through my mind violently. I didn't know how to handle a situation like this. I could make up a battle plan on the fly, lead men to their deaths and even kill without remorse for the life that I had taken. But this? I was a fish out of water.

I parked in front of the house and turned to my angel.

"Bella I-"

"Belly!" Emmett's voice boomed outside her door a fraction of a second before it was thrown open and she was hauled out by the brute.

"I missed you so much! What'd you and old fart do all day? Did you get me anything?" He fired off the questions in rapid succession as he held her in a bear hug her feet a foot off the ground.

"Emmett, give her a chance to breath!" Esme scolded as everybody joined us near the car.

Emmett set her back down on her feet and though there was a smile as wide as a country mile on her face I could see the sadness in her eyes as she snuck looks at me from between the circle of bodies that had surrounded her. She was asking me, no silently pleading me to not say anything to them. I nodded.

I leaned my hip against the side of the car and just watched as she was immersed by the family and Charlotte. Bella hadn't been away from their sides in so long their emotions told me that though they were happy that she had some time outside of the house in the real world, they were even happier to have her back. They all had a sense of completeness when they saw her talk animatedly about the things she bought for the car and told them the reactions of the kids from school to the car. Even Charlotte, who had disliked Bella until we arrived, had become uncharacteristically attached to Bella in the short time we had been here.

Peter sidled up to my side and stood silently watching the scene with me for several minutes before they decided to take their conversation inside. Once they were safely inside and again buried in Bella's stories of the day he laid into me.

"You didn't tell her." It wasn't a question but a disapproving statement of fact.

"No," I said hanging my head. "I was gonna, so many times, but I jus' couldn't. I couldn't ruin the day like that."

"And how do you think she'll take it when she wakes up in the morning and your bags are packed by the door?"

"I know Peter, damnit I know."

"You fucked up Major. But it's more than that. Somethin's changin', somethin' big."

"You wouldn't happen to have any fuckin' clue as to what that might be would you?"

"Not a damn one."

Well ain't that just fuckin' peachy.

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**After note: _bebelle _does mean doll and _bouki _is a character from folktales in Louisiana and is typically described as a dog or wolf, the characters from the Disney movie Song of the South are based off of a variation of the tales.**

**And for those of you who dont know what a snipe is, I dont know if it's a southern thing or not, a snipe is a fictional creature that parents often fool their children into going out and hunting. I remember when I was 12 or so and my daddy and his friends had me and my best friend out by the creek in the middle of the night banging pots with a wooden spoon yelling "Snipe!" for hours while they laughed at us from the back porch. The guys on my husbands boat got him with it too. He's from England so he'd never heard of a snipe before and the guys thought it's be funny to tie up to an island out in the swamp near Houma Louisiana and so he could go snipe hunting. Those guys are still laughing about it.**


	34. Broken Dolls Drop Eaves

**A/N: Oh my god! I'm updating! FINALLY! I know, I know, boo on me. I had a TON of trouble with this chapter. I've written it over a dozen times but it was never right. Characters were acting out of character, some were acting on knowledge they shouldnt have, reactions were over the top, not enough. You name it, they did it. Finally my brain spit out something that was acceptable. So now for the long awaited chapter 34...watch out its a doozy! :)**

**Songs that helped me get out of my funk: Fix Me by 10 Years, Die Trying by Art of Dying, and Already Over by Red**

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**Disclaimer: Stephanue Meyer owns everything Twilight and Twilight related.**

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**BPOV**

After the initial excitement of our return faded and everyone drifted off to their own parts of the house I was left alone with a cloying sense of anxiety. It clung to me like cheap perfume, clogging the air with it's noxious fumes and choking me with it's toxic scent of dread. I could almost see the dark cloud that swirled around me, suffocating all hopes in their infancy and turning the corpses into hideous abominations of fear, worthlessness and paranoia.

Jasper said he loves me, said he wants us to work, even used mate to describe our relationship, our bond. The hope in his eyes and the joy on his face had given me the courage to let go and dream once more of a happily ever after. That was all before the kiss though. It was before I was viciously reminded that I would never be free. Edward would always be a ghost on my shoulder, a festering wound in my gut, a malicious voice in my mind. I bore his mark upon my mutilated body, his evil lived deep within my mind. I would never be whole again. Edward took so many things from me, things I could never get back, my naiveté, my blind trust, my security, my confidence, but the gravest of all was my ability to be the woman that Jasper deserved.

I watched a part of that light, the hope, joy and eagerness for our future that had shone on his face die a little tonight. When the memories had bombarded my mind and bled into reality, turning Jasper's gentle touch into Edward's cruel grip, laced his breath with the coppery scent of my blood, and mixed the feel of his arousal pressed against my stomach with Edward's failsafe weapon against me, I thought there was no worse torture in the world.

I was wrong. Oh how I was wrong. It was the devastation on his face, the fading happiness in his eyes when I lifted my head that was the worst pain imaginable. The sparkle in his eyes died a little tonight and was replaced by a darkness that I was only too familiar with. It was the shadows of helplessness, hopelessness, the lightning strike moment when he realized I would never be whole again. I had watched as each member of the family had gained that look, that irreversible knowledge that the girl they knew was gone and she was never coming back, that no amount of help would pull me back from the depths of this cavern of unspeakable horrors my mind dwelled within.

I saw in my minds eye, the consequences of him staying. I saw as the light died a little more each day until there was nothing left but never ending hopelessness and despair. I saw the guilt and pain as he lived with the knowledge that no matter how hard he tried it would never be enough. His eyes would turn to dull lifeless pools of disenchanted gold, his shoulders would be perpetually slumped under the weight of failure. I would destroy him, with his love and my selfishness as my only weapons.

It was these thoughts that had me standing by the window of my darkened room, after saying my goodnights and closing my door, staring out into the black starless night desperately searching for the answers to my unspeakable questions. Instead of giving up the answers, the trees danced to their never-ending nocturnal melody, the shadows of their branches swaying to and fro in the breeze. It was ironic to me that I stood here, an epic jumble of nerves and churning dark thoughts, and the rest of the world seemed so at peace with the universe. It was cruelly unfair that the night refused to bend to me needs and reflect my mood. Instead of finding comfort with the peace that claimed the forest I was angry because I felt more like a leper on the outside looking in. If life was fair it would have a hurricane blowing outside, with thunder and lightning unleashing their might across the land, the wind ripping the trees up by the roots and bowling Esme's garden over with their massive trunks. The animals would be going crazy, the predators becoming the prey as innocuous blue jays and chipmunks attacked the ones they once feared out of nothing but the desire to spill their crimson blood across the forest floor. But no, life was not perfect and the night was quiet in its serenity.

Then in a moment my wish was granted and my world was shattered.

"You're leaving again?" Rosalie's voice screeched through the house bringing absolute stillness to all those inside.

I whirled away from the window my eyes wide in surprise and a certain grim knowledge of who her words were aimed at.

The house was silent, so silent. As if the walls themselves held their breath.

"Ros-" Jasper's voice was muffled and quiet trying to keep calm in the face of what I was sure was Rosalie's wrath.

"Are you fucking kidding me? You just came back after three god damn months and now you want to take off again?"

I joined the walls, the air frozen in my lungs, waiting for his confirmation. Though, while I felt some relief that he was unknowingly giving me the answer that I had been seeking, I also felt the knives of rejection and unworthiness shredding my heart into millions of tiny irreparable pieces, just like Esme's beloved tiffany lamp. Deep down I had known it was the only way, known that we couldn't have the life we had both dreamed about together, yet it still hurt to hear that he wanted to runaway so soon.

I hear the familiar creak of floorboards that signaled the rest of the family's race to the front lines. The addition of hushed voices confirmed my suspicion. Esme and Carlisle couldn't resist trying to play the peace keepers and Emmett just couldn't stay away from the action. From the muffled sounds I could tell they were somewhere on the first floor.

With my heart lodged firmly in my throat and my hands trembling I eased my door open, thankful I had asked Emmett to oil the hinges the other day, and inched down the stairs. If they were paying any attention they would hear my approach as clear as day but I had a feeling their focus was solely on the prodigal son that was about to disappear again from their lives. At the bottom of the stairs I could begin to clearly make out the words, they were gathered on the far side of the dining room.

"…can't do this…find another way…"

I crept slowly across the living room to the wall beside the doorway to the dining room. I pressed my back against the wall and strained my ears to hear their whispered words. Though it was easy for me to hear their human proof whispers when I was in the room, I was still limited to the basic laws of physics when it came to eavesdropping on one of those conversations from this distance.

"We all know what Edward's after Rosalie. If we allow him to get this close there's a real chance that he could succeed. I can't allow that."

"Then let's take her and run. He can't chase her forever and we will still be together."

"What good is it ta run when she's barely alive Rosalie? We've all seen it, she's not living, she's existing. She flinches from our touch, she's got a permanent eye cast over her shoulder, she's in constant fear, not only o' him but everything. This is the only way I know ta fix 'er."

"Fix her? Jasper she's not a fucking doll that's been broken! She's a human being! You can't just find the problem, get rid of it, and then expect everything to be the way it was."

"No, she ain't a doll, but she is broken. You can't deny it anymore than the rest o' us. I can't even recognize the girl that she used ta be."

"And you think killing him will bring her back?"

If I could still cry I would be drowning in their salty depths. He thought he could fix me. He still had hope and it broke my heart. What had to happen would be easier on both of us if he would just give up.

"No I don't think it'll fix everythin' but I think it's a pretty good step in the right direction."

"Really? You think leaving her suddenly after you've been back for two days to hunt down her psycho mind fucking ex is a good idea?" Rose spat back in derision.

"I know it ain't the best circumstances but I have ta do this Rose. Every second is another step closer he is ta her and I can't bear the thought o' him hurtin' her anymore."

"It's not him that will be hurting her if you walk away now, it's you!"

"I'm comin' right back! As soon as he's ash I'm comin' back ta her!"

There was a long heavy pause. I could almost feel the weight of their gaze as they stared each other down waiting for someone to break.

"I think you should consider that she may not be here waiting for you when you're done with your mission of vengeance."

Suddenly my back bounced off the wall as growls shook the air and plaster rained down from the ceiling. My body quivered like a leaf as I distinguished Jasper's guttural snarl only feet away from my hiding place.

"Don't you dare threaten to take her away from me Rosalie. I've killed more than once for that woman an' I won't hesitate to do it again if you try ta hide her from me." He growled low, the warning carrying on his voice.

My head was turned to the doorway that was less than a foot from the tip of my nose when suddenly Peter was there facing the two on the other side of the wall. His eyes met mine, he wasn't surprised by my presence there. He gave me a grim look that I couldn't decipher then turned his focus back to the struggling pair.

"A'right Major, you've made your point, let the little _fou poun_ go." Peter said.

"I'll do what it takes to keep her safe, even if it's from you." Rosalie choked out her voice soft and raspy.

There was a loud thud as the walls shuttered once more and the growls that I assumed belonged to Emmett grew louder.

"She is my mate," Jasper's voice was low and dangerous like the roll of thunder on the horizon as he spoke slowly emphasizing each word. "I will not let you stand between us."

"And that's my mate you have by the throat Jasper. If you don't let go of her right the fuck now I'll rip your arms off and beat you to dust with them." Emmett roared his voice more frightening than I'd ever heard it.

"Jasper, dear, she's just worried about Bella. We all are." Esme pleaded.

I heard the shuffle of fabric and Jasper's voice from farther away then it had been moments ago.

"Don't worry about Bella, I'll keep her safe from Edward."

Even though the scuffle was over and everyone had moved back toward the center of the room by the sound of their voices, Peter stayed guarding the doorway. I wasn't sure whether to be scared or grateful that he knew I was there listening in on their argument.

"Yeah? And who will keep her safe from you?" Rosalie snapped clearly not cowed by her altercation with the famed God of War.

"What the hell's that supposed ta mean?"

"It means, jackass, that your erratic and impulsive, and ever since Phoenix you've been more of a destroy now ask questions later kind of guy." She ground out.

"I can't believe this shit! I would never…never hurt Bella!"

"You already have! It wasn't Edward that killed her spirit and made her into the girl you've seen since you came home! It was you! You made a rash, selfish decision and it killed her! Now you want to turn around and do it again?"

"Damnit Rose! Shut that giant maw o' yours for jus' two seconds and listen ta me! I…Will…Be…Back! Bella knows how much I love 'er and I won't leave here without her understandin' that I will be comin' back as soon as I can."

Fierce and disturbing ambivalence stormed through me. He wasn't leaving for good, he wasn't running away from me, he was trying to protect me by hunting down the devil that hurt me. I was both relieved and horrified by this. Why couldn't he just leave? Didn't he understand what would happen if he stayed? I can't be fixed, my torment will take from him piece by piece until there is nothing left.

"Son, are you sure now is the right time for you to be leaving?" Carlisle spoke up for the first time.

"I'm sure. Demetri said they were enterin' the Northwest Territory this mornin'. That puts Edward here no later than Friday."

"Yes but can't we just intercept him closer to home? We would be at an advantage on our own ground."

"That'd be true if Edward weren't so familiar with the area. He's spent jus' as much time here as we have. He knows the land jus' as well as we do. If I meet him there I'll be at a disadvantage, sure, but so will he."

"And you're sure about this? This is the only way?"

"It's the only way to make sure there aren't any other casualties. There's no doubt in my mind that he will use anyone he can ta get close to her. All it'd take is one little mistake and he could hurt Charlie, one o' the dogs, or any o' y'all. At this time I wouldn't put anythin' past him. He's desperate."

"I see. You're right. We cannot risk him harming anyone else."

Emmett spoke then, his voice hard like steel and just as cold.

"I'm going with you."

"No Emmett I can't-"

"I didn't ask for your permission Jasper. You're not the only one here that's pissed about what he did to my sister. I'm going."

I heard the defeated sigh of Jasper and could nearly see the sullen nod of his head as he backed down and accepted Emmett's decree.

"I'm coming as well Jasper." Carlisle said.

"Carlisle…" Esme breathed, the one word both a plea and full of a grief stricken understanding.

"No Carlisle, he's your son. You don't need to see this."

"No. He was my son. Once upon a time. Now he is a vassal of evil and cruelty and I will make sure he pays for his crimes."

"It ain't gonna to be pretty Carlisle. Justice will not be swift or painless for him." Jasper's voice was hard with a trace of his barely contained rage flitting across the surface.

"I understand." Carlisle acquiesced softly.

"So what? This is just ok with everyone?" Rose butts in, still unhappy with the course of events unfolding.

"Babe, give it a rest."

"Bu-"

"Just stop Rose! No, this is not the way I wish it would go but we don't have a choice. Jasper's right, Edward is a danger to Bella and the farther we can keep him away from her the better." Emmett's voice leaves no room for argument, for the first time I hear him taking command in their relationship.

There was a long pause of silence before Charlotte spoke in her sweet southern drawl.

"Right, so now that the drama is taken care of. I volunteer to stay here and keep an eye on Bella."

"You ok with that Peter?" Jasper asked.

"Sure am, Major. Anything to keep her tight little ass outta the fight is fine with me." Peter's voice reverberated through the air only feet away from me.

With the argument over I stepped lightly back up the stairs to my room. I took more care entering my room that I did leaving because the distraction was over and they would all once more be tuning into their surroundings.

My mind was maelstrom of emotions. There was panic, there was fear, there was heartache and grief, but mostly there was a demanding irrepressible need to escape. I felt the noose around my neck tightening with each second I laid in bed staring at the ceiling. Edward was drawing closer, Jasper was fighting for a lost cause, my very existence was putting everyone that I cared about in jeopardy. I couldn't stay here and watch the family fall apart around me, because of me.

I turned my head to the right and saw the three small, unassuming boxes tossed onto the nightstand, all but forgotten after the internal upheaval they had caused. I remembered the messages they bore perfectly.

_Nobody can hurt me without my permission._

_Go confidently in the direction of your dreams._

_It's never too late to live happily ever after._

Suddenly the idea that had been rolling around in my head unacknowledged since the kiss that shook the world became a fully fledged conscious thought. I could leave. Jump into the car and just drive.

It wasn't exactly the direction of my dreams, nor would it be a happily ever after, but it would give the family, give Jasper, the chance at a peaceful life. Away from the emotional rollercoaster that was my life he could even find happiness with a woman that deserved his love and loyalty.

Holding back the emotions that threatened to turn my insides into crystalline daggers hell-bent on destroying me from the inside out, I began to sift out a plan from the chaos of my thoughts. I couldn't let my feelings get in the way of what needed to be done. Though it will kill me to leave I couldn't let my own selfishness stop me from doing what is right.

A soft knock interrupted my planning.

"Bella?"

Jasper's rough timbre filtered through the wood. I laid there silent, holding my breath, hoping he would think I was asleep and leave.

"I know you're still awake. I can hear you holding your breath." His voice was full of mirth as he called me out.

"Shit." I breathed out in a huff, cursing myself for my own stupidity.

My door opened and there he stood, a dark silhouette in the cone of light from the hallway.

"Can I come in?" He asked softly.

I briefly considered telling him no but decided that if I only had tonight left with him than I would take this time to soak up every little detail I could of him. Who knows how long it would have to last me. A year or a millennia, either way would be an eternity to me.

"Sure, your halfway there already, might as well go the distance right?" I replied lightly trying to keep the heaviness of my thoughts hidden.

He chuckled as he stepped inside and shut the door. The black of the room didn't matter to my eyes, I could still see every curve of his face, every shadow of his scars.

"You know my mama used to always tell me that if a lady invites you into her room, then she's probably not a lady." He said softly with his lips quirked in a small grin.

"Smart lady. Did it teach you anything?"

"Oh yes ma'am. I learned a lot from that woman. One of my most useful lessons was when she caught me stalkin' around Tully's General Store listenin' in on the Caruthers girls gossipin' about the local boys. She tol' me 'Jasper Leroy, you wont get nothin' but broken toes by droppin' eaves."

Dropping eaves? What the…Oh.

"Peter told you?"

"Yeah, he tol' me. He thought I should know that we'd had a fly on the wall and that I should pro'ly remind said fly that its dangerous when there's flyswatters around."

I gave him a look that hopefully portrayed my disbelief at the ridiculousness of his statement. He raised his hands in defense.

"His words, not mine."

I scoffed.

"He would say some weird shit like that. I get the impression his hamster's running backwards."

Jasper stepped up to the bed and sat on the edge, one leg pulled up so he was turned facing me.

"Backwards and upside down darlin'," He said, "But he's right. It was dangerous for you ta be there while our tempers were goin' unchecked like that."

I curled onto my side, my knees brushing against his hip sending jolts of liquid fire through my body, even through several layers of clothing and a comforter. I stayed quiet. I knew the danger I had been in. Hell, if Jasper had used just a little more force on Rosalie they could have crashed right through the wall and straight on top of me.

He sighed and bent his head for a moment before looking back up at me.

"I didn't want you ta find out like that. I was gonna tell ya today but we were havin' such a good time, I didn't want ta ruin it. Then at the falls I was gonna tell ya but then we kissed and…" I heard him swallow hard and watched his hands ball into tight fists on his knee. "I'm sorry. I messed everythin' up."

My breath hitched in my throat, the guilt in his voice making my own double and confirming that I was doing the right thing. Never again would he feel guilty for my own failures.

"It's ok Jasper," My voice was raspy with emotion. "I understand why you're doing it."

"Do you?" He asked. "Do you really understand that I'm not leaving you?"

He took my hands that had been clinging to the bedding at my chest and looked deep into my eyes. He held there, his eyes searching mine for several long moments before I had to break contact and close my eyes in fear of him discovering my intentions.

"I know this is something you have to do." I said, hopeful to distract him from what he may have seen on my face.

"It is."

"And I know your doing this to protect me."

"I am."

I pushed away all the fear and panic that thoughts of Edward invoked and delved deep within myself for the rage I knew boiled with the injustice of his actions. I opened my eyes, a new fire burning in their depths, and looked straight at him.

"Just promise me two things."

"Anything darlin'"

"Don't do anything reckless and get yourself killed. And make sure he pays for what he's done, not only to me but to this entire family." It wasn't a request, it was a command, a demand for his survival and retribution.

He slid off the bed onto his knees. He held my hands to his lips in reverence for a moment before lowering them and leaning forward just inches from my face.

"I swear to you darlin', I _will_ make him pay. Then I will come back to you, safe and whole, ready to banish him from your nightmares." I knew he saw the hopeless defeat in my eyes when he continued. "And if it takes forever to do that, then I will happily die trying."

I felt my resolve cracking and a fierce ache behind my eyes. God could not have made a man more perfect for me if he had tried for a million years. It broke my heart beyond that which it had already been to know I had to leave him to give him a chance at the life he deserved.

"I love you Jasper." I choked out, my voice weak and watery as I felt the darkness ascend.

He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss at my temple while smoothing the hair from my forehead.

"And I love you Bella. I'll see you when I return." He whispered.

No, no he wouldn't. By then I will be far from here breaking down as each mile takes me further away from my soul.


End file.
